The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  Kaitlyn’s crush on Garrett started all the way back in second grade when he’d helped her to the nurse’s office after she fell during recess and scraped her knee. She’d always teased me about being a hopeless romantic, but I wasn’t the one holding on to my hope of a second-grade prince charming.

  “That’s huge!” I said, trying to keep my voice low. “I thought he was dating Angie.”

  Kaitlyn clapped her hands together and jumped up and down, almost in a prance. “They broke up! Two weeks ago. They just hadn’t told anyone, so they could work through it all without everyone knowing.”

  “Smart,” Hayley grumbled. “I should have done that with him.” We weren’t allowed to say her ex’s name, and I was fine with it. Kaitlyn and I were ecstatic when they broke up because he was a jerk to Hayley. She was too uncharacteristically smitten to see.

  She did get a tattoo of some stars behind her right ear after they broke up. He wouldn’t let her get one, but she’d had a special attachment to stars since she was a little girl. Her mom, who passed away from cancer when Hayley was seven, always told her to be a shining star, no matter where life took her.

  Kaitlyn and I rubbed Hayley’s arms, and while she tried to appear tough, her eyes said thank you. We’d been best friends since we were in diapers, and nothing would ever tear us apart. Even if we did have different interests. We had a bond, and in the end, that was all that mattered.

  “So, where’s he taking you?” Hayley asked, turning the attention back to Kaitlyn.

  “Not sure. He just asked if I was free next Friday night.” She took our hands and squealed. “I can’t believe he finally asked me out. I seriously thought this day would never come.”

  “Me, too,” I said, placing the back of my free hand against my forehead. “I thought I’d have to deal with all the pining for the rest of my life.”

  Kaitlyn let go of my hand so she could shove my arm. “Thanks for the support.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m so happy for you. I hope it all works out.” Because if it didn’t, I wasn’t sure if we’d ever hear the end of it.

  Angry shouts broke out near the fire pit. The three of us turned toward it, arms linked together.

  “Seriously, man, leave her alone.” Dylan’s voice rang out over all the commotion.

  Both Hayley and Kaitlyn glanced at me before we took off running. A crowd had gathered around to watch whatever was happening. We pushed through the bodies, making our way forward. We were almost to the front when stupid Liam Elliott stepped into view and held up a hand to stop me. His dark eyebrows were as thick as his brown hair, which was perfectly messy tonight—liked he’d tried for hours to get the I-woke-up-like-this look.

  “Might not want to see what’s going on, Cam-Bam,” Liam said, his arms folded and his resident smirk on his full lips.

  “Pretty sure I told you not to do that with my name.” I tried to push past him, but it was like his tennis shoes were stuck in the pebbles, keeping him in place. I glared at him, thankful he wasn’t much taller than me so he could see the intensity. “Like every day since we were five.”

  Liam chuckled, rubbing his hand across his smooth chin. “That’s not possible. You pretty much stayed hidden all of middle school.”

  Yeah, because I didn’t want to hear his endless teasing.

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and turned me toward the fire, his hand firmly on my shoulder. “See, Cam-Cam, your dear boyfriend is fighting for another girl.” He woe-is-me sighed. “Love is such a fickle thing.”

  I shoved him away from me to get a good look at what was happening. Dylan had Brady Tucker, the captain of the football team, in a headlock, holding on tight.

  “I told you to leave her alone,” Dylan said through gritted teeth.

  Brady’s as-of-last-week-ex, Raelynn, cried near the fire, tears and mascara streaming down her cheeks. All her friends surrounded her, trying—and failing—to console her. She wailed like she’d just lost a loved one or puppy or something. It was so over-the-top that it was almost hard to take her seriously. Almost.

  “Get off me,” Brady rasped under Dylan’s hold.

  “Not until you promise to leave her alone,” Dylan growled.

  Brady was actually much stronger than Dylan. I mean, he was in his home gym for hours on end each day. Dylan was just a tall twig. But for some reason, Brady didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight.

  Liam leaned in close, his warm breath tickling my ear. “On a scale of one to ten, how awkward is this for you right now? You know, since Dylan’s had a thing for her for years.”

  Dylan has a thing for Raelynn? What was Liam talking about? I’d never seen Dylan give her a second glance. But he was wrestling her ex at a party in front of practically all the juniors.

  Shaking the thought from my head, I motioned to them. “Why aren’t you doing anything to help to him? Brady’s your friend.”

  Liam shrugged. “Brady can handle himself.” There was more to his tone that I couldn’t quite figure out, but I didn’t push it.

  After elbowing Liam out of the way, I rushed to Dylan and placed my hand on his arm until he finally looked up at me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  His arms squeezed tight, the veins bulging out. He actually seemed more muscular than usual. How had I not noticed that earlier? “He was harassing Raelynn, and she was begging him to stop.”

  All of Brady’s friends were trying to intervene, but Dylan’s friends were doing a decent job of keeping them back.

  With a strained smile, I glanced around at everyone before I stepped close, trying to keep my voice low. “Doesn’t mean you need to kill the guy. I think he gets the point.”

  Brady slapped at Dylan’s arms. His face turned a dangerous shade of red, getting close to purple. Why wasn’t Brady stopping him? Or Liam?

  “Seriously, Dylan,” I hissed. “You’re going to kill the guy. He can’t breathe. Let him go.”

  Brady’s legs buckled, and he fell to his knees. Dylan finally let go and threw up his hands like he was innocent. I took him by the arm and yanked him away from the crowd. When we finally cleared the last spectator, I shoved Dylan in the chest.

  “What was that?” I asked.

  Dylan rubbed his arms. “You should have heard the things he was saying about Raelynn. Someone needed to defend her.”

  I folded my arms. “And that required almost killing the guy?”

  He rolled his eyes. “He just would’ve passed out. Don’t go all dramatic on me.”

  “There are other ways to defend her without resorting to a choke-hold.”

  He tucked some of my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek. “My adrenaline was pumping, okay?” He leaned in to kiss me, but I so wasn’t in the mood now. I’d never seen that violent side to him, and I really didn’t like it.

  I stepped away from him. “I’m going to catch a ride home with Kaitlyn tonight.”

  He frowned. “Fine.” After a quick kiss on the cheek, he headed back near the fire and all his friends.

  I suddenly felt cold standing there all alone. Shivering, I went in search of my friends. I needed to get the image of Dylan all worked up over another girl out of my mind.

  Chapter Three

  I didn’t talk with Dylan at all until the next night when we were on our way to a party at none other than Brady Tucker’s house. I really didn’t want to go, seeing as Dylan had him in a headlock the night before, but somehow Dylan’s pouting lip talked me into it. That bottom lip had talked me into a lot of things.

  Plus, my only other option was to stay home and help Seth with his swing, and I hadn’t wanted to do anything softball related in over a year, no matter how persistent the kid was.

  The whole ride in Dylan’s tiny Chevy car had me rehashing the whole fight, my skin itching like when I wore that oversized cashmere sweater Mom had gotten me for Christmas. She’d somehow forgotten I was allergic, and I didn’t have the heart to upset her. She’d been
so proud that her law firm had been doing so well that she could afford to get me something that nice.

  Dylan was singing along to The Weeknd, completely oblivious to my uncomfortable mood. Things had shifted between us—and not just because of the altercation at the lake. We’d been slowly dying out over the past few weeks, but I hadn’t wanted to admit it.

  I glanced over at Dylan, taking him in. His long fingers beat along the steering wheel, trying to keep rhythm with the song, but doing a terrible job. I used to think his off-key singing was adorable, but now I wanted some earplugs. He must have sensed me looking, because he glanced over and winked at me. I forced a smile before he turned his attention back to the road, his pitch cracking worse than a boy going through puberty.

  I turned up the volume, hoping to drown out his singing, and stared out the dirty window until we got to the party.

  Brady Tucker had an amazing home, the kind pictured on the front of all the home magazines, and every mom across America envied. Curved driveway. Spacious house. A mix of gray rock and stucco, but mostly rock. Lights lined underneath the roof, casting a glow over the entire home. The windows were ridiculously large and spotless.

  We went up the steps to the wraparound porch. Dylan opened the door and motioned for me to join him. I eyed the white wooden swing hanging to the right of the door. It was looking awfully tempting. I needed a moment to collect myself and get into party mode.

  “I just need a minute,” I said.

  Dylan kissed the top of my hair. “I’ll be inside.” His hand lowered from around me, brushing against my back before he swept into the house. That used to cause a chill to run through me—the good kind. But now there was nothing.

  I really needed to talk to Kaitlyn and Hayley, but I knew exactly what they’d say: dump him and move on. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I’d been Dylan’s girlfriend for so long, I had no idea who I was without him.

  Brushing off what looked to be bread crumbs, I sunk into the floral cushion and swung back. It only took seconds to find the perfect speed to calm my soul. I closed my eyes, trying to drown out everyone pounding up the porch steps and into the loud house.

  Parties were fun, but there were times when I loved the quiet of life and wanted to bask in it for as long as I could. It gave me a moment to clear out my mind and focus.

  What would happen if I let Dylan go? I’d have no one to hold my hand or hug at school. No one to sneak off with into a corner and steal some kisses. I’d become Camille—the girl who dumped Dylan. Because, let’s face it. I’d become the villain, and he’d be the war hero.

  There were so many things about him I’d miss. His smile. His laugh. His kisses. Using him as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the reminders that my mom wasn’t around, and Seth constantly begging me to pick up softball again. His nagging had grown beyond annoying.

  The swing suddenly jolted. I almost fell to my side, but put my hand out in time to stop myself. I swayed side to side in a jerky fashion, like I was on a ride at Universal Studios. I wrapped my hand around the arm of the swing to steady myself.

  “Nice night.” Liam was sitting next to me on the swing, arm rested behind me, and an annoying smile on his face. He winked when we made eye contact.

  My eyebrows bunched together of their own accord. “What are you doing?”

  He swept out an arm. “Enjoying a nice evening.”

  I had to bite back a yell. He’d completely messed up my peaceful vibe. “Have you ever sat on a porch swing before? It goes front to back, not side to side.”

  “What?” With the force of his hips, he got the swing moving side to side, the choppiness messing with my innards, which I foolishly said to him.

  “Did you just say ‘innards’?” His eyebrow quirked up, and a smile tugged at his lips. They didn’t look as dry as Dylan’s normally were. I shook the thought from my head, not sure where it had come from.

  I folded my arms, pretending like the jerky swaying didn’t bother me. “Yes, Liam, I said innards, because that’s what they are. And my innards aren’t liking you using this peaceful swing as a bumpy rollercoaster.”

  With a sigh, he settled the swing and moved it in the correct fashion. My innards truly appreciated it. I couldn’t help but notice his blue sweater brought out the color of his eyes. If he wasn’t so annoying, the guy could have potential.

  “There you go, Cam-Tam.” He flicked my shoulder. “Saved you. There was a vicious ladybug about to move in for the kill.”

  I stared at my shoulder in horror. “You flicked a ladybug?”

  He rested his left ankle on his right knee, bumping our knees together. His checkered Vans were spotless. “Hey, I’m an equal opportunity bug flicker. Lord or lady, I’ll flick if necessary.”

  “How is flicking a ladybug off my shoulder necessary? It wasn’t anything creepy or dangerous.” Why was I arguing this with him? It was stupid. “You’re missing the party.”

  He pinched my cheek. “Why go inside when I have your charming personality to keep me occupied?”

  I slapped his hand away. I hated that he always treated me like I was still a kid. He was the one who obviously hadn’t grown up.

  A bubbly sophomore bounded up to us, her brown eyes melting for Liam.

  “Lee-uhmmm! There you are!” The girl, Sadie, worked her way onto Liam’s lap, which was awkward considering he had one leg resting on the other. She draped her arm around his neck, giggling the whole time. Her long, brown hair fell over her shoulder. She wore a summer dress that didn’t leave much to the imagination.

  I was impressed that Liam was able to keep his eyes on hers and not on her boobs that were on the verge of popping out. I almost leaned over and smashed them back in her dress. I’d be doing her a public service.

  “Sadie.” Liam poked her nose, and her giggle intensified to the point my innards flipped. “If I had known you were here, I would have been in there forever ago.”

  I was about two seconds away from losing my dinner. With more force than necessary, I stood, sending the swing back and Sadie’s boobs into Liam’s face.

  “Oops!” Sadie bit her lip like she was embarrassed, but with the way her eyes sparkled, I’d just made her night. By Liam’s sparkle, I’d made his as well.

  “Well, you two cutesy-wootsy lovebirds have fun.” I poked Liam on the nose, and then gave his cheek a solid smack. “Have fun at the party. I hope I don’t see you again!” With a smile, I went into the house.

  Chapter Four

  The loud pop music vibrated my sandals as I weaved through the large front room to the kitchen. The place was packed with almost every junior, plus a few seniors and sophomores that had crashed the party. From one look around, it seemed most girls had taken the opportunity to bust out the barely there summer wardrobes, even though the heat hadn’t quite settled in.

  I adjusted my blue cotton skirt that hung just past my knees. I had my thin, pink blouse tucked in the front, the light material soft on my skin. Dylan had picked out the outfit because it minimized my curves. Ever since I ditched softball, my muscles had lessened, but it hadn’t completely wiped out my thick build, no matter my diet.

  Two arms wrapped around my neck from behind. Dylan tucked me close to him, my back pressed up against his torso.

  “Find your peace?” His warm lips pressed against my ear.

  I placed my hands on his arms, giving his forearm a soft kiss. “For a moment.”

  We swayed with the music, and I breathed him all in. Everything felt off, like there was a light taint to our normal harmony. I wondered if he felt it, too.

  Dylan turned me around, his clammy hands landing on my cheeks. They shook against my skin, so out of the ordinary for him. He swallowed, his large Adam’s apple moving up and down. “We need to talk.”

  I blew out a long breath. “Yes, we do.”

  Taking my hand, he steered me away from the crowd and into a semi-quiet corner of the kitchen. He leaned against the wall, folding his arms. “Thin
gs have changed between us, haven’t they?”

  I slowly nodded. “Yeah.”

  His eyes held the smallest amount of hope, like he hadn’t been sure if I’d agree with him or not. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”

  “Me, too.”

  Unfolding his arms, his fingers ran along my hair, gently tucking it behind my ear before resting his hand on my neck. “Camille Collins, you’ve been the best first girlfriend a guy could ask for.”

  I took a shaky breath. “But it’s over.”

  Dylan bent down, his lips brushing against mine. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too,” I whispered against his lips.

  He kissed me, short and sweet. “But it needs to be done.”

  “Uh huh.” I held in a sigh. He was right, and I hated it. We were hanging on to the past and what we felt at the beginning. A little spark ignited in me, but it was more about remembering our first weeks together than the moment we were currently in. My first boyfriend. Gone.

  I held my clasped hands behind his back. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them escape. I wasn’t going to cry over Dylan, and I definitely wasn’t going to cry at Brady Tucker’s party.

  We’d had a good run, but it was over. I had to accept it.

  “You’ve been the perfect first boyfriend.” A sincere smile landed on my lips. He really had been great. Aside from all the pressuring to move things further, he’d never once crossed the line.

  He stared into my eyes, deep and sure. When his lips found mine for the last time, I didn’t hold back. My glossed lips slowly wet his, making them smooth. Without me, where would he get his moisture?

  A throat cleared next to us, trying to break us up, but we pulled each other closer, our lips moving with a heated eagerness. It wasn’t until a firm hand landed on my shoulder that I released Dylan from our embrace.

  Both Hayley and Kaitlyn were standing there, both looking beautiful in their own way. Hayley had a black headband in her red hair, pulling it away from her gorgeous eyes. Her red corset and black skirt were the perfect blend.