The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  “What movie?” I could leave. Really, I had no reason to be at school.

  His light blue shirt made his eyes light up. “It’s Mr. Palm. It’s probably something alien related.”

  I threw my head back. “Just my luck. Why can’t we watch something fun? Like Easy A.”

  Liam held up his palm for a high five. “Love that movie.”

  I slapped his hand and went into the classroom. All the chatter came to a screeching halt, and every head whipped in my direction. I turned to leave, but Liam put his hands on my shoulders to stop me.

  Liam clucked his tongue at the class. “Have you guys been talking about me again behind my back? That’s just rude.” He pushed me toward my desk and forced me into my seat. Then he patted my head. “That’s a good girl.”

  With a groan, I slapped him away from me. He laughed as he went to his seat near the front of the class.

  Val, the stringy brunette next to me, leaned toward me. “Bad weekend?” She wore baggy clothes, probably trying to conceal the fact that she was basically just skin and bone, but her gaunt face gave it away.

  “Oh, it was just great,” I said with a forced smile. “Thanks for asking.”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “Not everyone can be good at kissing. You should just focus on your better qualities. Like . . .” She tilted her head to the side. “You know, I can’t think of one right now.”

  Everyone around her laughed.

  Mr. Palm started the movie, a homemade alien documentary, and I wanted to kill myself. Any time I made eye contact with someone, they’d make a kissy face at me. I slunk lower and lower into my seat, wishing I could disappear.

  Liam turned around and pulled at the side of his lips, telling me to smile. I bared my teeth, snarling, which made him laugh. I wasn’t trying to be funny. How could he make light of my horrifying situation?

  Val threw a rolled-up piece of paper at my face, smacking my nose. It bounced onto my desk. I knew I should’ve ignored it, but I couldn’t help myself. I opened it only to find a drawing of me puckering my lips to kiss someone, and the guy next to me bent over and vomiting all over his pants and shoes. So clever.

  Reaching into my backpack, I found a blank piece of paper and drew a very detailed picture of me beating the crap out of Val. I balled the paper and chucked it at her, hitting her right in the eye.

  Her glaring eyes disappeared when she got a good look at the drawing. She went pale, and I couldn’t help but smile. If these stereotypical bullies thought I would just cower back, they obviously didn’t know me very well.

  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d hardly talked to Val all year. We’d been friends once upon a time. I’d been so wrapped up in Dylan that I hadn’t paid attention to those around me.

  Val opened her mouth, and suddenly Liam was standing right there. He smiled at her, and she melted. “Hey, Val, mind if we switch seats?”

  With a stupid grin, she grabbed her things and squeezed by, her eyes never wavering from him. When he winked at her, she blushed furiously.

  Liam plopped down in her seat and scooted the table next to mine, so they were touching. “You’re not helping yourself.”

  I was fuming. I couldn’t tear my gaze from Val, who was whispering to the girl next to her and pointing back at me. “What am I supposed to do? Just sit back and let them walk all over me?”

  “Just a suggestion,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “But maybe not threaten them? You’re only making matters worse.”

  I turned to him. “Easy for you to say. No one’s saying bad things about you.”

  He pulled the popcorn from his bag and set it on the desk, right in the middle of us. “Why do you care what they think, anyway? Tomorrow is the last day of the year. Summer will come, and everyone will forget all about it.”

  I popped some popcorn in my mouth and instantly relaxed. I hadn’t noticed it was caramel. “This is my favorite.”

  His eyebrows went up. “Really? Mine, too. That butter stuff is for the unsophisticated.”

  A small smile came to my mouth, surprising me. Liam and the popcorn were somehow releasing all the tension I had burning inside. “Totally agree.”

  His eyes softened. “Then you should agree to forget about the whole rumor.” His attention went to the boring movie, which should be banned from existence.

  He was right. I should have just dropped it and moved on. But that wasn’t in my nature.

  Chapter 8

  During lunch, I went to find Kaitlyn and Hayley in the cafeteria. I saw them sitting in the corner near a window, smiling and laughing. They were a sight for sore eyes. I’d only taken a couple of steps when my eyes were seared from an image that shattered my mood: Dylan and Raelynn were sitting at a table together. Their legs were touching, and he played with some of her hair. She giggled and pushed him in the chest.

  It had been a couple days since we officially broke up, and he was already flirting with another girl. My appetite disappeared.

  Dylan wiped a crumb from her nose, and then he leaned in and kissed her. He kissed Raelynn in the middle of the cafeteria, where anyone could see. Including me, who was standing there in frozen horror. So many eyes turned to me, looking back and forth between me and the disgusting display of affection. Dylan and Raelynn had no idea they’d created an audience.

  The fact that he could do that to me left my blood boiling. Had Liam been right? Had Dylan been pining for Raelynn for years, and I was too blind to see? It had only been days. DAYS. I wanted to vomit like the guy in Val’s drawing, only in a spot where it would land on Dylan and Raelynn. Gah. Even their names together sounded like a sickeningly gooey celebrity couple. They were seconds away from being crowned Daelynn.

  Both my hands tightened into fists. How dare he embarrass me like that in front of the whole school? We’d had such a good relationship, but the second we were done, it was like a switch flipped inside him. He’d moved on and started a horrible rumor about me, clashing with the guy I’d known. Maybe I’d been too blind to notice it before.

  There was no way he was getting away with it. It would mean going against the rules I set for my kiss list, but I had to do something right then. My eyes sought out Brady until they landed on him a few tables away. His sad face was on ‘Daelynn.’ They were doing this to him, too.

  I didn’t have time for lip gloss. I needed to act. With a deep breath, I stormed over to Brady, my tennis shoes pounding against the linoleum. I took him by his thick bicep, yanked him up from his seat, wrapped my arms around him, put my hand on the back of his neck, and pressed his body against mine. Our lips met, and Brady didn’t hesitate. He enfolded me in his strong arms, his lips moving feverishly on mine. My fingers slid up into his hair as his hands landed on the small of my back.

  He tasted like ketchup, but I didn’t care. It felt good to kiss someone besides Dylan. And honestly, the more I melted into Brady, the more I noticed he was a real good kisser. Raelynn was missing out.

  When we finally released each other, my swollen lips pulsed with the heat of his. My fingers grazed my lips, surprised at how amazing that had been. Brady’s eyes shined, and a smile spread across his face.

  “I knew you wanted me,” he said with a breathy voice.

  My chest heaved in and out as I tried to calm myself. After a second, I realized it was silent in the cafeteria. I dropped my arms from around Brady and looked around. All the wide eyes of laughter had been replaced by eyes of intrigue.

  Liam came into view, amusement in his eyes. He cleared his throat and spoke loudly. “So, Brady, how was it?”

  Somehow, Brady’s grin grew. “I have no idea what Dylan was talking about. Camille definitely knows what she’s doing.”

  A smug smile tugged at my lips. I knew Dylan had been wrong. And Brady had just confirmed it in front of the cafeteria with most of the school watching.

  “Please,” Pete scoffed. He stood from his seat, flicking up the collar of his shirt like it added a cool facto
r or something. “Of course Brady would say that. Their exes were kissing each other moments before. Jealousy doesn’t look good on either of you.”

  The smiles on mine and Brady’s faces fell off.

  I opened my mouth, but suddenly Hayley and Kaitlyn were there next to me, guiding me out of the cafeteria before I could do or say something stupid.

  I wasn’t sure who I wanted to hurt more: Dylan or Pete. All I knew was that they wouldn’t be the ones getting the last laugh.

  Chapter 9

  The nice thing about having a mom who’s too busy to notice me was that I was able to ditch the last day of school. There was no point in going back to humiliate myself more. I just needed to wipe eleventh grade out of existence and start fresh senior year.

  I still had every intention of crossing the guys off my list. It was nice to be able to put a big red check mark next to Brady’s name. I may or may not have put a ranking next to his name, too. It may or may not have been an eight and a half.

  Which, now that I had something to compare it to, put Dylan at a measly six. But, unlike him, I wouldn’t spread the word.

  I watched chick flicks the entire day and didn’t bother to change out of my pajamas. It was the best day I’d had in the longest time. I’d turned off my phone, so I wouldn’t get any notifications from my friends or stupid people from school.

  When the last movie finished, I rolled over onto my stomach and looked at my kiss list. Who was next? Mason was last, for sure. I had to pick between Isaac and Alejandro.

  The guys couldn’t have been more different if they tried. Isaac was the sharp-dressed, pierced, rocking DJ who didn’t bother with anything other than music or science. Alejandro was the sexy baseball player who had the perfect smile that charmed the panties off of every girl. I just wanted a kiss, though. My fear about him was that he’d want more. I would just need to be firm with my boundaries.

  Brady’s kiss had left my blood boiling to the point that I felt daring and brave. Which meant going for Alejandro next. Working my way into his life wouldn’t be too hard. A simple social media search let me know he frequented the batting cages a few times a week. I’d played softball up until Dylan and I started dating. He found it boring and wouldn’t go to any of my games, so I quit to spend time with him.

  I hadn’t missed it much, though. I’d rarely thought about it. But thinking about it now, getting a bat back in my gloved hands, the motion of swinging the bat and the vibration of connecting with the ball, would be the perfect form of therapy.

  Since it had been a while, I needed to do a few practices to get myself back in the groove of things. Alejandro could have been one of those guys who wanted the flimsy girl who couldn’t swing so he could show her how, but I had a feeling he’d be more impressed with a girl who knew what she was doing.

  Since it was the last day of school, and a Wednesday, Alejandro wouldn’t be there. Perfect time to practice. I rifled through my walk-in closet until I found my favorite softball bat and my perfectly worn-in gloves.

  The second I slipped them on, the soft material hugging my skin, an overwhelming desire to be out on the field filled in a void I didn’t know was there.

  My bedroom door suddenly swung open, and my brother’s voice boomed. “Camille! Where are you? The craziest thing happened at school today!”

  I wandered out of the closet with my softball bat in tow. Seth was wearing the Lego Batman shirt I’d gotten for him for his birthday.

  His face exploded in excitement. “Are you going to play softball again?”

  Going into the middle of my room, and clear of any furniture and brothers, I took a few swings. My shoulders groaned a little in protest, but after some decent swings, they loosened up. “I’m thinking about it.”

  He flopped on my bed, his back hitting the comforter for a second before he bounced into the air and landed again. “Finally. I’ve missed watching you.”

  I lowered the bat and turned to him. “Really?” He’d kept wanting to play with me, but I hadn’t been aware he enjoyed watching me play for a team. I’d thought he just wanted to focus on his technique.

  He sat up on my bed and gave me his infamous ‘duh’ look, which involved narrowed eyes, a slightly dropped jaw, and a scrunched nose. “Camille, you’re the best softball player, like, ever. I thought you were going to go pro, and then I could brag to all my friends that you’re my sister.” His shoulders drooped. “I’ve had to keep our relation a secret for the past year because, well, you became lame.”

  I pointed the bat at him. “I didn’t become lame. I got busy.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Dylan does not equal busy. He equals you becoming an embarrassing, boy-crazy sister.”

  I had no idea Seth had thought that about me. “I thought you liked Dylan.”

  He threw out his hands with another ‘duh’ expression. “Of course I do. He’s cool. But the two of you together are lame. You wouldn’t hang out with me anymore.”

  Taking a seat on the bed, I tucked my leg under me and faced my brother. “I’m sorry, Seth. I never meant to shut you out.”

  Had Pete been right about me being selfish? Pete was never right about anything.

  Seth waved his hand. “No biggie.” He pointed to the bat. “Now, are we going to sit and chit-chat like girls, or are we going to get you back into playing?”

  A smile worked its way back onto my face. I’d forgotten how funny Seth was. I really needed to focus more on my little brother. “What was the crazy thing that happened at school?”

  Scrambling from the bed, he jumped onto the ground and spread his arms and legs. “It ended!” He pumped his fists and threw his head back. “It was the greatest day of my life.” He looked at me. “How was your last day of school?”

  I smirked. “The best one yet because I didn’t go.”

  His jaw dropped. “What? You stayed home from school and didn’t invite me?” He folded his arms. “That’s just rude, Camille. We could have pigged out and watched Les Misérables—all three versions that you own.” His eyes darted to my nightstand. I tried to get there in time, but he saw the movies. “You watched them without me!” His eyes narrowed. “Where are the treats?”

  I bit my lip and stared at the carpet.

  “Where are the treats, Camille?”

  When I didn’t answer, he dove to the ground and checked under the bed. He pulled out an empty Oreo box and shook it out. “You didn’t even save me some.”

  I snatched the box from his hand and tossed it in the trashcan. No point in hiding it anymore. “You shouldn’t be watching Les Misérables anyway. You’re not old enough.” Good thing he really didn’t understand most of it. He’d just liked hanging with me. Or maybe I’d never taken the time to ask him what he’d want to watch. “Come on. Let’s go to the batting cages, and then we can grab a shake on the way home.”

  He perked up. “A shake before dinner?”

  “Yep.”

  He pumped his fists. “This is officially the best day ever. School ends. I get my softball-playing sister back, and dessert before dinner.”

  I ruffled his hair and pulled him into a hug. “Come on.”

  It felt weird getting into the driver’s seat of my car. It was an old piece-of-crap Hyundai that was literally being held together by white and pink duct tape. And I absolutely loved it.

  Seth bounced in the passenger seat, sniffing around.

  “Why are you acting like a dog?” I asked. I turned the ignition, and the car sputtered for a few seconds. I guess that was what happened when the car was left alone for months at a time. I drove it every now and then to keep the battery going, but that was about it. Dylan drove everywhere.

  “Because it smells funny in here.” Seth moved his nose up and down.

  I breathed in my car. It smelled old and unused, like a shirt that you found in the bottom of your drawer. I’d really neglected a lot of things by being with Dylan.

  “Well, that’s gonna change,” I said. With a determined breath, I
tried the ignition again, and my car finally came to life.

  We drove with the window rolled down and Maroon 5 blaring from the speakers. Seth rolled his hand out the window like waves. I couldn’t help but smile while watching him. He hadn’t been tainted by the world yet, and I hoped it would stay like that for a while.

  Chapter 10

  There was only one other batting cage being used when we arrived. Seth was out of the car the second I put it in park. As he ran to the wire fence to watch the guy inside, I got my equipment from the trunk.

  After paying, I let Seth pick which cage he wanted to use. I placed a helmet on his head and slapped the sides.

  “You remember how to do this?” I asked.

  The Seth ‘duh’ look followed.

  I pushed him into the cage and handed him a bat. “Let’s see what you got, Slugger.”

  He whiffed on the first try and grunted, trying to sound tough, but it cracked, and I held in a laugh.

  “Choke up on the bat, Seth. Plant your feet on the ground, shoulder width apart. Remember to bend at the knees.”

  He did as told, and when the next ball came at him, he swung hard, connecting with the bat.

  “Nice!” I clapped loudly.

  My brother grinned, something I hadn’t seen in a long time. I missed it. When he’d done a few more swings, and had gotten into the groove of things, I claimed the cage next to his.

  The first few swings were rough. It was crazy how easy it was to fall out of rhythm when you hadn’t done something in a long time. I guess that was the meaning of ‘practice makes perfect.’

  I took my own advice and choked up on the bat, pushing my body into the ground. My knees bent, my gloved hands rubbing back and forth on the grip. The next ball sailed toward me, and I threw my weight into the swing. The vibration of the ball hitting my bat gave me a high, one I hadn’t realized I’d been craving.

  There was no better feeling than watching a ball soar in the direction I’d sent it. Each connection intoxicated me, and I wanted more. Sweat slid down my back and forehead. My head was hot underneath the helmet. I was soaked in it.