The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  “Is there anything she likes to do?”

  “She loves going to The Shack. She has a thing for punk rock bands.”

  His eyes lit up. “So do I. I love The Shack. I just don’t go there very often because I don’t have anyone to go with.”

  I forced a smile. “Well, hopefully, now you’ll have Hayley. I’ll put in a good word for you.”

  Mason was beaming. “Thanks, Camille!” He ducked out from under the bleachers, leaving me completely stunned. What had just happened?

  Chapter 30

  I’d stayed frozen under the bleachers with my mind reeling. I felt so stupid for thinking Mason wanted to kiss me. I was also slightly sad that I’d never cross him off my kiss list. He’d remain a ‘what if’ for the rest of my life. Maybe Hayley would be able to tell me all about his kissing abilities. I had no idea if she’d say yes to him, but I couldn’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t. At least I knew he’d treat her much better than her last boyfriend.

  That left me with only one guy left on my list: Isaac. I’d originally thought he wouldn’t be too hard to get a kiss from, but now I wasn’t so sure. Not everyone viewed kissing as I did: a fun activity for all to enjoy.

  Kaitlyn always went on and on about how special kisses were and that they should be saved for the right person. I used to think that was silly talk, but now I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

  I was so lost in concentration, I didn’t notice Liam had joined me under the bleachers. “What are you doing here?” I practically growled it at him.

  He backed up and held up his palms. “Whoa. Just checking on you. Mason said you were hiding out under here.”

  A scowl landed on my face, and it wouldn’t go away. Had Mason told anyone else? Did he think I needed help? I was really starting to hate boys.

  Liam held out his arms. “Does someone need a hug?”

  The anger exuding from me made him lower his arms. I didn’t need a hug. I didn’t need anything.

  “I’m fine, thanks,” I snapped.

  “Is this because Mason turned you down?” He tried to pat my shoulder in solace, but I squirmed away.

  I had to keep my jaw from dropping. “What did Mason tell you?”

  Liam set his hands on his hips and shrugged. “Just that you wanted to kiss him, but he’s interested in Hayley.”

  That was everything. Mason had told him that? Okay, I was really starting to hate boys. They weren’t supposed to gossip like girls.

  “I didn’t want to kiss him!” I totally did, but that moment had now past and would never be coming back. “I thought he wanted to kiss me,” I huffed. “It doesn’t even matter. I’m just tired of all the games. I want to go home.”

  Liam’s face softened. “Go to bed right now, and the next thing you know, it’ll be morning, and we’ll be on our way home.”

  Leaning against the wall, I folded my arms. “But then I’ll have to sit on a bus full of softball players who hate me. And it’s not a short ride.”

  “Maybe I could sneak you on our bus.”

  “And be with Mason and Alejandro? No, thank you.”

  Confusion ran across his face. “What does Alejandro have to do with this?”

  I did it again. I talked to Liam like he was Hayley or Kaitlyn. He wasn’t a girlfriend that I could confide everything in. Why did I keep doing that?

  “Nothing.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’m going to bed.”

  Liam surprised me by taking me into his arms. “It’s going to be okay, Camille. Things will work out the way they’re supposed to.”

  I wanted to shove him away, but the warmth from his body was real nice. I relaxed into him, letting him hold me. I clasped my hands behind his back and rested my cheek on his shoulder. How come I never fit into Dylan’s arms like this? It was always slightly awkward with him. I needed to find a guy with Liam’s frame.

  No. I didn’t need to find anyone. I was fine solo.

  With a deep breath, I released Liam and stepped back. “Thanks. You’re the only real friend I’ve had this week.” I twisted my lips to the side. “I never thought I’d say that about you.”

  He brushed off his arms, bringing my attention to how firm they were. “What can I say? I’m awesome. Now, be a good little girl and get to bed. Just don’t try to kiss any guys on the way there.”

  “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Every word was spaced out, sarcasm dripping from each one.

  He patted the top of my head. “My cute Cam-I-am. You’re adorable when you’re annoyed.”

  I pushed him away as he laughed. I didn’t even bother to check if anyone was looking. I just ducked out from under the bleachers and hustled toward the door leading out of the gym. The door slammed behind me, jolting me into reality.

  A weird energy buzzed under my fingertips. When I’d been in Liam’s arms, I had the slight urge to kiss him. Liam. What was wrong with me? I wanted to kiss everyone. But was there anything wrong with that? It was fun if the other person knew what they were doing. A part of me wanted to find Alejandro and kiss him again, just to get the thought of kissing Liam out of my head.

  Ugh. Liam. Hayley and Kaitlyn were going to freak when they found out. But I couldn’t deny my attraction to him. It left me all sorts of confused and slightly worried about my mental state.

  The gym door opened, and I turned to find Isaac. He wasn’t Alejandro, but at least he wasn’t Liam.

  “Any requests?” he asked. “I know you like my remixes.” He glanced me over with a smile. “Where were you? I hadn’t seen you all night until you just ran out.”

  “Shouldn’t you be, you know, DJing?”

  Isaac waved his hands. “I have the next song already lined up, so I’m good for a couple minutes.”

  A couple minutes? That was plenty of time. I may not have been able to cross Mason off the list, but I could still cross off Isaac. That would be three of my four. The buzz inside me expanded, and I craved a kiss. Craved physical contact.

  In a flash, I was in front of Isaac, my hand cupped on his neck and pulling his lips down to mine. He didn’t even hesitate. His arms wrapped around my back and pressed me close. He had a tropical flavor in his mouth, like he’d been sucking on a candy. His kiss was slightly wet, but not too bad.

  The longer we kissed, the more I realized I really didn’t like it. But I just wanted that connection. The validation that maybe I meant something to someone.

  Isaac pushed me into the wall and kissed me hard, like he couldn’t get enough. I felt the same way. Like we weren’t as close as we could get. There was a need deep inside, smothering all sense of reason, that needed to devour him.

  The thing was, it wasn’t that I needed Isaac. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was him or Mason or Brady or Alejandro. There was just that desire to be wanted. The desire to connect with someone on a different level. It consumed me like it was the only thing that mattered in the world.

  It wasn’t until Isaac broke the kiss that I realized we had an audience. The gym doors were open, all the baseball and softball players huddled in the doorway, watching us.

  Isaac waved at them all. “Came to watch the show?”

  Val rested her weight on her left leg. “We came to wonder where our DJ went. The music cut off.”

  Isaac checked his watch. “Ope. Guess I lost track of time.” He winked at me, and then headed back toward the gym, pausing briefly to run his eyes over Jordyn, not even worried that I’d be able to see him check out another girl. I really didn’t know the guy at all, which made everything worse.

  My mouth still pulsed with the feel of his lips on mine. I pressed my fingers to my lips and wished I were anywhere else but there.

  Most of the softball players were looking at me with disgust. They turned around and headed back into the gym, along with most of the baseball players, who had looked amused. Mason caught my eye. He looked disappointed. Like in my decision, not that it wasn’t him.

  Then my gaze swept to Alejandro. He looked . . . hurt. He
shook his head at me, a frown on his lips, and disappeared into the gym.

  For some reason, though, the worst was seeing Liam. His face was a mix of shock, betrayal, and sadness. His eyes kept rotating through the emotions, like they were trying to find the correct one. They finally settled on sadness, and he followed the others back inside. The gym doors closed, leaving me alone in the hall.

  I’d been beyond stupid, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it.

  Chapter 31

  The next morning, I was the first one on the bus. I immediately went to the back and claimed the last bench. I laid down, covered my face with my jacket, and popped in my earbuds.

  I completely tuned everyone out for the whole ride. Jordyn was kind enough to get my attention when we stopped so I could use the bathroom. Other than that, everyone left me alone. That didn’t mean I didn’t notice the whispers and snickers. They weren’t doing anything to be discreet about it.

  I’d never been so excited to get to the school in my life. It meant I was that much closer to being home and in my room.

  Coach Wilkes gave me my phone when I got off the bus. The problem with being in the back meant I was the last one off the bus. The second I stepped off the bus, I could feel all eyes on me.

  I made the mistake of turning on my phone. It exploded with notifications. I wanted to open all the texts from Hayley and Kaitlyn, but the social media ones caught my attention. When I opened the browser, my heart sank.

  There were pictures of me posted, and they weren’t good ones. Someone snapped a picture of Mason and me standing incredibly close when he was working on my shoulder. From the angle, it didn’t look like we were doing anything appropriate.

  Then there was a picture of Liam and me hugging. I didn’t realize how much I had sunk into him until I saw the picture. It was way intimate and made me blush.

  Of course, someone got a picture of Isaac and me making out. I knew we’d gotten a little heated, but the picture made it look a lot worse.

  The picture that really made my heart sink was one of Alejandro and me. I had no idea his roommate had snapped a picture of us in the bed when he came into the room. There was a picture of a guy and me in a bed online. All cuddled up. My only saving grace was that no clothes had come off.

  I thought that would be the end. But it wasn’t. Pictures from my make-out session with Brady in the cafeteria had surfaced. Along with pictures of Dylan and me kissing during our relationship.

  I was officially the school skank. Six guys. Granted I hadn’t kissed all of them, but to the world, it looked like I had. Even without those two, there were still four guys I had kissed. In my head, that didn’t seem like such a big number. But seeing them back to back like that changed my entire view.

  “Camille!” Hayley’s voice rang out, catching my attention. I looked up to see her and Kaitlyn sprinting toward me, pushing softball players out of the way in the process.

  When they reached me, both their faces fell. At the sight, everything inside me broke, and the tears came.

  Both Hayley and Kaitlyn wrapped their arms around me, squeezing me tight. I wanted to disappear in their arms forever and never resurface, because that meant facing reality.

  “Girl, what happened at camp?” Kaitlyn asked into my hair.

  I pulled back enough to look at them but kept them positioned so they could block out the world. “I swear it wasn’t what it looks like.” I swallowed. “Not completely.”

  “I thought Liam wasn’t on the list,” Hayley said.

  “He’s not, and I didn’t kiss him. It was just a hug.” I rushed to add the next part. “And nothing happened with Mason, either! He was just working out some stiff muscles in my shoulder.”

  Hayley’s red eyebrows shot up. “Wow. Okay. No need to get all defensive.”

  I bit my lip. “I kinda have to talk to you about him.” She looked confused, so I changed the subject. Kind of. “Isaac, well, it’s obvious what happened.”

  Hayley smirked. “It looked good. Was it?”

  Man, I’d missed them so much. I twisted my hand back and forth. “It was okay.”

  Hayley fingered a daith earring. “Well, that’s disappointing.”

  Kaitlyn rubbed my arm. “And Alejandro? You were in bed with him!” She grimaced when she realized how loud she’d been.

  I shook my head. “Nothing happened besides a kiss, I swear. Everything looked way worse than what it was.” I rubbed my forehead. “This trip was the worst mistake of my life. I have so much to tell you.”

  “Obviously,” Hayley scoffed.

  The light pounding of feet made my heart soar just a little. My brother.

  Seth appeared around Kaitlyn and threw his arms around me. “You’re back!”

  I held him tight. “I missed you, bro.”

  “Same, sis.” He bounced while he hugged me. “I want to hear all about your trip! I bet you were the best softball player there.” He finally released me, but turned to my side and kept his arm around me so he could face my friends. “I have the best sister ever.”

  The lightness in my heart disappeared. Seth was going to be so disappointed in me. I couldn’t believe I’d let him down like that. I had no idea how I’d tell him that I didn’t make it back on the team. He’d want to know why, and I’d have no way to explain it to him.

  The second I saw my dad, I released my brother and ran into his arms like I was a little girl again. Dad let out an “umph” when I rammed into him, but he immediately wrapped his arms around me.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  I shook my head against his chest. “I messed up, Dad. Big time.”

  He patted my back and let out a sigh, his other hand stroking my hair. “It’s going to be okay, Camille. Let’s get you home so we can talk about it.”

  “Is Mom home?” I couldn’t look at him when I asked because I was worried about the answer.

  His body stiffened. “She’s working on a case. I’m not sure when she’ll be home.”

  Even though I expected that answer, everything inside me deflated. “Yeah, okay.”

  Dad got my bags from the bus while my friends and brother walked me to the car. I tried my best not to look at anyone, but it was hard when I could feel all the eyes on me. A part of me wanted to find Alejandro, Liam, and Mason to apologize, but I wasn’t ready to face them yet. Besides, I had no idea what I’d say to them. But all the pictures weren’t good for them, either. I sighed. I’d have to apologize to Brady and Isaac as well. None of them signed up to get involved with my drama. I’d just handpicked them, and they had no say.

  I hated that I’d let so many people down. I’d take some time to myself, but then I’d somehow have to fix my mess, and I hadn’t the slightest clue where to start.

  Chapter 32

  I really needed to work on my public image. I didn’t want to go into my senior year with everyone thinking I’d hook up with every guy. That wasn’t who I was, or who I wanted to be.

  I’d already had so many messages from guys wanting to get together. Some I didn’t even know, and they didn’t go to my school. Social media was the worst. Nothing remained a secret and people only saw what they wanted to see. Or in my case, what was thrown into their faces. I hadn’t done myself any favors by putting myself in those situations.

  Even though nothing had happened with Alejandro, I’d gone with him to his room and chosen to lay down on his bed. None of it had seemed that big a deal when it was happening, but seeing the picture, it was way worse than I thought.

  Kaitlyn and Hayley tried their best to shut down the rumors online and stick up for me, but it didn’t help. A picture was worth a thousand words. They’d never catch up with all the pictures posted of me. That was a lot of words.

  I really wanted to talk to my mom about everything, but work kept her busy. Seth and Dad tried to keep me occupied with playing catch in the backyard. It wasn’t the emotional release I needed, but it was the only way my dad knew how to handle these situations.
/>   For the moment, being out there with them, throwing the ball around, enjoying the beautiful weather and lazy Sunday, was amazing. I was able to forget everything and focus on spending time with my family. At least, the family that was there. It would have been perfect if Mom were there with us, but I could never see that happening.

  “I can’t wait to watch you at your games.” Seth tossed me the ball, and it landed perfectly in my mitt. He’d make a great baseball player one day. I just needed to get him to try out for a team. I’d tried a couple times, but he chickened out once we got to tryouts. His anxiety would eat him alive.

  I hadn’t told him I hadn’t made it on the team. I didn’t know how. I threw the ball to Dad. “I was thinking maybe I’d try out for a city league.”

  Dad had the ball cupped in his glove. “In addition to school?”

  I shook my head. “In place of school.”

  Seth frowned as he caught the ball from our dad. “Why? I think school is much better.” He threw me the ball.

  Dad nodded in agreement. “Better opportunities. You’re already behind on college applications. We need to get you on some university’s radar.”

  I chucked the ball a little too hard at Dad, and he had to jump up to get it. “I just think our school team isn’t very good this year. I was disappointed at camp.” More in myself than of the team’s abilities, but Dad didn’t need to know that.

  Dad shook out his gloved hand. I hadn’t meant to throw the ball so hard. I was still all worked up, and I needed an outlet. One that wasn’t kissing. Maybe I needed to head to the batting cage.

  “That was camp,” Dad said. “There’s still a lot of time before the season actually starts. I’m sure you’ll be able to help the girls with a thing or two to get them ready.”

  I wanted to laugh at the irony. They didn’t need my help. They were good at what they did. I just ruined the camaraderie they’d had.

  I rolled out my shoulder, trying to loosen it up. “I think I’m going to go to the batting cages and work on my swing. It felt off this week.” Along with other things.