The Kiss List

by Sara Jo Cluff

  Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. “You love that kind of stuff.”

  “I do.” I pushed her. “Now, go to your man.”

  She frowned, but there was excitement in her eyes. “What about you?”

  I searched through the crowd until I spotted Liam hanging out near another fire. “I have another apology I need to take care of.”

  “You sure?” Kaitlyn asked, but she was already getting to her feet.

  “Yep.” I smiled at her as she skipped toward Garrett and threw her arms around him. He gave her the sweetest peck on the cheek, making her giggle. So freaking adorable.

  Chapter 37

  Standing, I brushed off my capris and headed toward Liam. His voice got louder as I closed in. He was talking about the latest horror movie he saw. I’d wanted to see it, but had no one to go with. Plus, I hadn’t had the time.

  He was wearing a T-shirt that said Director on top, and his hair was the perfect amount of mess that I’d love to run my fingers through. I quickly pushed the thought from my head. No guys. Not yet.

  The smile I had on my face faded when I saw Sadie next to him, her hands on his arm. Another party she’d sneaked into, but she hadn’t been the only sophomore I’d seen.

  The stupid grin on his face didn’t falter when he saw me. In fact, it only got wider. He patted his knee. “We were just talking about you. Come have a seat.”

  Sadie frowned at Liam’s hand, still beckoning to me. Before I could move—not that I would have—Sadie sat down in Liam’s lap, smiling seductively the whole time. Liam just patted his other knee.

  “I’ve got two,” he said to me. When Sadie pouted, he poked her nose, and she giggled.

  I had to keep myself from throwing up in the fire pit. Or all over Sadie. What did he see in her?

  Sadie glared at me. “We weren’t saying good things, in case you’re wondering.”

  “I wasn’t.” I turned my attention to Liam. “Can we talk?”

  He patted his leg again. “Sure.”

  I held in an eye roll. “In private.”

  A few people around the fire pit let out some whistles. Probably not the best approach I could have made.

  Liam tilted his head to the side and shook his index finger at me. “I’m not that kind of guy, Camille. I’m sure you’ll find someone else willing to go somewhere private with you.”

  A guy, who I was pretty certain was a sophomore, held up his hand. “I’m willing.”

  Liam chuckled, and the anger boiled inside of me, steamy and wild. He’d always given me a hard time, but he’d never let someone talk to me like that. At least, not before. Had his opinion of me fallen that hard?

  I folded my arms. “Wow, Liam. I always thought you were better than the rest of them, but it turns out you’re just like them.”

  His smile tightened. “Like you should be talking.”

  “Really?” I bit off the swear words that wanted to fly. “All those things posted about me weren’t true, which you know.”

  “Do I?” He rubbed his chin. “Because it all seemed real to me.”

  Pete chose the wrong moment to walk up and join the group. He smirked at me. “Really gone off the deep end, haven’t you, Camille? You know whoring yourself around won’t make Dylan take you back.”

  It was like everything buried inside me broke free. I flung myself at Pete, sending us both to the ground. I punched him in the stomach a couple times before he grabbed my hand to stop me. He flipped me onto my back, holding me down by the shoulders.

  The nice thing about being “thick,” as Pete called it, was that I was way stronger than the guy. Pushing my hand into his face, I dug my fingernails into his skin until he jerked away, and then I kicked him hard in the stomach, sending him flying onto his back. Hearing him gasp for air was the best thing I’d heard all night.

  “I said go somewhere private,” Liam yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear over the commotion. “Unless you’re just wanting an audience.”

  Pete growled at me and scrambled to his feet, sand coating his clothes. “Like I’d do anything with her.” His disheveled hair added a feral aura to him that made me flinch.

  I stumbled further back into the sand, bumping into someone. Two sturdy hands helped me up.

  “Need some help?” Brady asked. His salty glare landed on Liam, and for the first time that night, the arrogance on Liam’s face faltered.

  I brushed off the sand. “Just keep that loser away from me, and I’ll be fine.” I pointed at Pete, who was holding his hand against his stomach.

  Pete grimaced in pain. “What do you get in return?” He was looking at Brady.

  “What?” Brady asked. He stood tall, his arms resting casually at his sides.

  Pete swung a hand toward me. “What do you get for sticking up for her? I’m sure she’ll reward you.”

  My hands balled into fists, and I went toward Pete again, but Brady got there first and punched Pete in the jaw.

  Pete doubled over, holding his hand against his chin and swearing.

  “Don’t talk about her like that,” Brady said. He glanced around at all the juniors who had stopped to watch. “What’s wrong with all of you? You’re acting like you’ve never met Camille. So what if she kissed a few guys? If it had been me kissing a bunch of girls, would any of you have said something?”

  A lot of pairs of eyes went to the ground.

  “Of course you wouldn’t,” he said. “You’d be clapping me on the back and congratulating me.” He placed his hand on my shoulder before his eyes went to Liam. “A few consensual kisses is nothing. Anyone who actually knew the real Camille would know she wouldn’t sleep around. She’s not like that. She’s better than a majority of you. I’m happy to consider her a friend.”

  Kaitlyn and Hayley appeared at my side, along with Mason and Garrett. They formed a pack around me, blocking people from getting to me. Soon, the softball players squeezed their way around us.

  Jordyn lifted her chin. “If any of you have a problem with Camille, you’ll have to go through all of us first.”

  An overwhelming pride swelled up in my heart. I had real friends. They were standing up for me, even when I had done something completely stupid. They knew my heart, and that was what mattered.

  Alejandro joined us and looked out at the other juniors. “Being one of the guys that Camille supposedly hooked up with, I’ll have you know we only kissed. Not that it’s any of your business. It was a mutual kiss and a one-time thing.”

  Brady nodded. “Same here.”

  I didn’t think Mason would actually say something, but he did. “Camille and I never hooked up. No kiss or anything. She’s not like that.”

  A throat cleared, and I turned to see Dylan walking toward the group surrounding me. His eyes searched mine, like he was looking for approval. So I nodded at him.

  “Camille’s a good person,” Dylan said. All eyes turned to him. “I lied about her being a bad kisser.” He glanced over his shoulder at Raelynn. “I was just trying to impress a girl, so I said something stupid.” His gaze wandered back over to me. “I think we’ve all done and said stupid things to impress someone. It’s in our nature.” He addressed the crowd. “Just leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve all the lies and rumors.”

  I wanted to hug the guy to thank him, but I didn’t want him or anyone else to take it the wrong way. So I just smiled instead.

  Alejandro turned to the group surrounding me, shutting out all the haters. “Who’s up for a night wiffle ball game? I’ve got some glow-in-the-dark wiffle balls and bats I’ve been dying to use.”

  I rubbed my hands together. “That sounds awesome.”

  “And so much better than this stupid party,” Hayley said.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Are you going to actually play this time?”

  She bumped Mason, who blushed. “Only if I’m on this guy’s team.”

  Kaitlyn took my hand. “Let’s go play some wiffle ball!”

  Chapter 38

  The next
morning, I slept in. I didn’t get home until well after one in the morning, and I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I could get in trouble. I’d have to have a mom who paid attention for that to happen. And Dad always felt too guilty about Mom to punish me.

  I rolled out of bed close to noon and took a long, hot shower. While I was getting dressed, my tummy rumbled. I needed some food pronto.

  As I descended the stairs, I smelled bacon, and I practically drooled. The world was a better place because of bacon.

  I hopped down the last couple steps and danced toward the kitchen. “What a glorious day!” I paused, my arms raised in the air, when I saw my mom standing over the bacon on the stove.

  Dad was beside her, slicing some fresh tomatoes. Seth sat at the stool in front of the counter, beaming like I hadn’t seen in the longest time.

  I lowered my arms and joined Seth at the counter, sliding onto a stool. “Um, what’s going on?”

  Seth scoffed. “They’re making lunch, dummy.”

  Dad pointed his knife at Seth. “Don’t call your sister that.”

  Seth raised his arms in the air, his wide eyes on the knife. “Yes, sir.”

  Mom chuckled as she flipped the bacon. Seeing her cook left me surprised, but also warm with happiness. It had been so long, I’d forgotten she did actually know how to cook. She smiled over her shoulder me. “You still like it crispy, right?”

  All I could do was nod. My gaze wandered between my mom humming while she cooked, to Dad dancing along to Mom’s music as he cut, to Seth drumming his hands on the counter. They’d created their own melody, just like the old days. A pang struck my heart, and I wasn’t sure if it was good or not. The sight made me so happy, but there was the fear that it wouldn’t last. Mom would go back to her regular routine the second lunch was over.

  “Camille,” Seth shouted to snap me out of my reverie. “You’re on guitar!”

  Years ago, I would have eaten that up and joined in on the fun. But the skeptical side of me couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to set myself up for a letdown. My heart couldn’t take it. I needed to busy myself to keep from crying. When had I become such a crybaby?

  I hopped down from the stool and joined Dad. “Anything I can do to help?”

  Dad nodded at the bread on the counter. “It’s time to toast the bread for those who want it that way.”

  Seth held up his hand. “I do! But not too dark. A golden brown would be perfect.” He pressed his fingers to his lips, and then kissed them away.

  “Yes, your majesty.” I curtsied, making him laugh. “Anyone else have special orders for their toast?”

  “The golden brown does sound nice,” Dad said.

  “Yes, it does,” Mom said.

  I popped four pieces of toast into our large toaster. I set the dial to medium and pressed down, the electricity buzzing. “I’m so glad they installed a golden-brown setting on here. Makes my life easier.”

  Seth jumped down from his seat and ran around to my side. “They did not!”

  I ran my palm over the top of his Mohawk. “Of course they didn’t. But I got you off your butt.”

  “Dad! Camille said ‘butt!’” He stuck his tongue out at me, which was difficult with the wide grin on his face.

  “She was referring to your buttocks, or your gluteus maximus. Therefore, it’s okay.” Dad grabbed the lettuce out of the fridge and took it to the sink to wash it off.

  Seth cracked up and couldn’t stop. It wasn’t long until I was laughing as well, because it was so contagious.

  When Seth had finally calmed down, Dad had him help set the table. That left me alone with Mom in the kitchen. She’d just finished with the bacon. I was on my last set of toast. I stared at the toaster, willing it to go faster.

  “Camille.” Mom’s soft voice came from my right side.

  I kept my focus on the toaster so I wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes.

  She draped her arm around my shoulders. “Sweetie, I’m sorry I’ve been absent lately. I’ve been thinking about everything you’ve said, and you’re right. I’m going to do my best to dial back on my work.” She smiled at Dad in the dining room, who was deep in a place setting competition with Seth.

  The toast popped up, so I grabbed a piece.

  “Dad’s going to take my phone from me every weekday from six to nine,” Mom said.

  The warm toast in my hand fell onto the counter. I quickly scooped it up and set it on the plate with the others. “Do you think you can handle that?”

  She bumped my hip with hers. “Very funny.” Then she sighed. “But I’m not sure. It will definitely take some getting used to.”

  Mom wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “I hope you can forgive me, Camille. I’m going to try to be better, I promise.”

  I’d stiffened at first, not wanting to fall into a trap. But then my body relaxed into hers. It had been so long since my mom had hugged me. I missed it. I breathed her in. Past the smell of bacon that now clung to her hair, I could smell her warm vanilla perfume.

  “The food is getting cold!” Seth did his unfortunately amazing whine, making Mom and me end our embrace and laugh.

  Dad beamed at the two of us, probably happy to see us getting along. But it was still a small step. Mom was there for lunch on a weekend, but that didn’t mean I’d be able to talk to her whenever I wanted. I’d gotten to the point where I wasn’t sure I wanted her advice. It didn’t hold the same value that it used to. It would have to be something we worked toward.

  We sat down at the table and enjoyed our BLTs as a family. No cell phones allowed. It was perfect.

  Things were slowly falling back into place. I’d mended my relationship with my mom. The softball team didn’t hate me anymore, and I had the possibility of getting back on the team for my senior year. Coach Wilkes would be hard to crack, but with the girls on my side, we might wear her down.

  My anger toward Dylan had melted. There was no way we’d be friends like he’d been hoping, but I could say hi to him at a party or passing in the hall at school without wanting to vomit.

  I was in a good place with Hayley and Kaitlyn, but I always had been. They’d stayed by my side through my entire idiot Dylan phase.

  My kiss list hadn’t all be checked off, but I was okay with that. In fact, it made me happy. There was a small victory in knowing I came to my senses before I was done. Granted, there was only one guy left, but it was still something.

  Brady, Alejandro, and Mason were all in a good place with me, and that alone made me happy. My eyes had been opened to the fact that Isaac was such a jerk, but I didn’t regret kissing him. I think I learned the most from that kiss. Kissing wouldn’t solve all my worries. It was something to be saved for a meaningful relationship with someone I cared about, and they cared about me in return.

  Something still felt off, though. And I knew exactly what it was.

  Part 3: Back to School

  Chapter 39

  The rest of the summer passed in a blur. I spent a lot of my time with Hayley and Kaitlyn. Whenever they were with their boyfriends—they’d both reached that phase with Mason and Garrett—I was either with my softball friends or my family.

  It was really hard for Mom at first, dialing back her work. But she finally found a groove that worked for everyone. The ironic thing was that she started winning more cases as her hours went down, giving her more clients. Spending time away from work and being with her family had reduced her stress considerably, so she was happier and more pleasant to be around.

  By the time my senior year started, we were all in a good place.

  But I still hadn’t been able to crack Liam. Anytime I saw him at a party or get-together, he’d ignore me. There were a few times when we’d gone to the movies with him and Brady, and he still wouldn’t talk to me.

  So, I kept my interactions with him short and polite. I smiled whenever he looked at me. I complimented him on things he said and did. But the wall he had built wouldn’t crack. Not even the
tiniest bit.

  I missed having him as a friend. I’d forgotten how much we had in common. I wanted him to be my movie buddy. I wanted to go to him when I was having a bad day because he always knew how to cheer me up in such a natural way.

  Mostly, I wanted to be with him. He was the kind of guy I could picture settling down with. Years in the future, of course. But he’d keep me grounded. He liked me for who I was. I just needed to remind him of that.

  Anytime I saw him in the hall at school, I’d try to stop him for a short chat, but he’d get away as soon as he could. If the anger boiled to the surface, I turned off the heat. I didn’t want to get mad at him to get my way.

  It was a month before Homecoming, and I wanted to ask Liam to go with me. I didn’t want to wait long because I knew he’d be snatched up fast. He’d hurry to ask someone just to make sure I couldn’t. But I wouldn’t let that happen.

  I had to think of something creative to get his attention. Something to tell him that I liked him and wanted to be with him.

  Hayley, Mason, Kaitlyn, Garrett, and I were sitting in the cafeteria during lunch one day. I’d gotten used to being the fifth wheel, and I was okay with it. There were times when Brady or Val would join us, but that day it was just the five of us. They were all lined up on the other side of the table from me, like some panel at a comic convention, and I was the captivated audience with a million questions.

  I popped a grape into my mouth. “How can I ask Liam to Homecoming?”

  Mason flushed. “Are we supposed to be asking people already?” He swallowed, staring at his food. I loved that no matter how long he and Hayley had been together, he still got nervous about things. She still made his heart flutter. By the wicked grin on her lips, he did the same to Hayley. They just showed it in two completely different ways.

  I shook my head, pointing a grape at him. “I gotta make a move before someone else does.”

  “Why do you think so many girls want him?” Hayley asked, massaging the back of Mason’s neck. “He’s not that great.”