The Tutor

by Kailin Gow

  “Please tell me that you want more,” Salvatore said.

  “I can’t tell you anything right now, Salvatore. Please don’t ask me to do that either,” I said, feeling tears starting to sting my eyes.

  “I’m sorry, my bella, I’m sorry.”

  “You know that you’re special to me, right?” I asked.

  “Yes, I know,” he replied, but I could tell that my answer didn’t satisfy the thoughts weighing on his mind.

  Feeling that the moment was lost and realizing that it was already way past ten, we slipped our towels around us and each headed toward our own destination. I had to pick up my parents very early in the morning from the airport and although Salvatore had asked to come along, I knew that it was pushing it too far. It would put me at risk of having to expose our secret, beautiful as it was.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow night for tutoring lessons,” I said, trying to separate on an optimistic note.

  “Yes, tomorrow night,” Salvatore said. He leaned in and hugged me so tightly, like he was afraid to let go and then when he released his grip, he smiled at me. It was the smile of someone putting on a brave front, but feeling tormented inside. It left me walking into the house with many thoughts and questions on my mind.

  I laid in my bed that night and thought about everything—what Salvatore had said, the secret I’d been keeping about Chase and I breaking up, and the relationship that Salvatore and I were creating. A big part of me wanted to shout to the world that I’d found an amazing man and I was in an awesome relationship, yet I was very aware that most people viewed Salvatore as a high school boy and nothing more, despite his age, and that made him taboo by default.

  My reflections drifted off to thoughts that involved things other than my happiness; my parents, for example. Yes, they wanted me to be happy, but they, along with our community and church, family and Chase’s family had expectations that we would be together and become this sort of powerhouse couple, one that made both our families stronger, our community better, and made me the trophy political wife for Chase’s aspirations of entering into the political arena. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own that they didn’t know that those things weren’t really what I wanted most. I’d kept it a secret, easily being persuaded into believing that the path others expected me to follow was the right one for me.

  Also, sadly and despite everything, I couldn’t ignore the fact that my feelings for Chase hadn’t gone from “all in” to “all out” despite the fall-out. Many aspects of his personality appealed to me and his charm always made me feel like the most special person in the room—which I was when we were together. It was what happened when I wasn’t in the room that was the real problem. Still, we were young and figuring things out. Now, with what I’d been involved in with Salvatore, we truly were on even playing ground like he’d suggested that one day in his moment of anger.

  I realized that my mom may have suspected something was up and it had probably taken going across the ocean to Italy to not bring it up. She was a gossip and not afraid to ask anyone what was on their mind and that was definitely true with me, her only child. If I would have told her the truth about what Chase had done it would have made her heart broken because Dad and her loved him like a son.

  What was I going to do? I was still in love with Chase, but I was enamored and consumed by Salvatore and how alive he made me feel. There was no way I could have both. Believe me, I’d thought about it. Sadly, I knew it was probably a huge mistake for me to have been so selfish and started something with Salvatore that I probably couldn’t see through to the end.

  * * *

  I’d made up my mind to tell my parents that Chase and I had broken up by early morning when I was on my way to the airport. However, I ended up not having to go to the airport at all. Their flight had come earlier—some mishap with times on the ticket—and my parents had arrived at home in a taxi cab just as I was waking up.

  Debating timing and breaking the news, I decided to wait until I heard about the trip and they were unpacked at least. No sense to rush things.

  “Guess what we received, Taylor?” Mom asked, holding a gold embossed envelope in her hand and waving it around.

  “Wedding invitation?” I asked.

  “No,” she began, still holding the envelope out, “it’s an invitation to the biggest social event at the country club—the Summer Harvest.”

  “Oh, the event that Chase’s parents always host,” I said, gulping. I didn’t like where this was headed. We’d never gone before. Why now?

  “Indeed. Only the most prominent people from town will be attending and it’s a golden opportunity to make connections. A lot of politicians also attend, of course, with Chase’s career goals and all.”

  “I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time,” I said.

  “We’ll have a wonderful time, dear. You’re going, too. It’s only right because it will help with our business, Chase’s aspirations, and you should be there when they give a special award to your father in honor of your great-great grandfather, the founder of this town.”

  “Yes, of course,” I replied. It was only one night. I’d figure something out. My great-great grandfather had been so instrumental in bringing remnants from the Civil War and Revolutionary War to this town for the museum he’d started when he’d founded it that it had ultimately led to the start of the import/export business that had been a part of my family for generations, growing a bit more every time it was handed down to the next one.

  “Well, I’m wide awake now. I think I’ll get in a little exercise before I get ready for work,” I said. “Love you and glad you’re back.”

  “Love you, too, dear. Oh, and you took good care of Salvatore this past week, right?”

  My face heated up. Boy did I ever. “I think he took better care of me…with the way he cooks and all.”

  “Yes, I venture to say that his cooking is as good as much of the food we had when we were in Italy. His family’s house is beautiful by the way. Hopefully you’ll get to see it sometime.”

  “Hopefully,” I agreed. Then I walked away. The first thing on my to-do list once a reasonable hour arrived was to call Chase and meet with him. We definitely needed to talk.

  8:00 a.m. didn’t come fast enough for me and I was pacing around my office, eager to call Chase and arrange a time to meet. I hadn’t spoken with him once since that day at the house and the conversation we needed to have would be awkward. I had no idea which Chase would show up, but I had to maintain control regardless of which one it happened to be.

  Speed dial pressed. Chase answered. “Hi Chase, how’ve you been?” I asked. Highly unusual words all things considered.

  “Taylor, I’m so happy to hear your voice,” he began. “I’ve missed you so much. Damn, it’s great to hear you.”

  I couldn’t help but soften as all those smooth words came rolling off his tongue so effortlessly. They were attached to some pretty good times, when he’d talk that way, making me feel like I was the only woman in the world, and then we’d be so wound up that it led to some pretty fun sexual adventures. Those were good days and thinking of them made me miss Chase a bit more than I had been.

  “Chase, I need to talk with you in person,” I said.

  “Whenever you want me, I’ll be there. I just want to see you. I love you, Taylor, with all my heart. You know that, right?”

  “Yes,” I replied, but didn’t offer anything in exchange. “Why don’t we meet tonight at 7:00 at The Finery?”

  “Okay, I can pick you up,” he offered.

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll meet there.” There was no way that I was going to go in the same car with him in case any unpleasant scene unfolded or worse yet, I’d be tempted to be more intimate with him than what I planned.

  After a long, distracted day of work, I ran home to get ready, being a coward and telling Salvatore that I wouldn’t be able to tutor him that night after all. When he asked why I only said that I had some business to take care of. I
didn’t have the heart to bring up Chase’s name.

  When I arrived at the restaurant, Chase was already there and had secured a table in the back corner of it. It was small and intimate, away from many of the other tables.

  “You look so beautiful,” Chase said, standing up and leaning in to kiss my cheek.

  “Thank you. That’s a great suit and tie. Makes you blend in perfectly with the DC crowd,” I commented.

  He smiled and pulled my chair out for me, pushing it in afterward. I thought it would be wrong to get right to the point of the discussion, what to do about announcing our break-up, because we were having a nice time. I started to feel a bit like I’d used to feel and my defenses dropped, laughing and reminiscing about the olden days. Then I snapped to my senses—the reason for the meal—and I knew it was time to say what was on my mind.

  “Chase, about the…” I began.

  “Chase,” someone interrupted. “It’s great to see you. How are you this evening?”

  I looked over and saw a tall, stoic, and poised man standing there, smiling at Chase and then looking at me.

  “Senator Emerson,” Chase said, standing up and shaking his hand. “It’s great to see you again, sir.”

  “You, too. That was a fine interview we had the other day. Most impressive.”

  “Thank you, sir. I found it most informative and interesting myself,” Chase replied. Then he followed the Senator’s eyes, which traveled to me and he gave me a kind smile, very fatherly. “Senator Emerson, I would like you to meet Taylor First of the First family, descendants of Benjamin First, one of the founding families of…”

  “You don’t have to tell me, Chase. I know the family well,” he said. Then he turned to me and continued. “That’s a great family line you come from, Taylor. And you must be very proud of Chase for getting straight A’s at Harvard his first year and being a part of the same fraternal order in which I am.”

  “Yes, Senator Emerson, I am,” I said.

  “What a beautiful young couple you two are. Gives an old man like me hope for the future of our country.” He nudged Chase’s arm and said, “She’s lovely. Isn’t every day that you run into a descendant of Washington’s original Cabinet. I’ll look forward to talking with you more at the Summer Harvest, Chase, and leave you two to your evening.”

  “I look forward to it, too, sir.”

  After the Senator left I tried to regroup my thoughts and approach what I’d invited Chase to dinner to talk about—Salvatore, and how he had to break up with me to save face.

  Before I could get the words out, Chase was talking. “He was certainly impressed by you, Taylor,” he said, grabbing my hand and gently rubbing his thumb on the top side of it. “Everyone loves you, Taylor…my parents, my friends, even my parents’ friends like Senator Emerson, but most importantly me. I love you so much and you’re perfect for me, Taylor. I promise that I’ll never mess up again. I understand more than ever why I need you in my life. You make it all complete, all worthwhile.”

  “Chase, don’t,” I said. “I can’t…”

  “Don’t say you can’t,” he interrupted. “Give me another chance. At the Summer Harvest, there will be great opportunities for your parents, their business, and for us. Senator Emerson is high up on the Trade Committee and an important connection for your parents. It’ll help you with the business when you take over, which I hear you’ve been working really hard at. I’m so proud of you. Plus, I also have an amazing surprise for you, but I can’t announce it to you yet. You’ll have to be at the Summer Harvest and hear it. It’s something my parents helped me with.”

  “What’s the surprise?” I asked softly.

  “Now really, Taylor, it wouldn’t be very surprising if I told you, now would it? Suffice it to say that your parents will be so excited and proud.”

  My heart fell. I couldn’t tell Chase about Salvatore that night. That much was clear. I would just have to pretend to be with Chase for the time being to make things work for everyone else. Hopefully Salvatore would understand. However, when he said surprise, I had no idea what kind of surprise he meant and I hoped with all my heart that it wasn’t an engagement ring. That would be just like him to manipulate the situation, knowing that I would never say no and embarrass him. Wait—I shouldn’t jump to that conclusion. I’d just have to play it out and see what unfolded that evening. No! I couldn’t.

  “Chase, I have something to tell you,” I said.

  He kissed my hand, ignoring my comment and before I could repeat it a distinguished looking woman walked up to our table, smiling at us. The woman was stately looking, wearing a suit and behind her were some younger people, also dressed in suits.

  “Chase, hello,” she said. Her smile was so perfect and composed that I couldn’t help but be amazed by it. She was Senator Wilson and I’d seen her name in the local papers a lot.

  “Hello Senator Wilson. It’s wonderful to see you,” Chase said, flashing a bright smile.

  “Tell your parents that I’ll be at their gathering. They helped me get re-elected, after all.”

  “I will do that, Senator Wilson,” Chase said, standing up and shaking her hand and then reaching in to give her a hug.

  “So, when are you going to start interning with me, Chase?” she asked.

  “Perhaps next year,” he said. “I have an internship lined up with Senator Emerson this coming semester.”

  “Well, I see that you really have a passion for following in your parents’ footsteps, Chase. Good for you.”

  “I do, Senator. I have a legacy to keep up.”

  “You do,” she replied. Then she looked at me, who’d been sitting there silently and trying not to be too distracted with the other thoughts in my head. “And who is this lovely young lady?”

  “This is my beautiful girlfriend, Taylor First. You know of the First US Trade International.”

  “I’m very familiar with that name. Some of our best historical treasures in the White House and Smithsonian were obtained through them.”

  “Thank you,” I said, beaming. I didn’t realize how prestigious my small family business was and it made me feel proud to be a part of it. Growing up, I didn’t really paid attention.

  After Senator Wilson left, Chase called the waiter over to get the bill. He leaned in to me. “We can’t seem to get any privacy in this restaurant. I should have told you this place was the hub of politics and heated debates. I had thought you knew that so I didn’t question your choice.”

  “I chose it because I saw it once when I went to the Smithsonian,” I said.

  “With Salvatore?” Chase asked with a frown.

  “No, to drop off some documents for my father. It just seemed like a good place to meet.”

  “Let’s continue this conversation further,” Chase said. “I wish you would have let me drive you, Taylor.”

  “I know, but…”

  “You wanted to be cautious. I understand and I also know the perfect place we can go for a bit of peace and quiet.”

  “That would be nice, Chase. Where is it?”

  “The front seat of my car,” he replied.

  My eyes must have widened because he added, “I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”

  “Okay then,” I said.

  We walked out to his car and I saw that he had the Lexus LS600 sedan, a sleek, black, beautiful machine that had power written all over it. It was the ultimate DC car.

  I was breathing in deeply, trying to gain the courage to tell Chase about Salvatore, but it was so hard. He took my silence as an opportunity to talk.

  “You know, when I asked you to go to Harvard, I know that it was sudden and selfish of me. I thought you would want to go and it would be a great opportunity for you. If you have doubts, I don’t want you to go. It’s just that we both worked so hard in high school to get there—as a team. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and you’ll be there, but you aren’t. That’s why I missed you so damn much this past year. It was so hard to adjust to. I am comm
itted to you, Taylor; all the way. For me, there isn’t anyone who can fill that void.”

  “It seems like you did a very good job,” I said, not wanting to let him off the hook.

  “It’s not the same and you know it,” Chase justified. “I put this all around good guy role on to fit into all these roles my parents and their friends want from me. I had to join the right fraternity and do stupid things guys do to fit in. That includes parties with sororities where you end up drunk, sleeping with any girl just to keep up. It’s bogus and all of it is going to stop, Tay. I’m going to refuse to do all those things and be the kind of decent guy you deserve for a boyfriend. You are what matters to me, not the others. Not my parents or frat brothers, none of them. I love you so much. I always have and it’s more than sex related. That’s incredible, of course, but it’s not everything. No other man will ever be able to love you and provide for you like I will.”

  “Chase…”

  He cut me off once again and continued talking.

  “Did you know that my mother and your mother are already talking about grandkids? I know it is early, but the scare your mother had with your father’s heart attack made her realize, them realize, how much they wanted to see you get married and have children.”

  Chase blew out a breath and I was holding my breath.

  “Tay, I know it’s a lot of pressure. But if it’ll make you happy and it’ll make your parents happy, I will do anything to make that happen for you and for them. Anything.”

  “And you? Will it make you happy?” I asked softly, now captivated by his words.

  Chase grabbed my hands and began to kiss the tops of them gently. “I can’t imagine a future without you, Tay. Yes, it would make me happy, too.”

  I realized in that moment how much was riding on Chase’s and my relationship. Did I love Salvatore enough to throw away the dreams and aspirations that our parents had for us? I didn’t know if I could do that and for once in my life I was so happy that he didn’t ask what I was feeling because I wasn’t sure that those things made me happy—at that moment.