Lily sat up and pummelled the pillow before landing back on it. She should be angry – no, she should be bloody furious with him for what he just pulled. They’d shared a connection last night, and she wasn’t just talking about the hot sex. There had been something deeper, and yet this morning he hightailed it out of here like she was a pariah.
She’d caught a look in his eyes that made her think there was more to it than the obvious – we had great sex and now I’m outta here. There had been a flash of pain when he’d turned away from her.
So the question was, if distancing himself from Lily caused him pain, why was he doing it?
Normally such a spectacular rejection would make Lily roll up in a ball and let every single one of her old fears feed on her soul, internal taunts of not being good enough or pretty enough immobilising her. But not today. A tiny voice inside said that Flynn needed her, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. That is, once she managed to rein in her seething anger …
Lily pushed back the covers and got out of bed. Grabbing her Chinese silk dressing-gown from the end of the bed and slipping it on, she twisted the tie into a bow before heading to the kitchen in search of coffee.
Flynn might have just walked out of her room but she’d be damned if she was going to let him walk out of her life. He was hiding something from her and she had every intention of finding out what it was.
Instead of going on her morning run, Lily treated herself to a leisurely breakfast of toast, marmalade and a couple of cups of steaming coffee before taking a luxuriously long shower. She allowed her mind to wander over the previous night with Flynn and relive how his touch made her feel. Furious or not, she wasn’t about to let him cast her aside because he was scared of something. No, she was going to confront him and find out what the hell was going on.
Lily wrapped the thick lilac towel around her as she made her way to her wardrobe and opened the door. The only way to face a situation like this was with a fabulous frock and some bright red lipstick.
***
Flynn unloaded the chainsaw from the back of the ute. He’d been checking the firebreaks on the northern boundary, refilling the water troughs and mentally kicking himself all morning. Not even halfway back from Lily’s house this morning it dawned on him that he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. He’d let his fear overpower him and it could just have cost him everything because, let’s face it, he’d acted like a complete dickhead.
Flynn leant against the side of the ute and let out a sigh. In a stupid moment he’d allowed all the shit from the past to come and steal away his future. Damn it, he wouldn’t blame Lily if she never spoke to him again. In her eyes, he’d be lower than a snake – maybe even lower than that guy she used to be with. Ever since Lily had returned to Violet Falls he’d wanted her to be with him. And then when she finally was, he made love to her and then ran as fast as he could to get away. When did he turn into such an arsehole?
He ran his hands through his hair. He had to fix this, but how?
Flynn picked up the chainsaw and headed to the shed. Just as he was opening the door he heard the crunch of tyres on the gravel drive. Spinning around he saw Lily’s little red car driving up to the house.
His whole body tensed. She was here. That had to be a good sign … didn’t it?
Lily stopped the car and got out. Her white dress sprinkled with red roses was cinched in at the waist, the skirt skimming her knees. But it was how she carried herself that caught his attention.
Flynn’s mouth went dry. God, she was amazing.
She slammed the car door shut and marched towards him.
‘You and I are going to talk.’ There was a fire in her step and a look of determination on her face.
‘Lily, sweetheart, I’m sorry about this morning. I was a jerk.’ He held up his hands in surrender.
‘Yes, you really were,’ she said as she stopped in front of him. Her hands rested on her hips and she glared at him from over her sunglasses.
Flynn moved towards her but she took a step back. He frowned; this could be more difficult than he thought. All he wanted to do was hold her but he’d screwed it all up and didn’t know what to do. He’d be lucky if she ever let him near her again.
‘Just hold it right there, mister. I heard the apology, but I think we need to talk about this. Just answer my question truthfully: do you want us to stop seeing each other?’
Flynn shook his head. ‘No, I don’t – not at all. What happened this morning was … can we just forget about it and pretend it never happened?’
‘Maybe … but I still think we need to clear the air,’ she said. ‘What you did this morning was just plain cold, Flynn. I didn’t think you had that in you.’
Flynn noticed she’d lost some of her stiffness. ‘I know and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I promise it’ll never happen again.’
‘And why should I believe that?’
‘Because I want it to be true – it is true, and I need a second chance so I can prove it. Please, Lily, come inside and we can talk about anything you want. Let’s get out of the heat.’
‘I’m fine where I am.’
‘Please …’ He reached out and took her hand; at least she didn’t pull away.
Lily was silent for a moment as she stared up at him. She was conflicted, he could see it in her face.
‘Oh, all right – but I expect some answers.’
Lily walked beside him, her hand still firmly in his. He led her into the house and across the cool slate floors to the living room; the temperature inside was easily ten degrees lower than outside. He let go of her hand and she wandered over to the large windows that overlooked the gully and Landoc Creek. For a couple of minutes she didn’t say a damn thing, and Flynn felt the tension in the room rise.
‘So how do I know you’re not going to treat me like you have every other girl you’ve gone out with?’ she finally asked. ‘Is what happened this morning indicative of how you end all of your relationships?’
‘No, you’re wrong. I swear that you’re wrong. Shit, Lily, I’m really sorry. I won’t treat you like the other girls because you’re nothing like them and I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. This is different.’
‘How?’
‘I don’t know, but it is.’
Lily turned around and faced him. ‘From what I’ve been told, you don’t do relationships. Once there is a chance of having something, you skip out as fast as you can.’
‘You’re right, that’s what’s happened in the past,’ Flynn said as he slowly made his way over to her. ‘It’s about now that I start to feel all panicky and hemmed in, but I don’t feel that way with you.’
Lily raised a questioning eyebrow but remained silent.
‘Oh okay, maybe for a second this morning I panicked, but I was already kicking myself for being a bloody idiot before I even got home, and that’s never happened before.’
‘Why do you think that is?’
‘I can’t explain it. All I know is that I want to be with you. And when we’re not together, you’re constantly in my head.’ He closed the gap between them and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her slightly towards him. ‘I suppose that in the past, I’ve always wanted to end a relationship before it really takes hold.’
Lily put her hand on his chest and looked up through her lashes at him. Flynn swallowed hard – all he wanted to do was kiss her and hold her to his heart.
‘But why, Flynn? Why would you sabotage yourself?’
‘I guess … I guess it all comes down to protecting myself. God, I don’t know, Lily – I’m not very good at this sort of shit.’
‘I think you’re doing fine. But how does running away from a commitment protect you?’
Flynn let out a world-weary sigh and shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘Because I end it before it becomes serious and I fall in love with them.’
‘That’s a pretty lonely way to live, never allowing yourself to be emotionally availa
ble,’ she said as she reached up and draped her arms over his shoulders.
‘Jeez, Lily, where the hell do you come up with crap like that?’
‘It’s not crap, and don’t change the subject. Why do you think you run?’
‘Did you just turn into my shrink?’
‘Nope, I’m just trying to understand.’
‘I reckon there’s a long line for that – maybe you had better take a number.’ He grinned, but the bitterness in his voice was evident. He tried to cover it up by bending down and dropping a kiss on her lips.
‘You can tell me, Flynn. You need to tell me, so I can understand.’
‘It’s all rolled up with a whole lot of old hurts that are better off forgotten.’
‘That might be true, but the problem is you haven’t forgotten them, have you? Maybe it’s time to put them to rest.’
He was silent for a second as the past pushed through his carefully constructed barriers and threatened to swamp him. He stared beyond Lily into the distance as the old injuries started to prick and bleed all over again.
‘My mother deserted me,’ he finally began, haltingly. ‘I don’t know why, maybe she just couldn’t handle being that young and having a baby. Maybe she just didn’t want me. She left me with my grandmother, and maybe she thought she was doing the best thing for me. Guess I’ll never know because she never came back. In my grandmother’s eyes I was nothing more than a mistake and an embarrassment. I was something that had to be tolerated … barely. My grandmother never let me forget that I was a bastard, a dirty mistake that should never have happened. My mother couldn’t love me and my grandmother never wanted to. I guess I started thinking that if that was the case, why would anyone else ever want to?’
‘Oh, Flynn,’ Lily said as she pulled him closer and held him tight.
‘So I leave before anyone else has the chance to. If I keep things light and fun then no one will get hurt.’
‘Flynn, that’s no way to live. You’re cheating yourself out of love and happiness and a future. You deserve to have those things – everyone does.’
‘I didn’t think so; my grandmother had drummed that into me ever since I was old enough to understand. I never really believed that anyone would want me or love me. But I guess that changed a bit when the McKellans pulled me kicking and screaming into their family. They showed me what a real family could be like, and for the first time I felt that I belonged somewhere.’
‘But you didn’t try to do the same in your love life?’
‘Baby, before I met you I didn’t have a love life, not really. For the first time, I don’t want to push away and run. I want to stay and take a chance on something that I’ve never had before. I think I could fall in love with you, Lily Beckett, and I reckon I should hang around and find out. You say that you’re worried that I’ll treat you like the others but the truth is that I’m also terrified that you’ll leave me.’
Lily pushed up on her tiptoes and whispered against his mouth. ‘I swear, I’m not going anywhere.’
He held onto her and the minutes slipped by. ‘Good, because I’m pretty sure that I can’t give you up,’ he said before he kissed her. The tension inside him released and for a few precious moments he allowed himself to be engulfed by Lily’s presence. Her lips moved beneath his. The kiss was warm and drew him in. Careful not to break contact, he lifted her feet off the ground and her arms locked behind his neck.
Lily pulled back as Flynn headed out of the lounge room.
‘Where are we going?’
‘Upstairs. Is that a problem?’
Lily wound her legs around Flynn’s hips and grinned. ‘No problem at all.’
***
Lily knew that something was up as soon as she walked into the kitchen. A week had passed since she made up with Flynn, and all she wanted right now was some juice and maybe a couple of slices of toast, but it looked as if breakfast was going to come with a lecture on the side. Her stomach grumbled as she took a breath and waited for Violet’s displeasure.
‘We need to talk,’ Violet said as she leant back against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms. ‘This business with Flynn. Is it serious?’
Lily stifled a sigh. ‘Yes, it is.’
‘And you think it’s going to be okay?’ Violet asked with a frown.
‘Well, I hope so, but as I’ve told you before, none of us get any guarantees. That is, except for you and Mac – you two are going to be happily in love even when you’re both a hundred and five.’
Violet smiled. ‘And beyond.’
‘There you go. But as for Flynn and me, well, I don’t know, but there’s no point you stressing over it. It is what it is and that’s enough for now.’ Lily headed to the fridge and yanked open the door.
‘Lily, I think we should discuss this.’
‘Oh for goodness sake, we did – we are. God, Violet, just stop,’ Lily said as she grabbed the juice from the fridge. ‘I’m not a little girl – I’m an adult who is perfectly capable of making my own decisions.’
‘But Lily—’
‘No buts, okay? We’ve already talked about this. I know that you love me and want to look out for me but who I see isn’t up for discussion.’
‘I just don’t want you to get hurt.’
Lily poured herself a drink. ‘I get that, I really do. But this is my life, and because of that I get to make the decisions. I’m not going to stop seeing Flynn because my big sister told me to.’
Violet opened her mouth but after a moment’s hesitation she closed it again. She uncrossed her arms and held up her hands. ‘Okay, it’s your call. I won’t say another word about it.’
‘Really? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve said that before,’ Lily replied tersely as she reached for her glass.
Violet sighed. ‘I know. It’s just sometimes I forget that you’re an adult. I tend to see you permanently as fifteen.’
‘Great – you mean with puppy fat and pimples?’
‘No, it’s just …’
Lily walked over to Violet and put her arm around her. ‘I get it – you did an amazing job of bringing me up and protecting me when we ran away all those years ago. You’ve always been there for me and I love you for it, you know that.’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I want you to be proud of me and give me your blessing in most of the big stuff, but you can’t help who you fall in love with – you know that better than anyone.’
‘You’re right, you’re right, I’m backing away now. I won’t offer any advice on this matter – that is, until you ask me, of course,’ Violet added with a grin.
Lily chuckled. ‘You just don’t give up, do you?’
‘Nope, that’s what sisters are for. So, what are your plans for the day?’
‘We’re fitting out the storeroom today. Which means Johnno and Kev are building shelves and clothes racks and I’m supervising. After that, I’m having a quick lunch with Jill and Hailey before spending the rest of the night sewing.’
‘Fitting out, huh? I thought Johnno was just doing the kitchen and bathroom for you?’
‘That was the original plan, but with the roof leaking, rotten beams and getting rid of graffiti, I thought, hey, this is costing me a fortune already so what’s a few more shelves?’
‘Are you over budget?’
‘Oh, yeah. Let’s just say I’ll be filling up helium balloons and dragging around floral arrangements at your events for some time,’ Lily said with a grin.
‘I can always use the help.’
‘A good thing for me. So what’s on your agenda for today?’
‘I’m here all day. I’ve got to plan out a couple of functions and finally pin down the last details for the Edmonds’ party. Oh, and Holly and I will be over at Mac’s tonight, so you’ll have the place to yourself.’
‘Okay. Listen, there may be a few parcels that turn up today. I’ve been doing a little online therapy.’
‘Ooh, anything interesting?’
‘No
t really, it’s just some stuff for the shop. There’s a little bit of jewellery and a few decorations, just to give the shop a lift,’ Lily said with a shrug. ‘I’d better get moving – I’m meant to be meeting Johnno at the shop by eight.’
‘See you later then.’
‘Yep, have a good day,’ Lily said as she hurried past Violet, snagging a piece of her toast as she went.
‘Hey! Get your own.’
Lily gave her a grin. ‘Sorry, haven’t got time.’
Chapter 17
Lily frowned as she slipped through the back gate of the shop. It was sitting slightly ajar and she was almost a hundred per cent certain she’d closed it last night. She peered down and took a closer look at the latch; it didn’t seem to be broken. With a shake of her head, she straightened up and headed towards the back door. She must have forgotten, that’s all.
She’d almost reached the door when her shoes crunched on something.
‘What the …?’
Glass lay shattered over the back step. It was only then, looking up, that she saw the windows on the bottom level of the shop had been broken. She raised her head further: the first floor window was still intact but it looked like it had a crack in it.
Bloody hell! This vandalism thing had to stop.
Lily dug into her handbag and pulled out her phone.
‘Hi, this is Lily Beckett. I think someone’s tried to break into my shop.’ Lily paused for a minute. ‘Um, hang on, I’ll check.’
She walked over and pushed against the door but it was still locked. ‘Hello? No, the back windows have been broken but the door seems to be okay,’ she said as she glanced inside through one of the smashed panes. ‘I can’t be sure, but it looks like everything is still there – maybe vandalism rather than a break-in … Okay, thanks, see you soon.’
Lily blew out an exasperated sigh as the back gate swung open and Johnno came striding in.
‘Hey, Lily,’ he called out as he came closer.
‘Hey. Looks like we’ve got a bit of a problem.’
‘Yeah? What’s that?’
‘Someone doesn’t like my windows.’
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