by J. L. Drake
“Any siblings?”
“Ah, yeah a brother. He is seven years older.”
“Are you close?”
“No.”
“That’s too bad.”
“No, it’s not.”
I moved to steal more of his warmth. “Where was he when you were growing up?”
“If he wasn’t beating on me, he was gambling in some back alley. He still gets himself in shit because of it. He’s addicted.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is.” He shrugged. “Manuel is dangerous.”
“Do you see him much anymore?”
He licked his lips. “Unfortunately, yes.”
I wanted to ask more, but I decided against it. I didn’t need to push too much on a topic that was obviously touchy.
“Where’s your mom now?”
“What about you?” He dodged my question.
Oh, boy.
“Umm, born and raised, well, all over the U.S.”
“Military family?” I nodded. “That explains why you used my rank so much.” I smiled because I didn’t even realize I had.
“One brother, but he’s not around right now, and I’m not overly close with my parents anymore. They weren’t exactly happy that I ‘settled for’ nursing school. I wanted to be a nurse in the Army, but my father forbid it. He says it’s no place for a woman.” I shrugged. “I think he’s scared at what I might see. To be honest, I was terrified to join. I just wanted him to stop caring whether I became a doctor or not. It only backfired on him. He just never understood I wanted to be a nurse.”
He kissed each one of my fingers. “So what brought you to North Dakota?”
“Kenny,” I whispered.
“Who is he to you?”
I blinked back the pain that came with this topic. A clap of thunder boomed, and I grabbed Mark’s arm.
“Scarier than it really is.” He kissed my head and tucked me in closer. The rain beat against the windows, the sound swirling around the room. “Reminds me of a storm a few years back,” he began. “Cole and I were in a trench in Mexico. We had to watch this house that was holding our target. It started pouring around six at night, and we were literally in a pool of mud after about an hour. The storm was so intense we could barely hear one another, even when we were side by side. Couldn’t even hear the sound of our bullets. We sat there for nine hours before we could make our move.”
I gently kissed his chest. I knew he wasn’t allowed to share things, yet he was. It made me feel special, but also a bit guilty.
“Was your target okay?”
He paused a beat. “Yeah, that one was.”
“I’m sorry your last trip was so awful.”
I felt him swallow hard. “That one will stay with me for a while.”
Butters jumped up and lay across our feet.
Mark hugged me. “This is nice.”
“At the risk of pushing you too far, can I ask one more question?”
His sigh wasn’t lost on me. “Okay.”
I shifted and pulled back the blanket. He let me run my fingers run along the deep gash.
“What—”
His face fell, and this time he didn’t hide it. “My mother had a lot of boyfriends. I was five when the first guy tried to make a move on me.”
I stilled.
“I had found a hunting knife in the woods one time, and I kept it by my nightstand for protection. You know that saying, if you have a gun in your house, you’re more likely to get shot yourself? Well, I fought him off the first time, but the second time he came back, he decided to inflict pain instead. With my defense against him.”
“Did any of them ever…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.
“No,” he his tone was clipped, though he sounded a million miles away. “When they’d come over, I’d find somewhere else to be. Let’s just say Abigail did more than just save me from my mother.”
I rested my head on his chest and held him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Mark.”
After some time, he wrapped his hand in mine. “Me too.”
***
Mark
“Get up and get moving.” Manuel kicked my side. My eyes opened, and I squinted at him above me, his arms folded. “Go get food.”
“I’m tired,” I complained, struggling to get to my feet. My dirty mattress on the floor was wearing down, which made my back sore.
“Did I ask how you were? You have five minutes to get out before Mom wakes and sees you’re still here.”
My boots were still wet from being out in the snow last night. This sucked. My jacket was barely a windbreaker and not meant for the snow that was coming down fast. With my hands in my pockets, I looked over at my mother passed out in her normal spot.
The snowdrifts were up to my knees. Ice formed around my ankles, but I didn’t mind. It only fueled me to keep moving from door to door.
My muscles burned, my fingertips were numb, and my ears pulsed with a deep ache.
I didn’t have to guess who was in the black SUV as the window descended.
“Marcus?” Abigail called out as she leaned over Cole’s body. “What are you doing out on a night like this, honey?”
I shrugged, embarrassed she caught me out here again.
Her face fell. “Hop in. A storm is coming.”
Abigail dropped me off at home later with fresh clothes, boots, a pot full of hot soup, and rolls.
The snow came down harder, blinding my route back to our trailer. Finally, after serval minutes, I tugged on the handle, but it was locked.
“Momma?” I knocked on the door. “Are you in there?”
Nothing.
“Manuel!” I called out. “I have food, but the door is locked.”
Nothing.
I set the pot down and removed my mittens. “Momma! Manuel!” I cleared the snow away and peeked through the glass. Mom wasn’t on the couch, and Manuel’s door was closed.
Wading through the snow, I worked my way over to the back and crawled up onto the propane tank.
Inching forward, I looked in Manuel’s room. Sure enough, he was passed out on his bed with a joint stuck between two fingers.
I knocked loudly, but he didn’t budge. “Manuel!”
With a push, I jumped into a pile of snow and worked my way back to the front. Where was Mom?
The wind picked up, blowing everything around me. I grabbed the hot pot and went under the trailer.
With my body curled close to the now warm steel, I weathered the storm. I had never been colder or more alone than in that moment. How could you forget about your own son and leave him out in a snowstorm?
***
My hand brushed over the cold sheets until I found her. With a hook of my arm, I slid her over to me. She stirred but didn’t wake.
Another hour of sleep felt good, and I woke to her still next to me. I tugged the blankets off as if this was the first time I laid eyes on her. Her skin was fair, with only a few freckles along the base of her neck. Her back was to me, and I watched as the morning light cast over her curves.
I loved that she slept naked; it gave me time to study her.
With my hands placed at the small of her back, I dragged them up her spine and over her shoulders. She moaned as I started massaging her muscles.
“Ohh,” she purred, “you’re never leaving.”
I chuckled and worked my thumbs in circles. “How sore are you?”
She shrugged, and I let the topic be. “You talk in your sleep.” She stretched her neck so I could inch up further.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Something about being alone.”
My hands stopped. She turned to see my face. I propped up on one arm and looked down at her.
Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry.”
I shook the dark feeling back, but I knew she saw it. She brushed her hand over my morning stubble.
“You’re not alone, Mark.” Her voice was low, and I could tell she made sure she treaded ca
refully. “You have your family—Cole, Abigail, and Savannah.”
“And?”
Her lips turned up on one side. “And me.”
“Do I?”
Her smile faded as she studied me. “Yeah, you do.”
I leaned down and caught her lips. “Good.” Her lips were warm as I deepened the kiss. “Have I ever told you my secret?”
Her eyes lit up.
“I’ve never told anyone this.”
“Okay.”
I moved her so she was flat on her back and gazed down at her sleepy eyes. I waited a beat before I ripped the covers off her.
“Mark!” she shouted, coiling into a tiny ball. “You’re so mean!” She batted me away as I blew cold air on her. “You’re going to pay for this!”
“Bring it, doll!” I called out as she stomped off to the shower. “You’re so sexy when you’re mad.”
She flipped me the bird as she shut the door. Of course, this made me laugh even harder.
I headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. Butters wove in between my legs, his big blue eyes begging me to take him out for a pee. The shower was still running, so I grabbed the lead and hurried out to the elevator.
“Come on, man, there’s a perfectly good tree right there.” I pointed to the frosty trunk. “Lift and release.” The temperature had dropped from yesterday, and I was thankful I brought my heavy sweater. “Do your business so we can leave.” Butters had his nose stuck on something under the park bench. “Countdown is on, little man.”
When he still didn’t listen, I went over to see what he was after. I bent down just as his tongue went out to lick the yellow liquid.
“Wow.” I lifted him around the waist so he wouldn’t touch it. “What the hell?” I stuck the spot with my finger and smelled it. “Shit.” There was no reason for antifreeze to be in this private building’s little park. I quickly grabbed the hose and diluted it the best I could. Butters finally went to the bathroom and we went back inside.
“Butters sucker you in for a walk?” Mia asked with her back to me. Her purple panties and braless tank made me stare.
She yelped when I ran my cold hands across her belly.
“Mark!” She tried to get away, but it wasn’t gonna happen.
“When you wear this,” my hand moved up under her warm breast, “I am not responsible for my actions.” I stiffened and stared at what she held in front of her. “Where did you get those?”
“Oh,” she bent to open the oven, “my new neighbor-slash-manager brought them by. They look good, don’t they?”
“I don’t want any.”
She turned to face me. “Why?”
My mouth went dry when I saw the chocolate macaroons. They were the same ones my mother used to make, the same ones she “accidentally” laced with pot on my birthday.
“Not hungry.”
She made a face. “Why are you lying?”
I cleared my throat as I leaned back against the counter. “Brings back some nasty memories.”
“Okay.” She picked up the tray and dumped the whole container in the trash. “No more bad memories.”
I took her hand and brought her to stand in front of me. “Thank you.”
“You hungry?” She raised an eyebrow knowingly.
“Starved.”
“Good.” She laughed as she headed for her dresser. “Because after last night’s workout, I need some carbs.”
“Stock up, honey,” I warned.
We walked to a mom and pop shop down the road, where a small table in front of the window was free. I noticed Mia left her scarf on after she removed her coat.
“Good morning,” the waitress greeted us. “Can I offer you coffee or juice?”
“Both,” we answered at the same time.
With a quick glance out the window, I had to ask. “Tell me something, does anyone work on their cars near the park at your building?”
“No, not that I’ve ever seen.”
“Hmm.” I thanked the waitress for the coffee. “When I went out this morning, Butters found antifreeze under the bench by the tree.”
Her head shot up from her menu. “Did he drink any?”
“No, I stopped him before he did.”
“Jesus.” She flipped her hair out of her face. “That doesn’t make any sense. There’s no way to get a car in there, anyway.”
“That was my thought. I’ll speak to your landlord later.”
“Okay.” She nodded then looked outside. “Winter is coming in fast.” I noticed her hand went to her neck.
“You going to visit Kenny today?”
Her eyes moved to mine. “Not sure yet.”
“You sure go above and beyond for your patients, Mia.” She didn’t say anything. “Dr. Evans doesn’t have time? What is wrong with the boy, anyway? We didn’t get to that last night.”
Her neck muscles strained as she covered her mouth. I took her hand to let her know she could talk to me about it.
“He has CJD.”
“Oh, shit.” I had heard of it. I rubbed my forehead with my free hand. Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease would be a horrible way to go. It was mad cow disease for humans, making the brain look like a sponge when the nerves started to die.
“But CJD mostly occurs in older people.”
“Hereditary. Turned out his grandfather tested positive for the genetic mutation. Kenny’s case is extreme. They said they’ve never seen it in someone so young and have it attack so fast.”
“Jesus.”
“He’s had it for five months, and his hallucinations hit hard.” She stared out the window as she spoke. “His mother, Kiley, was my best friend. She died a year and a half ago from a head injury. Kenny’s father never stuck around, and her parents never wanted anything to do with him.” She paused to pick up her napkin and wiped the corner of her eye. “I was all she had, and she made me promise to look after him. She was the best friend I had in the world.” Her throat contracted. “And I can’t keep my promise to her.”
“Hey,” I held her hand tighter, “you couldn’t have stopped him getting that disease.”
She nodded, but I could see her guilt weighed her down.
“Doesn’t make it easier, though.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I shook my head at the waitress when she made eye contact with me. “So, that’s why he calls you Mom?”
“He’s seeing her. We looked a lot alike. We were best friends since we were six, and we spent a lot of time at each other’s houses. I loved her like a sister. I couldn’t let her down. If it brings her son any small bit of happiness, until the end, I will put my life on hold for him.”
“Why isn’t he somewhere he can get proper care?”
She gave me a sad smile. “I don’t have custody of him. Her brother does. All Edison sees is a cash cow from the state. Whenever Kenny gets really bad, he just dumps him at the hospital. Once he’s stable, he takes him home again, but I doubt he gives a damn about him. He doesn’t even visit.”
“Is that why you moved here?”
She let out a long breath and nodded. “Yeah, when I found out where Edison lived, and there was a position open nearby, I took it to keep an eye on Kenny.”
“What do your parents think of the whole situation?”
She turned her cup in her hands. “They’ve known Kenny since he was baby, and they know what has happened to him, but they think I’m wasting my life worrying about him.” Her chin quivered before she cupped her mouth. “He’s just a boy who lost his mother and was robbed of a life. How do you let that go? How can you just walk away? If it was me in that position, I wouldn’t want people to give up on me. I know there’s still a part of him that knows what’s going on.” She saw the expression I hadn’t realized was showing. “What?”
“Sorry.” I kissed her hand before I let her go. “You’re just a really good person.”
“I’d trade that in for Kenny to have his life back.”
“I know.” I signaled the waitress to bring our
check.
That evening, after a long walk, we swapped more stories and enjoyed dinner at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant.
It was dark, and the wind swirled the freshly fallen snow into a glitter storm. With Mia’s hand in mine, we walked down the street toward her apartment. The day had been fun, but I could tell she was tired now. She finally took her painkillers when I pointed out it was hurting her when she spoke. She joked about the fact there was pocket fluff on the pills when I handed them to her, but she accepted them and managed to swallow them.
When I saw the gate was still open and the street was clear, I tugged her arm to follow.
“Where are we going, Mark?”
“Over here.” I let her enter the park first. It was empty except for a man with his dog, and they were leaving. I stopped when we were a few feet inside the woods. “Look up.”
She leaned her head back and saw the frosted treetops sparkle under the light of the moon.
“Wow.” She grinned. “It’s beautiful.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her close, I bent down and whispered, “Close your eyes.”
“Okay.” She wiggled against me.
My lips touched her cold cheek. “Do you hear that?”
Her head twitched slightly. “No.”
“Exactly,” I sighed. “It’s perfect.”
Her arms covered mine, and we stood there enjoying a rare moment when nothing mattered but the two of us.
I rested my cheek against her hair and started to hum my one of my favorite Christmas carols, one Abigail used to sing to Cole and me when we were tucked in bed. “Oh, Holy Night.” Mia turned in my arms, tucked one arm inside my jacket, and held my hand with the other. She started to sway to the music, her head falling to my chest with a happy sigh.
Right here, right now, this was why I fought so hard to keep the darkness out. I would not let my past jade me.
With a step back, I raised her hand and gave her a spin, and then I dipped her low. I pulled her back up with ease, but stopped to give her a kiss.
***
“Do you like the safe house?” Mia asked in a sleepy voice. We’d been in bed for an hour by now, and this was the first time we’d actually stopped touching each other.