Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

  ‘This thing has really gotten under your skin, hasn’t it?’ Alex said, faintly amused, but decidedly curious as to why her new friend was being so dogged about finding this couple. ‘So what did this one say?’

  ‘Not a whole lot. Just some more about how sorry he is, and how much he misses her. He just sounds so apologetic Alex, and the way he talks about her…it’s obvious that he still really loves her.’

  OK, so there was clearly a lot more going on with this girl than she was letting on, Alex pondered, and she certainly hadn’t moved here just for the weather.

  ‘Well then, we’ll do what we can to find them, but let’s just work with what we’ve got for the moment, OK? This woman down in Monterey could very well be the person we’re looking for, and I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to have to explain why we’re passing on a box of fully opened mail.’

  ‘I won’t read any more, I promise.’

  ‘So what do you think about taking a trip down there anyway? We could take the coast road, and I could show you some of the real California.’

  ‘It does sound lovely.’ Despite her misgivings about meeting Helena, she could tell Leonie was sorely tempted by the prospect.

  ‘I’m seeing Jon again this weekend, so probably best to wait for when Ms Abbott’s back from vacation. It could very well just be another dead end, but if it is, so what? It’d still be fun, wouldn’t it?’

  Leonie nodded enthusiastically. ‘OK then, you’re on,’ she said with a grin.

  Chapter 13

  My love,

  You must be getting tired of these letters by now, but I guess I just can’t help myself. Things can get kind of lonely around here, and it’s good to have somebody to… well not to talk to exactly, but someone who is better able to understand. The other guys are nice enough and I’ve made one or two friends, but in reality, I guess all we have in common is that we’re in this together. And, somehow that makes us friends.

  It doesn’t stop me missing you though, and wishing that I’d made a different choice. I know I should have listened to you, should have understood what you were trying to tell me. But I know there’s no point in saying that now…

  Nathan opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Today was his birthday, he realised suddenly.

  Not that it mattered. He wouldn’t be celebrating it; hadn’t celebrated it in years. What was there to celebrate? Birthday or not, there hadn’t been a whole lot to get excited about in a very long time, and it was difficult to differentiate this birthday from any other.

  He smiled. Even more difficult to differentiate today from any other day.

  He wondered if anyone would notice the date and realise its significance. Unlikely. Most people had long since forgotten about him; that was for sure.

  Helena would have remembered of course. Nathan smiled. She used to make such a fuss over him, especially on days like today.

  Well, they always made a fuss of each other on special occasions, really. Crazy old romantics, the two of them. At least they were back in the good old days, each in turn going to so much trouble to make things special on big occasions like birthdays or Christmas… any occasion at all.

  Nathan’s mouth tightened as these happy memories wormed their way back into his consciousness. He shouldn’t allow himself to think about these things, couldn’t allow himself. No good ever came of it, he should know that by now. But yet he couldn’t help it. That last birthday they’d spent together had definitely been the best, the one just before …everything went crazy. Nathan shook his head wistfully.

  He wondered if she’d got the note he’d sent her recently, and if so, what she’d thought about it. He wasn’t sure why he’d done that really, it wasn’t as if –

  ‘Breakfast, rise and shine!’ A voice calling out in the distance brought him back to the here and now.

  Hearing stirring noises nearby he realised that the others were already up and raring to go so he’d better get a move on too. He stretched languidly before getting up, Helena still on his mind.

  And although he thought her about all the time these days, Nathan knew well that – birthday or no birthday – it was pointless thinking or reminiscing about his beloved Helena and the life they’d had, a life they’d hoped would always include the other.

  How stupid they’d been.

  ***

  Leonie was so excited she could hardly contain herself. It was the following Saturday morning and she and Alex were downstairs inside the house’s dusty garage readying her car for their trip down the coast.

  Monterey was a couple of hours drive from San Francisco, so in order to make the most of their time there they’d planned to stay overnight and travel back to the city the following afternoon.

  ‘So what do you think?’ Alex asked, revving up the engine, and while Leonie wasn’t really into cars, she couldn’t help but be impressed by this one, a sleek black vehicle that looked to be some kind of American sports-car.

  ‘It’s very cool,’ she replied. ‘What kind of car is it?’

  ‘What kind of car…?’ Alex looked insulted. ‘This, my friend is a 78 King Cobra Mustang.’

  ‘O-K.’ Predictably this went right over Leonie’s head. Strange, she hadn’t pegged Alex as the petrol-head type.

  ‘Beautiful isn’t she?’ her friend said, running her hand admiringly along the doorframe. ‘You wouldn’t believe how long it took us find her – or get her back to her former glory.’

  ‘Us?’ she repeated but Alex had already sat inside and was raring to go. Well, Leonie thought, getting in beside her, however long the car took to restore, she hoped to God it was up to scratch, because it had just hit her that in order to get out of San Francisco, they would have to negotiate its scary vertiginous rolling hills.

  ‘Um, when was the last time you took this out?’ she asked Alex nervously, as the car rattled along Green Street.

  ‘Relax, just give her a chance to warm up,’ her friend admonished, as she crossed Union Street before taking a very tight left onto Van Ness Ave. There, and much to Leonie’s horror, they were immediately faced with one of those impossibly steep and absolutely terrifying downward slopes.

  Leonie gulped as they made their way down, and her knuckles whitened as gravity took over and the car began to zoom wildly down the seemingly unending hill. The height and distance from the bottom made it felt very much like riding a roller coaster, except for the fact that there was a series of a four-way intersections all the way down. And as they approached the first one, she prayed with all her heart that the Mustang’s brakes were sound, otherwise…

  ‘Arggh!’ she cried, covering her eyes when it looked like the car was about to career straight through the crossing without stopping.

  But at the very last millisecond, Alex jammed on the brakes. ‘Don’t you trust me?’ she teased wickedly as they waited their turn at the bottom of the hill. Then briefly checking that the way was clear she whizzed down the next slope in similar hair-raising style. Clearly, she was a fan of Steve McQueen.

  ‘Oh…my…God,’ By now, Leonie was almost expecting her life to start flashing in front of her. Why in the name of God had she agreed to get in a car with the likes of Alex, who clearly had some kind of death wish?

  But a couple of blocks later, the Mustang veered right and the torment was finally over. And when Leonie’s heart rate had returned to a relatively normal pace, she turned to look at Alex. ‘Please tell me that we won’t be driving on any more hills on the way,’ she begged. ‘I don’t think my heart can take it.’

  Alex was still grinning. ‘What, you didn’t like that? Come on, it was great! I’d forgotten how much fun it was actually, but going up is even better, so maybe on the way back we’ll -’

  ‘OK, I definitely think I want to get out now!’ Leonie exclaimed, only half-joking. ‘Or else you’ll have to drop me off at the hospital to be defibrillated.’

  ‘Don’t worry, it’s all plain sailing from here,’ Alex reassured her as they
left the city behind and headed south onto Route One, the fabled coastal highway that led along the cliffs to Monterey Bay.

  Alex was right; the views were amazing, and although visibility out to sea was party obscured by the intermittent fog rolling ethereally along the shoulders of the cliffs, it simply made the scenery all the more spectacular.

  After a half hour or so into the journey, Alex switched on the radio and immediately began singing along to an old Johnny Cash number, while Leonie sat back in silence and thought again about how much her life had changed – and in such a short space of time. She couldn’t help but wonder what Adam was doing at that moment and what he’d think if he could see her now, zooming along the highway in an old Mustang with a girl she’d barely just met. The two of them had clicked right from the beginning and already it felt like they were on the way to being very good friends. She bit her lip, wondering what Alex would think about what had happened back in Ireland. And although she was sure she would confide in her sometime in the future, there was no way she was ready to talk about it just yet.

  In truth, she was still flabbergasted at Grace’s news that Suzanne had moved in with him. What did that mean? And perhaps even more importantly, where did Andrea come into it? Well, it didn’t matter now, Leonie thought, stopping herself from thinking about it any further. All that was no longer any of her business, was it?

  Over an hour into their drive along the coast, the Mustang passed through a stunning area of marshland and hills.

  Then later up ahead in the distance she spotted a spectacularly beautiful circular bay nestled in the crook of an enormous peninsula. The fog had since receded, and the reflection of the clear midday sun glittered on the water, while sailboats dotted the length of the coast. ‘Monterey Bay,’ Alex told her. ‘It’s stunning, isn’t it?’

  ‘Amazing.’ Leonie was mesmerized.

  ‘You know, I’d almost forgotten how beautiful it looks,’ her friend continued, ‘I haven’t been down here for a long time.’

  As they headed further along the gentle curve of the coastline and rounded the bay, Leonie began to make out countless seabirds offshore, some diving down into the surf to catch their prey, others drifting majestically in the breeze.

  ‘So what are we going to do when we call to the studio?’ she asked Alex when they took the exit off the highway into the town. ‘I mean, what will happen if we do find Helena?’

  There was a side of her that desperately hoped the woman at the studio was the Helena they were looking for, yet another side of her hoped it wasn’t, as then she’d have to explain her reasoning for opening the letters. And who knew how the woman would react to that. With all this talk about felonies and suchlike, what if she wanted to call the cops?

  But Alex seemed very easygoing about the whole thing. ‘I guess first we’ll just have to see if it is her, then we can think about what happens after that.’

  Leonie definitely didn’t like the idea of just rolling up to the studio with no real plan in mind, but as Alex seemed to think it was the most effective way of doing things, she couldn’t really argue. It had been a lovely idea, and very generous of Alex to drive down here and show her around, and while Leonie was looking forward to seeing more of this beautiful place, the prospect of having to explain herself to the woman was nerve-wracking.

  They parked the car in a public car park in town and at Alex’s suggestion, decided to break for lunch in a shrimp place nearby before heading to the studio.

  Monterey’s Fisherman’s Wharf was full of seafood shacks and markets and looked to Leonie to be a sort of miniature version of the one in San Francisco. She was already spellbound by the beauty of the bay and would love to try one of the whale-watching trips being offered to tourists, but chances were they wouldn’t have the time.

  Having shared a basket of delicious fresh shrimp served with lime-juice and followed by a leisurely coffee, they got back in the car and headed for the photography studio, which was right in the heart of Cannery Row.

  The now-defunct sardine canning street in Monterey was now a homage to tourism, although as she and Alex made their way along the narrow streets, Leonie couldn’t help but admire the old historic canning factories, charming Victorian-type inns, and pretty shop-fronts dotted everywhere. As they walked, she kept stopping to window-shop in the variety of little cafés, chocolate shops and art galleries that dotted the roadside.

  Eventually they came to a stop in front of Cannery Row Photography.

  ‘Oh God,’ Leonie grimaced nervously once again. ‘I’m really not sure if it this is a good idea at all. I mean, what are we going to do, and how are we going to know if it’s the real Helena. I just don’t think I can…’

  ‘Relax, you don’t have to do anything,’ Alex reassured her. ‘You wait here and I’ll go in and ask a couple of questions, and then come back out and let you know what I think. Then, once we’re sure it’s her, we can decide where to go from there, OK?’

  ‘Right, sounds good.’ Leonie wasn’t really cut out for this kind of thing, and as much as she wanted to pass on the letters, she wasn’t really sure how best to approach this.

  ‘You’ll know if it’s her straightaway though, won’t you? Seeing as you were neighbours and everything.’

  Alex grimaced. ‘I wouldn’t count on it. I never really got a proper look at her, and it was some time ago. Who knows, maybe the face will ring a bell?’ she said before going into the studio.

  After a few minutes waiting outside, Leonie decided to find a shadier spot. The streets were busy and the afternoon sun hot and punishing, so she could do with some cooling down. She headed a little way down the street and out towards the coast, the light sea breeze giving her instant relief. After that, she couldn’t help but be drawn towards the waterfront, where the water sparkled prettily under the sunlight.

  Out on the horizon, and much to Leonie’s delight, she spotted what looked like a couple of seals basking lazily in the water, or was it sea otters? From this distance, she couldn’t be sure. Either way, the sight of them lying on their backs, lolling in the sunshine was wonderful to behold. Adam would have loved this; she mused, the thoughts of her ex drifting into her consciousness yet again.

  ‘Cute little guys aren’t they?’

  A male voice from nearby almost lifted her out of her skin and Leonie quickly discovered that she wasn’t alone. A little further along, someone else was watching the sea otters.

  A surfer, perhaps? He was barefoot and wearing a wetsuit, and with his hair slicked back from a sun-kissed and rather weather-beaten face, he looked as though he himself had just stepped out of the ocean.

  ‘They’re amazing,’ she replied, shaking her head in wonderment. The sea creatures had now disappeared from view back beneath the water, but she was still keeping her eyes peeled in the hope of a repeat performance.

  ‘You think that’s something, you should see what’s going on underneath,’ he said in the manner of someone who knew exactly what he was talking about, and Leonie realised that she’d been wrong in thinking he was a surfer. A scuba diver more like.

  ‘I can imagine,’ she said, wishing she could have the opportunity to dive here. She and Alex probably wouldn’t have time on this visit.

  ‘Have you been to the Aquarium?’ he asked then in a slightly accented drawl that Leonie couldn’t place.

  ‘Nope, I’m just on a flying visit, I’m afraid,’ she told him, explaining how she and Alex had just got here.

  ‘And how long are you guys staying?’

  ‘Just the one night, although we haven’t found anywhere to stay yet,’ she added just for something to say.

  ‘Well, isn’t that a shame,’ he replied, and Leonie couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard a hint of mischievousness in his tone. Was this guy flirting with her?

  Suddenly non-plussed, she reddened, unsure how to react. He was tall, very tanned and possibly blond although it was difficult to tell when his hair was so wet. There was no denying he was extreme
ly attractive too she noted, blushing even more. ‘I can recommend a couple of places if you like.’

  ‘Um, thanks but I’d better go back and find my friend,’ she muttered uneasily, moving away. ‘Oh… there she is now.’ To her immense relief, she spotted Alex heading towards them, looking distracted. ‘Alex, over here!’ she called out, and as her friend approached, she noticed the guy stop suddenly in his tracks.

  As did Alex.

  ‘Well, how did it go? Was she there or …’ the rest of Leonie’s sentence trailed off, as she realised that her friend was staring hard at the wetsuit guy, an unfathomable expression on her face.

  ‘Seth,’ she said, her tone measured.

  ‘Hey Alex,’ the guy said quietly. ‘It’s been a while.’

  Chapter 14

  OK, get a grip, Alex told herself. So Seth – of all people – had just materialised out of nowhere.

  ‘How are you doing Alex?’ he drawled easily, as if it was only yesterday since they’d last seen one other. And judging by poor Leonie’s rosy complexion and flushed demeanour, clearly he hadn’t changed a bit!

  ‘I’m doing just fine,’ she replied in a breezy tone, determined to match his relaxed attitude.

  Leonie looked from one to the other, as comprehension dawned. ‘Oh, you two know each other.’

  ‘Yep,’ Seth replied, while Alex just stood there, trying to figure the quickest way out of this.

  ‘So how was Florida?’ she found herself asking. ‘I heard you were down that way recently.’

  But according to her lawyer, clearly not for some time.

  ‘OK.’ He shrugged his bare shoulders in that careless offhand way that had always driven her nuts. In more ways than one. But damn it, he looked good and she couldn’t blame Leonie for getting flustered.