Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

  ‘What?’ she asked, standing back to let her inside.

  ‘Helena was married!’

  Alex was unmoved ‘So what?’ she shrugged, going back into the kitchen to resume making a tuna sandwich. ‘We already figured they were married.’

  ‘But according to this, not to Nathan.’

  That got her attention. ‘What?’ she repeated. ‘You’re kidding me.’

  ‘Nope,’ Leonie perched on the stool in front of Alex’s breakfast bar. ‘It’s all here in this letter. I don’t know why I always assumed that they were married to one another; I never for one second thought that were having an affair!’ She looked at Alex. ‘So now we know we’ve been wasting our time. There was never any point in looking for Nathan Abbott because Abbott has to be Helena’s name. And before you ask, I have no idea what her husband’s first name is, he’s just referred to in the letter as ‘that husband of yours’.’

  Alex cut the sandwich in half. ‘Well I guess that’s it then, isn’t it?’ she said airily. ‘Mystery solved.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I guess that’s what Nathan’s so sorry about. Sorry for making her cheat on her husband.’

  ‘No, no, that couldn’t be it.’ Leonie shook her head defiantly. ‘Here, read the letter yourself.’

  Alex picked up the page and quickly scanned the text, while Leonie waited.

  ‘Well he doesn’t seem to think much of the husband, does he?’

  ‘I’d say neither of them do,’ Leonie said confidently. ‘Now, I think the marriage was in trouble even before Nathan came on the scene, because it doesn’t sound as though Helena felt any way guilty about it…’

  ‘Leonie, remember we’re only hearing all this from Nathan’s point of view.’ Alex pointed out. ‘And whatever way you look at it, I think we can both agree that the guy seems pretty infatuated. So maybe he just wants to believe that Helena didn’t care about the husband?’

  ‘I know that, but something tells me she didn’t care about him as much as she did about Nathan – at least up until it all went wrong.’ Leonie was convinced this was the case. ‘Why else would he want her forgiveness so badly?’ She set the letter down on the countertop. ‘So here’s what I think. The couple who lived upstairs weren’t Helena and Nathan but Helena and her husband. And he was the creepy guy who looked you up and down.’ Leonie was much happier with this explanation; she was never able to visualise Nathan as that kind of man, so to think it was the husband made a hell of lot more sense.

  Alex nodded. ‘OK, that’s certainly a possibility. And if they weren’t getting on it would certainly account for all the shouting,’ she added wryly.

  ‘Exactly. So now we know we’ve been barking up the wrong tree entirely. Problem is we’re still nowhere nearer to finding out how to reach either of them. That woman from Monterey didn’t call yet, did she?’ They were hoping that the Helena from the art gallery – if she was the one they were looking for – might have had a chance to think and would make contact again out of curiosity about the letters. But the weekend had long come and gone and they’d heard nothing, which could only mean that it wasn’t the right Helena after all.

  ‘Nope, not a sound. It’s still early days yet though and I’m sure she’s still a little taken aback by two complete strangers turning up out of nowhere and asking all those questions.’

  ‘I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.’ Leonie wasn’t convinced though. What woman wouldn’t be curious about a pile of letters in her name? Especially when Alex had made a point of mentioning they were love letters. No, if this was the right Helena they would have heard from her, no question.

  She picked up the new letter again and showed Alex something else she’d noticed. ‘Look at the bit where he says ‘there are things happening here that I wish I could share with you.’ What things? And where is here? Sound to me like he’s moved away from this area or - ’

  ‘Oh, Leonie, I don’t know,’ Alex interjected tiredly with a shake of her head. ‘I wonder if this is getting kind of out of hand.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well we really don’t know anything about these people other than what we can try and guess from the letters, and we made one major wrong assumption already – Nathan’s surname. Who’s to say that we’re not just reaching here?’

  ‘I still don’t understand…’

  ‘If you ask me, there’s probably a very good reason Helena hasn’t answered those letters. Who knows, this guy could be some kind of psycho stalker, and she had to move out to get away from him.’

  Leonie’s face fell. ‘I seriously doubt that. From his letters, you can tell that he really loves her and more than anything else, wants to make things right between them. And how could he possibly be some random stalker when they spent time together in that apartment? She must have loved him just as much as he loved her, Alex.’

  Alex gave her a sympathetic look. ‘Look, I know you’re only trying to help, but maybe we should just stay out of this. Who knows what kind of stuff we could be getting mixed up in here? Things aren’t always what they seem. Yes, I agree Nathan’s letters are romantic and charming, but that doesn’t mean they’re genuine. Take Seth for instance,’ she said, with a roll of her eyes. ‘That guy could convince Satan he’s as innocent as pie, when the reality is he’d do anything to turn a situation to his advantage.’

  ‘It’s not the same, I know it’s not.’ Leonie felt almost injured on Nathan’s behalf. Clearly Alex’s recent run-in with her ex was now colouring her thinking.

  Alex looked at her. ‘Seriously, Leonie, what are you really hoping to achieve here? You don’t know these people, and let’s face it, if anyone other than you had found those letters they would have dumped them weeks ago. Why are you taking it upon yourself to be this guy’s saviour when you’re not even sure of the circumstances?

  ‘I don’t know.’ Marcy had asked her pretty much the same question, and Leonie still couldn’t truly explain to herself, much less to them the real reason she was so interested in reuniting this couple.

  There was just something about Nathan’s words that resonated with her. Something in his voice and the way he sounded so heartfelt and honest in his attempts to atone for what he’d done had really captured her imagination. Yes, Alex was right; none of them had any idea why he was so desperate for forgiveness or why.

  But more than anything, Leonie wanted to help him get a second chance. Everyone deserved that, didn’t they?

  Chapter 18

  Dublin – One year earlier

  It was only six months till the big day and Leonie was feeling on top of the world.

  She’d since pretty much learned to put aside her early misgivings about Suzanne and what sometimes felt like the girl’s continuous drain on her and Adam’s finances. At the end of the day, she was Adam’s daughter and Leonie’s soon-to-be stepdaughter, so she’d just have to try and get over it.

  And in fairness, it wasn’t entirely the teenager’s fault; long before Suzanne was even born her mother had nurtured in her such an innate sense of entitlement that she just didn’t know any different.

  So Leonie was fine with Suzanne these days and apparently realising that Leonie wasn’t going anywhere, the teenager in turn also seemed to have softened her approach.

  But it was a different story altogether when it came to Andrea.

  In all the time that she and Adam had been together, the two woman had never met, and as far as Leonie was concerned this was fine by her. She could quite happily live her entire life without meeting Andrea; it was bad enough having to listen to her whiney (but for Adam’s benefit, studiedly sugar-coated) tones over the phone.

  So when one morning over breakfast, Adam casually suggested they should pay Andrea a visit, she tried not to spit out her coffee.

  ‘I know she’d really like to meet you,’ he said, and Leonie wondered when exactly Andrea had expressed such an interest. Was it when she’d phoned wanting Adam to cough up for Suzann
e’s guitar lessons, or one of those times she needed an ‘emergency’ donation to her household expenses? It never failed to amaze her how Adam didn’t stop to question why a woman whose lifestyle he’d chosen to support was (according to Suzanne) swanning around in the latest designer labels, while his own fiancée generally made do with the sale rail.

  ‘You should see her handbag collection,’ the younger girl gushed. ‘Marc Jacobs, Miu Miu, Zagliani – you know the snakeskin ones they inject with botox?’ she continued, while Leonie tried to figure out if such a thing was included in the ‘essentials’ Andrea insisted she needed. Suzanne held up her own ‘beginner’ designer Juicy Couture handbag for examination. ‘I’m a long way off having a collection like that, but Dad’s promised to get me a Balenciaga for my birthday so I’m sure I’ll catch up.’

  When Leonie had picked her jaw up off the floor, she made a mental note to discuss with Adam the wisdom of encouraging a designer handbag fetish in a fourteen-year-old girl. At this rate, Suzanne would be expecting head-to-toe Chanel at sixteen! But even worse was the fact that by virtue of their engagement, Leonie had little choice but to contribute to this extravagance, despite the fact that she and Adam really couldn’t afford it.

  So to say that she wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to come face to face with the root of all these frustrations was an understatement.

  ‘Yes, she was only talking about it the other day,’ Adam went on, and Leonie couldn’t help but recall how insistent he’d been too in the beginning about Suzanne dying to meet her. That hadn’t turned out so well, had it? And not for the first time, she was forced to wonder that for such a bright and mature guy, sometimes Adam seemed patently oblivious to the simplest of things.

  ‘I can’t really imagine why Andrea would want to meet me,’ she replied, taking a bite out of her toast. ‘I mean, what do we have in common, apart from you – and Suzanne of course.’

  ‘Well I think it’s only natural that she’d want to meet Suzanne’s future stepmother, don’t you? Obviously Suze would have been telling her all about you so…’

  Leonie could only imagine what the teenager had been saying to her mother about her. ‘I guess she’s sort of OK-looking but in a dowdy kind of way… she badly needs a makeover …and could do with losing a few pounds but honestly, can you believe she doesn’t own even one pair of Choos!’

  Although on second thoughts, perhaps this was unfair. While immature, she’d since realised that Suzanne could be sweet in her own little way and although it had taken a while, Leonie would like to think that she and Adam’s daughter were slowly but surely becoming… well – if not exactly friends – then at least getting along as well as stepmother and stepdaughter could.

  ‘OK, so when do you want to do it?’ she asked, trying her best to conceal her lack of enthusiasm.

  ‘I was thinking maybe next weekend? Neither of us has anything on, and as it’s not our week to take Suzanne, I thought it might be nice to pay her a visit instead. We could all go out to dinner and maybe I could take in a round of golf the following day and –’

  ‘You want us to go down there overnight?’ she repeated, her reluctance now only too clear from her surprised expression and the disbelieving tone of her voice.

  ‘What do you mean, ‘down there’?’ he laughed good-naturedly. ‘It’s only Wicklow you know, not outer Mongolia.’

  ‘I know,’ Leonie was relieved he didn’t seem to notice her reticence. ‘It’s just well …I’m not really sure it’s a good idea.’

  ‘Why not?’ he said looking at her quizzically.

  ‘Well, maybe Andrea might not be too happy with us landing in on top of her at such short notice -’

  ‘Not at all,’ Adam interjected with a casual wave. ‘She’s grand about it.’

  ‘You mean you’ve already asked her?’

  ‘I mentioned that we were thinking about it, yes. What?’ he asked catching sight of her expression.

  ‘I think you might have asked me first, don’t you think?’ she said in a wounded tone.

  He shrugged. ‘I suppose I thought you’d be OK with it – what’s the big deal?’ After a beat, when she didn’t reply, he looked at her. ‘Seriously Lee, what’s going on? Is there some kind of problem here?’

  ‘No, I mean … it’s just…’ Leonie wasn’t sure how to tell her fiancé that she’d rather have her teeth removed one by one with pliers than spend time with the dreaded Andrea!

  But Adam seemed to have realised this anyway. ‘Look, it’s no problem, if you don’t want to go down there; we can always do it some other time,’ he said gently, but his disappointment was palpable.

  And all of a sudden Leonie was struck by how awkward this whole thing must be for him too. Clearly it was important to Adam that his future wife and the mother of his child got on reasonably well, particularly where Suzanne was concerned. So maybe she should just bite the bullet and get the meeting over and done with. It wasn’t fair to her fiancé who had enough on his plate in trying to juggle both parties, without her trying to make things awkward for him.

  ‘No, no it’s fine,’ she insisted. ‘I was just wondering if you wanted me to book a hotel, or will we be staying at Andrea’s or…’ She didn’t know if this was even a possibility, as she had no idea if the other woman’s house was big or small… Although knowing Andrea, Leonie thought uncharitably, she’d probably got Adam to stump up for a stately castle.

  Her fiancé reached for her hand. ‘Look, I realise it’ll probably be a bit weird for you and I’m sorry for asking. It’s just, well I know us getting engaged was a big deal for everyone, and I suppose I want to make sure that we all know where we stand. Don’t get me wrong, I know Andrea is delighted that I’ve found happiness with you, and for that reason alone I’d really like you two to meet. Also, I suppose I’d like to reassure her that our getting married doesn’t mean that I’m planning on moving on and leaving my responsibilities behind. Suzanne is as much of a priority now as she ever was and that’s not going to change.’

  ‘I know that. And I’d be happy to meet her too.’ She said, trying to sound convincing, for his sake at least.

  But as she and Adam continued to make arrangements to travel down to Wicklow to meet his ex, Leonie couldn’t ignore an overwhelmingly strong sense of foreboding.

  ***

  They went to Wicklow the following weekend, Leonie having decided it was probably best to get it over and done with as soon as possible.

  And as they pulled into the driveway of Andrea’s house near Ashford, she realised that the place wasn’t quite a stately castle – but goodness it wasn’t far off!

  Now Leonie understood why the woman’s household bills were always so high. If she lived in a two-and-a-half thousand square foot mansion, hers would be too!

  She wondered again if five-year-old Hugo’s father brought as much to the table as Adam did. If so, did his partner feel as envious and it had to be said, bitter as Leonie sometimes did about the sacrifices they needed to make to keep another family going?

  Nobody would deny that Adam and Andrea’s other ex shouldn’t contribute to their offspring’s rearing, but compared to the cosy two-bed apartment she and Adam were currently in the process of buying in Dublin, this place was something else entirely!

  But when a tall, curvy and beautifully dressed woman appeared at the doorway with long, blonde hair and exuding such naked sexuality that Leonie almost felt she had to grab hold of Adam, she finally began to understand what kind of woman they were dealing with.

  Andrea was the type men just couldn’t say no to. Never mind that she and Adam had broken up over a decade ago and there was little need for Leonie to feel insecure - in front of this Venus, how could any woman not? And she understood now where Suzanne had inherited her watchful, almost cat-like eyes, which bore no resemblance at all to Adam’s bright, open gaze.

  ‘Hey there,’ Andrea addressed Adam in that childish, sugary-sweet tone that always grated with Leonie no end on the phone. ‘Yo
u’re early.’

  No ‘hello, you must be Leonie, the one whose fiancé every month donates the debt of a small country to my bank account, so nice to meet you’ or even as much as a brief hello! Instead, and much to Leonie’s chagrin, Andrea reached forward and held Adam in an embrace that was way too familiar and intimate for her liking. Not to mention obvious.

  ‘Good to see you Andi,’ Adam said, stepping back, and to his credit looking embarrassed. ‘Yeah, we are a bit early – the traffic was a lot lighter than we expected so…Anyway,’ he said, introducing Leonie with a grin that immediately made her feel a whole lot better. ‘this is Leonie.’

  ‘This is the famous Leonie?’ Andrea trilled in a falsetto voice that sounded like nails scraping across a blackboard. Finally deigning to look at her, the other woman’s derisive gaze travelled from head to toe. ‘I’ve heard so much about you, although I must admit you look a hell of a lot younger than Suzanne described you. Typical teenagers, always so prone to exaggeration!’ she added with a childish and equally irritating giggle, leaving Leonie wondering what on earth Suzanne had been saying about her.

  ‘Nice to meet you too,’ she replied automatically, as if Andrea had expressed any such sentiment. Then, having also failed to utter a word of congratulations or any mention at all of the reason Leonie and Adam were actually here, Andrea motioned them into the hallway.

  And as she picked up her overnight bag and followed Adam and his ex inside, Leonie felt like she was entering the dragon’s den.

  The inside of the house was amazing. Decorated in chic, contemporary style; all creams walls, walnut floors and leather sofas, the place looked like it could have come straight from the pages of an interior design magazine.

  Andrea had a good eye for interiors that was for sure, Leonie mused, going through to the large, open-plan kitchen situated to the rear of the house. Sitting at the kitchen table was Suzanne alongside a small child doing crayon drawings, who Leonie deduced had to be her younger brother Hugo. Well half-brother that was, she corrected herself and when the little boy looked up, she realised that Hugo shared Suzanne’s (and Andrea’s) looks, possessing the same fair hair and green eyes.