Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

  ‘And – what? That’s about the sum of it really.’

  ‘Oh come off it Leonie. This is me you’re talking to now. You’re making it sound like coming here was just something that just happened on a whim! What about everything that happened back home – are you trying to tell me you’re fine about that now too?’

  ‘Actually I am,’ she replied, a bit uncomfortable about having to confront this now. But it was the truth of sorts, as she’d been so engrossed in her new life here that she’d almost succeeded in pushing the worst of it to the back of her mind. ‘What’s the point in dwelling on it? What’s done is done and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that.’

  Grace looked sceptical. ‘So you’re over it, is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘Pretty much, yes. As far as I’m concerned, Adam and I are over and done with and we’ve both moved on.’ She fiddled with the straw in her water glass. ‘So, have you heard anything from him recently?’ she asked, unsure whether or not she wanted to know the answer.

  ‘No, but then again, why would I? It’s not as though I’ve ever been allowed to tell him anything.’

  ‘Thanks for that, you know. I really do appreciate you not saying anything about where I am.’

  Grace yawned again. ‘Doesn’t mean I agree with it though.’

  ‘Well, then we’ll just have to agree to disagree. You think I should have stayed and faced the music, whereas I know I had to go. We’re just different that way, I suppose. Anyway, I’ll tell you what,’ Leonie she continued gently, ‘why don’t we talk about it some other time. You’ve only just got here, and I’m thrilled that you are so let’s try not drag things down.’

  ‘It’s also part of the reason I’m here though,’ Grace reminded her.

  ‘I know and I really appreciate that, but for the moment at least, I think we should just concentrate on showing you a good time.’

  Grace yawned again, before finally succumbing to the inevitable. ‘Believe me, I’m all for that too. But Lee, do you think we could go home now? I feel like I haven’t slept in days!’

  Chapter 25

  The next day was filled with a mixture of sightseeing and shopping. After a good night’s sleep on the sofa, Grace was a bundle of energy and raring to go, and following a breakfast of fluffy blueberry pancakes from a deli close by, Leonie took her friend to Flower Power to say hello to Marcy.

  ‘So you’re the famous Marcy?’ Grace said, pumping the older woman’s arm enthusiastically. ‘I’ve heard loads about you.’

  ‘Likewise, sweetheart.’ Marcy replied. ‘Welcome to San Francisco. So how are your two little darlings?’

  ‘Well, if you’re calling them ‘darlings’, I think Leonie’s definitely been telling you lies!’ she grinned. ‘And according to what Ray told me on the phone this morning, they haven’t changed much in the meantime.’

  ‘I’m sure they’re missing you all the same,’ Marcy said smiling. ‘So what have you two got planned for today then?’

  ‘We thought we’d pop down to Union Square for a bit of shopping and then do some touristy stuff this afternoon,’ Leonie said.

  ‘Sounds good. Hard to see everything in such a short visit though. You’ll have to come back and see us again sometime, Grace.’

  ‘I’d only be too happy to! But if Leonie came home, then maybe I wouldn’t have to,’ she said pointedly.

  Marcy cocked an eyebrow at Leonie. ‘Hey, you’re not thinking of running home and leaving me in the lurch now, are you?’

  ‘Absolutely not!’ she said shooting Grace a glare. ‘You know I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that.’

  ‘Good, cause we’d all miss you round here,’ Marcy said before adding archly, ‘even if you’re not so hot at flower arranging.’

  ‘Well that was sensible,’ Leonie grimaced, when she and Grace left the shop.

  ‘I know – I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have said that about you coming home. But she’s so nice that to be honest, I kind of forgot she’s your boss.’

  ‘She is lovely. But if you like Marcy then you’ll really love Alex. She’s coming out with us tonight I think. She had something on with Jon – the guy she’s seeing – but is going to postpone it as far as I know.’

  ‘Brilliant, I’m looking forward to that.’

  To Grace’s delight, they hopped on a cable car down to Union Square, where she went mad buying presents for Ray and the kids in all the shops.

  ‘Oh look!’ she gasped, stopping at a souvenir shop to pick up a toddler-size black and white striped ‘Alcatraz inmate’ outfit. ‘God almighty, could this be any more perfect for my two?’

  At around midday, Leonie took her down around Chinatown. As expected, Grace was enchanted by the area’s famous Dragon Gate and Grant Avenue with its countless oriental-style buildings, fish markets, stores and restaurants. In Portsmouth Square, they stopped off to watch a session of Tai Chi, while all around elderly men were playing Chinese chess.

  ‘I’m loving this!’ Grace grinned. ‘But is it just me, or are all these gorgeous smells making you hungry?’

  ‘Well, we’re in the right place for that,’ Leonie replied, suspecting that if Grace already liked what she’d seen of Chinatown, she should really get a kick out of having dim sum for lunch.

  Finding a table at a nearby eatery, she quickly explained the concept to Grace who was at first perplexed by the notion of choosing whatever took her fancy from the little carts of food wheeling past their table. ‘So we just point out whatever we want and they give it to us?’ she said faintly mystified by the varieties on offer; an array of grilled, baked or deep-fried meat and shrimp nestled in threes and fours on little bamboo dishes. ‘But how do we know what we want?’

  ‘I suppose that’s the beauty of dim sum,’ Leonie told her, pointing to a portion of what she knew was shrimp dumplings. Following her lead, Grace tentatively chose a dish of lettuce cups stuffed with barbecue pork. ‘There’s no menu, they’ll bring out new stuff from the kitchen every few minutes. Don’t worry, you can have as much or as little as you want, they just tot it all up at the end.’

  ‘Wow, Ray would love this!’ she said, her confidence growing with each new dish she tried. ‘Especially the idea of eating as much as he wanted – we’d have to crane-lift him out!’

  Leonie smiled at her. ‘I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.’

  ‘I’m loving it. Lee, I haven’t been here twenty-four hours yet and already I’m having a ball! Although to be honest, I don’t know if it’s the city or just the novelty of actually being able to have an adult conversation.’

  She gave a lopsided smile, and right then Leonie sensed that Grace may have felt her absence over the last while much more than she realised. It was strange because in recent years (and particularly after the twins were born) she’d always felt that she was the one more dependent on their friendship. Grace had always seemed so content and involved with her family that Leonie didn’t think that moving away would affect her all that much.

  ‘They’re probably all missing you like mad. How is Ray getting on so far?’ Grace’s husband had phoned first thing that morning and was sending text updates on a regular basis, but Leonie didn’t know if they were reassuring or frantic. Knowing Ray it was probably the latter.

  ‘I don’t think he’s knows what’s hit him. He has Mammy Niland coming over this evening though, so that’ll take the pressure off,’ she said referring to Ray’s mother. She rolled her eyes. ‘The same one will be thrilled not having around me to watch her like a hawk.’

  To say that Grace and her mother-in-law didn’t get on was an understatement, and Leonie knew that the older woman had never been much help with the twins in that she rarely offered to baby-sit or any other kind of assistance. It was a shame because Grace’s own mother had died many years before, and like any new mum her friend craved a support network or someone to turn to.

  Now Leonie realised with some remorse, that by moving here she was pretty much guilty of t
he same offence.

  ‘It’ll be good for him to know what you do day-in day-out though, won’t it?’ she said referring to Ray.

  ‘Not that’ll it make a blind bit of difference,’ Grace said shaking her head fondly. ‘But to be fair, it was his suggestion that I get away for a few days. I think he knew I was heading towards my wits’ end.’

  Leonie looked up, realising for the first time that perhaps there was considerably more to this visit than meets the eye. ‘Oh Grace, I’m so sorry, I honestly didn’t realise you were finding things so tough,’ she said, feeling somewhat of a heel. ‘I know I haven’t been much of a friend lately …’

  ‘Will you go away out of that, it’s nothing to do with you!’ Grace wouldn’t hear of it. ‘I don’t know, I suppose I just get a bit … and I thought I would never, ever say this after the huge effort we had in trying to have them, but sometimes I feel a bit…I don’t know …constrained, maybe? Don’t get me wrong, I love Rocky and Rosie to bits and I wouldn’t be without them, but -’

  ‘Grace, that’s completely understandable and I’m certain you’re not the first mother to feel that way – nor will you be the last.’ Leonie reassured her. ‘Having one child must be upheaval enough let alone two at once. And they take up so much of your time it’s only natural you’d feel a little bit cut off.’ But again, she felt deeply ashamed that she hadn’t anticipated this, and annoyed at herself for leaving Grace in the lurch.

  ‘Ah don’t mind me, I think it’s just being here, out on the town without a care in the world last night, and now polishing off dim sum in this lovely city that’s bringing this on,’ she said dismissing her own concerns. ‘You know I never really did the travel thing when I was younger, so I suppose its only now I’m seeing the attraction.’

  ‘That’s exactly it,’ Leonie agreed, now more determined that ever to show her a great time. ‘So let’s be sure to make the most of it while you’re here.’

  Later that evening, the girls headed back to Green St, having spent some of the afternoon at the Golden Gate Visitors Centre, and the rest of it down by Fishermans Wharf just people-watching and taking it easy.

  At around seven, Alex called up to say hello to Grace, and to Leonie’s delight the two seemed to click right from the off.

  ‘Oh my God, Leonie didn’t tell me you were like a model!’ Grace exclaimed when they were first introduced. ‘I’ll tell you one thing, I’m glad my hubby’s not here; I’d have to lock him away!’

  ‘I doubt that very much,’ Alex laughed, but Leonie could tell that she was instantly won over by Grace’s forthrightness.

  ‘She’s married herself, anyway’ she informed her with a mischievous grin, and Alex gave her a look.

  ‘Soon to be divorced though,’ she clarified quickly, ‘very soon I hope.’

  ‘Divorced … seriously?’ Now Grace looked uncomfortable and Leonie recalled that she hadn’t actually told her anything about the Seth situation. ‘Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that.’

  ‘Hey, don’t be – it’s actually really good news,’ Alex told her, but when Grace still looked perplexed she made some attempt to explain. ‘It’s a long story, but I’m seeing someone new now.’

  ‘Not for long, if the husband has anything to do with it,’ Leonie teased, referring to Seth’s most recent behaviour, and Grace listened agog while Alex filled her in on the current state of affairs.

  ‘Two men fighting over you – even better,’ she said, before adding with some relief. ‘So my Ray wouldn’t really have had a look-in anyway!’

  She and Alex laughed, and Leonie hoped it was the first of many a giggle the three would share that evening.

  ‘So, where will we go tonight?’ she asked, when they’d finished much of the initial getting-to-know you stuff.

  Alex shrugged. ‘You guys choose – I’m cool with anything.’

  She turned to look at Grace, who was now slumped on the sofa looking surprisingly listless. ‘Grace? Do you fancy going out?’

  Her friend tried to suppress a yawn. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but at the moment I don’t think I could move off this couch if there was a bomb under it.’

  ‘The jet-lag hitting you again?’

  She nodded sadly. ‘I think so. So much for trying to beat it. I’m still starving though – no fear of me that way.’

  ‘Well, why don’t we just get take-out?’ Alex suggested. ‘I haven’t eaten and there’s this great place down the street.’

  ‘Sounds like heaven. Would you mind Lee?’ Grace said mournfully. ‘I’m sorry but I’ve no energy for anything else at the moment – at least not until I get some food into me.’

  ‘Fine by me,’ she said, thinking this sounded like a very good plan. ‘And who knows – maybe you might buck up after a glass or two?’

  As it turned out, it only took Grace one glass of wine to buck up, and once she did there was no stopping her. She, Leonie and Alex chatted happily over takeaway and after a few more glasses of Pinot Grigio, Grace got braver and decided to grill Alex some more about her relationship situation.

  ‘So will you marry the doctor when you’ve divorced the other fella then?’ she said, turning to Alex who was sitting on the sofa alongside her.

  ‘Grace!’ Leonie chided, hitting her with a cushion. ‘You shouldn’t ask personal questions like that.’ But then she turned to Alex, curious. ‘Will you?’

  ‘Come on, it’s too early to even think about something like that,’ Alex told them defiantly. ‘And anyway, I’m wary of jumping into anything so fast, not after before.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Grace said dubiously, taking another mouthful of wine, ‘it sounds to me like the ex is still on your mind there somewhere.’

  ‘That’s exactly what I said!’ Leonie agreed vehemently. ‘But she won’t hear a word of it.’

  ‘Keep saying it all you want, Leonie. Seth is a loser, I told you that from day one.’

  ‘Well, he might be a loser, but I for one wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crisps,’ she giggled, winking at Grace.

  ‘Crisps?’

  ‘Potato chips sweetheart,’ Grace quipped, and Alex looked mystified as the other two fell around laughing.

  ‘You guys are hilarious, you know that?’ she said, looking from one to the other. ‘A real double act.’

  Leonie straightened up. ‘Seriously though Grace, you should see Seth,’ she insisted. ‘Absolutely unbelievable.’ Then she shrugged. ‘But then again, I suppose Jon’s not half bad either…’

  ‘Thank you!’ Alex exclaimed. ‘I was just about to point that out!’

  ‘Aw, do you have any photos?’ Grace moaned. ‘It’s driving me mad not being able to picture who the two of ye are talking about.’

  ‘Actually I do,’ Alex said, standing up. ‘I’ve got a picture of Jon and me taken a while back. And I’m sure there’s gotta be one of Seth knocking about somewhere too,’ she added gruffly.

  When Alex went downstairs to get the photos, Leonie and Grace topped up their respective glasses.

  ‘She’s lovely,’ Grace said referring to Alex. ‘I can see again why you’ve settled in so well here.’

  ‘She is lovely and I’d be lost without her. But Grace,’ she said, her tone growing serious, ‘I haven’t really told her anything about Adam, so I don’t want – ‘

  ‘Here we go,’ Alex said coming back into the apartment. Photos in hand, she flopped back down on the couch beside them.

  ‘Right, now don’t tell me which one is which, OK?’ Grace warned. ‘Just let me work out which one I’d go for myself.’

  ‘Good idea.’ Leonie agreed, giving Alex a knowing look.

  Leaning across, she studied the photographs. The first was a beautiful shot of Alex and Jon taken that night at the Palace of Fine Arts, and the other was of her and Seth – looking suntanned and jovial on a beach somewhere. Although Alex was smiling in both photos, Leonie was struck by how radiant she looked in the second one, and Seth seemed equally content.
As she’d only ever witnessed the couple at each other’s throats, seeing them so unashamedly happy together was an eye-opener.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ Grace was saying. ‘The two of them are fine things … what is this – Melrose Place?’ She shook her head, puzzled. ‘I don’t know, I certainly wouldn’t be able to pick one from the other – not that I’d be ever be that lucky though. God almighty, why can’t Irish men look like that?’

  ‘Hey don’t say that, Ray is lovely too!’ Leonie declared. She pointed to Grace’s handbag on the other side of the room. ‘Show her.’

  ‘Oh all right,’ Grace grudgingly got up. ‘But Alex, I have to warn you, wait until you see the big mucker head on him …’

  Leonie didn’t think she’d ever laughed as much in her life when a giggling Grace took out a photo of her husband and put it alongside the others.

  With mussed up hair and dressed in a too-tight Ireland rugby jersey that stretched over his burgeoning belly, poor Ray looked like he’d just got out of bed. The photo was obviously taken on a boozy night out, and was so utterly at odds with the smooth, tuxedoed Jon or the toned, tanned Seth that it was hilarious. And no one found it more so than Grace herself.

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be showing you that one,’ she guffawed, when the three photos were lined up side by side. ‘He’s doesn’t usually look that bad, but you have to admit, there is a hell of a difference…’

  Leonie could tell that Alex found it bemusing that she and Grace found the whole thing so funny, and very graciously she kept quiet on the subject of a comparison.

  ‘He looks like a lovely guy,’ she told her. ‘And you’re really lucky to have someone you can rely on.’

  Instantly Grace stopped laughing. ‘I am, aren’t I?’ she said, picking up the photograph and looking at it again. Then she smiled. ‘And you’re right, he is a lovely guy.’

  Watching her two friends, Leonie suddenly felt saddened, realising that by rights, there should be a photo of Adam in there to have a laugh over too. But there wasn’t. ‘Leonie, are you OK?’ Alex asked, spotting her sudden change of mood.