Teaching Cats to Jump Hoops

by You Jin

  This time he hesitated only briefly before saying, “I’ll give it a try.”

  A beautiful glow of anticipation shone on his face.

  PART TWO

  Sensitive, Fragile Hearts

  An Orchid in Bloom

  1

  ALTHOUGH IT HAS been many years, I still cannot forget the shock and puzzlement caused by Xi Lan Hua the first time I saw her.

  It was the first day of the new school year and my first day teaching at this secondary school. I was to serve as form teacher of Secondary 5D, a class in the Normal Stream, which followed a five-year, less intensive curriculum.

  Roster in hand, I took attendance. Of the thirty students, all but one responded to the roll call—that student was Xi Lan Hua. I was about to note her absence when the patter of footsteps sounded outside the classroom. Someone was chasing someone else. Accompanying the noisy footsteps was a string of expletives, but most shocking of all was that the unending vulgarity came in the crisp, clear voice of a girl. Dashing into the room, she was panting hard, yet she somehow managed to let off another string of venomous curses, eliciting gleeful, ear-splitting laughter from the boys who had been chasing her. Although late to a class for which the teacher was already standing in the room, she did not so much as greet me. Instead she shook her shoulder-length hair nonchalantly, headed for her seat, and threw herself down in the chair she’d dragged out from under her desk. Then she caught hold of a length of hair and twisted it around her fingers. Her big eyes, with their sharply contrasting blacks and whites, looked sideways at me, displaying disdain and cynicism. Strangely, the other students seemed so accustomed to her unusual behaviour that no one showed a hint of surprise or disgust. Rather, they strained to suppress smiles as they watched inquisitively to see how I would react.

  I looked quietly into the pretty face, which was brimming with rebellion, as I thought fast. Should I ignore her vulgar outburst? No, that would make me an irresponsible teacher. Should I pretend that I didn’t see her ill-mannered display? No, that would mar my dignity as a teacher. But reproaching her on the first day of class was likely to only make matters worse. If provoked, who knew how a caustic girl like her might react?

  I quickly settled on a strategy. Calmly I called out, “Lan Hua!” I addressed her by her first name, which was an uncommon practice among strangers, and this came as a surprise to her. Lan Hua’s defiant eyes now took on the look of a police dog: watchful, cold and pointed.

  “I don’t have an invisibility cloak, you know, Lan Hua,” I said.

  She stared at me suspiciously for a while before finally responding, “What does that have to do with me?”

  “Why did you pretend I was transparent and not greet me?”

  The other students giggled, which made Lan Hua relax, and invested her face with something approaching a smile. “Madam Tham,” she called out perfunctorily.

  “You have a pretty name,” I continued off-handedly. “Did you know that lanhua, the orchid, is Singapore’s national flower?”

  “Not true,” she retorted smugly. “Singapore’s national flower is hujihua.”

  “Hujihua is a transliteration of the English word, orchid, which in Chinese is lanhua. You have such a pretty face and elegant name. How lucky you are!”

  Thinking I would scold her, Lan Hua’s face reddened in response to this unexpected public praise. With the animosity in her eyes gone, she was prettier than ever.

  I turned to speak to the whole class. “As a matter of fact, all your names come from your parents’ deliberate efforts, and these names usually have profound meanings. Maybe one day I can explain your names if there’s time.”

  That got the students so interested that they were relentless in their desire to have the meanings of their names explained. Seeing that I’d successfully diverted their attention from Lan Hua, I beat a hasty retreat.

  “All right, all right. In the future, I’ll explain one name each day.”

  Then I opened the outline for that year’s curriculum to give the class a brief description, followed by a detailed explanation of school rules, as well as guidelines on awards and punishments, before concluding with student appearance.

  “At your age, all you need to do is maintain a clean appearance and you’ll be fine.” I intentionally glanced at Lan Hua as I continued, “Being clean refers not only to your outward appearance, but to your language as well.”

  At that, her large eyes moved away from my face to look out the window. She remained silent and indifferent.

  2

  Madam Khoo, who taught mathematics, had been Lan Hua’s form teacher the year before. When I brought up Lan Hua’s name, she reacted with a look of contempt.

  “Orchid flower? She should be called ‘Odious Flower’. She’s incorrigible. I’ve given up on her. To tell you the truth, she’s got no shame. If you scold her, she pretends that you’re serenading her. Give her a demerit point, and it’s like making a musical notation. So in the end, I treated her vulgarities as nothing more than farting.”

  I was taken aback by Madam Khoo’s harsh words. When she saw a worm-infested apple, she preferred to toss it away instead of trying to remove the worm. Wasn’t this contrary to all the principles of education?

  I looked at Lan Hua’s school record to better understand her family background. The word “Labourer” had been entered in the column under “Father’s Occupation” and my heart ached when I saw the word “Deceased” under the column for “Mother”.

  Ah, she was a motherless child.

  I called her father, Xi Ya Fu and asked him to see me the following day, regardless of how busy he might be.

  “What for?” he asked in a coarse voice.

  “I want to talk to you about your daughter, but please don’t tell her I called.”

  “Lan Hua?” Anxiety was now discernible in his voice. “What’s she done?”

  “We’ll talk about it when you get here, all right?”

  “Aiya, what’s the matter anyway?” he exclaimed, letting out a string of expletives.

  Now it was my turn to be dazed.

  Lan Hua’s father came early the next day. He looked exactly the way he sounded. Brawny and coarse, he was a heavy-set man with high cheekbones who had the nasty look of a troublemaker. A tattoo of a soaring dragon adorned each of his arms, which seemed to have been moulded out of iron. Highly animated and energetic, his arms, his mouth, everything, moved when he spoke.

  I tried speaking to him in a mild tone. “Mr. Xi, Lan Hua is a girl who likes to use vulgar language in class. It’s a bad habit, and I hope—”

  Amazingly, before I had even finished, a torrent of familiar swear words rolled smoothly out of his mouth. The hint of a smile danced across his swarthy face.

  “That crazy girl. I’ve told her nobody likes a vulgar girl, but she won’t listen to me. What can I do? Her mother died when she was young, and I have to work. I can’t watch her all day long. You’re her teacher, so help me make her change. She’s the only child I’ve got, so I let her do what she wants, I can’t be too strict. No kids these days listen to you. But this girl of mine isn’t so bad. She doesn’t steal and she doesn’t rob people, so using a few swear words doesn’t seem like too big a deal.”

  It was depressing listening to him. I felt like a scholar trying to reason with a soldier. There’s a saying that goes, “A dragon begets a dragon, a phoenix begets a phoenix, and the offspring of a mouse only knows how to burrow”. It might have been a cliché, but it was true. Mr. Xi had been a successful role model and raised a queen of vulgarity. Clearly I would have to fight the battle alone if there was any way to get her to change.

  Over the days that followed, I observed Lan Hua closely. I hoped that by getting to know her better, we could form a trusting relationship and that my attempts to change her would succeed with less effort.

  What surprised me was that the other students never considered the vulgar Lan Hua a clown. On the contrary, she was well-liked and everyone seemed to
enjoy her company. At times when she was unable to answer a question, other students would find a way, open or veiled, to help her out. When the bell rang, I would often see several of her classmates gathered around her desk, talking and laughing with her.

  She turned out to be less rebellious than I had initially thought. Around strangers, she was a human porcupine, trying to keep people at a distance with her erect quills, when in fact she was afraid of being hurt. As long as the other person showed a willingness to be friendly, however, her animosity quickly vanished. I could not put my finger on it, but somehow she gave me the impression that she was very insecure, and that there was a dark shadow deep down inside, which she tried to cover up with a devil-may-care attitude.

  I regularly made a point of commenting on her good looks in front of others. In fact, she was a very pretty girl, with thick brows and large eyes under long, curly lashes, and a face with chiselled features that gave her a modern look. Best of all, she had two barely visible dimples, which added a reserved elegance to her untamed beauty. When she opened her mouth, however, her looks were spoiled by the vulgar words that peppered her speech.

  I called her into my office and sincerely shared my observations with her. She reacted by rubbing her cheeks and asking incredulously, “I’m pretty? Really? You think I’m pretty?”

  “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that before?” I asked with a smile.

  “Everyone calls me a tomboy,” she replied honestly.

  I laughed and said, “Well, your beauty is overshadowed by the vulgar words you use.”

  “I’ve been using those words since I was young. It’s hard to change.” She sounded resigned.

  “Give it a try, Lan Hua,” I urged her. “I’ll help you. We’ll work on it together. You’re such a pretty girl, it would be a shame to let your language ruin that.”

  She gazed at me with her large, bright eyes. She really was pretty— when she was quiet, that is.

  I tried my best to find an appropriate remedy for this stubborn illness that had plagued her all these years. It was clear that neither restraining her with school rules nor using morality as a standard would work. All girls want to look pretty, however, so I thought I would be able to achieve the desired result by repeatedly telling her how vulgar language detracted from her lovely appearance.

  Starting that day, I walked up to her and asked softly, “Have you broken the rules today, Lan Hua?”

  Sometimes she would answer happily, “No, not a single swear word.” Sometimes she would giggle and lower her head. I would respond by saying, “Watch out, swear words can ruin your teeth. You don’t want to be toothless, do you?”

  She laughed loudly when she realised that it sounded like “ruthless”.

  3

  One day I walked into the classroom and heard Lan Hua screeching at a girl named Soh Xiao Ping.

  “How could you be so stingy?” she yelled, cursing at the girl.

  “I don’t have any money. What am I supposed to donate?” Xiao Ping replied timidly.

  Bam! Lan Hua slammed her fist on the desk and erupted, “No money? I don’t believe you! You paid over three hundred dollars for a branded bag, but can’t spare a few dollars to help others. Are you a girl or the devil?”

  A student whistled in warning when he saw me standing at the door, sending everyone rushing back to their seats. Lan Hua was still fuming, her face as dark as an ink stone.

  I asked the class monitor, Low Zhong Chu, to fill me in on what had happened. One of the girls in class, Teo Wen Xia, was being raised by her mother because her father had passed away when she was young. Her mother, who worked as a cleaning lady, had fallen from a building while cleaning windows the day before and was now in critical condition. Lan Hua had started collecting donations to help out, and while everyone in the class had chipped in, Xiao Ping had refused. That was the reason why Lan Hua was so upset.

  When I looked at the list of donors, I was shocked to see that Lan Hua had donated five hundred dollars, whereas the other students had each donated only a few dollars.

  I asked Lan Hua to see me after class.

  “Lan Hua,” I said gently. “I’m touched by your eagerness to help others in need, but good deeds should be carried out voluntarily. Xiao Ping may not have donated due to some personal difficulty, and you shouldn’t force her.”

  “Personal difficulty? Da—“I quickly held my finger to my lips, which stopped Lan Hua from cursing. “She’s a selfish, stingy girl with no sympathy for others. I swore at her because I find that disgusting.”

  “Doesn’t swearing at her reflect badly on you too?” I decided not to be too delicate with her, and was surprised when she apologised despite her seething anger.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  Recalling the amount of her donation, I said softly, “Lan Hua, you should help others according to your own ability. Your father works hard. Won’t giving away five hundred dollars of his hard-earned money cause hardship at home?”

  She looked up at me and blurted out, “It’s not hard-earned money, it’s dirty money.”

  I was so startled that I just stared at her. Looking as if she didn’t care, she told me everything.

  “You know, Madam Tham, I really hate him sometimes. He has no sympathy for anyone. He’s a hatchet man for loan sharks. When I was a kid, he took me to some of the borrowers’ houses, and I saw him use terrible means to force them to pay up.”

  “What terrible means?”

  “Like spraying their doors with pig’s blood, or pouring super glue into their keyholes, or writing graffiti on their walls. Sometimes he even splashed faeces and urine into their houses. Disgusting. If the borrower still didn’t pay up, he would return with other men to beat him up.” A film of tears misted her eyes as she spoke. “Every time someone asks me what my father does, I have trouble answering. It makes me so mad, Madam Tham.”

  I kept quiet to allow her to vent some more.

  “My mum died when I was little and he brought me up. My father spoils me, lets me do anything I want. But when I ask him to stop working for the loan sharks, he says, ‘What will we eat if I quit? How will we pay for your tuition?’ He gives me pocket money, and of course it’s great to have an allowance, but I know where it comes from and spending it makes me feel bad. Madam Tham, I’m so conflicted. Now Wen Xia’s mother is in the hospital and I feel like I’m paying for my father’s sins by donating five hundred dollars.” She stopped, and when she spoke again, she said in an unusually tender voice, “Wen Xia grew up in a single-parent home and so did I. I know how it feels to be lonely. Now she might lose the only person she has, and there’s nothing we can do except help out financially. I’m so worried about her.”

  “Don’t worry, Lan Hua. I’ll tell the Student Welfare Group about Wen Xia’s situation, and we’ll organise a campus-wide fundraiser. Your gift is too large, why don’t you take some—”

  She interrupted me loudly. “Please, Madam Tham, let me fulfil my wish.”

  The principal made an announcement during the weekly assembly the day after Wen Xia’s mother passed away. The students had responded to the donation drive enthusiastically, raising nearly ten thousand dollars. Lan Hua’s donation was by far the largest single donation. The Student Welfare Group held a meeting and decided to commend her. In front of the whole school, the principal awarded her with a Certificate for Heartfelt Giving.

  To my surprise, however, she didn’t seem happy about the award. She came to see me after class that day.

  “I don’t want the award, Madam Tham,” she said glumly.

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Others will think I worked so hard because I wanted this.”

  I laughed and gave her a big hug.

  “Silly girl. This is what you deserve, not what you sought to get. There’s no need to worry. Our school motto is to reward the good and punish the bad.” Suddenly I hit upon an idea. “Would you like to join the Prefectorial Board and help the school out?”

/>   Her eyes lit up, but the light quickly went out.

  “They have such stringent criteria. They’ll never take me.”

  “I’ll speak up on your behalf if you’re interested.”

  She nodded quietly, barely able to suppress the happiness in her eyes.

  It turned out to be much harder than I’d thought to make her a prefect. Most of the teachers were against it, for they had no faith in her and frowned upon her constant use of foul language. One of them, Madam Kok, even commented disdainfully, “With her on the Prefectorial Board, I’m afraid we’ll have to change the name to the ‘Cursing Board’.”

  Somewhat unhappily, I said, “As educators, aren’t we supposed to open our arms to all? What would happen to our mission if we gave up on a student, and took opportunities away from her simply because she had some issues?”

  With a snigger, Madam Kok replied, “All right, if we agree to give her a chance and make her a prefect, can you guarantee that she will stop swearing, that she will work hard, and that she won’t have a negative influence on the other prefects?”

  She was relentless with her aggressive challenges, but I was unfazed.

  “No guarantees, but I’m happy to try. And I believe that Lan Hua would want to try too. Why don’t we give her a one-month trial period?”

  A sardonic and provocative smile emerged on Madam Kok’s face.

  “You seem so confident, why stop at a trial period? Why not grant her lifetime membership? Wouldn’t that be better?”

  “A trial period is needed even with highly experienced teachers like yourself, so doesn’t it seem logical that a young, immature girl like Lan Hua would need the same?” I answered coolly.

  Madam Kok’s face reddened. She was so tongue-tied that she could only glare at me.

  After school that day, Lan Hua and I had a frank conversation in the school’s garden. I told her that I had given the school a bold promise, and asked her to accept the challenge. She didn’t say anything for a long time. She just looked at me, the expression on her face displaying the myriad of emotions she was feeling: doleful, thoughtful, grateful.