Alien Collective

by Gini Koch

  “Yes.” Water Man sounded relieved.

  “I see.” She cleared her throat and pointed to Prince. “Is this who you think the leader is?”

  “No.” Water Man now sounded like he now thought we were all idiots.

  “Good,” Mrs. Maurer said. “I just wanted to be sure.” She put her hand on my lower back and nudged me forward. “Our leader is very modest.”

  “Huh?”

  Water Man stepped toward me. “You are identified as the leader.”

  “By whom? And is that person in their right mind? Or do you now just think that I’m the leader because Squeaky here pushed me forward?” Maybe this thing expected us to pick a leader and I’d just been volunteered. Stranger things had happened—like my entire career with Centaurion Division.

  Water Man stared at me. I was starting to be able to see facial features. Meaning I was pretty sure its eyes were narrowed. “Willful stupidity will not help your case.”

  “It’s never hurt it before.”

  “You will not speak to us in this way. We will speak to the leader.”

  “Excuse the hell out of me? I don’t know who or what you and the rest of your collective are, or where the hell you came from, but you’re not exactly being clear with what you want, and who you want to speak to, not to mention why you’re here.”

  Water Man raised his hand up. Had a feeling it was to slam said hand right down on my head. Had to figure this wouldn’t be good. Decided not to find out. Slammed through the Water Man. Felt like a lot of water—like all the water in the fountain, and then some, was all concentrated into this one figure. Again, I wasn’t a fan. On the plus side, I wasn’t wet when I got out the other side. Damp, but not wet.

  The Water Man reformed and came at me. “Violence is not the answer.”

  So saying, it swung at and hit me. Felt as bad as I’d expected it to, but I shoved through the fist and it wasn’t quite like a giant wave crashing on me. Close, but more like having a Gatorade bucket dumped over me as opposed to a tsunami. Had the feeling the Water Man hadn’t been trying all that hard.

  “So why are you using it, then?” Spun around and got into a crouch. Fighting in the Armani Fatigues wasn’t all that easy, but I’d worry about that later. Right now, I had a water thing to try to take down.

  The Water Man imitated my stance. We lunged at each other. Again, going through him felt odd but I wasn’t hurt or wet, just a bit damper than before.

  We both landed, spun, and did this a couple more times. I was about to ask if this was some bizarre meet and greet or mating ritual from the Water Man’s part of the cosmos, but before I could, and before either Water Man or I did anything else, Jamie was there, standing in between us, her hands palms out toward my assailant.

  “Get away from my mommy, you mean thing!”

  CHAPTER 23

  THE WATER MAN EXPLODED, as if he’d been a water balloon.

  Picked Jamie up and gave her a big hug. Didn’t ask how she’d gotten here—she’d proven at four months that she was able to time warp herself anywhere.

  She’d been kept from time warping by ACE when she was a baby, and by the Poofs and Peregrines during Operation Infiltration, always for her own safety. Clearly, either she’d overcome their abilities, or ACE, the Poofs, and Peregrines approved of Jamie’s coming to me right now.

  As all of the Peregrines and what really looked like all of the Poofs appeared, figured I’d bet on the latter. “Jamie-Kat, thank you, but why are you here?”

  “That bad thing is here to take Fairy Godfather ACE away from us.” She sounded angry and distressed.

  “Are you sure it’s bad?” Just because it had attacked me, that didn’t necessarily mean it was evil. Could just mean we hadn’t hit it off properly. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

  She looked uncertain and twitched. “Kitty, ACE must clarify for Jamie.” It was unsettling hearing the halting, just slightly uncertain way Jamie spoke when ACE had control of their shared consciousness. It had been weird when it had been via Gower, but he was a grown man. With Jamie it was almost frightening. “The being Jamie dissipated is not gone.”

  True enough. As ACE spoke Mrs. Maurer pointed to the fountain. The water sloshed back into the fountain, coalesced again, and started to re-form.

  “Lucky us. What is it and why is it here?”

  “It is the one sent to check on ACE. And it wishes to speak to ACE’s leader.”

  “Why is it yapping with us, then?” Perhaps Mrs. Maurer was wrong. Of course, the Water Man had said I was the leader, but perhaps it had been reacting to her assumption.

  “ACE’s leader is Kitty,” ACE confirmed helpfully.

  “Oh.” Shot a glance at Mrs. Maurer. She had a “told you so” expression going. White didn’t look surprised, but that might have been because he was busy texting at hyperspeed. “Fantastic. So, what do I need to tell your parole officer in order to get him, her, it, or they to go away and leave us alone?”

  The Water Man was fully formed and sloshed over to us. “We are here to observe and report.”

  “Super. And attack.”

  “You attacked us first.”

  “Best defense is a good offence.”

  “We do not understand you.”

  “So very few ever do, Sloshy. So few ever do.”

  “We are not named Sloshy.” The Water Man didn’t sound amused. Whatever.

  “You are until you share your real name with us. Why are you made of water?”

  “You are made of water.”

  “No. We’re mostly water, but we’re all fond of things like skin and bones and fur and hair and such. If you’re trying to imitate us, you’re doing a terrible job.”

  “No, we are trying to emulate the most prevalent thing on this planet.”

  “Water isn’t sentient,” Mrs. Maurer said.

  “Everything has sentience,” the Water Man replied.

  “Ah, metaphysics. Not my specialty and college gets farther and farther away every year, don’t you find? Let’s just agree that there’s sentience and then there’s sentience.”

  “Yes, all things have sentience.”

  “Speaking of being willfully dense. Let’s put this another way. Humans are the dominant life forms on this planet. And you know it, or you wouldn’t have formed to look sort of like one of us. So stop playing whatever game it is you think you’re playing or, better yet, go home.”

  The Water Man stepped closer. “Stay away from my mommy or I’ll do it again,” Jamie said, in her own voice. “Only more.”

  “I have a little girl and I’m not afraid to use her.” Had a thought. Something had indeed been trying to herd us to Dulce. “Jamie, did Fairy Godfather ACE want us all at the Science Center because it would be safer?”

  “I think so, Mommy.”

  “Right. Oh well, good effort, I suppose. At least there were only the few of us around to witness the arrival of Sloshy, here.” Few if I didn’t count the Poofs and Peregrines, that was.

  “We are not named Sloshy.” Water Man sounded offended by this nickname. Good to know my track record in this regard remained unsullied. Wondered if they knew Lilith Fair, or what was left of her, from Operation Invasion and decided that of course they did, and they were probably on her side. “We are a supreme consciousness from what you call the Eagle Nebula.”

  “Blah, blah, blah, Sloshy. And I’m the Head Diplomat for American Centaurion, but you don’t hear me bragging about that to everyone I meet.”

  “We are here to ensure that the one you named ACE is not acting against our laws.”

  “And what if he is? ACE belongs Earth and Earth belongs to ACE. You and the rest of the interfering busybodies out there don’t factor into that equation.”

  “So we have been told. However, the fact remains that our laws supersede yours.”

  “It so figures. Might likes to triumph over right all over the universe, I see.”

  Didn’t ask who’d told them about our relationship wi
th ACE, mostly because I could guess and that guess was Naomi. Didn’t want to bring Naomi up, especially not around Jamie. She, like the rest of us, still missed her A-C godmother terribly and asked when she was coming back all the time.

  Had to figure this was bad for all of us in a lot of ways. One of those ways wasn’t obvious to most, but the likelihood was that this superconsciousness doing an unplanned home inspection would make Earth stand out on the greater Universal Plain. And that meant it was now more likely that the Black Hole People who were hunting Algar would notice Earth.

  I wasn’t sure of a lot of things, but I was certain that Earth couldn’t afford to lose either ACE or Algar, let alone both of them. And I was equally certain that in any intergalactic and inter-universal fight that seemed likely to be looming, Earth was in the Biggest Loser role, aka the Battleground. Always the way.

  “So, just what laws of yours has ACE supposedly broken?”

  “Interference.”

  Interesting. Algar was on the run because he hadn’t interfered—he’d allowed Free Will to such an extent that an entire solar system and all its billions of inhabitants had been destroyed, the effects of which had hit both the Alpha Centauri and Earth systems. It was, in reality, ultimately why our A-Cs were here on Earth.

  But apparently the Superconsciousnesses Collective didn’t want their kind to interfere. This was a confirmation of what ACE had felt and Algar had told me. But it was indeed bad for us and for ACE because ACE had interfered a lot. It was why we were all still alive, and by all I meant every living thing on the planet.

  “So, you don’t feel that the protection of all life on this planet was a correct thing to do?”

  The Water Man shrugged. Not the worst sight in the world, but unsettling. Sloshy was really an apt name for him. “That is not what ACE was created for.”

  “You didn’t create him. The people who did create him did so to make him a living alarm system—to watch and to harm. He chose to change what his purpose was to something better. Why is that wrong to you so-called supercreatures?”

  “We are too powerful to interfere.”

  “Ah, the old ‘you’ll call us God’ argument. Here’s the thing—ACE has told those of us who know what he is that he’s not God. We believe him. End of problem. Have a great trip home. Don’t miss swinging by the Alpha Centauri system and telling them what to do, either. I’m sure they’ll love meeting you as much as I have.”

  “We are not leaving at this time. We have agreed to observe ACE and how ACE interacts with all of you. If we deem that ACE is remaining within our laws, we will allow ACE to remain. If we find otherwise, we will remove ACE from Earth. Forever.”

  Handed Jamie to Mrs. Maurer, then stepped up to the Water Man and got right in his face. “You’ll take ACE from us and against his will over my dead body, Sloshy.”

  “That can be arranged.”

  “Yeah? Then you’ll be interfering. I guarantee I have someone out there who will be more than capable of pointing that out to your damned Supreme Council or whatever you call yourselves. You want to play hardball? I’m more than game and have only this to say—bring it.”

  Water Man stared at me for a few long seconds. Then he nodded his head. The water sloshed. It remained unsettling.

  “Your challenge is accepted.”

  Whoops.

  CHAPTER 24

  THE WATER MAN backed off and dissolved, water flowing back into the fountain as if it had never left. The film-type thing came up from out of nowhere, expanding through us and out again, until it was so far away I couldn’t see it.

  “Ah, did you intend to challenge . . . whatever that was?” Mrs. Maurer asked, as I watched the sky to see if something nasty was going to come down out of it and attack.

  “Sorta. Sorta not. Mister White, your thoughts?”

  “I think we had more of an audience for this than you realized.”

  Turned around to see Jeff, Chuckie, Reader, Gower, Tito, Buchanan, Siler, and Christopher standing behind White and Mrs. Maurer. To a man they looked shocked and rather horrified. Oh good.

  Cleared my throat. “Um, you know how I say it’s not my fault when this crap happens?” They all nodded. Apparently no one trusted themselves to speak. “Well, this one was. My fault, I mean.”

  “We heard, girlfriend,” Reader said finally. “All of it.”

  “How long were you there?”

  “Nightcrawler can extend his blend by touch just like the rest of them can extend the hyperspeed,” Buchanan answered. “So we were here for quite a lot of it.”

  Now that I looked more closely, Chuckie had his hand on Jeff’s neck, which meant he’d been applying his Vulcan Nerve Pinch to keep Jeff from charging. Kind of wished Chuckie had shown less restraint.

  “I know. I screwed up. It’s just . . . that entity thing is threatening ACE. And I promised ACE I’d always protect him.”

  “It’s okay, Mommy,” Jamie said, as Jeff took her from Mrs. Maurer and Tito started examining his latest patient. “They won’t attack right away.”

  “Well, there’s that. I guess.”

  “I can’t express how happy I am that Jamie was involved in this,” Jeff said in a tone that indicated quite the opposite.

  “That wasn’t my fault.”

  “That thing was trying to hurt Mommy,” Jamie said reproachfully. “You’d have gone, Daddy. Why shouldn’t I?”

  “Because you’re a little girl,” Jeff said. “Mommy and Daddy are supposed to protect you, Jamie-Kat.”

  “I knew what to do,” she said stubbornly.

  “She did. She dissipated Sloshy.”

  “I don’t want to know. At this moment. I’ll want to know later. Right now . . .” Jeff looked around. “Why are we the only people here?”

  “We were wondering that ourselves just before Sloshy showed up. No idea, but my bet is that either ACE or Sloshy kept everyone else away somehow.”

  “Maybe ACE should return to me,” Gower said. Jeff nodded and handed Jamie to Gower. Gower was big, bald, black, and beautiful. Like Chuckie, Abigail, and Caroline, though, for the last year what he’d also been was quieter and sadder. Losing your brother, sister, and aunt in less than a week will do that to a person, religious leader of an entire race or not. “That way we can keep you out of the line of fire,” he said to Jamie as he gave her a kiss on her head.

  She hugged him. “No, Uncle Paul. Fairy Godfather ACE has to stay with me.”

  “What happened at the embassies?” I asked, before Jeff and Gower could start arguing with her, and in hope of a subject change, at least for a few minutes.

  “Someone else planted the bombs Siler didn’t,” Chuckie said. “Not a bomb signature we recognized, but Vander and Serene have all the bombs so that’s in their court. We’ve evacuated the Israeli embassy as well, though, just in case.”

  “Where is everybody staying, then? There’s already not enough room at Paul and James’ place. Are we all going to Dulce? Where I think ACE was trying to get us to go, by the way.”

  Reader shook his head. “Paul and Jeff cannot leave D.C. right now, for political reasons. Alpha and Airborne are staying here too, because it’s clear that wherever you go, so goes the action, girlfriend.”

  “I’m sorry I screwed up.”

  “We’ll fix it,” Chuckie said, as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Somehow.”

  “I hope we can get the world governments armed and ready fast,” Christopher said. “And not aiming the bombs at each other.”

  “Maybe we can negotiate a diplomatic solution,” Gower said. No one pointedly mentioned that this was actually my job, but their expressions did that for them.

  All but Siler. He barked a laugh. “You all seriously think she blew it?”

  Everyone looked at him. “Yes,” Jeff said. He ran his hand through his hair. “Sorry, baby, but this is worse than when you declared war on the United States, and far less simple to fix.”

  Siler rolled his eyes. “Come on. I was wat
ching. Nothing shows up like that thing did, ensures that everyone in the world knows something’s around, and then hangs out to merely shoot the shit and idly threaten. It was here, testing her to see how she’d react to its threats.”

  Reader nodded slowly. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

  “Why am I always the one the intergalactic bullies want to test out?”

  “You’re a protector,” Chuckie said quietly. “You always have been. And that’s what it was here to determine, wasn’t it? Who was going to stand up for ACE, and were they going to be afraid of something exponentially more powerful than they were, or were they going to go toe-to-toe with the aggressor?”

  Siler nodded. “That’s what it looked like to me. It wanted to see if she was going to back down, try to negotiate, or just attack.”

  “Nightcrawler, I have a name and I’m right here. Call me Kitty, Katherine, Missus Martini, Miss Katt if you just have to fall in line with the rest of the Assassination League, or even Wolverine.”

  Siler grinned. “Okay, Wolvie. Anyway, I think aggression was actually the right response.”

  Everyone stared at him, even me. “You mind explaining how you’ve reached that conclusion?” Christopher asked, speaking for all of us.

  “I think I understand,” Mrs. Maurer said. “You don’t come across a galaxy to just check in on someone, even if it’s not a long trip for you. That . . . Sloshy . . . came to check us out. Why? Are more of his kind coming? He was being willfully stupid on purpose, why not be goading you for a reason? Perhaps they want to be able to declare war because you challenged them, but I’m with . . . Nightcrawler, did you say? I think the outcome was exactly what Sloshy wanted.”

  “Squeaky, I just want to applaud your embrace and acceptance of the nicknames. Welcome to Team Megalomaniac. Speaking of which, where’re Megalomaniac Lad and the flyboys? I’d really like some comic relief right about now.”

  Reader flashed the cover boy grin. “That’s your job, too, girlfriend.”

  “You’re the best at it, though, James.”