Alien Collective

by Gini Koch

  “No, we haven’t. The one that was in the Underground Cloning Facility O’ Horror is long gone, however. Unless you had the Poofs get it somehow. Oh, Harlie, Poofikins, come to Kitty.”

  The Poofs appeared out of nowhere, purred at me, then saw Algar, gave mews of joy, and bounded to him. He petted them and their purrs became quite loud. “No, that one is still buried. It’s unlikely to be found.”

  “Unlikely doesn’t mean impossible, does it? You should visit Tenley. I’m sure it misses you.” Tenley was the Head Poof on Alpha Four. I was fairly certain Tenley and Harlie had been the original Poofs Algar had brought with him from the Black Hole Universe.

  “I wasn’t under the impression you wanted to talk about the Poofs,” Algar said, as he sat down, cross-legged, on the catwalk we were both on, Poofs in his lap. “But to reassure you just a little, I have a blocker up against the one, and it really is only one, missing power cube. No one can enter any A-C base or facility using that particular power cube.”

  “Well, that’s a comfort.” And it explained why the Yates-Mephistopheles in-control superbeing hadn’t taken over before I was born. Only not quite. “How long has that been in effect?”

  Algar rolled his eyes. “Before you all discovered the cubes, I knew about them. The main bases and the Dome were all blocked from power cube entrance by me. As the Poofs found the others, there was no reason to continue to keep them from fully functioning.”

  “What about the one Terry gave to Jeff and Christopher?” Terry was Christopher’s late mother. She’d found and programmed a cube right before she died. Well, right before Yates and/or Mephistopheles had infected her with something that killed her.

  “That one also. It wasn’t in my best interests for someone to be able to just show up at the Science Center using a power cube.”

  “Uh, I did.”

  He grinned. “That you did, lassie. That you did.”

  Any time Algar used his fake Irish accent, I knew he wanted at least a minor subject change and for me to also spend some time thinking about whatever it was we’d been talking about. “So there’s really only one power cube not accounted for?”

  “Yes, really only one unaccounted for. The one you’ve had a year to find and yet haven’t. That one unaccounted for power cube.”

  We had a power cube in the Embassy, in the isolation bedroom that was attached to our suite, as a matter of fact. “Including the one in our Embassy that’s had a bunch of strangers in it thanks to our being evacuated to escape from poisonous gas?”

  “The one in the Embassy is safe. I altered it. Just a little. Differently from how I altered the one that you haven’t found yet.”

  Thought about it. “Oh. Has to be used by me or by someone friendly to me, doesn’t it?”

  “It’s always gratifying when you prove you’re smarter than the average ape.”

  “Thanks ever. So, why do you care so very much about this one last cube?”

  He sighed. “Because it’s the one thing that truly allows your enemies their biggest advantage over you, whether you realize it or not.”

  CHAPTER 27

  “WELL, THANKS FOR THAT. I know it’s powerful and important, we all do. And we’ve looked for it.”

  Algar shook his head. “Not hard enough.”

  “We’ve had a lot going on, in case you didn’t notice.”

  “I noticed. I told you you’d hurt your enemies badly. You were supposed to spend the time gaining an advantage.”

  “Well, we’ve done our best, Headmaster Elf. We can’t just snap our fingers and have it all work out, however. We lost all our data, meaning we’ve had to focus most resources on re-creating what we can, finding what we can, and coming up with new things. While also, you know, trying to decipher the Cloning Code Books.”

  “That’s your father’s area.”

  “Oh my God, are you complaining that my father isn’t doing this fast enough? He may still be on sabbatical, but he’s got other things he has to do for NASA, you know.”

  “Not impugning his reputation.”

  “Just mine, got it. Amy’s been blocked from taking over Gaultier Enterprises at every turn, meaning our access has been extremely limited. Even with that, Chuckie, Vander, and Cliff each did an official search, with a warrant, and a zillion agents each. They all found exactly nada that resembled a power cube. They didn’t find much else unsavory, either.”

  “I didn’t tell you to look only in one place.”

  “You didn’t tell us to look at all. We did that using our own free will and such, which should make you all kinds of happy.”

  “What did you find other than the power cube?”

  “I know you know, but I’ll humor you. We found exactly nothing untoward. Amy thinks that our commando raid on the cloning and drug-making facility alerted the Gaultier Board and they’ve moved all the questionable stuff elsewhere. Chuckie agrees and also feels that the power cube isn’t in the Gaultier Research facility in this area and potentially never was. He thinks it’s probably in Europe somewhere, most likely with all the rest of the badness Gaultier was working on.”

  “You should listen to him more often. He’s only wrong about a couple of things.”

  “I listen to him all the time. And I know, he was wrong about where Hoffa was buried.”

  Algar nodded. “That’s one thing. The other thing he’s wrong on is much more important, though.”

  “You going to tell me what that is?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Yes?” Hey, you couldn’t blame a girl for trying.

  “No.”

  “Figures. You willing to tell me if the power cube in my Embassy is still there and still safe?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, is that you saying you’re willing or you saying it’s safe?”

  “Yes.”

  “I hate you.”

  “So you claim. I thought you were here for something other than discussing the power cubes and what you haven’t done to find the one that allows your enemy to go almost anywhere in the world without issue.”

  Sat down next to him. “No, you’re right. And I’m so sorry. I may have mentioned that we’ve been trying to recreate all our data? And also somehow protect the data we still have and are re-creating from people more tech savvy than our top computer personnel, who, until last year, were considered top in the entire world? And, while we’re not doing much on those fronts, we’re also working to find all the missing Yates Offspring. Oh, and trying to keep all the various protestors and alien haters off our backs. Plus, you know, do our regular jobs that everyone still expects to be done to the utmost of our abilities.”

  “So, you haven’t been focused on the thing that really matters.”

  “Seriously? The missing power cube is your damage? Dude, you have the ability to freaking find it or tell me where the hell it is. If you can block it so that no one using it can get into an A-C base or facility, then you can certainly fetch it or have the Poofs fetch it. Utilize your free will and do me a solid.”

  “I can’t. Not in this case.”

  Stifled a groan and the urge to hit him. “You mean you won’t. Fine. Then let’s get to what I’m currently seeing as the big problems. I want to discuss everything that’s going on and everything that’s coming.”

  He laughed. “That’s a lot of things. You won’t live long enough to talk about everything that’s going on and coming.”

  “Oh, you’re pulling the old Must Be Literal ploy? Fine. I’d like to know what we’re going to do about ACE’s parole officer, the Being Currently Known as Sloshy.”

  “I don’t plan to do anything about the situation. It’s not my bailiwick.”

  “Seriously? You’re not planning on fleeing?” Held out my iPod.

  He didn’t look at it. He also didn’t reply. Thought about the lyrics to the only song that was currently on this particular playlist, over and over again. “I’m not going with you, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Unless y
ou’re taking all of us, and by ‘all’ I mean all the residents of the planet.”

  “No, I couldn’t do that.” He sighed. “You’d be better off somewhere else.”

  “Yeah? Why is that all of a sudden?”

  “Because you challenged an entity so powerful I’m not sure your brain can grasp it.”

  “Oh, blah, blah, blah. I can grasp how powerful you are. I know how powerful ACE is. I can make an educated guess. And before you say it, yes, yes, we puny humans have no real concept of everyone else’s incredible cosmic powers. But to continue to quote the Genie from Aladdin . . . you’re still kind of stuck in an itty bitty living space, cosmos-wise.”

  Algar laughed. “True enough. But to reassure you, because that’s what you really want, I’m not planning on leaving. At the moment anyway.”

  “I really want so many things, but yes, that was one of them. Is the issue with ACE going to attract the beings after you?”

  “Potentially. But since I don’t plan on being actively involved, it shouldn’t create undue attention.”

  “We need you to be involved.”

  “Didn’t we have the Great God Algar discussion when we first officially met?”

  “Yes, we did. Didn’t we have the whole With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility chat, too?”

  “Yes. Free will. It’s important to me.”

  “And to us, too. Not losing one of our two real protectors is important to everyone.”

  “Most don’t really know what ACE does or doesn’t do here, and literally only a handful know what I do here. No loss if we leave.”

  “Oh please, pull the other one, it has bells on. It doesn’t matter if an ant understands what the sun does—but if the sun is taken away, the ant will die.”

  “Interesting analogy.”

  “I’m clear on how all you Super Special Advanced Beings think of us.”

  “Oh, I see you as Naked Apes.”

  “Yeah.” Wondered if this was a clue. “Think I should contact the Planetary council and ask them for help?”

  “I’ll give you one for free. No. They have their own problems right now.”

  “Fantastic.” So much for our outer-space allies. “You want me to let Sloshy take ACE away, don’t you?”

  “Doesn’t matter to me.”

  “You’re lying. With ACE gone you’ll lose superconsciousness scrutiny of this planet. At least, so you think. But I think they’ll just send someone else, someone who won’t actually care about us like ACE does.”

  “Immortality is a lot of dullness interspersed with extreme excitement. This is an extreme excitement moment. I’m enjoying it.”

  “I’m not. ACE is in my daughter. That means my daughter is in danger. And if ACE leaves my daughter, she’s in more danger. And if the Superconsciousness Council tries to take my daughter with them and ACE, I’m going to find out how to destroy the entire universe to get her back. That exciting enough for you?”

  Algar stared at me for a few long moments. “You’re scared.”

  “I’m neither suicidal nor moronic, so, hell yeah, of course I’m scared.”

  “And yet, you’re not capitulating to the superior being. Instead, you challenged it.”

  “Yes. As has been pointed out, not my most shining moment.”

  Algar gently put the Poofs into my lap, stood up, and patted my head, rather lovingly, all things considered. “No. I consider it your most shining moment to date.”

  Then he snapped his fingers.

  CHAPTER 28

  I WAS BACK IN THE LAIR, sitting on the bed, Poofs still in my lap. “Huh. As usual, not really getting the answers or help I was hoping for. Algar bats a thousand again.”

  The Poofs looked up at me expectantly. Then they both hopped off my lap and curled up on the pillows, still giving me expectant looks.

  “You think now’s a time to nap?”

  Got a look from the Poofs indicating that they were concerned I’d hit my head somewhere along the way.

  “Oh. Time to try to go to sleep and maybe talk to ACE. I knew that.”

  Received looks that clearly said they hadn’t fallen for my lame excuse and I could stop pretending I hadn’t been totally clueless.

  “Fine, fine. It’s been a hell of a stressful day so far, I see I’m forced to mention. I’m also forced to mention that, stressful or not, I’m not all that tired.”

  The Poofs indicated that this was too bad, and yet, they also didn’t care—it was time to nap. Always the way.

  Figured some music could help. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a Music To Bore Myself To Sleep By playlist, or anything by Jack Johnson. I tended not to have boring music. Considered the myriad choices on my iPod. Jewel was always an option, but I just wasn’t in the mood. Decided to randomly spin the dial. Ended up on Foster the People’s Torches album. As good a choice as any other. Put the iPod into the nice docking station we had in here and turned it on low.

  As “Helena Beat” started, I lay down and the Poofs snuggled up into either side of my neck. My neck was my main erogenous zone, but thankfully whenever Jamie and the pets snuggled there, it was just nice, not arousing. Jeff was probably even happier about this than I was.

  The Poofs started purring, which was always nice and relaxing. Took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Normally it took exhaustion or a number of great orgasms provided by Jeff for me to fall instantly asleep. However, either Algar or the Poofs, or maybe even ACE, were assisting, because I could feel myself slipping into sleep.

  Half expected my “favorite” dream, where I was in front of a congressional hearing and screwing up. But someone decided to be kind. In a sense.

  I was in a gray, formless mass. I’d seen this when Michael and Fuzzball had visited me in my sleep. Had no idea if this was a real place, or just what those in charge of my subconscious—which, in these cases, I never truly felt was me—wanted me to see. Why anyone would want me to see gray nothingness was beyond me, but why ask why?

  Looked around. I wasn’t alone. Sadly, neither Michael nor Fuzzball were in evidence. Neither was anyone else I wanted to see.

  No, I was hanging out in the gray nothing with none other than Mr. Supreme Evil, Mephistopheles, as he’d been in superbeing form—big, blood-red, and seriously fugly.

  Mephistopheles looked like a giant faun—sorta human-ish on the top half, goat-like for the bottom parts. His arms were human-like, but his fingers ended in claws. The curling horns coming out of his forehead, his huge bat-wings, and the hair on his lower body were also blood-red. You had to give it to him—he had a theme, and he stuck to it.

  “Are you kidding me? This is what I went to sleep for? Nightmares?”

  Mephistopheles stared at me. “You. Why are you here?”

  “Got me, Mephs. I was pretty much about to ask you the same thing. This is my dream, though, so I think you must be here because I’m stressed out about your offspring. Or something like that.”

  “You were to create my offspring.”

  “Oh, good point.” Right. There were no reproductive organs on any of the in-control superbeings I’d ever seen. “Fine, Ronald Yates’ offspring, then. He’s a part of you.”

  Mephistopheles shook his head. “No. I allowed him to die. He died separately from me. We are not bound in the . . . ,” he looked around, “. . . afterlife?”

  “You’re asking me? Seriously? I have no idea what’s going on. I took a nap in the hopes that my daughter was also napping so I could talk to ACE and see if I could get even the slightest clue about all the bad that’s coming down on us. You were not in my expected equation.” Thought about this question. “But, barring someone having gotten poisoned gas into the Science Center, I’m not dead.”

  “I am.” He didn’t sound angry, or sad, just matter-of-fact.

  “Yeah, you are. We killed you. You were one hard parasite to kill, I might add.”

  He nodded. “I remember.” He sat down on the gray nothing. “What can I assist you with?”

&
nbsp; “Um . . . you’re offering to help me?”

  “I believe I am here to help you, yes.”

  “Why? We were enemies.”

  “No. I wanted to join with you. We were adversaries, yes, but not enemies.”

  “I remember it differently.”

  “I’m sure you do. However, I know I’m dead. And you are not. So, we are together here for a reason.”

  “Why you, versus Ronald Yates?”

  “Perhaps because what I know is of more use to you than what he might know.”

  My brain decided to join the party. Algar had watched over the solar system Mephistopheles had ultimately destroyed. Ergo, Algar knew Mephistopheles, and Mephistopheles might know Algar, as well. But that relationship wasn’t what I needed confirmed.

  The question was, who’d “brought” Mephistopheles here—Algar or ACE? Then again, it might not matter. If I was talking to Mephistopheles, I wasn’t talking to either one of them, meaning the other Busybody Powers That Be couldn’t really say they were interfering, or not interfering, depending on their particular slavish devotion.

  So, what could I ask of Mephistopheles that would be relevant to what was going on? Had no clue. Decided I’d just start randomly asking things that I’d wondered about and see where it led me. Or, as I liked to think of it, routine.

  “Why did you blow up your own sun? In your original solar system, I mean.”

  “My people were not . . . behaving as I wanted them to. I threatened them with destruction. They didn’t believe I’d destroy us all if my demands were not met. But I did. I knew we would go on, and would find other worlds to conquer.”

  “Yeah. That didn’t really work out like you’d planned.”

  He shrugged. “Those are the risks of power, and power plays.”

  “True enough. Speaking of risks, your people were used as cannon fodder by the Z’Porrah, when they attacked Earth.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Are they still here, the Z’Porrah?”

  “No. We ran them off. With help. But still, off.”

  “Good. So, who opposes you now?”

  “Many people and things. My husband, your sort of grandson, is somehow running for vice president of the U.S. and the people on the other ticket are nasty haters. You’d love them. I have some powerful gossip columnist after me. I’m worried that the campaign or the gossip monger are going to reveal things, like us killing you.”