Magic and Mayhem: Risky Witchness (Kindle Worlds Novella)

by Saranna Dewylde

  “Cross-species dating is weird, anyway. I shouldn’t be doing it.” He shoved three bites of pumpkin in his mouth.

  “Fine. Stay here. But we’re going to have the sex.” I said pointedly.

  “I hate it when you say it that way. Gross.” Prick waddled toward the door.

  “I know. That’s why I say it.”

  When we were alone, I looked at my demon. “Well, devil man? Let’s make some memories.”

  Chapter 8

  Ethelred

  I was going home.

  But my heart was in worse shape than when I came to this stupid place. I’d thought that I could heal a wound, a gaping maw in the black pit of that stupid thing I wasn’t even supposed to carry around with me.

  Instead, I’d cut myself open again.

  There was no healing. Only pain. Part of me wanted to say that I didn’t understand why humans would ever do this to themselves, but the part of me that felt everything understood why. For those few shining moments, it was worth it.

  Lesson learned.

  Only it was a lesson I didn’t want.

  Oh, the irony…

  I was frequently tasked with handing out lessons no one wanted. Now, I’d been gifted with my own.

  Too bad I couldn’t give it back.

  Waiting with her to see the Baba Yaga had to be one of the least pleasant experiences I’d had in a long time.

  I was so very aware this was the last time I’d smell her hair. That I’d touch her hand. That I’d see her smile at me in that hopeful way.

  Even though I kept reminding myself she wasn’t Emilian, that I was supposed to be waiting for him, that voice in my head became background noise.

  I was determined that, if we couldn’t be together, I’d at least keep her out of prison. Prick, too, I suppose.

  I looked around the waiting room and wasn’t fooled in the least by the lacy doilies, the rose chintz print, or the teapot collection.

  “This isn’t at all what I expected,” Millie whispered in my ear.

  “Don’t let it fool you.”

  “Of course not. I know she can fry my ass.”

  “The Baba Yaga will see you now.”

  We were led into the inner sanctum. It looked like 1980 had thrown up. The walls were covered in posters, a Teddy Ruxpin moved his mouth along with a Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach,” and a young woman lay on the bed chatting on a cheeseburger-shaped phone.

  “No, no, I gotta go.” She snapped her gum.

  When she turned over to face us, she looked exactly like Madonna from her True Blue album cover.

  “So.” She fiddled with the jelly bracelets that circled her from wrist to forearm. “What’s this I hear?”

  I quelled the urged to answer for her, and Millie didn’t disappoint. She stepped up to the plate.

  “You know what happened to me at University—” she began.

  “Everyone knows what happened to you at University. I assume this is the offending creature?” She nodded to him.

  Offending creature? I sniffed my disdain.

  “My friend Seraphim says that you’re pretty rad, and I should send you home. No questions asked. No punishments.”

  “But you don’t agree?” I asked her.

  “How many contracts did you make? You’ve been here for long enough to have raised, and pardon the pun, holy hell.”

  “Only one, but it wasn’t for a soul. I was underwriting Millie’s with the fairies to make sure she didn’t get screwed.”

  “Yeah?” She drummed her fingers on the plastic cheeseburger. “That was nice of you.”

  “I suppose.”

  “And what are you both going to do about reparations for the Shifters? I know that what was done wasn’t done with malice, but these people were still damaged by your actions.”

  I shrugged. “Look, if you’re seeking some sort of contrition, I can’t help you. I refuse to be sorry for something I didn’t do. I’m all about assigning blame, and I bear none in this. Neither does Millie.”

  “I see. What about Prick? Does he bear the blame?”

  I looked down at the little guy. “No, he bears no blame either. This was simply a misfortune of unhappy accidents.”

  “I’m actually surprised to hear you say this. You see, Seraphim has made me privy to a conversation you had with a penitent not so long ago. How you trained her. She is now the demon lust.”

  I didn’t turn when I felt Millie’s eyes on me sharp as a blade. “Demon is a relative term. Some would say she’s an angel.”

  “Some.” The Baba Yaga granted. “But let’s not get tied up in semantics, shall we? Let’s discuss your lesson in accidents.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I knew it. This was some kind of lesson.”

  “And the fact remains that people were hurt.”

  “Pain is the best teacher.”

  “I don’t agree.” She chomped her gum.

  It was hard to take her seriously while she looked like Madonna chomping on Bubble Yum, but I knew that was part of the lesson, too.

  “I just want to make this right,” Millie said.

  The Baba Yaga turned a bright smile to my witch. “Yes, I know you do. I can read your mind. I can see all the good and bad things floating around in there. I can also see that your demon is trying to give you an orgasm right here with his demonic power. I have to say, I don’t approve. We’re having a serious discussion.”

  “Sorry.” But I wasn’t. Not at all. This was the last time I was going to see Millie, and I wanted her to remember me with pleasure. Not sadness.

  And not that rotten hope that would turn sour.

  For her part, Millie had been handling the sensations fairly well. She slapped my shoulder, though, now that we were being called on it.

  Except the Baba Yaga’s face softened. For a moment, in her eyes, I saw the extent of her power. She was no gum smacking pop star, and I’d known that. But the compassion I saw there turned my stomach.

  It was as if all my sadness and yearning had been laid out for her in some pretty buffet. No fucking thank you.

  “Do you wish to go home?”

  No.

  Yes.

  Fuck.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “And you, Millicent Mandrake, Valedictorian and Smiter of Barriers Between Worlds, what do you wish?”

  “I wish to fix everything I’ve broken. And I desperately wish not to go to jail.”

  The Baba Yaga smiled and, for a moment, she wasn’t Madonna. She wasn’t the Baba Yaga. I saw Seraphim smiling out from behind her face.

  “Granted.”

  Everything that mattered to me was gone. I was back in Hell.

  And indeed, it was Hell. Even though I had my crown, my wings, and all the power in the world, I didn’t have Millie.

  Chapter 9

  Millie

  The University Library

  Six Months Later

  Filing books was the biggest pain in the ass. I wasn’t allowed to use my magick, which of course, at this point in my life, was just par for the course.

  I don’t know what I’d been so sure of.

  I didn’t have my demon, and I wanted him.

  The Baba Yaga had given me everything I’d wished for. So why hadn’t I wished for Ethelred?

  I’d been afraid to. I’d been afraid it was selfish. I was so worried about making amends, I forgot to actually ask for what I really wanted.

  So much for learning how to get out of my own way.

  “I know you miss him,” Prick said from the next aisle over. He’d been a champ, helping me file books by hand. He took all the bottom rows. It seemed to be helping him get back into shape. He’d eaten his own weight in pumpkins after we’d left Assjacket.

  “And I know you miss Prudence.” I filed Cross Country Hungarian Magician’s Cabinet Making in the reference section. It had been stored in general fiction. “But chin up, Prick. We’re going back to The Mandrake this weekend to check up on operations.”

&nb
sp; “It’ll be nice to see her.” He handed a tiny tome up to me. “Ugh. Someone hid the Miracle Grow down here again.”

  “No one wants to admit they’re insecure about the size of their parts, Prick.”

  He shrugged. “I’m just tired of re-shelving that book.”

  “Well, you won’t have to as soon as I pay off the rest of my loans. You technically don’t have to help. But I appreciate that you do.”

  “That’s the first really nice thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  “Is it? I’m sorry. I guess I haven’t been a very good witch.”

  “I won’t say you haven’t been a handful, but a porcupine familiar has to be a pain in the ass. No pun intended.”

  “I got teased so much.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m glad you’re my familiar. I wouldn’t trade you, Prick. Not for the world.”

  Suddenly, Prick wasn’t Prick anymore. He was tall. Broad shouldered. Human-shaped. And hot as shit.

  “What did you just do and how do I turn it off?” I cried.

  “You loved me.” He shrugged. “I was under a curse to serve as a familiar until a witch could love me for who I am. Pricks and all.”

  “Whoever cursed you has a funny sense of humor.”

  “Not really. I guess I was a prick. But I can’t leave you without a familiar.” He put his arm around my shoulder. “I won’t.”

  “That’s all well and good…but if you could find some pants.”

  “In a second.” He handed me a quill. “How about one for the road?”

  I accepted it, unsure of what he meant.

  “I need to talk to Prudence. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a break and call her. I just have to hope she believes me.”

  “You could summon her.”

  “Of course. Like I’d use a cellphone. Those things are the devil.” He grinned.

  I had a feeling Prudence was about to be in the best kind of trouble. I know if it had been Ethelred…

  Just thinking his name evoked both sadness and joy. It was such a strange dichotomy.

  “Looks like you won’t be pricking me anymore.”

  “Well, if you can’t figure out a way to get Ethelred back, I’d be happy to.”

  I gasped and blushed. “Prick!”

  He grinned. “Actually, it’s Peter. But close enough.”

  “Next thing you’ll tell me is that your last name is Johnson.”

  “It is,” he deadpanned. “But, seriously, why don’t you make a wish, Millie? You know they come in threes, don’t you?”

  He was right. I’d only made two!

  My breath caught in my throat and my fingers trembled. “I wish to be able to be with Ethelred without tearing a hole in the universe.” I bit my lip. “Or ending the world.”

  Nothing happened and I sighed.

  “Or hurting any Shifters.

  Wings exploded from my back and a great blinding light burned my eyes.

  A black hole brewed and swirled in front of me and there he was in all his hellish glory. My Ethelred.

  “I knew you’d make a great—wait, just what the shit is this?” He frowned as he climbed through the hole and embraced me, stroking his hands down my wings.

  It was the most delicious thing I’d ever experienced. An orgasm in itself.

  “Just look at yourself, my Millie.”

  A mirror manifested before me, and there looking back at me was an angel. That couldn’t be me.

  That couldn’t be an actual angel.

  But it was. It was me.

  A handbook appeared on my cart and there was a name emblazoned on the cover. I picked it up with shaking hands.

  Stegaria. The Angel of Magick.

  “Looks like you just got hired. Can’t say I like that part of the company, but it’ll do.” Ethelred said, putting his arm around my waist.

  “I don’t need another job.”

  This couldn’t be happening.

  “Your debts are paid, except your one to me. It’ll take you eternity to pay.”

  To someone else, that might’ve sounded like a threat. To me, it sounded like Happily Ever After.

  More Magic and Mayhem

  Want to read more magic and mayhem? http://robynpeterman.com/kindle-world/

  Want to read more about Ethelred and his friends? Check out Saranna DeWylde’s How To Lose A Demon in 10 Days, How To Marry a Warlock in 10 Days, and How To Seduce an Angel in 10 Days.