In Case Of Emergency Break Fourth Wall (The Messenger Archive Book 3)

by DC Bastien

  "Please, feel free."

  "And can someone get me my goddamn ship? I mean, if we're going to stop an interspecies war, least I can get is my ship, crew, and good name back?"

  ***

  [Ashroe: I've had a crappy ass day. Can we... can we just...]

  [Sianor: Of course sweetie! Let's just chill. I mean, we need to get geared up for the action sequence. I know how you hate those.]

  [Ashroe: I just like the visuals of them more than the writing of them. I don't read action books, after all.]

  [Sianor: Totally understandable :) Do you want to talk about what went bad today?]

  [Ashroe: It's... sigh. It's my sister.]

  [Sianor: Okay. The – she's younger, right?]

  [Ashroe: Yeah. They all are. She's the middle one, then my brother.]

  [Sianor: I thought you didn't see her often?]

  [Ashroe: I don't. That's kind of part of the problem. She says I'm too distant... uh. She says we never see one another now.]

  [Sianor: Okay. How far away is she?]

  [Ashroe: Forty-five minutes. An hour. Maybe. Depends on traffic. But it's not the distance, it's the... life-having thing. You know?]

  [Sianor: She's got kids, hasn't she?]

  [Ashroe: Yeah.]

  [Ashroe: And I love them, I do. I love all my nephews and nieces.]

  [Ashroe: And I like spending time with them, but... I also don't? Like I want to see them sometimes, but I don't have kids of my own. So I just... I want them in small doses. And also it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't keep asking me when I was going to have kids.]

  [Sianor: ...is this a bad time for me to ask?]

  [Ashroe: Uh. Kind of. Yes and no. I mean, I think I might. Just... not... now.]

  [Sianor: Okay. I mean, we haven't even met so it's a bit... you know. Premature of me to ask. But I like kids. And also maybe one day.]

  [Ashroe: But I'm not going to have one – or adopt one – just because of a number on my ticky-box-age-thing. On forms, I mean. Especially if I'm adopting, my fertility rate becomes less important than my life-expectancy. And I have my own life to live. I'm not... we don't all live in the same house any more. That happens.]

  [Sianor: Oh honey, I'm so sorry.]

  [Ashroe: It's not your fault. Although she kind of thinks it is. She thinks I'm being childish, which is rich. She got pregnant by accident then they got married. Which I have no problem with I hasten to add. None at all. But she decided her life based partially on a chance occurrence of egg:sperm collision. Whereas I wouldn't get a kid until I was emotionally, financially and physically able to give it all the love I want to. I'm not ready. End of.]

  [Sianor: Did you tell her this?]

  [Ashroe: Yeah. Then she – uh. She kind of hung up on me. And hasn't texted me back. So I'm sitting here... not sure. I guess.]

  [Ashroe: And she blames me from moving further away from Mum and Dad.]

  [Sianor: But you can get to them in the same time, right?]

  [Ashroe: Yep, but that means if their car breaks she's the one driving them everywhere. Or if Mum is ill she has to take the soup over. She thinks I moved away to magically avoid family duties. Not because I got a job and wanted a place near by and where I could afford.]

  [Sianor: What about your brother?]

  [Ashroe: Oh, he's useless. He 'moved out' but he's forever in and out. And he's never lifted a finger in his life. But because he never did, she thinks I should.]

  [Ashroe: Ugh, families.]

  [Sianor: Sometimes I am glad I am an only child.]

  [Ashroe: There's pros and cons. I mean, growing up, they were pains. I'd been alone for so long, then suddenly there's these noisy things. And they're too small to play with you. Then they are just a drag. But then... well. We were never best friends, but I could always talk to her. You know? Might be weeks between, but we'd talk. And then she got brats and she was too busy most of the time.]

  [Ashroe: I'm just being broody. Ignore me.]

  [Sianor: No, I just... wish I knew how to fix it.]

  [Sianor: I'm sad that you're sad.]

  [Ashroe: I'll be okay. I just wish she'd damn well realise how much she hurts me when she says these things. When she puts actions into – uh. You put words into someone's mouth. Where do you put actions?]

  [Sianor: Not sure, but don't you mean intent?]

  [Ashroe: Guess you're right. Can we just... watch together again?]

  [Sianor: Sure thing sweetie.]

  [Ashroe: I need some whumping. Let's watch Vadim get the crap kicked out of him. I need it in my life.]

  [Sianor: Anything for my girl :)]

  ***

  Chapter Eight – Mission: Lights, Camera, Action

  [Ashroe: Okay. I have my supplies.]

  [Sianor: Send me a pic!]

  [Ashroe: ....there.]

  [Sianor: You take this seriously indeed.]

  [Ashroe: Action sequences take more prep than porn.]

  [Ashroe: I wish I was lying. Porn is easy. I mean. You bump bits. Action you have to shoot people and shit.]

  [Sianor: Are you sure you're not actually Kip?]

  [Ashroe: That was a low blow. And no, he likes the shooting shit. So clearly you are Kip, and I am Ithon. Who prefers to sit back and let the shooting happen around him.]

  [Sianor: Point. Okay. We gonna do the thing?]

  [Ashroe: Verily let the thing be done.]

  [Ashroe: BTW you're starting the thing.]

  [Ashroe: Oh goodie, your cursor is moving. I'll just—]

  [Sianor: You're joining in, missy.]

  [Ashroe: FINE.]

  [Ashroe: Under protest. I am a conscientious objector.]

  ***

  "You getting this?"

  "I am," came Nessin's voice over the tiny earpiece. "Your boyfriend doesn't need to wave to me."

  "He likes to make friends, what can I say?" Vadim gestured at Ithon to get him to stop, and that just earned him a wink and a laugh. "Okay. Remember to—"

  "I know. Remember to put enough of a pause in my broadcast to ensure nothing inflammatory or insensitive is shown. Remember to edit... you do know this is my job, Captain? Indeed, my vocation?"

  "Just saying. It's my first rodeo live on air. And I curse."

  "No shit."

  He rolled his eyes and adjusted the blast-goggles with inbuilt camera and microphone again. They were all wearing various kinds of tactical gear, mostly in black. There were flashes of hidden colour that the goggles would differentiate when in combat to minimise the risk of friendly fire. Which would be more of a problem with the Sianar troops than the Roq and Human, of course.

  "We all ready to roll out?"

  Several affirmatives, and he took that as enough. They had all piled onto the Sianar ships that Eru had sent. Vadim had never seen their like before: they were completely unrecognisable. He didn't even know what their base frame was, so they had to be custom from fore to aft. Three of them, all crewed by a mix of not-Ardeshir and Roq... what did Roq specialist units even call themselves? Did they have a name? He was sure they did, but sometimes he felt like keeping on top of all the species-specific terminology was like running up a treadmill.

  The Sianar were piloting the vessels as they knew them best, but everything else would be evenly split. Everyone had the goggles with linked audio, and Nessin had access to every feed so she could cherry-pick her report.

  It was going to work. It was...

  Ithon nodded at him, just once. Just once. Okay. It was going to work.

  ***

  Apparently Sianar Ardeshir ships were super freaky, because although Cil's troops seemed to follow what was known of Ardeshir techniques, they really couldn't detect the real thing until it was too late. Whatever trickery they pulled to get in alongside the hulls he'd never know (and would never ask, for fear of getting his throat ripped out). Even though it would be damned useful in a scrape, of course.

  When they latched on to the hull there just was no hiding the sound or feel of impac
t, no matter how quiet the kiss of airlock to airlock. He stood back from the front line and when they blew the first door the sudden flurry of gunfire made the air light blue and electric. Vadim and Avery followed the front line of Sianar out, with their six taken up by Roq.

  "Okay, get me intel on where they're being held," he insisted. "Remember: Alpha Team is on extraction of the two hostages. Beta Team is on capture of their leader, and Teams... Everyone Else is on keep us alive duty."

  "Captain, we believe the prisoners are being held on the level above," came a politely efficient voice. "There is a physical staircase approximately thirty meters to your nine o'clock."

  "Roger that. Alpha Team..."

  The Sianar were rather brutally efficient. They took the front line – doubtless wanting to purge the shame of Cil's actions – shooting their own kind without hesitation. Vadim had also wanted to make sure it didn't look like Roq taking revenge, and the Roq flanking them from behind were less likely to get caught on camera.

  The fact he even had to consider the possibility somewhat disgusted him, but that was politics. And that was the game he'd been dragged into, quite against his will.

  They came to a fork in the path just as a contingent of local Sianar started to shoot at them and he and Ithon both dropped to a crouch, shooting back. He winged at least one, hearing the hiss and curse of his target. To his right, someone went down with an oof and was quickly surrounded by a mixture of Roq and Sianar. The small group of locals was dispatched, and they were given a second or two to re-evaluate.

  "She's going to need emergency medical treatment," a Sianar told him, slapping a dressing over the wound. "I can take her back."

  "You sure you don't need company?"

  The Sianar nodded, hefting the Roq over his shoulder. "Good hunting."

  Which was still all kinds of creepified to hear. Vadim nodded, then gestured for them to continue. Over the comms he heard the sections being cleared out systematically, and he wondered why there was even someone in charge of this? They didn't really need someone in charge. Or... maybe they just needed the initial direction setting. Maybe that's what a good leader with good troops would do: just tell them the basics and only get involved if anything contentious occurred. Yep. Sounded right.

  In the Ur, they'd not really worked in big units. Enforcers tended to be lone wolves, or work in pairs. They weren't a militia of any kind, which was how they managed to keep their relative impartiality. Sure, if they did mobilise as a force then there would be little most groups could do to resist them. However as they were made up from nearly every species, the chances of it ever happening were slim to none.

  Or that was the tale they were spun in the Academy, anyway. Chapter and verse, ready to defend themselves against any nay-sayers in the big, bad world. One of the other ways that the Ur was slightly cultish, Vadim thought. If they had to pre-empt their members with defensive speeches, something was intrinsically wrong. But the Ur might be the least bad option there was, so... that was something, right?

  "We believe they are behind this door," one of the Sianar ahead said. No way would he ever remember all their names. He sometimes forgot his own, for crying out loud. "We cannot get readings through the reinforced walls. We do not know what is on the other side."

  "Right, well—"

  Ithon grabbed his shoulder, then. "Maybe you should let me go first."

  "And let you save my goddamn crew?"

  But that's when he saw it. Ithon wasn't sure there was anyone left to save, and he was trying to be the one to break it to him gently. That annoyed him, so he shrugged his hand off.

  "Kip..."

  "Open the door," he said, storming to the front of the group.

  ***

  Saidhe wasn't sure what in the hell was going on. All of a sudden a contingent of Sianar had stormed in, followed shortly by Cil. But instead of dragging them all to their feet, they'd been left in their cells. There was a series of growling commands given in a tongue she didn't recognise, though she was sure Loap would. So that wasn't the most secure way to communicate.

  "Anything you'd care to share?" she asked, shuffling closer to the bars at the front of her cage.

  Someone kicked their rear paw at the bars. They couldn't reach her through them, and it was more for the noise and shock value. After being starved and chained, a little cage-rattling wasn't going to work on her.

  "Loap?"

  "An... incursion?" Loap's voice came through from the neighbouring cell.

  "Shut up!" the kick-happy Sianar spat. "If you say another word..."

  Saidhe made a noise that Hleen rarely did. She wasn't sure if the Sianar would understand the insult, but she also didn't really care.

  So they were being attacked? Wait, did that mean? Saidhe almost yelped. They'd come to save them! Yes? Biann and the Captain and Kre and Mes? They were going to get out of here okay. After all, the Captain had taken on the Bankers and won. One little so-called Za wasn't going to get in his way.

  Except then they clearly realised there was some leverage, and Saidhe found herself dragged out of the cell and forced to her knees with a gun pointed at her head.

  Okay. Measured success.

  ***

  Vadim had his assault rifle pressed into his shoulder, thankful that at least the Sianar made provision for left-handed forces. The weapon was a little bigger than he'd have really liked, but it meant he could cock it without ripping half of his face off, so it was a trade-off.

  Inside the room was a small, furry wall of bodies. They stood shoulder-to-shoulder, clearly ready to die to protect whoever was behind them.

  "Look," he said, lifting his voice as loud as he could. "You all know as the situation is dire. Reckon you also know that the Amanuensis just declared Eru as Za. And how Kre is her right-hand-woman. All the news reports are pretty much over that right now, and your attempt to stir up hatred didn't go so well. So... what say you all put your weapons down and come peaceful-like?"

  "And surrender my legitimate claim to the throne?" came the voice from behind the wall of fur.

  "Reckon if it was so legitimate, you'd have made the claim on Raboros, not on some crappy-ass ship above Draqqi. Right? Means you need to be away from the actual people what have claims to stake." Okay, so that was conjecture, but still. "You let my folks go, and all your lackeys will be given slaps on the wrists, no more. And you?"

  "Nothing you can offer me will—"

  Whatever Cil was going to say it never resolved. Beside him, Ithon and the Roq sharp-shooter were exchanging pointed looks, satisfied with the shot that had floored the 'Za'.

  "STAND. DOWN," Vadim yelled, knowing Sianar reacted best to audible commands. "He's not dead. Just stunned. And I meant what I said: any of you as wants it, clemency. Just put down your weapons and hand over my crew. And the guy we just stunned. Obviously."

  There was some shuffling, growling, and—

  "I'd suggest you do what he says," Loap's voice chirped up. "He can be rather cantankerous."

  "Not helping, Loap."

  "Oh, I think he is," Saidhe said. Then there was a noise as several Sianar threw down their weapons. "After all, who wants to deal with a cantankerous Captain who can shoot down a would-be-Za?"

  "He didn't make the shot," Ithon pointed out.

  "Even better, his minions did," Saidhe snarked right back.

  "Guys, could we have the domestic when I'm done rescuing you? Oh... and I meant what I said about the letting me have them. Even if they're not being very good crew-mates right about now." Vadim folded his arms, ignoring the baffled looks he was getting.

  To his left, one of the Sianar growled loudly, and that was enough to convince them.

  "Thank you! Finally. Now... can we all go back to the ship? Because I for one am sick of all this running around."

  "Oh," Ithon added. "We found the Judge."

  "Where was he?" Loap asked.

  "Long story."

  ***

  [Sianor: See, it wasn't so
bad.]

  [Ashroe: *rocks back and forth*]

  [Ashroe: *war flashbacks*]

  [Ashroe: *needs stiff drink*]

  [Sianor: Baby.]

  [Ashroe: Sweetie.]

  [Sianor: No, I was calling you one.]

  [Ashroe: I was being endearingly pretend-misunderstandingy.]

  [Sianor: Well, you are endearing.]

  [Ashroe: Sobbing.]

  [Sianor: It's over now. We can have people just... talking...?]

  [Ashroe: I'll get over myself soon, I will. I just like to pout.]

  [Ashroe: I have a good pout.]

  [Sianor: I need to tell you about a name I found today.]

  [Ashroe: Ooo?]

  [Sianor: Yes. I mean, I get to see people's pet names sometimes. As part of the paperwork. And they have some really weird names. There's lots of Fluffy and Spot and... everything else.]

  [Ashroe: Go on.]

  [Sianor: It was a gerbil, okay? A gerbil. Called Padfoot.]

  [Ashroe: Called... okay. That gerbil dreams big.]

  [Sianor: I just started laughing because... well. Shouldn't it be Wormtail?]

  [Ashroe: Probably! Oh dear.]