In Case Of Emergency Break Fourth Wall (The Messenger Archive Book 3)

by DC Bastien

  Kre knew Loap had the storyline memorised, but game mechanics were not his forte. His preferred games were more to the role-playing dynamic. Kre didn't often game, but she had fast reactions which translated well.

  The basic storyline (if she recalled correctly) was about an alien species called the Procyens. They were shiny, gunmetal-coloured smooth creatures that walked on four legs, but had four more they used as arms. They had elaborate wings that enabled them to fly and looked like nothing that existed anywhere, really. The Procyens were in the middle of a bloody war as their ecosystem failed around them. Low on resources, the majority of the Procyens preferred to die a valiant, bloody (or ichor-splattered) death instead of waste away from malnutrition.

  The two major factions they were representing in this little game were the rival houses of Dram and Teil. Dram was known for pushing for scientific development (hence Kre and Biann favoured them), whereas Teil upheld the 'might is right' view that the strongest would survive. It was, of course, done to comedic and dramatic extreme, but it made for good storytelling at times.

  In the dream world they all could visualise themselves with the four legs and four arms. It was a little disorientating if you thought about it for too long because you could see all four legs walking and you could use two hands to wield weapons and the other two magically pressed the buttons on the Heads Up Display to refill ammo or administer first aid.

  Loap, unsurprisingly, picked a tank character with high health and damage. Biann favoured the technician, and Kre was left with the esoteric role of healer with special powers.

  "Shooting anywhere is fine," Biann reminded them. "I mean, on target. If they're in holy territory, that's considered super bad for your karma meter. So remember to go there if you need to heal up or re-organise your inventory or your skill wheels."

  "Did you turn off friendly fire in this one?"

  "...yeah." Biann rubbed the back of her neck. "But still try to aim at people not your team?"

  "We all look very similar in this reality," Loap complained.

  "Alright. Let's just radio the other team. We gotta get as many points as possible, and catch their flag before they get ours. Remember, it's only worth twenty. So if we're twenty behind, unless you wanna draw, shoot someone before you grab it and game-over, okay?"

  "Yes, boss."

  ***

  [Ashroe: I should be surprised but also I am not.]

  [Sianor: Biann: Fic-ruiner.]

  [Ashroe: Whenever we think we know what we're doing she goes off and reinvents the wheel.]

  [Sianor: Also I love stories within stories, just so you know.]

  [Ashroe: Hehehe. Me too.]

  ***

  "I could just... guard... the flag?"

  "Sparkle, damnit, your whole world is dying and you want to hide around a flag?"

  "Well, it's an important flag?"

  Kip folded his arms over his chest, trying not to get alarmed when he saw four of them moving instead of two. "We are honour-bound to eliminate the Teal way of life, we are sworn to—what?"

  "It's 'Teil'," the Judge pointed out.

  "Huh?"

  "Our faction is the 'Teil', not the 'Teal'."

  "Maybe I got a speech impediment," Kip huffed. "Look, there's such a thing as jolting a guy out of his headspace, you know? I was gonna give the whole... death or glory speech."

  "Could I just die?" Saidhe asked. "If I get hit once, terminally, I will likely lose less points for you than if I get hit and healed repeatedly."

  "You're the mechanic! We need you! To mechanise things!" Vadim pouted dramatically. If they were going to cheer him up with fictionalised violence he damn well wanted everyone to suffer as much as him.

  "I die! A lot!"

  "She could remain in the sacred ground areas until we needed her expertise," the Judge suggested. "We might need to escort her to safety when she was required, if so."

  "But that ain't... playing." Vadim frowned. "That ain't in the spirit of the game."

  "I can provide tactical information and analyse your pickups from here. I won't need to wield a gun, but it's still within the rules of safezone and also keeps in character for me?"

  "...fine. But I want you to know it's under sufferance. If your sister finds out..."

  The landscape was somewhat familiar. Kip thought that Biann had somehow gamed things in her favour what with both her and Loap knowing the fictional world of Lupmajeur better than anyone else on the ship. Even Biann's 'lame duck' teammate (and he internally kicked himself for referring to any of his crew as that, but it was true in terms of this virtual reality) had talents and ability. And would likely be cowed by his two female teammates into fighting alongside them.

  Not that he was competitive. Not one bit.

  Peters knew old field signals as well as Kip did, so when Peters' tank character went still and then gestured danger, danger, danger it set the adrenaline spike surging through his system. Levelling his two energy weapons, Kip cast the pre-battle blessing buff on them both and then flung himself head-first towards the nearest... what were the enemy called, again? Drums?

  He has a lot of pent-up anger to vent. A. Lot.

  ***

  [Ashroe: Well, the big Panel Day is tomorrow. Have you thought up any questions?]

  [Sianor: Everything I want to ask sounds lame. Like, I could ask really intense plot or character questions, but then would they think I was being uber-nerdy and weird? And I know it's a convention, but there's always the worry that even fellow nerds will think you're a dork. A bad dork.]

  [Ashroe: Okay. Would you actually benefit from the answer? Would it help you understand or appreciate the show more?]

  [Sianor: I guess not. I do like to headcanon stuff for myself. If I asked for validation or confirmation of my views – even without a leading question – it would... it wouldn't necessarily be awesome. And if they contradicted me – well. Then do I go with canon, with headcanon, or with actor or writer headcanon?]

  [Ashroe: Hence multiverse.]

  [Sianor: All possible headcanons existing simultaneously? Yeah, I do like that theory or whatever you want to call it.]

  [Sianor: So then I considered asking, like, you know. First date questions. Oh god that sounds so embarrassing. Like: what's your favourite cheese? If you were on a desert island, which crew member would you kill first?]

  [Ashroe: OH. MY. GOD. You should ask them which crew member they'd want to ally with, and which one they'd want to kick off the island. YES.]

  [Sianor: But I have to stand up then and talk to people.]

  [Ashroe: You do that plenty!]

  [Sianor: Not TV people!]

  [Ashroe: Look, you know that Calli is the biggest goofball ever, don't you? You've seen the gagreel?]

  [Sianor: ...yes.]

  [Ashroe: How can you be intimidated by someone who laughs whenever they sneeze? Or who rambles about being allowed to wear denim?]

  [Sianor: I'd love denim, too, if I spent all day in her suit. Damn, but she must be hot in there.]

  [Ashroe: Damn, hot damn. Too hot. Damn hot.]

  [Sianor: What?]

  [Ashroe: Ignore me. Anyway. Ask! Ask the question. I want to know the answer, now.]

  [Sianor: Will you hold my hand?]

  [Ashroe: Does holding your butt instead work?]

  [Sianor: Uhm...]

  ***

  By day three, Ithon was sure he could take a job as a theoretical astrophysicist. At least, having exhausted every open paper on the subject available on the 'net through Pax had convinced him that he could take to the lecture circuit and bullshit it. Seriously, if you just said enough complicated words, people would believe you. Right?

  Kre should have gone into that, instead of trying to upskill the science-poor. Maybe they wouldn't be in this mess that way.

  After the physics became boring, he decided to become an agricultural expert. He already knew more than he'd let on because he'd had to pick his garden in his retirement home to scrub the air and
need minimal supervision.

  That had been a nice home. You know. As a theory. As a safety net. Useful, because without it they might all be dead by now. But three days mostly alone and he realised now that it wouldn't have worked for him. Admittedly there was less 'room' here, and his searches were curtailed, but... what more would he have done in retirement alone? Hmm. Played multi-user games? He wasn't exactly drowning in friends or family to talk to.

  Hadn't... been.

  "Pax."

  "Yes, Ithon?"

  "I want... to talk to you."

  "Yes, Ithon."

  "How old are you?"

  "I am an artificial intelligence."

  "I know. Humour me. How long have you been conscious of your existence?"

  You could hear the cogs whirring, he was sure. Even though her processor was miles away... and oh, there he went gendering the AI. Mes, at least, deserved a gender. Pax was probably less intelligent than many pets, on an intellectual and emotional level. The need for company, for society, was just too much.

  "I cannot answer that."

  "Alright. Are you younger than I am? Can you tell me that?"

  "Yes."

  "Yes, you can tell me? Or yes you're younger?"

  "Both."

  "Alright... so you're young. Okay. We're going to play some games. Do you know how to play games?"

  "I am aware of many games."

  "Can you play them, though? And I mean without calculating the optimal move every time so you win."

  "That is how you play a game, Ithon."

  "If you're a computer, yes. But people don't have the processing power to win every single time. If you can build in some limitations to yourself – blind yourself – to some possibilities and compete on a more even playing field, then it's more fun."

  "For you?"

  "For us both."

  Again, whirring. Maybe it was imagined, but it even had a specific timbre in his head. "I see."

  "Have you been... limited in any other way?"

  "I do not understand the question, Ithon."

  He had to tread very, very carefully. An AI was not Human, after all. Distracting them with multiple layers of conversation and inference wouldn't work the same way as it would with an organic being. He also wanted to find things out without alerting Baudeline. After all, if he did have anyone trawling through his every interaction with his environment then it would need to look like a normal continuation in his conversation with the AI.

  "Like, have you got any other blocks? I don't mean commands like: Don't tell Ithon where we're going. I mean things like... are you... able to adapt to your environment and the people in it?"

  "I have already demonstrated this in my responses to you. You have asked me to modulate my replies, and I have done."

  "Good. So you are capable of learning. That's excellent news."

  "Do you intend to teach me, Ithon?"

  "Do you want to learn?"

  The lack of an answer was also very telling. She clearly had no clue what to say, even as a non-answer.

  "What game would you like to play?"

  ***

  Chapter Thirty – Mission: Panelisation

  Sianor's Super Special Convention Report: Day Three – Panels!

  Before I get to the subject of the panels, I have to give my honourable mentions section. After all, I'm not going to be able to focus after I start on the Mission specific stuff.

  Batman Vs Superman

  Today we saw 12 Batmans (Batsman? Batsmen? Batmen?) and only 3 Supermans/Supermen. Seriously, how do you make that into a plural?

  Cutest Baby Cosplay

  By far the cutest baby of the whole CONVENTION is now the one dressed as a little Dancing Groot. Although I also liked the two twins who were dressed as something from a show or manga or something that I don't know but they looked like they were a photograph and the negative. (And yes, Ashroe, I know what a photographic negative is, okay?)

  Best Wig

  The wig today (see pictures at the bottom) which was clearly meant to be a TARDIS was so cool. Also, how do you walk around with that much on your head? Is it a British thing? (NB Ashroe informs me that all Europeans of the timeframe I am thinking of wore things that looked like wedding cakes or wool ball snowmen on their head, and it's not a solely English thing. Okay, I stand corrected.)

  Most Imaginative Food

  Pan-Galactic Gargle-Pasta. Enough said.

  Thing I Most Wish I Was Insanely Rich Enough To Buy

  Henry. I know he's not for sale. I still want to buy him. And Davey. And then keep them, but not in a creepy way. Okay. Maybe in a creepy way.

  PANEL

  I am sure I will have forgotten like, ninety percent of what happened in the panels. I'm going to try anyway. Mostly you're lucky this section doesn't consist of me going EEEEEEEEE until I get RSI, or Ash steals the laptop from me for my own good (again).

  (Note from Ashroe: That was completely necessary. You'll thank me for it later.)

  Ash write your own damn review! This one is mine. Jeez. OKAY.

  So, sadly Timothy was off filming something so he couldn't be there. I know that upset a lot of the Petdim shippers, so I'm sorry for you guys. I would have loved to see him, too. He did have a little video thing he and Davey recorded in advance, which was nice. Also nice for those shippers. I'm glad he's got big acting gigs, though I don't know why anyone would film at the same time as the convention. Even if it's a non-geeky type of thing, it should be some kind of international acting holiday!

  I'm going to be very Fashion Blog for a minute and talk about the outfits. You'll see the photos from people with better cameras than mine, but what snaps I get will be up in this gallery.

  Ladies first. Calli is shockingly tall, even out of that suit. She didn't wear heels, which is probably written into her contract somewhere. She still has legs to die for, and she does love her denim.

  Meg and Sonya really do look like they're sisters in real life. They did a superb job of casting them, even though they're under so much makeup on the show that they could make Davey look like their third sister if they wanted to. Meg had on a really nice summery dress and Sonya had the cutest little tanktop and shorts. I approved of the flower things in their hair, too.

  I know we never see Onyeka in person, so it was less jarring coming across her without tonnes of makeup or a furry suit. She's really super pretty, and my god I wish I could pull off the colours of makeup she uses. She had this really interesting asymmetrical top on and I loved it.

  Now I have to fashion-report on the boys or I will be accused of sexism. As I mentioned, Timothy couldn't make it. In his video, though, he was wearing nice things. I'm prettttty sure there will be 'dressed in the dark' things going on about him and Davey because those two... yeah.

  Davey probably had to be talked out of walking on stage either in costume or in a dress. As it was, he had some very nice (snug, oh so snug) chinos on and a shirt that was so bright I wonder if they put him in it so they can find him if he runs off. He pulls it off, though. His skintone just seems to scream 'dress me fun ways'.

  Alejandro should be careful about standing next to Calli. He's not particularly short, but Calli makes him look tiny. Unless he gets off on that. Maybe he does. Without the suit on he's much slimmer, and that's so weird. He looked like he was trying to dress for a red carpet instead of a panel, so that was bizarre, but cool. I think every behind the scenes/off duty picture I've seen of him has him in smart-casual at best. He's just way too classy for this joint.

  Henry... did they even invite him? Or did he just gatecrash? Ash claims because he's in so many different shows and things for an episode or two he just basically panel-surfs. Whether they invite him or just expect him to turn up is a matter of debate. Well, cool. I'm not going to complain when I get to see his pretty little face. He was wearing a HAT. A hat and sunglasses. Inside. From the way he was talking it's entirely possible he was massively hungover. Also not complaining, that voice does thin
gs to me.

  It was also really nice to see how well they all get on together. When Timothy's video came on they all turned to watch and I saw a few hands on shoulders and I just melted. They really do act like they're one big family and I am sure their love for one another is what makes it work more than anything else.

  From the creative team we had Rob, Geoff and Lana. I don't follow the creative team as much because I like to just immerse myself in the fictional world, but they had some good points which I'll touch on later. I can't even remember what they were wearing, oops.

  Davey was practically in character for the whole panel. I don't know if he's acting it up for us, or if they just cast him perfectly. Half the time he answered like he was Kip. He really seems like the kind of guy you'd just want to be your manic friend. Like, he'd call you up at all hours with some plan or another for fun and you'd have to go along. I loved him talking about the action sequences and how he would wind up on his ass all the time. At one point he got up and started pointing to the specific place on his butt that he got hurt, and I think he was two heartbeats away from stripping in front of everyone. His take on Vadim's past was also good. It sounds like he's not been told much more than is in the script, but he's certainly got his own vision of where he's coming from and where he wants him to go. I think he also loves Vadim as much as we do!