Heroine Worship

by Sarah Kuhn

  “And I think we can both agree that was a mistake,” I said firmly. “A momentary lapse in judgment.” Now he was looking at me in his usual teasing way, and I was looking at him in my usual imperious way. We were back to our usual selves, our dynamic restored. It should have made me feel more comfortable, but instead I suddenly felt twitchy, off-kilter. Like we’d flattened ourselves into two-dimensional versions, put on half-disguises that didn’t quite fit.

  “In any case,” I barreled on. “Kissing any and all body parts is definitely not friend-like.”

  “You always have so many rules, future Mrs. Cameron.” Scott grinned at me as he boosted himself back on the bed.

  “That kind of banter is also not friend-like,” I said, holding up a warning finger. “And for the record, I would keep my name. It’s an important part of my identity as both an empowered superheroine and a proud Chinese American woman.”

  “Of course.” His face sobered a bit. “So. We’ve made you a target. Are you ready for whatever that’s going to bring your way?”

  I stared at the fake ruby on my finger, its chipped red paint creating a speckled pattern that gave the illusion it was sparkling in the light. Almost like a real gemstone. I took in a deep inhale, trying to center myself. “I guess we’re about to find out.”

  DIARY OF A REFORMED HALF-DEMON PRINCESS:

  PART 46

  By Maisy Kane, Half-Demon Princess Editrix

  Yes, ’Friscans, the rumors are true: Evie Tanaka is having the most fabulous engagement party tonight and yours truly is invited! Your pal Maisy will be sure to report back with all the deets!

  In the meantime, many of you have written in to insist I embark on some investigative reportage of the recent exploits of ever-newsworthy maid of honor Aveda Jupiter. Dear readers, I’m afraid this one is a conflict of interest! Despite some recent questionable behavior, I still consider A. Jupes a very close friend. I know barging into Marcus Wong’s bridal boutique and causing a scene doesn’t sound like tip-top maid-of-honor behavior, but I’m sure we can trust our Evie to lead her down the right path—you know, the path away from being forever labeled an “attention-hog diva and raging bossypants bitch who can’t stand to let anyone else have the spotlight,” as one of my more colorful commenters put it!

  COMMENTS

  QuirkyBride: I think it’s high time we staged a bridal intervention! I was actually at Marcus Wong’s the day Aveda barged in! As usual, she acted like she owned the place, pushed her way over to the man himself, and started making all kinds of demands!

  IWantToElope: #thatssoaveda

  MillsAlum97: Soooo . . . do we think she’s gone rogue in planning her maid of honor attire? Did the seafoam monstrosity not work out?

  QuirkyBride: But MW doesn’t sell any bridesmaid dresses, only wedding gowns—OH SHIT!

  MillsAlum97: OH SHIT

  QuirkyBride: I mean . . . she wouldn’t, like . . . wear a wedding dress as her bridesmaid dress? Like . . . a white wedding dress? Would she?

  IWantToElope: #thatssoaveda

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  WHEN I LAY a trap, I do it beautifully.

  Or at least that’s what I used to think. But recently Evie had gently informed me that the Hurricane Annie nature of my personality meant my strength was really more along the lines of being a Forceful Bludgeon for Good rather than a meticulous strategist. I tended to barrel into situations like a bull in a china shop and rocket my way to the other side through sheer force of will. There was usually a positive result, but also a totally wrecked china shop to contend with.

  This time I had to be more subtle or everything would be ruined. I wanted the engagement party to be beautiful, I wanted Evie to enjoy every minute, and I wanted to take down the nefarious puppy demon once and for all.

  Needless to say, I had my work cut out for me. But Aveda Jupiter never shrank from a challenge.

  “I can’t believe what you’ve done with the place,” Kevin, the owner of The Gutter, said. He gave me a massive eye-roll as he sized up his usually scummy karaoke bar. “I don’t mean that in a nice way.”

  “Yes, I got that.” I gave him a withering look. Kevin still held a grudge against Evie and me for disrupting his precious karaoke contest during her stint impersonating me. Not so much of a grudge that he hadn’t jumped at the chance to get free publicity out of hosting the city’s favorite superheroine for one of the most important parties of her life. But enough that he’d given me major attitude throughout the entire planning process.

  I actually had done a nice job with the place, even if Kevin didn’t appreciate it. I’d exchanged the worn, patchy red velvet tablecloths for elegant cream linens and tiny silver vases of fresh flowers. I’d also draped the scuffed, beer-stained karaoke stage in cream linen and rented a proper tux for Stu Singh, The Gutter’s old codger of a piano player. Like Maisy, he’d been hybridized by Shasta, but was making a go of a semi-normal life and was at his station behind the piano every night. For this occasion, I’d instructed him to change up his usual bombastic repertoire of show tunes with soft, atmospheric music, the better to enhance the engagement party vibe. I’d tried to get Kevin to wear a tux as well, but he’d refused, opting to simply drape a blazer over one of his usual empowering message t-shirts. (This one said, “BLATASIAN 4 LYFE, SUCKA.”)

  As a finishing touch, I’d positioned and lit candles everywhere. I wanted the whole place to have a beautiful glow about it, to represent the glow of new love. Even if I was planning on using that soothing atmosphere to catch a demon hybrid lingerie vendor in an act of wrongdoing and take down a pesky stray puppy demon for good.

  Evie would bask in the adoration of everyone gathered, and I’d tell her afterward that, “Oh, yeah, I also managed to take care of that other thing that’s been bothering us so much lately, and now nothing can possibly interfere with you having the most perfect wedding day ever.” My Aveda Jupiter mojo would finally be reclaimed and I’d have finally proved myself as both a superheroine and a friend.

  “Are you sure this is what our little Tanaka girl wants for her big party?” Kevin asked, his eyes narrowing. He planted his hands on his hips and jutted his chest out, the material of his t-shirt flowing over his three-hundred-pound frame. Kevin managed to make even the most basic of movements look simultaneously graceful and sassy. “Her tastes tend to be a little simpler than yours.”

  “Trust me, I know what she wants way more than you do,” I said, giving him an imperious look.

  Okay, so the party wasn’t exactly what Evie had described to me. But I knew once she saw it, she’d love it. It would be way more memorable than bad junk food and worse karaoke, and she’d be grateful to me for realizing how important it was to craft a beautiful party to commemorate such a momentous occasion.

  “I think it looks great,” Scott said, loping up behind us. He gave me his easy smile and touched my back in greeting. “And so do you.”

  My cheeks warmed, and I self-consciously smoothed the skirt of the scarlet sheath I’d originally wanted to wear as a bridesmaid dress. In the invite, I’d requested that everyone dress in semi-formal attire and even listed a few descriptive examples in case people were confused. Scott had exchanged his usual beach-friendly wear for a dark blue suit, a light blue button-up that brought out his eyes, and a tie with a nice pinstripe. He looked distractingly handsome. Of course.

  But I couldn’t get distracted tonight. Especially not by my fake fiancé. That was not part of the plan.

  We’d actually worked well together throughout the week. I’d told him to let me handle all the details for the actual party since I knew how to make it perfect, but we’d met up to talk out the demon puppy–capturing plan. As long as I kept my mushy Annie Chang side at bay and he kept things light and even-keeled, our rapport was . . . well, actually friend-like.

  I realized then that we’d been standing there for nearly a full minute of sile
nce, him touching my back, me blushing like mad.

  “Whoa,” Kevin said. “Awkward silence alert. Are you guys doing it or what? Because Tanaka always said—”

  “Why don’t you go check on the food, Kevin?” I said, my teeth gritted. “Our guests should start arriving any minute.”

  Kevin gave me a glower, then flounced off, muttering something about “last time I host this entitled-celebrity BS” under his breath.

  “That wasn’t very friend-like,” I said, stepping away from Scott and giving him a stern look.

  “What, you ordering Kevin around like that?” he said, mock innocent. “I agree, it wasn’t very friend-like at all.”

  “You know what I mean.” I poked him in the chest. “Oh, your tie’s crooked. Let me . . .” I moved in closer and straightened it. Which was a mistake, because now I knew exactly how good he smelled. Even better than usual.

  “You can’t just tell me I look nice. You can’t give me a compliment like that,” I said, trying to focus.

  “I’m not giving you a compliment. I’m stating the truth.”

  My cheeks flushed further. Maybe there were too many candles in here. That beautiful warm glow I’d wanted was starting to feel like standing in the middle of a bonfire.

  “Annie.” He gestured to my fingers, which were still fiddling with his tie. “This doesn’t seem very friend-like, either.”

  “You’re right.” But before I could pull my hands away, he covered them with his own. My palms pressed against his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat. It brought me back to the moment in the gym, his fingertips against my back, me on top of him, feeling his heartbeat everywhere.

  Yes, I was now convinced those candles were a completely terrible idea.

  He released one of my hands, keeping hold of the one that was still wearing the plastic engagement ring. I’d flipped the fake ruby around so it faced my palm. The clear plastic band was fairly invisible otherwise, so no one at HQ had noticed and started asking awkward questions about it. And hopefully that would continue to hold true tonight.

  “So you’re all ready for puppy demon entrapment,” he said, flipping the ruby so it perched on top of my hand.

  “I am. Are you?”

  “Yes. I’ve been working on my spell and Bea has reinforced the trap with some kind of new metal component that should contain the puppy better.” He ran his thumb over the fake ruby. “I never knew you kept this. I don’t think I’ve seen it since we won it from that bubblegum machine at the swimming pool.”

  My heart skipped a few beats. “Summer between sixth and seventh grades,” I said, making my tone light. “We were trying to win Evie that little plastic hedgehog and kept getting crap like this instead. I didn’t think you remembered.” I tried to pull my hand away, but he held tight.

  “How could I forget?” he said, running his thumb over my knuckles. “I proposed to you then, too.”

  “You did not propose,” I retorted, giving him a withering look. “You told me that if no one was willing to marry my ‘crazy butt’ by the time we were thirty, you would ‘take the hit’ and I should hold on to the ring just in case.”

  “Wow.” He laughed and squeezed my hand. “I was such a little asshole.”

  “Was?”

  He laughed again and met my eyes. “And you kept it all this time. You probably thought I didn’t recognize it.”

  I shrugged. “I thought I was the only one who remembered our first fake engagement.”

  His gaze turned from teasing to something soft and earnest.

  “You’re not,” he said.

  My heart caught in my throat. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

  “Anne.”

  I knew that voice. Low, measured, disapproving.

  I whipped around to find my parents standing next to us, wearing matching expressions of disappointment. I wasn’t sure how they could be disappointed in me before I’d even said anything, but these were my parents. They always found a way.

  “Mom. Dad,” I said, hastily flipping the ruby back around on my finger. I stepped in to hug them. Even that simple gesture made me feel like an overeager dog, wagging my tail and pissing on the furniture, hoping to get a reaction I was never going to get.

  “Why are you so flushed and out of breath?” my mom said, her brow wrinkling suspiciously. “Are you doing those breathing exercises I sent you on the email?”

  “I’m fine, Mom.” My smile turned into a rictus. “It’s just a little hot in here.”

  “Mmm.” Her eyes swept over the room, taking it all in. And clearly finding it wanting. “Too many candles. Heightens the temperature in an unnatural way. You should drink more water so you stay hydrated and it doesn’t catch you unaware.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, my voice twisting into a whine. I took a deep breath and reminded myself of the goal of the night. It wasn’t to please my mother, which would have been impossible anyway. It was to kick some supernatural ass and keep an evil demon hybrid from ruining my best friend’s wedding. I’d let myself be momentarily distracted by Scott’s stupid hotness, but my parents appearing was like a splash of cold water to my face, waking me up. Reminding me of my mission. It would be incredibly counterproductive to let them distract me as well.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Chang,” Scott said, giving them a deferential nod and a warm smile. “So nice of you to join us for the party. Annie really transformed this place. It’s usually much more dank and grimy.”

  “Mmm,” my mom said again, but this time it was accompanied by the half-smile that she only gave to people who weren’t me. Well, really, only to Scott. “And you have transformed yourself nicely as well, Scott. There’s nothing quite like a good suit.”

  “Wise words as always,” Scott said, his smile widening. “Can I show you to your seats?” His fingertips brushed my lower back. He was trying to reassure me, to tell me not to get wound up in whatever perceived slights my mother might throw my way. My shoulders relaxed a tiny bit, and I felt like I could breathe normally again.

  “Yes, Mom and Dad, go sit down,” I said. “The food should be out soon.”

  “Hopefully nothing too fancy,” my mom sniffed. “Those rich sauces don’t sit well with my stomach.”

  And my shoulders were up around my ears again.

  “Come with me,” Scott said to my parents, pressing his fingertips against my back in a last, reassuring touch. “Let’s leave Annie here to greet the bride—who I believe just walked in.”

  “We got this,” he whispered in my ear. “Just keep smiling and keep an eye out for Maisy.”

  I mouthed “thank you” and told my heart to stop beating so fast as he guided my parents away.

  “Annie!” Evie made a beeline for me, her curls bouncing around her shoulders. “Wow,” she said, her eyes widening as she took in The Gutter. “The place looks so . . . different.”

  “Mmm, yes, love, not exactly what I was expecting,” Lucy said, as she and Bea strolled up behind Evie. Lucy was toting a black plastic garbage bag so large and overstuffed, it looked like one wrong move would send her tiny frame toppling. Neither of them had paid attention to my note about attire. Evie was clad in her usual jeans-tee-Chucks combo and Lucy was wearing a ruffled cotton dress with a floral print and a vaguely nineties vibe. It was cute, but hardly semi-formal. Bea was wearing a short black dress—more fun party girl than semi-formal, but at least she’d tried.

  “Uh, what have you got there, Lucy?” I asked, deciding to address the garbage bag issue first.

  “Well. Yes. That’s an interesting story,” Lucy said, her gaze shifting back and forth. Evie caught her eye and burst into giggles.

  “What?” I said, trepidation building in my gut.

  “You see,” Lucy said, “I thought the idea behind this party was a little . . . different than what it apparently is.”

 
“She thought it was a bachelorette party,” Evie blurted out, her eyes lit with glee.

  Oh. Oh, no.

  Lucy opened the bag so I could see. And the pile of rainbow neon-colored condoms, dildos, and vibrators nearly exploded all over the Gutter floor.

  “Lucy!” I gasped. “You have to . . . that’s not . . . what this is about!”

  “We know, we know,” Evie said, though she couldn’t seem to stop giggling. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep this stuff in the bag.”

  “Why don’t you give me the bag?” I said, holding out a hand. My tone made it clear that this wasn’t a request.

  “I always thought you were the fun one, Aveda,” Lucy said, arching an eyebrow as she passed me the bag. “And honestly, I thought we might be in need of a little extra fun after you and Evie trap the puppy demon.”

  “So let’s come up with something that doesn’t involve allowing bags full of sex toys within the sight line of my parents,” I said.

  Evie giggled again, then shook her head, looking confused. “Man,” she said. “I don’t know why I’m so giggly, given that we have to take care of the whole puppy demon thing before the party can really get going.” She sobered, worry creeping into her expression.

  I met Bea’s eyes and she gave me a little nod. I’d asked her to focus extra hard on adjusting Evie’s mood tonight, which must’ve been why Evie was all giggly over dildos in the first place. My hope was that Evie would end up having such a good time, she’d forget all about the mission—and by the time she remembered, I’d have taken care of it. Best maid of honor at work. I mentally patted myself on the back for managing to keep myself from spilling the beans to her about the change I’d made to the plan. Like I’d told Scott, I didn’t want her to have any more doubts about her ability to be a hero. I would handle this. Just like I always did.

  Bea focused on the back of Evie’s head and Evie’s shoulders relaxed, her smile returning.