Hiss and Hers: An Agatha Raisin Mystery

by M C Beaton

  Police and ambulance arrived at the same time. After what was only about ten minutes but what seemed to Agatha like an age, Simon was carried out, a mask over his face.

  ‘Will he live?’ she asked one of the ambulance men.

  ‘We need to get him to emergency right away. Stand clear,’ said the ambulance man impatiently.

  Wilkes, Bill Wong and Alice Peterson were the next to arrive, followed by the Scenes of Crimes Operatives.

  A white-faced Toni was called out to let SOCO do their job. She ran straight to Agatha, crying, ‘Simon looked near to death and Harriet Glossop has been murdered!’

  ‘Now, then,’ said Wilkes, ‘what were you doing?’

  ‘We didn’t think the Frasers had done the murders,’ said Toni. ‘I knew Simon was going to do some detecting so I decided to follow him. He went into Harriet’s and didn’t come out so I followed him in and found him.’

  Overwrought, she burst into tears. ‘She’s in shock,’ snarled Agatha. ‘Give her time to recover.’

  ‘We’ll take her back to headquarters,’ said Wilkes.

  ‘And I am coming, too, whether you like it or not,’ said Agatha.

  While Toni was waiting to be interviewed, she whispered to Agatha, ‘I had to follow Simon because—’

  ‘Miss Gilmour,’ a constable interrupted. ‘Come with me.’

  Why did she have to follow Simon? wondered Agatha. I hope there’s no romantic interest there. He’s just not suitable. He’s too young and flighty.

  ‘Agatha!’

  Agatha looked up and saw the tall and handsome figure of her ex-husband James Lacey. He sat down beside her. ‘I just got back from my travels and heard the news. It’s all over the village. I thought I might find you here.’

  Agatha clutched his hand. ‘Oh, James. It’s such a mess. I was so sure the Frasers hadn’t done those awful murders. I told my staff. Simon obviously wanted to do some detecting. When Harriet Glossop was murdered, the murderer must still have been in the house and attacked Simon. I don’t know what Toni was doing following him. She found him and the dead body and now they’re interviewing her.’

  ‘Toni should be in hospital being treated for shock,’ said James.

  ‘I know. I’ll take her straight there when they’ve finished with her.’

  But when Toni was finally escorted out by Bill Wong, Bill said, ‘Agatha, Inspector Wilkes would like a word with you.’

  ‘But Toni must go to hospital for a check. She’s badly shocked. I must see that Simon is going to be all right.’

  ‘I’ll take Toni,’ said James. ‘Meet us at the hospital.’

  Wilkes went through the usual recording preamble, and then said, ‘Why did you think the Frasers could not have committed the murders?’ He looked at her crossly. This wretched woman had a way of bumbling around his cases and knocking them apart.

  ‘Because the whole thing is too vicious and elaborate for one of them to have done it. It’s just a hunch. George Marston left everything to Harriet Glossop. I think someone killed her in a jealous rage.’

  ‘And what does that intuition of yours tell you about the identity of the murderer?’

  ‘I don’t know. Is Sarah Freemantle’s husband out on bail?’

  ‘She won’t press charges but has taken out an injunction against him.’

  ‘What about Joyce Hemingway?’

  ‘Why her?’

  ‘She’s a nasty, powerful sort of woman and she was having an affair with George. She was overheard threatening him. And what about Jessica Fordyce?’

  ‘As there is no evidence at all that our beautiful soap star was romantically involved with Marston and has cast-iron alibis, perhaps your jealousy is taking over. It seems to be common knowledge in the village that you were obsessed with Marston. So where were you this morning?’

  ‘At home.’

  ‘Witness?’

  ‘My cats. Oh, I made several phone calls. You can check and I was at home when Toni called me.’

  ‘I want you to leave the police to do their job, Mrs Raisin.’

  ‘You must admit this killing blows the case against the Frasers out of the water.’

  ‘That will be all, Mrs Raisin.’

  ‘But . . .’

  Wilkes turned to Bill Wong. ‘Get her out of here.’

  As they walked along the corridor outside the interview room, Bill said, ‘Look, Agatha, drop it. It’s dangerous. I agree with you about the Frasers, but don’t tell Wilkes. Some psycho is on the loose and if you’re not careful, you’ll be next.’

  Simon’s parents were in the waiting room at the hospital. Mr Black glared at Agatha. ‘If my son survives,’ he said, ‘I’ll make sure he never works for you again.’

  ‘How is he?’ asked James.

  ‘They’re operating on him. He has bleeding from the brain. Now, don’t talk to me again. In fact, as you are not related to Simon, just get out of here.’

  ‘We are waiting for Miss Toni Gilmour, who found him and no doubt saved his life,’ said James. ‘She is with the hospital psychiatrist at the moment so we have every right to be here.’

  Never before had Agatha been so glad of James’s support. She and James sat in a corner of the waiting room away from the Blacks.

  Toni eventually appeared, still looking white and shaken. ‘He says I’ll be all right but that I should come back for another consultation.’

  ‘Come home with me,’ urged Agatha.

  ‘No, I would like to be on my own. If you could drive me back to Carsely, I left my car there.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re fit to drive it back to Mircester,’ said James.

  ‘Let me alone,’ said Toni sharply. ‘I can look after myself.’

  In the days and weeks that followed, Agatha was too upset and weary to visit the lawyer. As sometimes a detective would say in one of her favourite documentaries, ‘And then the case went cold.’

  This case, thought Agatha, was not only cold, it was in the deep freeze.

  Tim Fraser, his wife and his son had been charged with concealing illegal earnings and had been released on bail.

  The Cotswolds began to fill with tourists. The press had haunted Carsely for a week, questioning villagers. Half had hopes of being on television; the other half blamed Agatha Raisin, who, they felt, had brought all this murder and mayhem to the village.

  Jessica Fordyce gave a television interview, saying that nothing would drive her from her beautiful cottage.

  Simon made a rapid recovery and, as soon as he was released from hospital, was taken on holiday by his parents.

  The Timmons agency had packed up and left and Agatha took on several of their cases. James was off on his travels again and Charles showed no signs of visiting her.

  As July moved into August, Roy Silver phoned and said he hoped to visit her at the weekend. Agatha often found the young man irritating but for once eagerly looked forward to his company. Mrs Bloxby was off on a rare holiday to Majorca and Agatha felt she had no one to talk to. Toni rebuffed all her concern and looked closed down.

  Because of the workload, Agatha had been working over the weekends, but decided to take the next one off when Roy would arrive.

  The weather was summery once more, with great fleecy clouds crossing a blue sky and shadows racing up and down the Cotswold hills.

  Roy had gone in for a mahogany tan. He was wearing an open-necked white shirt and white trousers. As he went to meet Agatha in the station car park, he hoped someone would take him for a film star, but a grouchy old man, walking past him with his wife, mumbled, ‘Bloody Asians. They’re everywhere.’

  ‘Did you hear what he said?’ complained Roy.

  ‘Yes, but you are very dark,’ said Agatha. ‘Don’t you worry about skin cancer?’

  ‘That’s a myth.’

  ‘And smoking doesn’t give you lung cancer. Do you want to eat at home or have lunch somewhere?’

  ‘Dine out, please,’ said Roy. ‘It’s too hot for one of your microwave
curries.’

  They had lunch in the garden of the White Hart Royal, an old Royalist pub in Moreton-in-Marsh where once King Charles I had fled without paying his bill.

  ‘Tell me all about it,’ said Roy when they had reached the coffee stage.

  ‘I don’t know that I want to,’ said Agatha. ‘I’ve an awful feeling this is going to go down as one of my failures.’

  ‘Out with it, babes,’ said Roy. ‘Not like you to give up.’

  Agatha sighed but then began to talk. When she had finished, Roy said, ‘What I can’t understand is that, according to Jessica, Joyce Hemingway was heard screaming at George that she would kill him. And according to Simon, Jessica said that Joyce once worked at London Zoo. Yet you don’t seem to have interviewed her yourself.’

  ‘I can’t get near her. She just insults me.’

  ‘Yes, but the police must have done. They must have been round the village interviewing everyone, and that would include this Mrs Arnold, who reported she had heard Joyce threatening George and then told Jessica. Maybe Bill Wong would tell us.’

  ‘I’m sick of the whole thing,’ said Agatha pettishly. ‘I’ve just begun to get a good night’s sleep without imagining snakes slithering everywhere.’

  ‘Not like you to get scared off,’ said Roy.

  ‘Okay,’ said Agatha wearily. ‘He might be at home. I’d better ring first.’

  Bill said he would meet them at a café in the square at Mircester. When he arrived to join them, he looked tired. ‘Wilkes hasn’t given up, Agatha,’ he said. ‘He’s got some of us going over and over all the interviews, trying to find a lead. He still hopes it’ll turn out to be the Frasers.’

  ‘I’ve been going over my own notes,’ said Agatha. She moved her chair out of the sun. ‘Don’t want to get a tan. So unfashionable.’

  ‘You’re only saying that because to a woman of your years, it’s ageing. Flattering in a young man like me,’ said Roy.

  ‘Bitch!’

  ‘Children, children,’ admonished Bill. ‘What did you want to see me about?’

  ‘It’s about Joyce Hemingway,’ said Agatha. ‘Mrs Arnold reported that she had been heard screaming at George that she would kill him.’

  ‘I remember. I’ve just been reading that again on the notes,’ said Bill. ‘She denies the whole thing and Mrs Arnold backed down and said she must have been mistaken. She looked frightened. We pressed her but she refused to budge. Joyce Hemingway was pretty rude. Asked if she knew anything about snake handling, she said that she had worked as a secretary at London Zoo and had had nothing to do with any reptiles or animals. Checked back and found someone who knew her. That seems to have been the case. She was fired for insolence.’

  ‘What about the snake books found under the rockery?’ asked Agatha. ‘Any fingerprints?’

  ‘None.’

  ‘Well, that should have looked suspicious from the start. Were the Frasers’ fingerprints found on that box?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘There you are. Didn’t that make the police suspicious? Why wipe the books clean and leave their prints on the box?’

  ‘Look, Agatha, I’ve got to get back to work. If there is a murderer out there, you could be at risk. Just drop it.’

  ‘Nothing’s happened for ages,’ said Agatha mulishly. ‘Someone’s sitting smugly somewhere thinking they’ve got away with it.’

  ‘Then let them think it and leave the whole thing to the police. How’s Simon?’

  ‘Back at work. His father said he would cut off his allowance if he continued to work as a detective, but Simon insisted on going on with it. He seems obsessed with Jessica Fordyce. I can’t understand it.’

  ‘You should understand obsession more than anyone else, Agatha,’ said Roy.

  ‘Shut up, or you’ll have to walk back to Carsely.’

  Toni was wishing she had not volunteered to come on this outing. Simon had suggested they take a picnic up to the Malvern Hills. Toni had agreed to go with him because she was worried about him. He seemed to be almost feverishly excited and she wondered if he had fully recovered from his injury. The sun beat down on them.

  ‘I’ve always sneered at global warming,’ said Simon, ‘but this is an exceptional summer.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Now the scientists say we are heading for another mini ice age,’ said Toni. ‘Can we find a bit of shade and sit down?’

  ‘Just a bit farther.’

  Toni was getting tired and cross despite the spectacular views. The Malvern Hills were open to the public and were crisscrossed with about a hundred miles of footpaths and bridleways. Toni was beginning to feel they had walked them all.

  Simon stopped abruptly on the crest of a rise. ‘Would you look at that!’ he said. ‘Someone’s filming.’

  ‘Oh, surprise, surprise,’ said Toni cynically. ‘I do wonder if it’s Jessica Fordyce.’ But Simon was off and running, clutching a travel bag containing their picnic. He only asked me along as camouflage, thought Toni. She followed more slowly.

  She saw Simon going into a large catering van and glanced at her watch. Lunchtime. The cast must be taking a break.

  Jessica was sitting at a table with a young man who was glaring up at Simon. ‘Who’s this?’ asked Jessica as Toni walked in. ‘Your girlfriend?’

  ‘Oh, no,’ said Simon. ‘Just a young coworker. I’m taking her out for a picnic as a break. May I talk to you?’

  ‘Come outside and we’ll find somewhere in the shade. You haven’t introduced me.’

  Simon scowled. ‘This is Toni Gilmour.’

  ‘Hi, Toni. Why don’t you get something to eat and join Rex Dangerfield here while I talk to Simon?’

  ‘I’ll get a drink,’ said Toni, glaring at Simon, ‘but we’ve got food with us and it would be a shame to waste it.’

  Jessica settled herself in a chair outside the catering van and Simon sat next to her. ‘What’s this episode about?’ asked Simon.

  ‘Oh, I have one of my stormy breakups with Rex. Same old, same old.’

  ‘Do you ever think of quitting the show?’

  ‘Often. But I’ve seen what happens to other actors who quit long-running series. I’m too identified with the character of Nurse Maggie. It would be hard to find anything else. Why are you really here?’

  To worship you, would have been the correct answer, but Simon said, ‘Just by chance.’

  ‘So the Frasers are in the clear?’

  ‘Oh, them, yes.’

  ‘Odd, that.’

  ‘It looked like them until Harriet Glossop was attacked. Me as well.’

  ‘Poor you. I read about that.’ She smiled at him bewitchingly. ‘Are you all right now?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ breathed Simon.

  To Simon’s irritation, Toni and Rex came to join them. ‘Time to get our make-up repaired,’ said Rex.

  ‘You can stay and watch if you like,’ said Jessica.

  Toni began, ‘I think we should be getting along because—’

  ‘We’d love to,’ said Simon.

  Toni suddenly let out a scream. ‘Snake!’ she cried, and pointed.

  An adder was slithering through the tussock grass.

  Jessica seized a furled parasol that was beside her chair, put the point under the snake and neatly flipped it away.

  ‘Come on, Rex,’ she said.

  Toni sank down on to the chair Jessica had vacated, and whispered, ‘Did you see that?’

  ‘So brave,’ said Simon. ‘I was terrified. Let’s go and watch the filming.’

  ‘I’ll follow you.’

  Toni waited until he had left and then took out her phone and called Agatha.

  ‘I’m up in the Malvern Hills with Simon. He said we were to go on a picnic but it turns out he’s stalking Jessica. But listen to this!’ She told Agatha how deftly Jessica had coped with the snake.

  When she had finished, Agatha said, ‘I’d been taking the police’s word for it about her alibis. I’m going to check every one of them out.’


  As the hot day of filming dragged on and Toni nervously scanned the ground for adders, she began to wish she had not agreed to come in Simon’s car.

  At last Simon joined her. His eyes were glowing. ‘The crew are heading back to London,’ he said, ‘but get this! Jessica has invited me for dinner.’

  ‘And me?’ asked Toni.

  ‘Er, no,’ lied Simon, who had said that Toni had a date.

  ‘Look, Simon, I told Agatha how nifty Jessica had been in getting rid of that adder.’

  ‘You what?’

  ‘Well, don’t you find it suspicious?’

  ‘No, I do not,’ raged Simon. ‘I want Agatha to leave her alone.’

  ‘She’s just going to go over Jessica’s alibis again.’

  ‘I wish I’d never brought you,’ said Simon sulkily.

  ‘The feeling’s mutual. Now we’ve got the long walk back.’

  ‘The road’s just over there. The sound man says he’ll give us a lift back to my car.’

  Simon was silent on the road back to Mircester. All he wanted to do was to get rid of Toni and pick out something to wear.

  Once in Mircester, Toni went to her own car and drove to Carsely.

  ‘Any luck with those alibis?’ asked Toni when Agatha answered the door.

  ‘I’ve got Roy here on a visit. I decided we’ll all get on to it on Monday. Where is Simon?’

  ‘He’s been invited to Jessica’s for dinner. I’m worried about him.’

  ‘Come into the garden and have a drink and say hello to Roy.’

  Roy seemed almost as infatuated with Jessica as Simon. ‘If you ask me,’ he whispered as Agatha went to get Toni a glass of mineral water, ‘Agatha’s just jealous of Jessica. I mean, Jessica’s enough to make any woman jealous.’

  ‘Not me,’ said Toni.

  Chapter Nine

  Simon, dressed in his best suit, striped shirt and silk tie, nervously rang the doorbell of Jessica’s cottage that evening.

  At first he thought she was not at home, but then he heard scuffling sounds from behind the door and a male voice shouting, ‘Don’t answer it and maybe he’ll go away.’