No One But You

by Catherine Maiorisis

  “One o’clock, here, so I won’t have to get a sitter while she naps.”

  “One it is.” She leaned in to kiss Lily’s cheek, but Lily’s hand on her chest stopped her.

  “Don’t push your luck, Robin. I agreed to let you into Jess’s life.”

  Robin nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

  * * *

  Lily watched Robin walk into the night, a thousand thoughts racing through her mind. Robin here, as beautiful as ever, but more comfortable in herself. Robin here, saying there’s never been anyone else. Robin here, wanting to spend time with Jess. Wanting to come back into their lives. She closed the door and sank onto the couch. She’d dreamed of this since the minute they’d separated. She was still in love with Robin, was weak in the knees at seeing her, wanting to kiss her and desperate to make love to her. Longing to have her back to complete her life. So why was she hesitating now? Because she wanted to hurt her. Because she was angry. Well, Hillary would be happy she was finally in touch with her anger.

  She smiled as she got ready for bed. Angry or not, she was thrilled that Jess had taken things into her own hands and brought her dad home.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Lily and Jess and Robin

  Lily woke with a start, gasping for breath, then quickly wrapped her arms around Jess before she could get to her feet and pounce again. Looking into the eyes of her grinning green-eyed monster, Lily rolled her over and covered her with kisses while tickling her until she gave their signal to stop.

  “Uncle, Mommy. Uncle.”

  She rolled again to pull Jess on top of her, both breathing heavily. “You’re getting too big to jump on me like that.”

  “But it’s fun, isn’t it, Mommy?” She straddled Lily. “I found my dad last night. I thought I dreamed it but look,” she pulled Robin’s T-shirt away from her chest. “Did my dad bring me home? Can I see her today? I miss her.”

  “Going out by yourself in the middle of the night was very bad, Jess.”

  “I know, Mommy, but you were out and Mary Ann and Merry were playing and didn’t hear me when I said my diaper was wet so I went to find my dad to change me.” Her gruff voice, her impeccable logic and her desire for her dad touched Lily’s heart, but she needed to make sure Jess understood what she’d done wrong.

  She pulled Jess into her arms and kissed her nose. “You are a brilliant two-year-old, that’s why you’re in the five-to-eight group, but you’re still a little girl and you can’t go wandering off in the middle of the night. Next time, wait for me and I’ll take you to your dad. Understand?”

  Jess rolled her eyes. Damn. She rolls her eyes just like the dad she’d never met before yesterday. Lily struggled to keep a straight face. “Jess?”

  “Yes, Mommy, I understand but—”

  “No buts about this, Jess. If you wake in the middle of the night, you wait for me to come.”

  “What if my dad is here and you’re not? Can I go with her?”

  “I…yes, of course, baby, you can go with your dad.” Maybe having Robin in their lives would be a good thing, because she was going to need all the help she could get with this child as she grew.

  “I thought my dad would be here this morning. Can I see her today?”

  She sat up with Jess in her arms and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She brushed the hair off Jess’s forehead and kissed her. “Dad is having lunch with us today. Time—”

  “Like a family.” She jumped off Lily’s lap and started hopping around the room. “The mom, the dad and the little girl.”

  “Oh, sweetie, not yet, but maybe soon.” She said it softly, not wanting Jess to hear. “Come on, you little scamp, time to get ready for camp.” She carried her into the bathroom.

  “You made a poem, Mommy.”

  Around noon, Robin texted to say she’d ordered lunch for them and to ask if she could pick Jess up from camp. Lily felt a stab of anger and her first instinct was to say no. She took a deep breath. Jess needed Robin, and if she was honest, she needed Robin and not only to help her manage their genius baby. She called the head camp counselor and arranged for Robin to pick up Jess, then texted pick-up time and location to Robin.

  Her heart flipped as she watched them walk toward her, hand in hand, Robin leaning over and Jess looking up, intent on some discussion. She smiled and went into the casita for her camera. Time to start making memories for Jess. And Robin.

  She was fast. She caught them still involved in their discussion, then when they paused, laughing and when Robin picked up Jess and they stared into each other’s eyes with the same funny expression on their faces. She snapped a few more pictures when they stepped onto the patio, tickling and teasing each other. She grinned as she put the camera down. She’d forgotten what it was like to be with Robin.

  Lily watched in fascination as they continued to play during lunch. And Jess let Robin feed her, something that was usually verboten these days. At one point Robin met her eyes. “Is this okay? I don’t want to—”

  “It’s fine. I’m enjoying watching you together.” Her eyes filled with tears. “But we have nap time,” she looked at her watch, “in ten minutes, Jess.”

  “No,” Jess yelled. “I don’t want to nap. I want to stay with my dad.” She kicked the table.

  “Hey, sweet cheeks.” Robin pulled Jess close. “That’s no voice to use with your mommy. Remember I told you that Mommy and I need to talk about when you and I can spend time together?” She dried Jess’s tears. “Would you like to apologize?”

  “I’m sorry, Mommy.” She left Robin, crawled into Lily’s lap and put her thumb in her mouth.

  Lily ran her fingers through Jess’s hair and spoke over her head. “A charmer. Remind you of anyone?”

  Robin blushed. “Ya think?”

  “I think.” She didn’t know which of them was more adorable. She kissed Jess’s head. “Would you like your dad to change you and stay with you until you fall asleep?”

  Jess took her thumb out of her mouth. “Would you, Dad?”

  The look of joy on Robin’s face touched Lily. It didn’t matter if it was just because Jess was perfect—the important thing was Robin wanted to be with her daughter.

  “I’d love to, sweet cheeks.” She stood and opened her arms. As if she’d been doing it her whole life, Jess reached for her, then turned to kiss Lily. “Later alligator.”

  “Robin, did you teach her that?”

  “Not me.”

  “Why do you call me sweet cheeks?”

  Lily listened to their chatter as they walked into the house. Her heart was full as she went back to her writing. But she didn’t write. She stared at the screen of her laptop, flooded with images of Robin, of her with Robin and new images of Robin with Jess and of the three of them together.

  A half-hour later, a heavy-lidded Robin appeared and sat next to Lily on the sofa.

  “She was so chatty, I almost fell asleep first.”

  “That little head is chock full of information, thoughts, questions, ideas, you name it. I’m surprised she ever gets to sleep. So it looks like you and your daughter have bonded.”

  “Does it upset you? I know it must feel like I just barged in after the hard part is over and now I’m licking the cream off the top.” She grinned. “That was a crappy metaphor, but you know what I mean.”

  “I do resent you dropping into our lives after all this time. But I’m also enchanted watching the two of you together. And I actually think the really hard part is yet to come. I was thinking this morning that it might be nice to have someone to share her teen years with.”

  Robin shifted closer on the sofa and took Lily’s hand. “Do you mean that? It’s okay for me to spend time with her?”

  Lily extracted her hand. “I won’t deny that I feel angry­—my therapist has been trying to get me in touch with the anger since you left. But she needs you, Robin. She needs her dad. And I would never deny her that.”

  “I swear I’ll make it up to her, Lily. And you, if yo
u’ll let me.”

  Lily shifted away from Robin. “So let’s talk about how we handle the next four days.”

  “Would it be presumptuous to suggest that we have lunch like this every day? I pick her up, we eat, I put her to sleep?”

  “I think the routine will be good so she knows she’ll see you.”

  “And I’d love to have dinner with her and you if you don’t have plans. Then I could hang out with her and put her to bed. What do you think?”

  “Why don’t we try it tonight? I have plans, but I’ll cancel the sitter. I usually give her dinner, then I put her to bed before going out. So I’ll be around while you’re eating, but then it’ll be just the two of you.”

  Robin reached for Lily’s hand again, but Lily pulled away. “Uh-uh. If I’m going to have to fight you off, Robin, we’ll have to rethink this.”

  Robin looked as if Lily had slapped her. She felt bad, but what did Robin expect? Open arms and an invitation to bed? Actually, part of her wanted to offer Robin just that, but she needed time to work through her anger. And hopefully, she would work through it, because she loved Robin and even being abandoned by her without an explanation hadn’t changed that.

  “Sorry. It won’t happen again. You’re being so much more generous than I deserve.” She stood. “When we get back to New York, I’d like to spend some time with you and explain why I left.”

  The next morning, lying in bed before the daily attack, Lily realized she’d spent the entire evening thinking about Jess and Robin. And about Robin. Her date kept asking what was wrong. She kept lying, but she didn’t feel good doing that to a perfectly nice woman. It would be better to cancel her plans for the evening and stay home with them. She braced herself when she heard Jess racing toward her room and just before the weight hit her she had a moment of clarity. Who am I kidding? I want to be with Robin.

  After Robin put Jess down for her afternoon nap, she stopped to talk to Lily. “She was a little less manic today. Maybe she’s getting used to me being around.”

  Lily laughed. “No way. Stay around and you’ll discover that every day is a new adventure with your precocious daughter.”

  Robin shrugged. “I was afraid she was bored with me already.” Lily knew her well enough to know she was pretending nonchalance.

  She looked down at her computer to avoid Robin’s eyes. “By the way, my plans have changed for this evening, so if you don’t mind I’ll stay home with you two.”

  Robin’s face fell. “Oh, would you rather I—”

  “It’s up to you. I don’t want to butt in on your bonding time.”

  “Thanks for asking. I’d love for the three of us to spend the evening together.”

  Dinner was fun. Lily watched them tickling and giggling and poking each other and remembered thinking when she was first pregnant that she was going to have two babies on her hands. But with all the playfulness, Robin got a lot of food into Jess and managed to teach her some things about the moon and the tides as well. So maybe not two babies.

  “Mommy?” They were quietly enjoying their chocolate ice cream dessert.

  “Yes, baby?”

  “Why does my dad sleep in a different house? Amelia says her mommies sleep in the same bed. Are you diborced?”

  Robin choked. Their eyes met briefly.

  Lily cleared her throat. “It’s a ‘v’ not a ‘b,’ Jess. Divorced.” She waited while Jess repeated the word. “Dad and I are not divorced. We both love you and we love each other, but we have problems we have to fix before we can live together. Do you understand?”

  “No.” Jess shook her head vigorously. “I want us to be together like tonight. Why do we have to have another house?”

  “You just found your dad, Jess. We need time to fix things, but we’ll spend lots of time together like this. I promise.”

  “Will we all live in the same house?”

  “Not right away, baby. We have to see if we can fix our problems.”

  “Hey, sweet cheeks, can we have a family hug?”

  “What’s that?”

  Robin swept Jess into her arms. “Come on, Lily.” Lily stood and the two of them hugged Jess. Their eyes met over their daughter’s head and the connection was as strong as ever. Robin smiled. “How about I change your diaper and put on your pajamas and the three of us watch a movie?”

  “Can we watch Mary Poppins?”

  They snuggled on the sofa, one of them on either side of Jess. When Jess fell asleep with her head on Lily’s shoulder, they were surprised to find that she was holding each of their hands.

  “We need to tell her tomorrow that she and I are leaving in two days and you’re not. She won’t be happy.”

  “Neither will I.” Robin stood. “I like Jess’s idea of us being a family and living together.” She gave a little salute. “See you tomorrow.”

  * * *

  Lily looked up at the knock, surprised to see Robin at her casita in the middle of the morning, surprised by the flip-flop of her heart and surprised by the sudden stab of desire. “Hey, you’re early this morning.”

  “I wanted to talk before I pick up Jess for lunch. A week is an awfully long time for a child and I don’t think you two leaving without me would be good for Jess. I—”

  “Not everything is about you, Robin. We’ve done just fine without you up to now.” Angry tears filled Lily’s eyes and she swiped at them. “And when did you, who couldn’t even look at Jess, become the expert on her?”

  Robin stumbled back. Her eyes widened, her left hand went to her cheek, as if she’d been slapped, her right hand went to her heart. She met Lily’s eyes.

  Lily felt like a crazy woman, vacillating between wanting to make love to her and wanting to hurt her. “I’m so sorry, Robin.”

  “It’s all right. I deserve your anger, Lily. I hurt you and I can’t change that. But more than anything in the world, I want to be there for you and Jess from now on.” She extended her hands palms up. “I thought we could discuss options for leaving together so Jess—”

  “What options?”

  “I’ve come up with three. I could change my reservation and fly back with you tomorrow which is fine with me. Or if you don’t have anything pressing at home, you and Jess could stay another week and we all fly home together. I checked this morning and the resort is booked solid so you’d have to move into my casita. It’s three bedrooms, but Brenda has moved in with the woman she met the first night we were here, so it would be just the three of us.” She took a deep breath. “I’m voting for number two, but you may like the third option: leave things as they are and I call you when I get home. Think about it. I’ll see you for lunch and you can tell me then.” She turned and walked away.

  Lily dropped her head into her hands. Definitely not three. Maybe one, but if she was honest, she wanted option two. She could write here just as well, maybe better, than she could at home. In fact, with Robin back in her life, these past few days had been extremely productive. And, angry or not, there was no denying she was enjoying being with Robin and seeing her with Jess was a dream come true. Not to mention that Jess was ecstatic spending time with her dad. They’d have to deal with the real world when they got back, but another week would solidify Robin’s bond with Jess and their bond as a family.

  The only question was whether living in the same house she’d be able to hold herself back from making love with Robin. She reached for her cell to call Hillary to schedule a telephone therapy session to help her deal with the rage that kept bubbling up. She smiled, thinking again that Hillary would be a lot happier than she was about her getting in touch with her anger. And maybe Hillary could help her figure out whether she needed to resist Robin. She made an appointment for four o’clock.

  They were holding hands and singing as they walked along the path to the casita, apparently a camp song that Jess had learned this morning. When Jess spotted her sitting on the patio, she dropped Robin’s hand, ran to her and wrapped her arms around her neck. “Want to learn th
e new song, Mommy?”

  “I do, sweetie, but you know we try to have quiet time at lunch so you can take a nap. How about when you wake up later you teach me?”

  “But Dad won’t be here then. We have to sing together.”

  She exchanged a look with Robin. “Well, what about before or after dinner? What do you think, Dad?”

  Jess giggled. “You’re silly, Mommy. She’s not your dad.”

  “I think it’s a great idea. Maybe we could take a walk on the beach after dinner so we can sing really loud.”

  Jess jumped up and down. “Walk on the beach, walk on the beach.”

  Robin swept her into her arms. “Quiet time, sweet cheeks. Let’s wash up so we can eat lunch.”

  Robin tiptoed out of Jess’s bedroom and sat opposite Lily, who was working on the patio. “So?”

  Lily finished the sentence, then saved the document. “So.”

  Robin was leaning forward, waiting for the answer. Lily was tempted to drag it out, but she found it impossible to be cruel and cutting when she wasn’t angry. “So, I choose option two if it’s still on offer.” Robin’s smile reminded her again of how much brighter the world, and her life, was with Robin in it.

  “You’ll stay and move in with me? Now I know how Jess feels. I’m about to jump up and down and scream, ‘Move in, move in.’”

  Lily grinned. “Maybe you should save it for when we walk on the beach tonight. I’m sure your little shadow will have the same reaction.”

  Robin started toward her, then stopped. “I know you’re really angry, but your willingness to let me in means a lot to me. Would it be all right for me to give you a thank-you kiss? I promise I won’t be out of control if we share the house.”

  Lily pulled Robin into her arms, kissed her lightly and touched her face. “I’m not sure where we’re headed, Robin, but I think this next week will be fun for all three of us.”

  Robin touched her lips and grinned. “I’ll take care of all the arrangements for moving your things and for changing your flight home.”

  After dinner, they walked on the beach, one of them on either side of Jess, swinging her on demand. They sang the camp song loudly, then ran and splashed in the water. When Jess was tired, she asked Robin to carry her, then fell asleep in her arms.