by Ali Parker
“Wouldn’t you rather know?” Max asked. “If you like her, don’t you think she deserves the truth? Then, she can decide for herself what she wants.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Paisley skipped back into the kitchen before I could.
“I couldn’t find it,” she said, running to Max. “But I found some other ones we can look at.”
Max kept his eyes on me for a second longer. Forcing a smile, he turned to Paisley and took the books out of her hands. They sat down at the kitchen table, flipping through the pages and disappearing into their own little world.
I wanted so badly to join them, but my mind was across town. Candice would be back at her place by now, or maybe she went to the office. Wherever she was, she had no idea I was about to break her heart.
Because Max was right. I couldn’t live in this lie anymore. Tomorrow, I would tell Candice everything.
Chapter 22
Candice
“You came back!” Paisley squealed. She stood back to let me inside, her green eyes sparkling.
“Of course, I did.” I ruffled her hair and stepped into the living room. “You invited me, right?”
“Right!”
Excited energy radiated off Paisley and filled the room. I’d never spent much time around little kids, but I was beginning to think this was a prerequisite. Uncontrollable glee was Paisley’s default setting.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked, glancing around the empty living room.
“In here!” Ryan called.
Smiling, I walked around the corner into the kitchen. Ryan was standing by the counter, cutting cubes of cheese and placing them into a small bowl. The same picnic basket from our date sat open beside him.
“Another picnic?” I frowned. “Haven’t we moved beyond that?”
“We have.” Ryan eyed me over his shoulder. “But the four-year-old hasn’t.”
“I love picnics!” Paisley exclaimed.
With a laugh, I moved forward to offer my help. Ryan shifted when I stepped closer to him, but he didn’t look up.
“Can I help?” I asked.
“Sure.” He pushed a carton of strawberries across the counter. “Small pieces for Pea, whole ones for us.”
“Um.”
Pursing my lips, I stood a pointed step back. Ryan frowned and spun around to face me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m allergic.”
“No way.” Ryan laughed. “Seriously?”
“Yup.” I nodded. “One bite and my head will blow up like a balloon.”
Without any arguments, Ryan closed the container of strawberries and tosses them in the trash. Dusting his hands off, he looked back at me triumphantly.
“The enemy has been vanquished,” he said.
“You’re such a nerd.” I chuckled. “You didn’t have to throw them away. You and Paisley can eat them.”
“And risk your life? Ha! Not a chance.”
“So dramatic.” I rolled my eyes and moved back to the counter.
Ryan and I finished packing up the picnic while Paisley gathered up some toys and a few books. When we were ready to leave, she wrapped her tiny hand in mine and smiled up at me.
“Where to?” I asked, stepping outside.
“There’s a little park about a block away,” Ryan said. “Nothing fancy, but it has a pond. Paisley likes to chase the ducks.”
“You mean feed them?” I laughed.
“Nope!” Paisley tugged on my hand. “Chasing them is more fun! Their wings fly out, and they squawk and make funny noises.”
“Have you ever caught one?” I asked.
Paisley’s eyes darkened. “Never,” she said morosely. “But one day, I will. Right, Daddy?”
“Sure, Pea.”
Ryan laughed and shot me a look that said, “just go with it.” I nodded and asked Paisley a few more questions about her favorite pastime. It wasn’t only ducks that she chased. Any bird was fair game.
“Daddy likes to find the funniest looking birds,” Paisley said. “It’s a game we play. Remember the one with the orange head, Daddy?”
“I do,” Ryan said. “That one was seriously freaky. But not as bad as the one with three feet.”
“Three feet?” I demanded.
“Oh, yeah!” Paisley yelled. “I forgot about him. We named him …”
“Three’s company,” Ryan finished.
A snort escaped my lips before I could stop it. Ryan smiled and moved to stand on my other side. His fingers slid between mine, wrapping themselves gently around my hand. My cheeks flushed. I realized just how nervous I was to spend the day with them.
Holding hands, the three of us arrived at the park and laid out the picnic blanket. Paisley settled down beside Ryan as he helped her pile some food onto a paper plate. Tapping a straw into her juice box, Ryan handed it to her and then turned his attention to me.
“What’s your poison?” he asked, rummaging inside the basket. “Water? Juice? Or, Kool-Aide?”
“Kool-Aide?”
Ryan stared at me, dumbfounded. “You’ve never had Kool-Aide?”
“No.”
“Oh my god.” He blinked rapidly and shook his head as if I’d committed a grave crime. “Here. Drink.”
He handed me a small pouch with purple liquid inside. I stared down at the drink, not sure what to think of it.
“In my family,” I said, pressing the straw into the proper hole. “We drank out of glass bottles no matter where we were.”
“Seriously?” Ryan frowned, suddenly nervous.
“I’m kidding.” I laughed.
Ryan sighed, relieved. “Good, because this is about as fancy as we get.”
“Now, I know that’s not true,” I said. “You forget, I’ve been out with you.”
“I didn’t forget it.”
Ryan’s voice was soft. It drew my eyes to him and the rest of the park froze. Even Paisley, sitting right beside us, seemed to melt away as our eyes stayed locked on each other.
Clearing my throat, I looked down at the Kool-Aide in my hand. With a pointed look at Ryan, I took a small sip.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“It’s good.” I shrugged. “Really good, actually.”
Ryan laughed and nodded his approval. We all ate lunch before Paisley jumped up to chase the ducks. It was impossible not to laugh while watching her run around like a banshee, waving her arms wildly at the scared birds.
“Do you think they’ll hurt her?” I asked nervously.
“Nah.” Ryan shook his head. “She’s been doing this forever. They just run away. Honestly, I think they’re just bored with her by now.”
Laughing, I leaned back on my hands and tilted my head up to the sky. The sun warmed my face as I let my eyes fall closed.
Ryan leaned back to join me, his fingers inching slowly toward mine. When his pinky grazed mine, my stomach flipped.
Shaking myself, I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He wasn’t looking at me. He was still watching Paisley closely, but I knew I had his full attention. Silently, he wrapped his pinky around mine. I smiled and turned back to the sun.
We spent another hour at the park before Paisley complained she was too hot. Ryan suggested we grab some ice cream, so we all held hands and walked a couple blocks.
When Paisley finished her ice cream, I realized how much I didn’t want to leave them. With Ryan’s hand still in mine, I tried to think of something else for us to do. Anything else. Just as long as I didn’t have to say goodbye.
***
We made it back to Ryan’s place just as the sun began to set. I was tired from the day, but not at all ready to go home.
As we walked through the front door, Paisley stretched her arms over her head and yawned. Ryan laughed lightly as Paisley fell back on the couch with a dramatic groan.
“Tired?” he asked.
“No!” Paisley jumped up like she’d been burned. “I’m awake.”
Ryan eyed her with
amusement, but when he turned back to me, his face fell. I wanted to believe I imagined it, but the proof was right in front of me.
Frowning, I took a step forward and reached for his hand. Ryan’s fingers wrapped around mine like they’d done all day. His warm skin tingled against my palm. Only this time, his eyes didn’t meet mine. He looked straight ahead, focused only on his daughter.
My lips parted, a whispered question ready to slip off my tongue, but before I could speak, Paisley spun around to face us with wide, excited eyes. She bounced on the balls of her feet and skipped across the room.
“Is Candice staying?” Paisley asked, looking to Ryan for the answer.
Ryan’s eyes darkened for a split second. If I hadn’t been staring so intently at his face, I would have missed it. In an instant, they returned to normal, and his lips pulled up into an easygoing smile.
“Candice has a busy day tomorrow,” Ryan said. “We should probably let her get home.”
“But it’s movie night!” Paisley pouted.
Ryan glanced at me nervously. “I know,” he said, looking back at his daughter. “But that’s something special between you and me. Just us.”
“Exactly,” I said before Paisley could argue. “I’ll come back and play with you again soon, okay?”
Paisley looked ready to argue, but with one look at her dad, she stopped herself. Nodding, she hurried over to the movie drawer and pulled it open. I watched as she ran her tiny index finger over the DVDs, searching for the perfect one.
Ryan looked at me with a silent apology dancing behind his eyes.
I wanted to tell him I didn’t care about movie night. If he wanted alone time with Paisley, I understood. I was only upset that after such an amazing day, he’d suddenly grown distant.
Without a word, Ryan walked over to where Paisley sat beside the movies.
“Pea, tell Candice goodbye,” Ryan said, nudging her head gently. “And thank you for coming over.”
“Bye!” Paisley ran over to me and grinned, Ryan following close behind. “Thank you for playing with me.”
“Anytime, kiddo.”
Ruffling Paisley’s hair, I turned to the door. Ryan pulled it open and stepped outside with me. His green eyes shone in the evening light. When he looked at me, a pit formed in my stomach. The same, distant look from before colored his features.
Twisting around to face the open door, he called out, “Get the candy ready! I’ll be back in a few minutes to put on the movie.”
“Okay!” Paisley yelled from inside.
With a blank expression, Ryan pulled the front door closed behind his back. His eyes were focused on the ground beneath his feet. Again, I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, but before I could, Ryan’s eyes snapped up to meet my gaze.
“I hope you understand about movie night,” he said. “It’s just our tradition. Something we do every week.”
“Oh.” I shook my head, surprised. “Yeah, no. I understand. It’s fine.”
“Good.” Ryan smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. His lips jerked upward into a tight line and then fell back down.
I took a small step away from the door and Ryan. My stomach continued to ache as I met Ryan’s gaze one more time.
Staring at him, I wanted to ask what was going on. I hated myself for being the typical girl and getting all riled up over a man, but I couldn’t help it. My usually strong personality had weakened. Ryan brought out my strongest insecurities because, for the first time, I actually cared what someone thought of me.
“Is everything okay?” I finally asked. Ryan frowned. “You just seem different today.”
“I’m fine.” Ryan smiled. “I just wanted to ask, are you free tomorrow night? I thought we could grab dinner.”
“Sure,” I said. “I have to work late. The magazine release is right around the corner, but I should be free around seven.”
“Perfect.” Ryan stepped forward and pressed his lips swiftly against my cheek. Pulling away, he smiled again and turned around.
“Any particular reason?” I asked, surprising even myself.
Ryan slowly turned his head. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“Is there a reason for dinner?” I asked again. “Or just a whim?”
“Well.” Ryan grinned. “I always want to take you out.”
On the surface, his grin was just as it always was. Warm and slightly playful. Just like Ryan. But this time, I couldn’t shake the nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“But yes.” Ryan sighed. “There is something I want to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. “Well, tomorrow night it is.”
Ryan smiled and kissed my cheek again. “Tomorrow,” he said.
He watched me walk back to my car and climb inside. Lifting my hand, I waved and pulled out of the driveway. It wasn’t until I reached the end of his street that my stomach finally relaxed.
Without Ryan’s distant expression staring into my eyes, I could focus on the day. Paisley had a blast at the park, and Ryan spent most of the day flirting shamelessly with me. He barely let me drift farther than an arm’s reach away from him, always making sure his hand was pressed against the small of my back or curled around my own.
It was starting to feel like we were in a real relationship.
Smiling, I headed back into the city, more relaxed than I’d been in weeks.
Chapter 23
Ryan
My fist was raised, poised inches from Beatrice’s office door. I could hear her rattling breath on the other side, sucking down yet another cigarette. Holding my breath, I lowered my fist and walked away for the fourth time that morning.
I walked over to the coffee station and poured myself a cup of black coffee. The strong flavor made me shudder, but I forced myself to finish the whole thing. My fingers trembled as I threw the now empty cup into the trash and resumed my stance outside of B’s door.
She was moving around now, her heels clanking softly against the floor. I listened for a few seconds and let my eyes fall closed. B had no idea I was there or why. The second I knocked on that door, everything would change.
I longed to run away again, to not stop until I reached my living room, to disappear into my own little world and never emerge. But Max’s words echoed through my head and forced me forward.
I raised my fist again. Tapping three times fast, I took a tiny step backward and held my breath.
“Come in!” B’s shrill voice called through the door.
Caffeine and nerves kept my body in a constant state of vibration as I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
“Ryan!” B looked up at me from behind her desk. A cigarette dangled between her too-red lips. She wrapped two fingers around it, sucking hard before pulling it away from her mouth. A thin stream of smoke poured from her lips as her eyes surveyed me.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” I asked, already moving to my usual chair.
“For you?” B winked. “Always, baby.”
My smiled felt forced, and from the look on B’s face, she knew it.
“Listen,” I began. “I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
B’s hand flew up, palm facing out. “Whoa,” she said, turning her head away. “Stop right there.”
My mouth snapped shut. B’s head slid slowly from side to side. When her eyes found my face again, she grimaced painfully and took another drag off her cigarette.
“Don’t tell me.” She exhaled. “Do not tell me you’re here to quit.”
“What?” I snorted. “No. God, no. It’s nothing like that.”
“Okay.” B sighed, relieved. “Ryan, I love you, but I was about to kick your beautiful little ass right out of this office.”
Laughing, I leaned back in the chair and tried to relax. My nerves were in overdrive, and everything I said was coming out wrong.
“So, tell me,” B said. “What’s going on, baby?”
I took a deep breath and sa
t up straight. This was my chance. If B was ever going to be understanding, now was the time.
“I have a problem with the Smart account,” I said quickly. “With Candice.”
Beatrice’s eyebrows pulled together. She put out her cigarette and interlaced her fingers. Setting them on her desk, she nodded for me to continue.
“She’s not just a client to me,” I said. “Not anymore. I have feelings for her.”
Silence fell over the office. B stared at me, her expression blank at first. As the seconds passed, her lips began to twitch.
“This is a joke.” She waved her hand, laughing lightly. “You’re trying to pull one over on me, aren’t you, baby?”
“No.” I shook my head. “B, I’m serious. My feelings for Candice are real.”
Beatrice’s smile faded immediately from her lips. Her eyes narrowed into the most dangerous glare I’d ever seen.
“No,” she hissed, pushing against her desk. Rising to her feet, she walked around to tower over me.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I know this isn’t ideal, but I can’t help how I feel. It just happened.”
“No,” B said again. She looked down her nose at me. “You do not have feelings for Candice Smart.”
“B.”
“That wasn’t a question!” B hissed. “I’m telling you, Ryan, you do not have feelings for Candice Smart.”
My mouth fell open, but no words came. From the look in B’s eyes, I knew it didn’t matter what I said. She was seconds away from digging her talon-like nails into my skin.
“Deborah Smart is a powerful woman,” B said, her voice determinedly calm. “You signed a contract with her. If you violate that contract, she will tear this place down.”
“I don’t want to violate anything,” I said defensively. “I just want to—”
“What?” B scoffed. “Be with Candice? Love her? Marry her? Have her pop out a few more little Paisleys?”
Anger surged through my veins. However pissed Beatrice was, it suddenly had nothing on my own rage. I rose halfway out of the chair before I realized my mistake. B’s eyes flashed. She took a step forward, forcing me back down.