by Marie Jem
“Good morning. You don’t look like you want to be here,” Laura noticed my disheveled appearance.
“Bad night. Laura, do you think I should look for another job and change my phone number?” I asked.
“Look, Claire. You can run away as much as you want, but what will you accomplish by all that? You can even move to another state, but that’s not going to help you face everything head on,” she advised.
“I guess you have a point,” I replied.
“Why? Is Alex continuously bothering you?” she asked.
I told Laura about Alex waiting for me by my car the day before and the nonstop text messages. Laura didn’t know about my attack, so she wouldn’t understand why Alex had been extremely worried about me. I told her that I had injured myself while running alone a long time ago and that was the reason for his extreme concern.
“Look at it this way, he’s really unhappy at home. He has nothing else to do other than work and go to an unhappy place afterward. He’s probably doing the right thing and taking care of his wife, but does not love her. When you come to your senses one day, you should hear him out. I’m really curious to hear his side of the story,” she said. Laura was much wiser than me when it came to people. She really knew how to read them well.
The day progressed rather quickly and with a blink of an eye it was already time to face the weekend. I changed into my jeans and purple tunic I had packed that morning. I was going to meet Calvin at Hawthorne’s Steakhouse, which wasn’t too far from the hospital. The streets were congested, since it was a Friday night, so I called Calvin to let him know I was going to be a few minutes late.
“That’s cool. Just get here when you get here. Drive safely,” he advised. The few minutes I had estimated turned out to be almost thirty minutes. I handed my car to the valet parking attendant and went inside the steakhouse. Calvin was waiting for me at the entrance.
“Hey sis!” he said, giving me a big hug. I had missed Calvin so much. He was always so easy to talk to.
“Hi Cal,” I said, hugging him tightly.
“Table for two under Calvin Morgan, please,” he told the hostess.
She walked us over to the back of the steakhouse. I had never been there before, but it sure smelled great. We took a seat at the table the hostess escorted us to and ordered drinks.
“What do you want to drink, Claire?” he asked.
“I just want iced tea, please. I’ve been drinking too much alcohol,” I laughed.
“You and alcohol in the same sentence just don’t make sense to me. I heard about you and Alex. I’m sorry. I really liked the guy,” he said.
“Cal, let’s not talk about Alex, okay? Tell me how you have been. How’s school?” I asked.
“Uh, school is good. Everything is going as planned,” he replied. Calvin looked a little nervous. I had a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling me. The waiter came to take our order and we each ordered a steak dish with vegetables on the side. Calvin looked like he was constantly drying his sweaty palms. I knew he had something to discuss that was making him very nervous.
“Cal, are you dropping out of school or something? You can tell me anything. I’m your sister. I won’t tell mom or dad anything, I promise. Are you in some kind of trouble?” I asked, beginning to get very anxious.
“No, no, nothing like that, Claire. School’s going great and I’m in no trouble,” he replied.
“Then what is it?” I insisted.
Calvin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He began to exhale very slowly as he mumbled the words, “I’m gay,” then let out a huge sigh.
My mouth dropped open. I didn’t know what to say. My little brother, Calvin, just told me he was gay. My eyes widened and my mouth wouldn’t close.
“Oh. My. God. Calvin, I can’t believe you waited all these years to come out,” I said, still shocked.
“Well, it wasn’t easy,” he said, looking very relieved.
“Hmm, no wonder there haven’t very many girlfriends in the past. I can’t believe you didn’t tell your own sister all these years. How could you keep something like that from me? Do mom and dad know?” I asked.
“No! No, they don’t know. You’re the first in the family that knows. I don’t know how mom, dad, and Kyle would take the news. When we were kids, the other boys discovered they liked girls and I discovered I liked boys,” he replied.
“Just tell them, it’ll be fine. I will be with you when you tell them if you want,” I offered. “Until then, your secret is safe with me. I love you and I’m so happy you told me,” I said.
Calvin sighed again, “I’m so relieved I can finally eat comfortably,” he said.
“I’m glad, me too. Now I won’t have to sit here while you dry off your sweaty palms and have an anxiety attack at the dinner table,” I joked. “You know, Cal, there are some really cute gay guys at the dance studio I recently joined. Maybe I can introduce you to one of them,” I shared my idea.
“My sister just found out I’m gay and is already trying to hook me up,” he mumbled.
“What’s wrong with that? I think you’re a catch. They’d be lucky to have a guy like you,” I winked.
“Thanks, sis. I love you for embracing my homosexuality,” he said.
“And I love you for coming out to me first. It makes me feel special,” I smiled. “Isn’t it liberating?” I asked.
“Yeah, it is. It feels really good, actually,” he replied.
The food arrived and the steak was mouthwatering. Calvin and I ate as though we hadn’t eaten in years. I was starving and he was glad he had shared his secret with his sister and could now eat his dinner with calmer nerves. Calvin had plans later on in the evening with a few friends, so we didn’t hang out long after dinner. As we were walking out of the restaurant, I noticed girls checking him out. They kept it subtle, since they probably thought I was his girlfriend. They didn’t know that he wasn’t interested in them. Calvin was very attractive with his tall, lean body and beautiful, flawless skin and great hair, which girls were envious of.
We hugged goodbye as we picked up our cars from the valet parking attendant. The night was young and I really didn’t want to go home. I knew that once I went home, I would feel lonely and depressed. I decided to give Stefano a call and see what he was up to that Friday night.
“Hello?” he said as he answered the phone.
“Stefano, hi, it’s Claire,” I said.
“Hi there, what’s going on?” he asked.
“I was just wondering if you’re as bored as I am,” I replied.
“I’m very bored, actually. I’m at the studio helping my mom with some paperwork,” he said.
“I think I’m feeling a little bit adventurous tonight,” I replied.
“Really? Does that mean I should get the helmet ready and the bike warmed up?” he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah, I really need to do something high risk tonight,” I replied.
“Awesome. Meet me at the studio in thirty minutes. I’m almost finished here,” he said.
“Can’t wait,” I replied and began to drive to the studio for that adventurous ride.
I parked my car outside the studio and headed towards the front door. It was locked, so I had to knock. Stefano opened the door with a big smile. As I walked inside, I noticed he was alone and everything was spotless and clean.
“Where’s your mom?” I asked.
“She left about ten minutes ago,” he replied grabbing a red and black motorcycle helmet from the office. My nerves were getting in the way and I began to feel a little anxious, but I wasn’t going to back out. I had made up my mind that I would ride on a motorcycle if I were courageous enough to run again.
Stefano turned off all the lights in the studio and locked all the doors and we headed out to the parking lot. I had never seen Stefano’s motorcycle. Maybe it was because I had never looked for it. He led the way and stopped next to a shiny red Ducati. I stopped in my tracks. I had n
ever been on a motorcycle, but I knew that a Ducati was a racing motorcycle. I was about to ride on a very fast bike. I was hoping it was a Harley Davidson or some other motorcycle that I would just ride slowly and comfortably on.
“Uh, this is your motorcycle?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Yeah, you don’t like it?” he asked.
“I-I-I just t-thought it would be something slower, that’s all,” I replied.
“Don’t worry, I won’t ride fast, I promise,” he said.
“Is this bike even for two people, Stefano?” I asked, wondering where I would sit.
“Yeah, look,” he said, putting his hand on a small surface in the back behind the driver seat.
“Okay. You promise you won’t go fast?” I asked.
“I promise. I don’t want your first ride on a motorcycle to be scary,” he noted.
“All right, let’s do this,” I said, trying to put on the helmet.
Stefano helped me put on the helmet and showed me how to sit on the back and hold on tightly to his waist. He sat down first and I grabbed onto him and propped myself up onto the back seat. I was holding on so tightly to Stefano in fear that I may fall off the bike. I was glad I had worn jeans, boots and a leather jacket that night. I would have frozen half to death if I hadn’t. Stefano started the engine and it roared so loudly. I held on even tighter as he began to ride. I felt as though I was on a roller coaster. My eyes were closed most of the time during the ride. It was so exhilarating that I realized why people liked motorcycles so much. The adrenaline rush was worth it.
He rode up a very winding road and I had no idea where we were or where we were going. After what seemed like a very long roller coaster ride, Stefano stopped his motorcycle on a cliff overlooking the entire city. I had never been up there and did not know where we had stopped. He helped me off the bike and took off my helmet.
“Stefano, this view is incredible. I’ve never been up here,” I said, my eyes soaking in the beautiful view of the city.
“This is my secret hang out,” he replied. “So, what did you think of your first motorcycle ride?” he asked.
“It was really fun, thank you. And thanks for not riding so fast,” I said.
“Thanks for calling me tonight. I really needed to go out and do something,” he replied.
“I’m glad I did. I’ve been feeling like I’m going crazy lately. This adventurous ride was a great distraction. That’s a nice Ducati, by the way,” I said.
“Thank you. I begged my mother to get it for me after I graduated from college,” he replied. “It was extremely difficult to convince her, but after months and months of begging, she finally gave in. She does ask me to text her when I get home every night if I’m out with the motorcycle, otherwise she can’t sleep,” he said. We sat on one of the big rocks on the cliff and admired the breathtaking scenery. It began to get very chilly, so Stefano took off his jacket and put it over me.
“Put your jacket back on, Stefano, you’ll freeze,” I said.
“I’m a warm blooded Italian, I can handle some cold weather,” he replied, smiling. “So, what do you want to do after this? I am your chauffeur for the evening, madam,” he said, changing his tone. “Would you like to go for a drink? I promise not to drink, since I am your designated rider,” he smiled.
“You pick. We can hang out at any one of your favorite joints,” I said.
Stefano stood up and held out his hand to help me up from the rock I was sitting on. I gave back his jacket, put on my helmet and hopped on the back of the bike. I held on tight for dear life once again. It seemed like he was riding much faster than the first time, but I didn’t complain, it was very exciting. Stefano pulled up in front of a very happening bar in Santa Monica and parked his Ducati. We went inside and took a seat next to one another at the bar. The lighting was very dim and the crowd was very young. It was the type of place I would have picked to hang out with friends.
“What do you want to drink?” Stefano asked loudly, so that I could hear him through the crowd.
“I’ll have a cranberry martini,” I replied.
Stefano ordered a martini for me, and a ginger ale for himself. He was going to keep his promise about staying sober, so he could be my designated motorcyclist.
“Thank you for not drinking, Stefano,” I said.
“I wouldn’t put your life in any danger if I could prevent it,” he replied.
My drink arrived and I sipped away. It was made pretty strong by the bartender, so I sipped slowly. Stefano ordered a few appetizers, so that I wouldn’t drink on an empty stomach, since my dinner with Calvin was hours prior to our visit to the bar.
“Can I have another martini, Stefano?” I asked.
“Uh, sure, whatever your heart desires. The martini’s are very strong here, Claire,” he noted.
“I know, I can tell. That’s good because I need something strong tonight to get my mind off the drama in my life,” I replied.
Stefano laughed, “Drink all you want, since I’m not drinking. I’ll take care of you and make sure you go to the ladies room instead of the men’s room,” he said, making me laugh as usual.
“Stefano, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” I asked curiously.
“I just haven’t found anyone I find interesting lately. Well, I did find someone I really like, but she only wants to be friends. What can I do? You can’t force love, can you?” he asked with a wink.
“You just have to respect her wishes and be her friend,” I said, feeling a buzz coming on from the alcohol. “I think I’m ready for another drink,” I added.
“Claire, maybe the next drink should be the last one. What do you say?” he asked.
“Fine. You party pooper,” I said. The third drink arrived and I was feeling pretty tipsy already. Although I was eating quite a bit of the appetizers, I began to feel very buzzed. I felt myself saying very strange things and Stefano had to take away the remainder of the third martini away from me.
“All right, no more alcohol for you, young lady,” I recall him saying. I remember Stefano putting on my helmet and holding on to my hands with one hand while riding the motorcycle with the other hand. The next thing I remember was a building and a parking garage. I felt so dizzy and sick to my stomach. I knew I was speaking to Stefano, but I had no idea what I was saying.
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I woke up in a strange place. I didn’t know where I was or how I had gotten there. I was on a soft sofa in someone’s living room. I sat up quickly and realized my head was pounding. The last thing I remembered was that I was talking to Stefano and rode on his motorcycle.
“Hey, good morning. How are you feeling?” Stefano emerged from the kitchen.
“Oh my God. Please don’t tell me we-,” I stopped.
“No way. I would never take advantage of a drunken girl. You had way too many martinis last night. It’s a good thing the bar is only a few blocks from my place, otherwise I don’t know how I would’ve given you a ride on my bike if we were far from here,” he replied.
I closed my eyes, so embarrassed about the whole night. I almost wished I hadn’t called Stefano for that ride.
“Claire, you were talking about something last night when you were buzzing. You kept talking about some guy named Alex. You were saying something about his wife Angela. Your speech was kind of slurred, so it was hard to make out the details,” he said.
“I’m never drinking again,” I replied so ashamed of myself.
“Your car is at the studio parking lot, so don’t worry. I even have new toothbrushes in the bathroom. You can stay as long as you’d like, we could even hang out and have breakfast and lunch together before you head out to the valley,” he said.
“Could I just have a toothbrush so I could brush my teeth, please? I really need to get home afterward if that’s okay. I’m so sorry about last night, Stefano. I usually don’t drink that much, but I’ve had a lot on my mind and it seemed like it would make it all go away,” I explained.
“Don’t worry about it, Claire. You were really enjoying yourself and that’s all that matters. I was just worried about you getting sick, so I slept on the other couch next to you just in case,” he replied.
Stefano was so sweet. I really wished I had met him before I met Alex. It would definitely have been different. I brushed my teeth and put on my jacket and waited for Stefano to drive me to the studio, so I could pick up my car. On the way to the parking garage, Stefano had a lot of questions for me.
“So, who’s Alex? Is he your ex?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, looking down.
“And Angela? She’s his wife?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied uncomfortably.
“Hmm. A love triangle, I see,” he said.
“Not really. It would have been a triangle if I knew about his wife during our relationship,” I explained.
“I don’t think I should ask any further questions,” he replied.
“Thank you,” I said, glad to end that conversation.
“Are you sure you don’t want to grab a bite to eat before you go home?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m positive. My head hurts and I’m just not in the mood to eat anything,” I replied.
I hopped on the back of the Ducati and Stefano rode me to the studio to pick up my car. He parked his motorcycle next to my car. It was overcast outside and very early in the morning. I took off my helmet and Stefano turned off the engine of his bike and took off his helmet as well.
“We should do this more often, Claire, minus the heavy drinking of course,” he smiled. I laughed, recalling the martinis from the night before.
“Thanks for taking care of me Stefano. I’m really sorry I ended up crashing at your place,” I apologized.
“Don’t even think about apologizing. I had such a great time last night. Thanks for calling me,” he said, giving me a hug. The next thing I knew, Stefano’s lips were pressed against mine. I pulled away quickly with my hands against his chest, holding him away from me.