Finding Glory

by Sara Arden

  “Let me know when you want to come see the house. I’ll have packers and movers here this coming weekend. Just let them know what you want to take.”

  The reality of her situation slammed into her again and her stomach twisted into knots. “I’ll be on shift. I just don’t know when.”

  “I’d like to take Amanda Jane instead of sending her to day care for those days.”

  “What about work?”

  “Benefits of working for myself. She can come to the office with me.”

  She nodded slowly. “Okay, but if you need anything, call me or Missy, or even Grams, okay?”

  “Actually, I was going to see if Missy wanted to pick up some extra hours, if it was okay with Emma.”

  Gina exhaled a heavy sigh of relief. “That’s great.”

  But the look on his face said he knew the exact direction of her thoughts.

  “I’ll pick her up tomorrow morning.”

  “I have to be there at eight.”

  “I’ll be here at seven.”

  He headed toward the door, but there was something unfinished. Something that hung in the air between them, heavy and awkward.

  She called out to him, and when he paused, she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him.

  Gina’s instincts had been to reassure them both, not to feel how strong his arms were around her, how hard his chest was, or to inhale the delicious scent of his expensive cologne.

  Fey, misty of visions of what it would be like to surrender to this thing between them washed over her. The memory of that scalding kiss made it all the more real. As did the press of her arousal against her belly.

  Her breath caught and she wondered if it would always be like this. If every encounter with him would ignite her into this thing of burning need.

  And how she was supposed to live without the possibility of surrender.

  “It’s all going to be okay, Gina.”

  When he broke the embrace and she stood in the doorway watching his taillights disappear down the drive, she struggled against the pinpricks that signaled a wave of tears.

  No one who had the power to make it so had ever told her it was going to be okay. That was Gina’s job. It was what she was good at. And until Reed had spoken the words to her, she hadn’t realized how badly she needed someone to say them to her.

  And most important, mean it.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “DADDY, YOU WORK in a castle,” Amanda Jane said as he led her inside the metro towers where his offices were located in the city.

  Reed looked up at the glass-and-metal construction and supposed that she was right. It was a beautiful building, but imposing as well—like a castle should be. “I guess I do.”

  “Are there dragons to slay?”

  “Not so much to slay, but pay.” Yeah, he’d go with that comparison.

  “You pay the dragons?” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like this.”

  “No one does.” They were preparing for the end of quarter, and that always meant more hours and more labor and more checks to be written.

  “You’re funny.” Amanda Jane barreled through the door ahead of him.

  There was part of him that was afraid of being here, of doing this—of being a father—but another part recognized that this was what had brought him to this point in his life.

  “My grammie says you’re going to marry Gina-bee. I keep waiting for you to tell me, but you haven’t. So I wanted you to know it’s okay. If you want to.”

  “If I want to?” He raised a brow and offered his hand.

  She tucked her small hand into his. “I don’t think you should marry someone just for someone else. Even though Grammie wants you to.”

  “Grammie wants us to?” He kept parroting her. Each new thing she said was more of a surprise than the last.

  She nodded. “We were trying to get you to spend more time together at Frogfest, but it felt like tricking you. I don’t want to trick you. I want you and Gina-bee to be happy.”

  Her words, innocent and honest, tugged at his heart strings. “We will be. As long as you’re with us.”

  “I don’t know about that. Gina-bee and Grammie tell me I’m full of the dickens.”

  “As all children should be, I think.” Yes, she was definitely full of the dickens.

  The elevator stopped and he walked in to his offices with Amanda Jane in tow. They’d had a lovely morning shopping, spoiling her just a little bit rotten before work.

  His assistant, Rae, was looking her usual cheerful self. “Gray is in your office,” she said and handed him a sheaf of papers. “And who is this young lady?”

  “I’m Amanda Jane.”

  “Rae, this is my daughter.”

  “Are you helping your daddy today?” Rae grinned.

  Amanda Jane shook her head. “Yes, but I can help you if you want.”

  “And how would you help me?” Rae knelt down to be on Amanda Jane’s level.

  “I’d tell Mr. James to take you to lunch.”

  Rae grinned and looked up at Reed. “I approve.”

  “We’ll see what Mr. James has on the docket today.” Reed grinned. “Actually, Rae, would you mind taking Amanda Jane for a hot chocolate to start her day?”

  “Not at all. Come on. You like whipped cream in your cocoa?”

  “Definitely.”

  Reed went into his office and turned to watch his assistant walking away with his daughter, then turned his attention to his lawyer. Because he was sure that’s the hat he was wearing at the moment.

  “So, get it out before she gets back.”

  Gray smirked. “Look, I just want to make sure this is what you want to do.”

  “I signed the paperwork, didn’t I?”

  “This means you’re going to marry her. As in join for life.”

  “I believe the paperwork says until Amanda Jane is eighteen.”

  “Whatever.” Gray’s eyes were intense. “For all of this wanting to protect yourself, all the safeguards you have in place, you’re just willing to give this woman everything.”

  He’d been about to protest, but realized Gray was right. “I know you had it hard coming up, too, Gray. Neither one of us had a silver spoon. But it doesn’t have to be hard for my daughter. You’ve seen Amanda Jane; you’ve seen how Gina takes care of her.”

  “You know you’re paying for medical school?”

  “For my daughter’s caregiver, her aunt, to have an education? Yes, yes I am. It’s nothing to me. What her education will cost, I make that in a week.”

  “It just doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It does to me. That’s all that matters.” He realized why it made sense to him. For all of his insistence on being wanted for himself, he was afraid that wasn’t good enough, but he desperately wanted to be. So he was content to fill the holes that were lacking in himself with money. It was something he had. Something he could give them both that they’d not have anywhere else.

  He knew how wrong that thinking was. His initial fears of being wanted only for his money were always present and he worked hard to keep them secret, keep them hidden, and now it seemed as if they were splayed wide for all to see.

  He couldn’t have that.

  “I guess tonight you’ll be putting your money where your mouth is, Reed.”

  “What?”

  “The governor’s dinner?”

  “Shit. Who has a dinner on a Monday night?” Reed groused.

  Gray raised a brow. “Spoken like a true snob.”

  “I can’t show up alone, but taking Gina puts her in the spotlight. I don’t know if she’s ready for that. Hell, I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

  “We can’t beg off. We need those connections
if you want the stockyard deal to go through.”

  “They’re not going to sour the deal just because I don’t go to their little party.” He rolled his eyes.

  “No, but neither will it make them amenable to your terms, which obviously we can get around, but why do it the hard way when all you have to do is show up and tell Gina to look pretty?”

  “We’re not...” The sheer magnitude of what he was proposing was impossible. Wasn’t it? They’d discussed the idea of marriage. They’d agreed to it. They’d hammered out the financials, but not the rest of it. Not the little things that made up living.

  Like this.

  There was no real reason for her to attend. Except what about when she was his wife? It would look strange to this group of people if his wife wasn’t on his arm. If he ever wanted to take his company public, the opinions of others mattered a great deal.

  This wasn’t something Gina had signed up for, and to his own chagrin, not something that he’d thought about.

  Taking his company public, they’d need to believe this was a love story.

  “The implications of all this finally starting to hit home?” Gray asked gently.

  “Nothing can ever be a simple proposition, can it?”

  “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to call that judge. She’s going to marry you in her chambers and we’ll issue a press release saying that you were married quietly...”

  “Hold on. I need to talk to Gina.” He wouldn’t do any of this until he’d cleared it with her. He knew she was already dealing with so much and he wanted to make things easier on both of them, not harder.

  “Then I’m going to assume that what I overheard from Rae and Amanda Jane is an offer. Your dime, of course.” Gray plucked a seemingly invisible bit of lint from his suit.

  He shook his head. “Yes, by all means take my assistant out to lunch and allow me to pay for it.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” Gray grinned. “She’s not going to bite, right?”

  “That’s between the two of you.”

  “I think I need Amanda Jane to protect me.” Gray’s grin widened.

  Reed shook his head and laughed. “If she doesn’t want to go, she can stay here. I just have to call—” He looked up to see her standing in the doorway; Gina with her face flushed and her eyes pools of concern.

  “What’s wrong?” Why was she standing here in the middle of the day? She should’ve been on her shift.

  “I...”

  “And that’s my cue.” Gray nodded to Gina and left them alone.

  “I just needed to see her. She’s never been so far away from me before.” Gina wrung her hands.

  A cold sensation washed down his spine. “You didn’t trust me with her?”

  “It’s not that. I just... This is new.” She glanced around at everything in the room, but at him. That spoke volumes.

  She looked so small, so breakable, that all of the indignation he felt, the burning sparks of anger, they were washed away and he could only think about wiping that expression from her face.

  “As you can see, we’re fine. She’s fine. Rae made her some cocoa. They were going to an early lunch, actually, because I needed to call you.”

  “A conversation that she can’t overhear? What’s happened?” Obviously, Gina had assumed the worst.

  “Nothing’s happened. Sit down, Gina.”

  “I’m sorry.” She didn’t move; she still seemed lost and adrift somehow.

  “For what?” He wanted her to feel as though she could talk to him, and he tried to turn off his own feelings, and push down his own needs. He wanted to stop thinking about how much it stung that she didn’t trust him.

  Logically, he understood. He really did. He couldn’t imagine leaving Amanda Jane with a stranger and that was still what he was, at least to her. He reminded himself that she’d been doing this alone for a while and her distress was probably natural.

  But that didn’t soothe the burn inside. It only made it burn hotter, only added fuel to the fire and gave that voice that told him he wasn’t good enough, that he was going to fall, that he was going to fail, a pulpit.

  “I shouldn’t have come.” She seemed so distraught.

  He pushed a hand through his hair. “Gina, if you can’t come to my office when you need something, how are we ever going to be married? It’s okay that you’re here.” He took a deep breath. “It’s even okay that you didn’t trust me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I can’t control you.” Her face flushed. “Not like that. It’s that so many bad things have happened.”

  “You’re having a mild panic attack.” He put his arms around her and he hated that she felt so right there. No, maybe it wasn’t that he hated it, he hated that he noticed it. That her world was seemingly falling to pieces around her and all he could think about was being able to touch her.

  “This has never happened to me before.” She clung to him, burying her face in his neck.

  Suddenly, it was more than comfort. It changed, their embrace. It was hot and...completely inappropriate.

  “It’s okay that it did. I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of growing pains as we adjust to this.”

  She pulled away from him, seemingly bound herself together with some invisible glue. “You said you were going to call me?”

  “This isn’t the right time.”

  “It must’ve been important if you were going to call me.” She looked so hopeful, as though she just wanted to forget the past fifteen minutes had happened.

  “I, uh, have a thing tonight.”

  “So you won’t be able to keep Amanda Jane, after all?” Her brow furrowed.

  “I need you to go, too. It’s just a dinner, a fund-raising thing.”

  “I have a shift.”

  “That’s handled.”

  “What will we do with Amanda Jane?”

  “Missy. We don’t have to stay late.”

  “Why do you need me to go? It’s not my money they want.” She shoved her hands into her pockets.

  “Because you’re going to be my wife. Because I want to take my company public. Because I need to make a good impression. Because...” He took a deep breath. “Because I want to take you to dinner.”

  She hadn’t had much of a reaction to anything he’d said until he got to that part. The scary part. He rushed to add, “We talked about spending time together. Getting to know each other again. I don’t want to spend the next eighteen years married to a girl I used to know.”

  “I don’t have anything to wear.” She laughed dismissively, blushed and then looked down at her feet. “That sounded so...will-you-buy-me-something-gold-digger. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I’ll take care of it. I’d be a dick if I didn’t. It’s not like either of us can show up in jeans.”

  “You’re a billionaire. You can do whatever you want.” She looked back up at him and he saw all of her vulnerability in those depths.

  That was the crux of it right there. She felt powerless. She thought he was some kind of playboy. As though he hadn’t worked hard for every penny he had. As though the rules had changed for him.

  He guessed to a certain point, the rules had changed for him. Money could do a lot of things. But there were chains that came with that money, too. Not that he was complaining. He’d rather be chained in gold than barbed wire.

  “Everything has its pros and cons, Gina. Like this. You’re going to be part of this world. I know that’s not what you signed up for, but your education will be paid for. You’ll be a doctor. The best part? Amanda Jane can be anything. Anything at all. There won’t be any doors closed to her if we do this right.”

  “And here I thought it was just dinner and now you’re saving the world.” Her expression wa
s shy somehow.

  “It was different for you. You had your grandmother to show you another way to live. All I had was me. So to me, yeah. Having these connections, this life? Giving those to my daughter? It’s better than saving the world.”

  “Why didn’t you feel this way when Crys told you she was pregnant?” Gina asked in a small voice, seemingly searching for the answer to be written on his face.

  He dared to touch her, braved the contact of flesh to make her look at him. He wanted her to be looking into his eyes when he answered her.

  “I swear that she never said anything to me, Gina. Never. The last time I saw her was when she OD’d that first time and I went to juvie. I never saw her again. I never heard from her.”

  “So you really didn’t know until you got the papers?”

  “No.” He searched her eyes. “I didn’t even know Crys had passed until I got the papers.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You keep saying that. Let’s not do sorry. It doesn’t help anything. Let me take you to lunch and buy you a pretty dress. Marry me and let’s just look forward.”

  “I guess we can try that.”

  “Yeah, I know it wasn’t your dream proposal and I’m not your dream guy, but it doesn’t have to be bad. We can be friends again.”

  “Do friends buy each other expensive party dresses?” She looked unsure.

  “Sometimes.”

  “Is Amanda Jane okay with Rae?”

  “She’ll be fine, but we can take her if you can pry her away from her hot cocoa.” Reed checked his phone and saw a text from Rae. They’d just left. “Or that new dinosaur restaurant on the Plaza.”

  “I guess that’s okay.” Gina bit her lip. “I need to let go a little bit, I know.”

  “You can let go with me, I won’t drop you.”

  “Do you swear?”

  “Always.” God, what the hell was he saying? Why was he making her promises he didn’t know if he could keep? He didn’t even know what they were talking about now. What was between them, or...