by Sara Arden
She realized how wrong that was. She should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. Yet, when Gina was a child herself, she knew that would’ve been exactly the role she’d assume. It made her feel as if it was something she could do. Some way she could affect the world around her—not that she’d thought of it in those terms, but being the one offering solace had always made her feel better herself.
“Can we find Daddy now?”
“We can go home and wait for him to come home.” If he came home, Gina corrected herself silently.
“Okay.”
“Make sure you thank Miss Betsy.”
Amanda Jane did as she was told and Emma sighed. “I’ll take you back to the house.”
When they got back to the house, the parade of casseroles had begun. There were flowers and notes on the front porch as well as covered dishes in hot bags.
“I told you,” Emma said. “And I bet Maudine’s stoop is loaded, as well. Unless Grouchy Gunderson took everything inside.” She said this with no rancor.
“No one likes a know-it-all,” Gina grumbled.
She was surprised to see them, especially on Knob Hill. She didn’t think the residents who breathed more rarified air were into that kind of thing.
Maybe Betsy was right. This was Glory and in this town, this was how things were done.
“You should put an announcement in the paper. Tell people you’re going to be gone or your stoop is going to be covered in spoiled food when you get back.”
“I don’t think that it’s legal to refer to it as a ‘stoop’ on Knob Hill.”
“Oh, you mean like the crick that runs to the Missour-ah back there? I suppose next you’re going tell me that those snapdragons aren’t yella.”
“Smart aleck.”
“Proudly.” Emma grinned and then put an arm around her shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry. Gray will bring him back, but can I suggest instead of beating this to death today you just tell him about your plan.”
“Maybe.” Gina wasn’t so sure. “It could be good for Amanda Jane to go somewhere new, see some different things and have fun. Show her where we stayed, maybe let her see why it was one of Crystal’s favorite places.”
“Can I suggest something else?”
“As if I could stop you.” Gina laughed.
“Don’t talk about Crystal. I’m not saying you should forget her, but I’m saying this needs to be about you and Reed and Amanda Jane. You need to begin things as you intend to carry on. You need to build some foundations before you can do anything.” Emma held up her hand. “I’m not saying that Crys isn’t part of that, but you need to figure out what you mean to each other without her.”
Gina sighed. “What about Grams?”
“She will be the first to tell you to take yourself on down to the lake.” Emma adopted a bit of a holler twang. “And I’ll be here to help her. So will Gunderson and the rest of them. If we need you, I can call you.”
“I’m terrified something is going to happen while we’re gone.”
“If something is going to happen, it’s going to happen whether you’re here or there. Fix this. Fix your life.”
“Sorry I ruined your fishing date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” she reiterated.
“Sorry I ruined your undate.”
“Now who’s being a smart aleck?” Emma scowled.
“Me.” Gina grinned.
Emma hugged her and planted a fat kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see you later. Call me if you need me.”
Gina waved her out and closed the door behind her, then sat down to wait for Reed. She was sure it wouldn’t be long. Emma was most likely texting Gray and telling him to haul Reed back to the house.
At first, she’d thought it was silly, but she could see the wisdom in it now. It’d helped Gina, at least.
It wasn’t long before the door opened and Reed stood there, blond, golden and still beautiful—even after the mess the night before.
“If I promise not to bite your head off, can we talk again?” She pursed her lips. “Please?”
“I’m sorry about this morning. I’m sorry about last night, too,” he said.
“Me, too.” She took a deep breath. “I think we’ve been under a lot of pressure to be a certain thing.”
“Of course we have. We’re parents now, we’re living together, hell, we’re married. It’s like instant family, just add water.”
She rewarded him with a small smile. “Reed, I think we’ve always been family. It just took me a little while to see past my own mess.”
“Maybe so.” He looked so haunted that she regretted saying it.
“I’m making more coffee. Do you want some?” She changed the subject.
“No, thanks. I’m going in to the office for a while. I’ll be home for dinner. We can make our plans then.”
A wave of relief washed over her. He’d be home. For dinner. The same thing they did every night. He would be there. He wasn’t leaving.
“Okay. Steaks on the grill?”
“Or one of those casseroles I saw in the kitchen. Might as well.” He shrugged.
“Maybe there’ll be some of Betsy’s mom’s fried chicken in one of those containers.”
“I’m going upstairs to shower, then I’m heading out.”
“Check in on Amanda Jane before you go?”
He nodded and climbed the stairs.
She watched him go, taking in his every movement and wondering what the future held for them.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MOST OF WHAT Gray had said made a lot of sense.
Except for the part about proposing to her. First, they were already married. Second, she didn’t want this with him. Did she? All of this had spun out of control so quickly.
He stopped in Amanda Jane’s room. “Hey there, princess.”
She ran up to him and flung her arms around his neck. “You’re not leaving?”
“No, I’m not leaving.”
“Don’t leave me.”
He didn’t want to make her any more promises he couldn’t keep, but he kept thinking about his conversation with Gray, and his own self-doubt. It wasn’t fair to put this on her. He wished she’d never heard any of their conversation.
“If you have to go for work, you have to take me with you.”
He wanted her to feel secure, safe and loved. He realized that his own bullshit was getting in the way of that. “How about if we all go away together so we can take a bit of a vacation?”
“That would be okay.”
“Good. I love you, Amanda Jane. Did you know that?”
“I love you, too, Daddy.” She squeezed him tight.
In that moment, he begged the universe to let her be okay. He’d do anything as long as Amanda Jane was okay. He wouldn’t run from his responsibilities, he wouldn’t stumble again. He wouldn’t hide.
If only it would keep this little girl safe and happy.
The logical part of him knew that such bargains were the tricks people played on themselves, but that didn’t matter to him. This time his promise was to more than just her, it was to himself.
He’d fix this. He’d fix it all and he could. Not by letting them go, but by being the man they needed. Not because he felt he had to change for them; he had to change for himself. He wanted to be that man they could depend on.
The incident the night before showed him that maybe he wasn’t going to fall, but he still needed some support. He needed to remember what it was like and why he’d chosen never to be numb again.
And if Gina hurt him, she hurt him. That was just life.
He laughed out loud remembering how she’d said he had a tender heart. That’s what made her love him.
How could she
love him? He was such a bastard.
He couldn’t start that train of thought because then he’d start thinking they were better off without him.
Still, Amanda Jane needed him. If he bailed on her, he was a coward.
Reed was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a coward.
Or at least, he didn’t want to be. He supposed the rest remained to be seen.
He could’ve worked from home, but he needed the distance. Needed to put some space between himself and Gina.
Be happy.
As if it were that easy.
Be happy.
Yes, I will.
And like magic, they all lived happily ever after.
The hungry fire inside of him rebelled. It said, why not? Why not just decide to be happy and do it? He’d decided to teach himself the stock market. He’d decided he wasn’t going to be poor. He’d decided he wasn’t going to get high. He’d decided life would be better. Why stop there? Why not decide to be happy, too?
When he got to the office and took his messages from his secretary, he asked her to cancel all calls for the day. Instead, he tried to research some of the investment opportunities he’d been considering, but nothing appealed to him.
Or maybe it was because the words and the numbers on the page all reformed to point his thoughts back to Gina. Back to the decision to be happy.
And what came with that was asking Gina to marry him for real. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday. Maybe someday soon.
That was what would make him happy.
Would it make her happy?
He was some kind of wreck. Reed shook his head at the directions of his thoughts. He’d been ready to leave her and now he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
No, he’d always wanted to marry her. Back when they were kids, he knew she was exactly the marrying kind. He’d just never thought he was good enough.
For some reason she did.
Or she had.
He pushed thoughts of what she’d said about not trusting him out of his head. She’d been afraid, and he could admit he’d lashed out, said things that he hadn’t meant to use to wound. Reed knew that she really did love him, even though he wasn’t perfect.
Even though he couldn’t be perfect.
His brain kept tumbling everything over and over on itself until he couldn’t see the words in front of him at all. It was only Gina and Amanda Jane.
He called his secretary to come to his office.
“Yes, Mr. Hollingsworth?” Rae said as she stepped into the room.
“I need you to make reservations for a getaway. Lake of the Ozarks. Houseboat. Sleeps three.”
“First-class, I take it?”
“Nicest they have.”
“For this weekend?”
“No, tomorrow. Make it for three days,” he instructed.
“I was just going to pay myself overtime, then.” Rae slipped him a sheaf of papers. “These need your signature. I’ll get those reservations taken care of.”
She was out the door.
She was a little eccentric, but the woman got things done. He appreciated that in an employee.
Reed felt as if he’d hit some kind of turning point. As if maybe all the things he’d said about being better than where he came from to that reporter from La Rue, he hadn’t believed them. Not until now. He’d been so ashamed of his past, but yet he’d worn it like a badge on his sleeve, daring anyone to take the daggers they’d offered and drive them home.
He turned off his computer and went outside. “Rae, just send the info to my phone. I’m leaving for the day.”
“You got it.” She smiled and went back to typing.
“Oh, and, Rae?”
She looked up at him.
“Give yourself the overtime on your time sheet. You deserve it.”
“I have the best job in the world.” She grinned.
Reed was on a mission. Work could wait. He had enough money that after a while, it would start to make itself. Why have the money if he wasn’t going to enjoy the life he’d worked so hard to have?
Only this mission wasn’t about pleasure.
It was about forgiveness. Reconciliation. Mostly with himself.
He drove the hour back to Glory but he didn’t go to his house on Knob Hill. He drove to Whispering Woods. Back to the old trailer court that had seen the bulk of his youth—the place he’d tried so hard to forget.
The place where the Townsends’ trailer had sat was empty. It was just a narrow lot with a naked water meter. Weeds had grown up over the spot, and it seemed wrong somehow. Reed wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but this wasn’t it.
The trailer next door was a brand-new double-wide, nothing like the single that had belonged to his mother. There were potted plants on the steps, a small metal shed and even some landscaping. It wasn’t the dump that had squatted there those years ago.
He was tempted to knock on the door, but he knew his mother didn’t live there. Her trailer had gone to the city dump when she died. There was nothing here for him but faded memories and ghosts.
Yet, it was important that he come here all the same. These ghosts waited for him; they needed him before they could rest. They needed to tell him goodbye just as much as he needed to say the same to them. They’d haunted each other for much too long.
He sat in his car for a long time, watching kids play. Some of the residents were the hopeless sort that he and his mother had been. But others were just people and he realized he’d demonized Whispering Woods as much as he had his mother.
Her sins and faults were her own, but it did little good to hold on to those things. He was more than this. More than the choices he’d made when he lived here.
He wished Crystal was here so she could make those same realizations. So she could let go of everything that hurt and—and he supposed she’d already done that. She’d tried to make provisions for them as best she could and she’d let go. Wherever she was, he knew that she wasn’t suffering anymore.
Reed supposed that was all he could wish for her now.
He exhaled and started the engine. When he gave the place a last once-over, he saw two kids on the roof of one of the trailers. They were pointing up at the clouds.
Nostalgia hit him with a fist and he remembered doing that with Crys and Gina. Part of him wanted to tell them to keep dreaming, keep hoping, but if they could still make things out of the clouds, they had no problem dreaming.
He still didn’t go home. Instead, he drove through downtown Glory, thinking about all the things he’d resented about the place as a kid—all of the things that represented a life he didn’t think he was allowed to have.
No one had kept him from it but himself.
He passed the old theater turned playhouse, several antiques stores, the Corner Pharmacy and the elderly couple walking down Main who waved at him. He parked the car and walked to the river park and sat on the bench for a long while, watching the muddy Missouri churn its way downstream.
This had been one of his favorite places. He’d imagined all the ways to leave, to have an adventure where he could make more of himself than what he was.
Reed had done that. He’d done all of that.
It was something to be proud of. He couldn’t change his past, but he’d proved he could change his future.
His phone beeped and he saw that he had a text from Rae with the information for the houseboat. She’d even thought to include some pictures.
Then he thought about what home meant to him now.
Gina and Amanda Jane. Dinner together.
He’d almost thrown all of that away because he couldn’t see all the good things that had been entrusted to him.
He hoped it wasn’t too late.
He turne
d his car toward home.
When he walked inside, it smelled of fried chicken.
He found Gina and Amanda Jane in the kitchen. Gina was pulling reheated chicken out of the oven and Amanda Jane was standing on a chair, using a mixer like a jackhammer to mash potatoes. She wasn’t having very good luck keeping them all in the pot, but he didn’t care.
There was something so right about coming home to them—to this.
Gina tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’ll be ready in a few.”
“I can help. I’ll pour the tea.”
“I might have screwed up the tea.” Gina blushed.
“How do you screw up tea?” He wrinkled his nose.
“That was my fault,” Amanda Jane said, still hammering at the potatoes.
Gina reached over and stilled her little hands and turned the mixer off. “I think they’re dead, honey.”
“No. More butter.” She was like a little general, commanding the potatoes.
“If we have any more butter, we’re going have heart attacks at the table. It’s fine. Let’s sit down and eat.”
Amanda Jane climbed down and went to the dining room.
Reed saw the pitcher for the tea sitting by the sink. It was half tea, half sugar. Literally. He raised a brow.
“I was pouring the sugar when she came in the kitchen and scared the life out of me.”
“And the sugar out of the bag, apparently.”
“Yes, she did at that.”
He pulled out his phone and showed her the picture of the houseboat. “Hey, what do you think?”
Gina took the phone and stared at it for a long moment. “That’s really nice, Reed.”
“Do you want to leave tonight after dinner?” he asked her.
She looked at him, some expression written on her face that he couldn’t decipher. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“I’m so sorry.” He’d said himself that sorry didn’t fix anything, but he was at a loss for what else to say to her.
“For what? Earlier?” She studied him.
“Everything.”
“Me, too.” She exhaled slowly, heavily, as if the contents of herself were under so much pressure any sudden change and she’d explode. “Let’s stop apologizing. It seems that’s all we’re doing lately. I think I forgot how to be happy. So I want to try that.”