Hidden Carmina

by Adri Sinclair

  Dinner with the Moretti parents.

  When the knock came on the door, it was not a surprise to me. I bounce to open it and had to catch my breath again at the spectacular pair standing there. Lady E hardly waits for the door to open before she grabs me into a long embrace. Uncle Will trod in place, waiting his turn.

  “Miss you so much! Look at you!” Lady E chirps, turning me around like a little ballerina doll. My feet tangle around themselves and I cling to her for balance.

  “I missed you both so much, too!” I exclaim, and bring them in after me. “It’s not much, but it is mine.” I wave my hand around and the pair looks noticeably impressed.

  “Oh my sweetheart, this is so fitting!”

  “Except for that.” Uncle will points to the window frame. I don’t have to look to know where he is pointing.

  “John did a half-jack job on it!”

  “Oh Will, let it…”

  “No, may I fix it, Mina love, please? That sore eye is going to grate at me until I do!”

  Barely a nod and Uncle Will flashes a little knife. I watch at the speed his hands move and marvel at the result. Lady E steps up and takes the knife from her husband, adding her own touches. When I look again there are no words to describe the effect of their handy work.

  On my window frame, the wolf now looks like it shifts between female and male, the pelt around it has a tiny wild curl here and there and is framed with a pattern that looks like logs and growing flowers, the same as my walls. It is almost like the pair cast a spell over the picture.

  “There. Now, I smell food,” Uncle Will declares and marches himself off to my kitchen. Lady E stops in front of my bookshelf with a frown.

  “Where did you find these books, Carmina?”

  “Oh, a very old bookshop in town. The owner calls me about them when they come in, he seems to have found a new seller who provides them. Aren’t they beautiful?”

  Lady E smiles approvingly. “They are, and this little picture fits … very well” She says, holding the frame.

  “Yeah… it fell out of one of the books.” I confess. The expression on her face is hard to read.

  “Well, best we get to the kitchen before my husband cleans the table… it smells gooood!”

  I feel proud of my accomplishment. It took some doing but I managed to slice the beef in paper-thin strips and arranged them on several plates. The tartar was a bit easier to make, especially when you don’t have to hide the speed at which the meat is diced.

  “Oh, our favorite! If we have to eat human food… Mina what a lovely effort!”

  The evening was a success and the pair enjoyed the Beef Carpaccio and Steak Tartar I made. There wasn’t a thing left, other than the rocket and decorations I added.

  We sit and talk about the past week and when Uncle Will asks, I saw no reason to lie to him.

  “I ... was very careful, I slept around the volcano canyon.”

  “Told you we should have looked there!” He says to Lady E.

  “You’re good at vanishing, Carmina,” I feel guilty at the edgy tone in Lady E’s voice.

  “I’m sorry. How… how is Liam?”

  The pair looks at each other and it is Uncle Will who answers.

  “He is as well as can be expected. He started hunting again with us and seems to be a little more cheered up. I don’t like that he spend so much time with the hellc—”

  I hear a thump from under the table and then see a grumpy face pull over Uncle Will.

  “Oh. Jackie.” I say, trying hard to hide the effect the news has on me. Liam has moved on. That didn’t take long. At least he isn’t suffering for being with her and I suppose, awful as it makes me feel, it is some sort of consolation.

  “I believe John is driving you insane?” Lady E changes the subject. I show her the way John came by an ‘open invitation’ to my cottage and the two Ancients are near falling over with laughter.

  “Well, that is our boy!” they both exclaim.

  They start telling me stories about John when he first joined them and how he managed to get his way. I learned how Lady E found John as a 24-year-old Soldier. He was meant to help capture villagers but couldn’t find it in himself to kill the innocents. Instead, he would sneak around and warn them. He was full of life and full of humor and the children in particular took to him very well.

  Even after he was found out, he still tried to get the last person out of the village by throwing himself in front of the gunfire. Lady E, who was serving as a midwife in the village at the time, found him near death. She’s watched him night after night during his evacuation efforts and admired his spirit. He lifted the moods of the people and that was rare in itself. She couldn’t let him go, he had done so much good for the people. She asked him, when he was laying on his last breath, if he would accept help from her and Uncle Will. She told him that he may not live through the ordeal but she was willing to try. John’s one concern was if he would be able to continue helping the people. Lady E turned John, and thus became his mother. She guided him along the way and continues to do so.

  I listen with wide eyes. It is not hard to imagine John in the way he is described, as he is still doing that around her family. Even Jarrod – who calls John a mutt – has a very tight bond with him.

  “How… does the wolf thing work?” I ask.

  “Well, that is hard to explain. It is like every vampire has a recipe to follow in order to change someone. The whole bite thing is a bit exaggerated but it was the fashion for a while. Our recipe is a cocktail of our blood with that of a wolf. We need two to create one.” Uncle Will explains.

  “But … you were the first wolf… “

  “I was yes. I, like the other two families, were created by originals. Like... Ambrogio, there is a legend about the first wolf. I guess the originals of both human origins may have struck up a deal. You should look for the story of Lycaon, The Harpyiai and Lyncus. It may help a little. Of course they’re all stories…” Uncle Will gives me a little knowing smile.

  “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire,” Lady E finishes and I am reminded of the conversation in my bedroom with Uncle Will.

  I realize that the books I bought are all a little misleading to be polite, and that without the help of the Moretti family, I may fumble in the dark a lot. I tell the pair as much and they were very keen to help me find the right sort of book supply by bringing them to me from their own library. Of course, there is still the invitation to come visit anytime I wanted to and that made me feel happy for as long as I didn’t think of Liam and Jackie together.

  The evening draws to a close and I see the pair off. Cleaning up takes but minutes. I feel and hear the storm brewing outside and the two howls in unison greeting the night air. Following my own ritual of fuelling the fire and lighting the candles, I sit down to write to Liam.

  “My Dearest Liam,

  Dinner with your Mom and Dad was fun tonight.

  Your dad told me to read the stories of Lycaon, The Harpyiai and Lyncus in an effort to understand better how the creation of the Ancients came about.

  I am excited to find them.

  I learned about John’s birth and… about you and Jackie.

  I hope you find peace with her.

  It hurts to think you will forget me in the end, but it also brings peace to my mind.

  I miss you so much and wish … well, I wish things were different.

  I love you dearly.

  Your Rockflower,Mina.”

  I soak for a while in the bath and then go to find my bed. I am tired, but it is a happy tired. I hear the wind change outside and can smell the rain in the clouds, which reminds me to close the bathroom window.

  When I fall asleep, the dream is filled with horrors of war, people eating people and me trying to convince them it does not have to be this way. I break down when I see the Lynx and the Wolf walk away from me side by side and a wooden stake forced through my heart. It was an agonizing pain and I wanted to die. Instead, I wake up with
an excruciating pain through my wrist and straight into my chest. My heart thunders in my ears and blood rushes through my head as fast as the tears roll down my face. I cannot get to sleep again so I open a window and let the cold air brush over me where I sit, watching the sleeping fire goddess. I hear the wolf howling not too far off, fueling the ache in my chest and arm. I suppress the urge to throw my own call into the mix.

  ***

  Liam watches the dream wrangling and twisting Carmina’s body. Her wild recoiling and fighting is too much for him to bear. He moves closer to her bed and hover his hand just above her face. Just one touch and she will have peace. Just one…

  The howl outside knocks him back into his corner and allows him time to sober up. Liam feels compelled to leave the room. He is losing his grip on things tonight and her diary entry is gnawing away at him. When he gets outside, his mind is set on tracking down his brother. Looking back at the cottage, Carmina is awake and looking out the window. Liam howls into the night sky before he rushes off.

  He finds John, who wasn’t hiding, easily. Without warning, he slams into his brother’s body, sending him through the air with clumps of ice and dirt flying after him.

  “What the hell, bro!” John growls at him, not taking the assault lying down. John flings himself at Liam and the brawl is evenly matched as they rip up the earth around them. Eventually standing in front of each other, heads low to the ground, snarling and growling, Liam shouts at John, “What did you tell her?!”

  John is the first to lay down flat on his belly, eyes still fixed on Liam.

  “Tell who? Mina?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me little brother! She thinks I’m with Jackie!”

  “Why … oooh damn! It wasn’t me idiot! Mom and Dad were over there. Thought it may have been them?” John snarls.

  The anger in Liam is clearly defused when he lays down too. After taking a few breaths, he calls for his mom and dad.

  “Did you tell her I’m with Jackie?”

  “We told her you spend time with that hellcat and we don’t like it,” Will answer first.

  “How could you?! Father, she thinks we’re together… “

  “I’ll set it right son, I’m sorry. It sort of came out when she asked about you…” Esmeriska’s voice is genuine and filled with a promise she intends to keep.

  “She… she asked about me?”

  “Yeah, my boy… “

  “I am fed up with this Mother, she has invited all of you back into her life but not me! Why?!”

  “Because bro, in her mind, you’re the one who is suffering at HER hand; we suffer because we’re choosing it.” John tells Liam about the conversation he had with Margarith on Carmina’s views about them being like junkies where it come to blood.

  Liam’s howls are agonizing to listen to but are matched by the rest of his family who joins in throwing their own grief behind their sad night song.

  ***

  Souls

  Without Lilly and Jarrod around, the time passes too slowly. The month brings a change of season and spring is certainly slipping in through the cracks. The ice has melted and the days are stretching longer. I spend time talking things over with Mother about the books I’m reading. So much of the information makes no logical sense to me. When I tell mother about it, she listens patiently.

  “Nearly everything says they have no souls, Momma, but I can’t believe that!”

  “Why is it important to you, my child? It is not like we’re religious, is it?” Momma questions me. I catch myself pacing before sitting down next to her.

  “Soul is not about religion to me Momma. It is about being… a person; making choices, feeling things. If… if they had no soul, then they cannot love. You cannot love with all of you Momma. It makes no sense to me at all.” I retort, annoyed at my lack of ability to express the emotional connection I am feeling.

  “What difference does it make, Carmina, if we have a soul or not? Humans have souls and look at the state of the race.”

  “But… those are choices, Momma. You choose not to… not to drink human blood. Humans choose to do stupid things with the short lives they have. But your souls are the mechanism that allows you to choose, don’t you see? Without it, you have no choice. You have dark driving forces without comprehension.” I desperately need someone to understand what I’m saying.

  Momma thinks it over and nods, “I see, my child. By that principle, there is no argument from me over the fact that we very well may have a soul. Including humans.”

  I frown at my mother. “You… don’t think humans have souls, Momma?”

  “My dear child, I question the wisdom of the human race a lot, but I have not in my entire life tried to figure out the aspects of morals and morality. I live my life simply and wish for others to do the same. Choose what makes you happy. If it makes someone else unhappy then take responsibility and if the consequences are unacceptable, then you can’t possibly have chosen what makes you happy. You cannot control the world around you, Carmina, you can control yourself.”

  I stare at my mother, who suddenly transformed into a pool of knowledge and wisdom I have always known is there but never used.

  “Thank you Momma!”

  My mother’s words set me at ease and when I make it to my bed. I am happy to write in my diary. I realized I have made a dreadful mistake by shutting Liam out, and that the consequences were too high for me to accept. I cannot change that now, but I can acknowledge it and, hopefully, come to live with it. Liam is with someone else.

  “Dear Liam,

  It is over a month since I’ve last seen you and my heart still reaches for you like it was just a moment ago when you held me to sleep.

  I came to the conclusion today that you have a beautiful soul.

  You once said that you could take my soul if you wanted to, but I see now why you would say such a thing.

  I didn’t understand then, but I do now.

  You don’t want or need my soul, my love,

  Yours is perfect as it is, beautiful, caring and warm, even when your touch is cold.

  I miss you Liam, I wish… I wish you were here with me.

  Momma said that I cannot control the world around me; that I can only control me.

  Of course I think she’s right, to a point.

  I choose to be happy but I cannot control my stubborn heart refusing to let go of you.

  I realized today that the consequence of my choice to leave you is too high but…

  My regret is that I am a slow learner.

  The knowledge came too late for us.

  I love you Liam, and if I could change my path, it would include you again. Forever.

  Your Rockflower, Carmina.

  ***

  Liam returns from Carmina’s cottage in high spirits. The grin was marred by the nightmare he watched in frustration. Halfway to his den, he smells the smoke before he sees it. He also smell another scent and the resentment leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Liam dashes forward into a flat out run. When he reaches his den, the good mood evaporates like mist before the sun.

  “Why are you inside my den?” He jeers at the woman sprawled on his bed in disgust.

  “Oh my William… I came to see you last night, but you were nowhere to be found. You have not been to say hello in … too long.” Jackie’s purring charm is truly misplaced on Liam. He’s already noticed Mina’s shirt is gone, along with her books. The place is re-organized and … scented?!

  “How dare you! You have no right—” but she cuts him short.

  “She’s gone William and you cling to her memory like a child to his mother’s teat. I thought it was time to intervene. You need a real woman to take care of you…”

  “Get out, Jackie,” He barks at her but she does not move until he grabs her by the shoulders.

  “Oh William, just a few moments and I can make you forget her.”

  The rest of the Moretti family arrives together, concern engraved all over their faces.

&n
bsp; “Liam! What is going on? We smell smoke coming from here… Oh. Jackie.”

  In seconds, it is clear that Liam and Jackie are in some sort of stalemate. Esmeriska puts her arm out across John’s chest to stop him from moving.

  “Ah yes, that would be me doing your job Momma wolf. I took the liberty of rescuing your son from that horrible human’s scent, her clothing smelled something appalling!”

  Cats and Dogs

  Liam roars and John joins his brother by ducking under his mother’s arm. Esmeriska and Will are faster than either of the boys and they serenely place themselves between their sons and the woman.

  “Jackie, the wolf den is not a playground and, unlike you, we have rules.” Esmeriska speaks in a deadly calm. Anyone with an ounce of sense would know not to challenge this woman right now. Her eyes are ablaze and her wild hair looks alive under a static charge.

  “You will leave now and do not come back into our territory again. We do not want trouble with your House, but you are not above the law because you’re an Azzara.” Will’s calm matches that of his wife equally and his jawline is set in a compact tension.

  “Why do you try to encourage this stupidity? She does not want him!” Jackie screams in a pitched yowl.

  “Because, Jackie, Liam is bonded to said stupidity.” Esmeriska’s placidity is filled with venom. “And you are a spiteful little girl. Mina stands a better chance with Liam than you ever will, my dear kitten. Have you not learned from nature, my pet?”

  “Cats and dogs, Jackie… we just don’t mix, for obvious reasons.” Will ends with a poisonous injection of his own.