A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by M. J. Kane

  Uh-oh, this conversation strayed way off track. My efforts to dig out of it only made it worse.

  “Well, no. I’m not looking for anything. What I mean is…”

  He smirked. “Then answer this. Why am I not your type?”

  How in the hell did I answer without sounding like an idiot? I glanced up and saw Brian patiently waiting for a reply.

  “I have a certain physical preference, that’s all.”

  “Uh huh. Is it racial or physical?” Before I could answer, he said, “I saw you checking Derrick out, he’s engaged by the way.”

  “Who’s Derrick?”

  “He’s the drummer. So it’s safe to assume since he’s built like a linebacker, that’s what you want.”

  I wanted to open my mouth, but couldn’t.

  Brian cocked his head to the side. “Hmm, no response. I must be right. Unless,” he held up a finger, “it’s about me being white. What’s the matter, you don’t think I could please you in bed?”

  I could not answer any of his questions. Any reply would leave me sounding like a jackass or racist; I was neither. The only thing I was certain of was being uncomfortable with seeing Brian after tonight. He was smart, witty, and knew how to challenge my mind. I liked him.

  “Brian, I’m not like that. If I went to bed with you, it would be because I like you. I’m not basing anything on stereotypes or ignorant thinking. When I sleep with a man, I have certain requirements.”

  One of his eyebrows lifted. “What requirements?”

  “Monogamy. No long-term commitment required, just…I don’t want to wonder if you were with someone else when not with me.”

  “I can handle that.” Brian’s expression had gone serious.

  Oh man. I felt my eyes widen and skin flush.

  “But since you’ve made it obvious sex is not an option, I’m willing to settle on being friends,” he added.

  Our server walked by and placed the check on the table. I reached for my purse just as Brian dug into his wallet.

  “You don’t have to”

  “I’ve got this. You can pay for dinner the next time we go out if it makes you happy.”

  I scoffed. “Who said there would be a next time?”

  Brian placed his credit card on the tray with the bill and handed it to our server. He waited until he walked away to reply. “Because, Ebony, you like me. We can be friends and still go out. We’ll just leave out sex.”

  We stared at each other. His smile was halfcocked, eyes intent on mine. Even though he didn’t speak, the unspoken words, for now, echoed in my head.

  Chapter 7

  Beep…beep…beep…

  I growled and slapped off the alarm clock. The image of naked Ebony dissipated. So much for my fantasy.

  I rolled out of bed, grabbed the remote, and turned on the morning news. Damn, another forest fire. The smoke mixed with smog would wreak havoc on my bronchitis, which in turn hurt my wallet. At least there was an alternate stream of revenue.

  Taking the day off was not in my vocabulary. I had too much stored up energy. Since there was no woman in my bed, it was time to get moving.

  I showered, and then grabbed my day planner and rescheduled my customers. Two hundred dollars was now out of reach. I spied the huge red circle on my calendar. Rent was due this week. At least I had earned my part.

  Times like this made me wish my father was like Javan’s. Doctor Simmons was a psychiatrist who sent money anytime his son asked for it. He’d been doing it since we were in college. It had been cool when Javan helped me out when my funds ran low. It was one reason why I rented a house with him. His father would always have his back. We were adults now, careers established, and Javan made good money. It was way past time for him to quit relying on his father. My attention went to the next red circle; the deadline for purchasing my guitar neared. The money I spent on the date with Ebony set me back, but it was well worth it. Just thinking of her made me smile. Yeah, I’d definitely do it again.

  In the meantime, I needed to make money. Several people asked for private guitar lessons, but my busy schedule didn’t allow time for teaching. The smog alert for the next few days gave me time to spare.

  After scheduling two students for lessons in the evening, I grabbed my guitar and sheet music to work on the song I composed for the band.

  An hour later my roommate knocked on my door. I put the guitar pick in between my teeth and made a notation on my sheet music. “What’s up?”

  Javan leaned against the doorjamb. “You got a minute?”

  “Sure.” I set the guitar in its stand and reached for my bottle of water.

  “Did Yasmine Phillips call you about her yard?”

  “Yeah, on Monday. She wasn’t there, but her roommate was.”

  “Oh, yeah? Which one?”

  “Ebony.”

  Javan whistled. “Man, did you check her out? She is fine. I mean, with her body… I’d love to hit that. Yasmine’s my girl, but we’re not exclusive,” he smirked. “She isn’t looking for commitment, just a good time, you know what I mean?” He paused, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “Hmm…if Ebony is like that…” His eyes lit up. “Damn, that would be one helluva threesome.”

  It took everything to control my mouth. I could understand why Ebony felt uncomfortable around him. He wouldn’t care that she’s an intelligent woman, because he’d be unable to see past her shapely behind.

  “She’s not a ‘ho, J.” I twisted the cap back on the empty bottle with a vengeance and pitched it into the garbage.

  We had occasional testosterone-based disagreements, but we always worked through them. But when it came to the treatment of women, we’d long since agreed to disagree.

  Javan believed women were good for three things: satisfying his sexual needs, cooking, and bearing his children. Nothing more, nothing less.

  The only thing we had in common was our height. We’re both six-two, though he had a good twenty pounds of muscle on me. Women loved his dark brown skin, hazel eyes, and shoulder-length dreads. He visited the barbershop weekly to keep his goatee trimmed and kept a Jamaican beautician on call to keep his hair done just right. Of course, she was also one of his hook-ups.

  When it came to clothes, Javan was strictly GQ, everything top of the line. He was so stuck on himself it still surprised me we got along.

  If Ebony’s roommate liked casual sex, she and Javan were a perfect match.

  The pretty boy façade was not me. I worked outside, not in an air-conditioned office. I sweated and got dirty, but still took pride in my appearance. My style of dress was casual, laid back. My closet housed jeans, shorts, pullovers, and polo-styled shirts. I kept my face clean-shaven, most of the time, no beard or goatee. Sometimes I let my hair grow until it curled at the nape of my neck. Ladies loved running their fingers through it.

  Javan looked at me with raised eyebrows. “And you know this how?”

  “I took her out Tuesday. She’s nothing like one of your girls, J. Don’t even think about it.” He stared at me silently, meeting my hard gaze with one of his own. “She’s off limits.”

  “You’ve got a thing for her. So it’s like that?”

  “With her, it’s definitely like that.”

  He inclined his head. “Didn’t you get over dating black women after what happened with, what’s her name?” He snapped his fingers.

  “Trina,” I said sourly.

  “Trina, yeah.” He shook his head. “So you’re ready to try again. You’ve got balls, man.” He held out a knuckled hand to bump fists. “Just watch your back this time.”

  “Believe me, I will. There’s something about her. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’ll be different with her. I can feel it.”

  “Good luck. So, do you have your half of the rent?”

  I reached into my nightstand and pulled out a wad of twenties bound together in a rubber band. “Here, count it.”

  “I trust you.” He stuffed the roll into his sports jacket pocket. “What do
you have planned this evening?”

  I glanced at the clock beside my bed. “I have an hour left of practice before heading out for a private lesson. Tonight’s band practice. How about you?”

  “Damn, you always have that guitar in your hand. Is it in bed when you…” He made an obscene gesture with his hand.

  I chuckled. “You’re an idiot.”

  He put his hands up. “Hey, I wonder sometimes.”

  “It takes work to make the big bucks.” I reached for the guitar.

  He shook his head. “To each his own. Tonight I’ll be in bed with Yasmine, an insatiable woman while you…” Javan pointed at my guitar and laughed before disappearing down the hallway.

  “Whatever, man.” I grinned and got back to work.

  Chapter 8

  The forest fire subsided, leaving the air breathable enough for families to spend Saturday outdoors.

  I loved days like this. My usual work assignment kept me behind the scenes cleaning cages or assisting the veterinarians with routine checkups. Today, I worked in the children’s petting zoo. Watching children run along the gated area, their faces lit up with excitement, reminded me of my love for animals when I was younger.

  The petting zoo held tame animals that were free to roam during the day and housed in stalls at night. My responsibilities included keeping the troughs full of food and water, and making sure the walking areas were free of waste. The job wasn’t glamorous, but I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.

  I held my breath, scooped up a large pile of dung, and walked it across the yard to the compost pile.

  “I don’t wanna touch it!”

  “Cody, stop being a baby.”

  “I’m not a baby!”

  A little boy stood, his arms crossed and bottom lip poked out. He appeared to be at least six years old. He directed his hazel eyes at an older girl with long blond ponytails. She returned his pouty stare with a glare.

  I set my shovel down. “Hi, my name is Ebony. What’s going on?”

  “Cody’s being a scaredy cat. He won’t touch the goat,” the blue-eyed girl said.

  “I’m not a scaredy cat,” he whined. “It’s gonna bite me.”

  “See?” Cody’s sister threw her hands up in exasperation.

  I smiled warmly, keeping the laugh inside. “The goats don’t bite. I’ll show you how to touch them, okay?”

  He nodded, wiping at the corners of his eyes.

  I held his hand and walked over to a goat in the pen.

  “This is Delilah. She’s very friendly and won’t bite.”

  His eyes widened, filled with disbelief.

  “I promise it’s okay. Start petting her here.” I demonstrated by running my hand over her rump. “Don’t pull her tail though. When you’re ready, you can rub here.” I ran my hand over her back.

  Cody joined in with his free hand, hesitant at first, while gripping my hand tightly. He relaxed and an excited smile spread across his face.

  His sister, on the other hand, stood with her arms crossed refusing to touch the animal. “Touching is for babies.”

  “You know, you’re right. Why don’t you try this?” I released Cody’s hand and pulled hay from the trough. To her delight, Delilah ate from my hand. “What’s your name?”

  “Hannah.”

  I squatted down. “Here, Hannah, hold it steady so she’ll come to you.”

  Hannah followed my instructions, but her hand trembled. Delilah turned to consume it.

  “Wow,” Hannah said in a small voice.

  “Uncle Brian, Uncle Brian, look at me!” Cody yelled, jumping with excitement.

  I laughed at his enthusiasm and followed his line of sight. My mouth fell open in surprise.

  Brian walked toward me with a confident swag. “Looks like we meet again.” He stood with his hands in his pockets and a sexy half-smile on his face. A red t-shirt, shorts, and sandals fit him perfectly. “What are the chances?”

  Even though he’d cleaned up nice the evening we went out, he was just as attractive now. I wiped my hands on my pants and stood. “Uncle Brian, huh?”

  “Yeah, these are my sister Lisa’s kids. They wanted to come to the zoo. Their parents needed a day to themselves so,” he shrugged, “I volunteered.”

  Giggles erupted from the kids as they exchanged glances but stopped when he cleared his throat.

  “Really.” For some reason I found that excuse hard to believe. “Cody, keep rubbing her that way. You’ll be fine.” I grabbed my shovel and moved toward a newly released pile of dung as I shot him a look over my shoulder.

  Brian followed closely, wrinkling his nose. “Wow, this looks fun.”

  “Shoveling crap? It comes in all forms.” I threw the dung into a pile.

  “Ouch,” he chuckled. “Okay, the truth is I hoped to run into you.”

  I faced him, stabbed the shovel into the ground, and leaned on it. “It’s a big place, Brian. Your chances were slim. I’m usually behind the scenes.”

  “Guess today was my lucky day.”

  When it came to finding me, Brian never seemed to run out of luck.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay,” I shook my head. “Now what?”

  “What are you doing tomorrow?”

  I sighed. “Brian, I’m not going out with you.”

  “I didn’t ask you out. I just want to know what you have planned.” He tried his best to be charming and innocent at the same time.

  “Am I supposed to believe that?” I forced my smile to stay hidden.

  “I swear my intentions are pure. If you’re free, I’m going to the amusement park at the Pier. It would be fun to ride the Ferris wheel, grab a funnel cake…talk while watching the tide come in. It’ll be nothing more than just two friends meeting to hang out.”

  I eyed him skeptically. “And it wouldn’t be considered a date?”

  “Not if we meet there.”

  “We did that last week, and you considered it a date.”

  “That was at night. This is during the day.”

  I laughed at his reasoning. He seemed to make a habit of making things work to his advantage.

  “It sounds nice, but I don’t think so. I’ve got studying to do.”

  Even though school wasn’t starting for two months, I had borrowed books to read. Between my friends talking me into going out, spending the evening with Brian, and work, I hadn’t studied in days.

  The glow in Brian’s eyes fizzled. And great, now I felt guilty. Though he seemed disappointed, his smile remained genuine.

  “That’s too bad. Well, if you change your mind, I’m going around three o’clock. You’ve got my number. Text me, and I’ll meet you at the gate.” He looked over his shoulder. “Hannah, Cody, let’s go. There’s a lot to see before we eat lunch.”

  Cody ran to his side. “Can we eat at McDonald’s?”

  Brian ruffled his hair. “Sure thing, kid. Did you guys thank Ebony?”

  Both blond heads turned. “Thank you,” they sang in unison.

  “You’re welcome. Have a good time.” I waved at them as they left the petting area.

  They’d walked a few feet when Hannah’s voice floated over. “You were right, she’s very pretty.”

  “I did what you said, Uncle Brian, can I still get cotton candy?”

  I shook my head and laughed. Sneaky bastard.

  Brian peered back over his shoulder, a sheepish grin on his face as he grabbed Cody in a headlock. “Kids, gotta love ’em.”

  “You talk too much, Cody,” Hannah said.

  Chapter 9

  My Sunday morning routine started with yoga, followed by breakfast and a shower. My body loose and mind free, I was prepared to study. Dr. Jacobs hadn’t asked for his books back since our run-in. But it didn’t mean he wouldn’t change his mind. These books held invaluable information, which would make my last year in school easy. Especially since he’d been generous enough to give me copies of his notes on each chapter.

  Determined to make the best use
of my time, I settled in at my desk to read.

  Forty-five minutes later, I realized I’d read the same page five times. With a sigh, I closed the book, rubbed my eyes, and massaged my neck. Ten minutes later, I tried again.

  I couldn’t concentrate. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to focus on the words on the page.

  I went downstairs to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. The house was empty. Both Yasmine and Kaitlyn were on dates, which left me home alone. Water in hand, I walked onto the back patio and surveyed the lawn. Brian and his crew did a great job. Thinking of that day brought back the memory of watching him hard at work without a shirt. Tiny shivers ran along my skin. Whether or not he cut our grass again, the image would remain imprinted on my mind for months.

  I shielded my eyes and peered up at the cloudless sky. Another typical California day. The heat was bearable, nowhere as intense as it would be back home. It was the perfect day to be outside doing something fun.

  Like riding the Ferris wheel with a friend.

  Brian’s invitation tempted me. His confident eyes and picture-perfect smile were hard to forget. Hanging out with him for the day would be more fun than sitting around the house continuing to read a book I could not focus on.

  A day spent with no strings, no commitment, no expectations, and no sex. Just two adults enjoying each other’s company in a public setting. After all, in order to become friends, you needed to spend time together.

  He’d be there. I’d show up. That’s it.

  I headed upstairs, grabbed my phone, and sent him a text message. Deciding what to wear should not been hard, yet I found myself unable to decide on shorts or jeans. I didn’t want to wear the same thing twice.

  Five minutes passed with no reply. Could he have changed his mind about going? Or worse, found someone else willing to jump at the opportunity to spend the afternoon with him? Maybe I shouldn’t have waited to decide.

  I grabbed my phone and flopped onto the bed unable to ignore the pain of disappointment. I was about to send a message to cancel when my phone chimed.

  glad u changed ur mind. c u there.