A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by M. J. Kane

  Bridget glanced at me and snickered.

  Brian laid his head on my shoulder and groaned.

  I forced myself from his arms and immediately regretted the loss of his body’s heat. “Your mom hasn’t talked to me yet.” A chill went through me even though it was eighty-four degrees outside. “I’ll be back.”

  I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away.

  “Ah, there you are. I said I didn’t need your help, but my daughters decided to take a break. Would you mind making the salad?”

  I smiled. “Sure, Mrs. Young.”

  We both knew they were giving her the space she needed to get to know the new woman in her only son’s life.

  “Please, call me Laura. Mrs. Young makes me feel old.”

  Whatever her age, she wore it well. Brian got his blond hair from her. Her shoulder-length locks held faint streaks of grey, while her smile mimicked her son’s. Her eyes were blue-gray, like Bridget’s, and her figure was impressive for a woman who’d given birth to five children.

  “I hope my daughters didn’t scare you off.” Her eyes twinkled with laughter.

  “No, ma’am, they didn’t. I have an older sister, so I know what it’s like to bring home someone and have them interrogated by her. Though I’m sure from time to time my brother can be worse.”

  Laura pulled a bagged salad from the refrigerator. “Is he older or younger?”

  “He’s my twin.”

  “Really? How did your mother handle it?”

  “With nerve pills by the time we were in high school. Trevon was a handful.”

  She chuckled. “Do me a favor and cut up some onion, tomato, and cucumber. Pre-made salad is convenient, but it’s always lacking.”

  “Sure.” I reached for the knife resting on the counter top.

  “Forgive me for asking, but did you really pick my son up in a bar?”

  I laughed. “No, ma’am. I was at the bar when he picked me up.”

  “That’s what I thought. He doesn’t usually do stuff like that. Well, not as far as I know…” She glanced away, apparently embarrassed by what she’d said.

  “I know what you mean.” I smiled. “To be honest, he picked me out of a crowd watching the band play. He came up to me, and I politely brushed him off.”

  Mrs. Young laughed.

  “A few days later, Brian showed up at my house, hired by my roommate to cut our lawn and well…here we are. I can say one thing, he’s very persistent.”

  “Oh yes,” she agreed. “As a kid he used to flash those blue eyes at me all the time to get cookies from the jar before dinner. He’s got eyes just like his father.”

  “He knows how to use them,” I agreed. Brian did indeed have the same swag as his father who was strikingly handsome.

  I glanced up and saw her smile.

  “You are the first woman Brian’s brought around here in a long time, Ebony. He likes you. I hope you feel the same way about him. I’d hate for my son’s heart to be broken again.”

  I paused, mid-slice of an onion, and frowned.

  “Oh, dear, I’ve said too much.” Laura turned her focus to a pot on the stove.

  Brian’s heart had been broken? He’d never mentioned it to me when talking about previous relationships.

  “I like Brian. I love his confidence and his desire to reach his goals, and he supports mine. That’s why I’m with him. I don’t know where our relationship is going to go, but I’m willing to stick around and find out.”

  We studied each other before she nodded.

  “I can understand why he likes you. You speak your mind. That’s a good thing. He doesn’t need a woman who’ll back down. Keep that up, and you’ll be fine.” She smiled briefly and turned back to the stove.

  That was unexpected.

  Brian stood in the doorway of the kitchen, having appeared out of nowhere. “Mom, can I borrow Ebony?”

  His timing was impeccable. He had to be watching from the patio door, waiting for me to finish.

  “Go ahead, I’ll clean this up. Thank you for your help, Ebony.”

  “We’re going for a tour of the house,” he told her.

  “Don’t be long. Dinner should be ready in twenty minutes.”

  “That’s long enough,” he muttered. He grabbed my hand, dragged me out of the kitchen, through the living room and up the stairs.

  I laughed at his enthusiasm. “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.” He acted like a kid about to unwrap a present the day before Christmas. And I was the present.

  Oh boy.

  The excursion stopped at a door he pushed open.

  “This is my old bedroom,” he said, holding the door open for me to walk past him. It was a typical boy’s room. Sports equipment from his high school days sat in the corner. Posters of his favorite band still adorned the walls. I walked to a dresser lined with trophies and awards. Next to them were framed pictures of Brian as a baby and a teenager. Evidence of Mrs. Young’s use of the room sat in a corner. A sewing table, fabric, and various magazines lay across the bed.

  I picked up the nearest photo. “You were adorable.” A six-year-old Brian grinned into the camera. His two front teeth were missing, and thick blond curls hung wildly around his face.

  He stood leaning against the doorjamb. “Apparently my mom felt the same way. I’d just fallen over the handle bars of my bike and knocked out my two front teeth. Fortunately, they were baby teeth. It took nearly a year before the new ones grew back.”

  I put the photo down and picked up another. A low clicking noise drew my attention. Brian leaned against the closed bedroom door, his eyes intent on me.

  My heart kicked up a notch. “What are you doing?”

  He didn’t say a word when he walked over and removed the frame from my grasp. He pulled my arms around his neck and slid his hands around my waist. His lips came for mine, taking exactly what he wanted. His kisses before had been soft with a hint of heat, but not now. Now he took possession of my mouth without holding back. There was no question, only demand.

  I gave in to him, accepting his tongue eagerly as I offered him mine. A sigh of pleasure escaped me when he pushed me against the dresser, his mouth leaving mine and traveling from my chin to my throat. His hands roamed the length of my body, down to my butt and squeezed.

  “Brian…”

  “Shh…” he murmured, coming back to my mouth.

  I arched as his hands journeyed back and found the hem of my shirt. He pushed the fabric up and slipped rough fingers over bare skin. My breath heaved in and out, as I struggled to breathe. My hips pushed against his firm body and rubbed against the desire evident in his pants. I could feel every firm inch of him. I tried to pull my hands free of his shoulders so I could run them over his body, but to no avail. He kept my arms trapped.

  “No, I don’t have enough control. All I want is a sample.” His voice was thick with need as his mouth went back for mine.

  “Oh, God,” I moaned when his attention turned to the side of my throat. I struggled to keep my voice down when he began grinding against me.

  I was on the verge of coming, right then and there. Just as I was about to cry out, Brian covered my mouth with his, swallowing my gasp while torturing me even more with his body.

  As intriguing and exciting as sleeping with Brian was, I was suddenly aware we stood in his old bedroom.

  In his parents’ house.

  With his entire family outside.

  Oh. My. God.

  Worry flashed over me. Yes, we were grown and what we did and where we did it was our business. But here?

  Visions of his mother walking up the stairs looking for us scared me. His family was wonderful and seemed willing to support our relationship. I didn’t want to screw it up by becoming the ‘ho who did her son in his old bedroom during the family barbeque.

  “Brian.” It was nearly impossible to speak while his tongue traced an erotic trail down my throat.

  His mouth came back to mine, but this
time, his kiss was slow and the glide of his fingers light as he pulled my shirt back down.

  My knees were weak, my brain scrambled, and my breath ragged. I forced my eyes open and found him gazing down at me. His eyes were heavy, filled with lust.

  “I need to be alone with you,” he said, dipping his head down to kiss me again. “I want you in my bed, tonight. We’ll stay for dinner and fireworks.” He kissed me long and deep. “But after that…”

  Oh. My. God.

  Despite my wanting to sleep with him, I officially opened the door when I declared myself his girlfriend. And true to his word, he’d gotten to know me before showing me this passionate side of him. I had no doubt being with Brian would be worth the wait. In a matter of seconds, he’d made my body hunger for more. It was impossible to think.

  But no matter how much I wanted to be with him, I felt guilty, as if somehow I let him down.

  Brian brought me into his private world. But what did I have to give him in return besides my body? I felt like I cheated him out of something he deserved. My best friends hadn’t known about him until the last minute. My family didn’t know I was seeing him. And we’d been involved for a month.

  I was a coward. I was in his family home about to eat his parents’ food. He’d brought me as deep into his life as anyone could go. Yet in my world, Brian continued to be an outsider.

  I doubted my family would accept him nearly as much as his accepted me. And despite what Brian believed, being in California did not make being an interracial couple any easier.

  Once we slept together, what would happen next? What would be the expectation? Would he want more? Did I?

  One thing was for sure, once this line got crossed, the rules were definitely going to change. But I wanted them to.

  Because I wanted Brian.

  Chapter 15

  “We’ll be alone tonight,” Brian said as he unlocked the front door to his house.

  “I guess Javan is still out with Yasmine.” I tried to hide the nervousness in my voice.

  “He’s got several women he deals with. I don’t keep up with him.”

  The door closed behind us. I followed him through the foyer to the living room. He looked around the room apparently making sure everything was in order. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “No thanks. I ate too much at your parents’ house. I’ll be full until next week.” I sat my purse down on the sofa and studied the room.

  It surprised me that a house shared by two men was so clean. I didn’t know what to expect, especially after seeing the way he usually kept his truck.

  Brian walked over to a shelf containing the largest CD collection I’d ever seen. He ran his hand over the black wooden cabinet before looking up at me in satisfaction.

  “Wow. How many CDs do you have?”

  “At last count, 262.” He laughed. “I’ve been collecting since I was in middle school. All of this represents every genre of music I play and artist I admire. My iPod has pretty much every one of these discs and more.”

  “Amazing.” I joined him at the cabinet and studied the titles.

  He angled his head and watched me. I sensed his gaze and immediately thought of the kiss we’d shared at his parents’ house. He was showing remarkable restraint for a man who’d been close to ripping my clothes off.

  “See anything you like?”

  I glanced over at him and saw the mischievous twinkle. His question was an obvious double entendre.

  “Yes.” I selected a disk and held it up for his approval.

  “Sade, old school, cool.”

  “Do you have a CD player in your room?”

  He answered with a devilish grin and extended his hand. We walked down a hallway past the kitchen and a door I assumed led to his roommate’s bedroom. Brian’s room was just as neat as the living room. A full-sized bed with blood red sheets was in the center below a set of windows. A desk with a laptop sat on one side, while a guitar and several smaller instruments were in the corner.

  Brian closed the door and walked to the CD player on the nightstand. The sexy, sultry music was an instant aphrodisiac.

  He sat at the edge of his bed, sinful desire in his cerulean eyes. “Come here.”

  I walked over to him and stood between his legs. He ran his eyes over my body, starting with my legs and stopping at my mouth. My legs went weak as his hands slid from the back of my knees, over my hips, and gripped my waist. He guided me down so that I straddled his lap, putting his mouth in line with my throat.

  “You have no idea how bad I want you,” he murmured as his lips grazed the side of my throat.

  He had no idea how bad I wanted him. I slipped my fingers into the nape of his curly hair and held him as our lips met and mated. Neither of us wasted time. He greedily gripped the edge of my shirt, slipped it over my head, and lowered his mouth to the top of my breast, his tongue gliding over me. He pulled the cups of my bra down, and his hot mouth latched onto a hardened nipple. I arched and my head fell back. The bra hit the floor.

  I moaned his name when he cupped my breasts, kneading them gently as his mouth found mine again. All sense of coherent thought left me. I rocked my hips against him, feeling his hardened flesh pushing against his jeans and between my thighs. I wanted him out, naked, and inside of me. Now.

  I slipped my fingers between us and quickly unfastened the buttons of his shirt. Of all days to decide to wear one of these. Why couldn’t he have on a pullover like always? A quick tug would have had his chest available to me in seconds. Now I had to work for it.

  Buttons free, I forced the material over his shoulders and down to his wrists. He released me to help remove the shirt. In our haste, his wrists got tangled up. I bit my lip as I looked down at him. His eyes were the most intense shade of blue I’d ever seen. His mouth parted expectantly. His lips were swollen and pink from the way I’d sucked them. I wanted to own him. Every…last…inch.

  A deep chuckle came from his throat. “What are you doing?” He tried to free his wrist.

  “Don’t worry, I promise you’ll like it.” I smiled wickedly as I fisted the makeshift handcuffs, trapping his hands on the bed.

  I nibbled, lapped, and sucked my way to his throat while Brian groaned.

  He smelled so good, so male. Barbeque and beer mixed with his musky cologne that held a hint of sweetness. His scent had driven me crazy all night. I took my time to savor every detail of his bronzed flesh, tasting every inch I could reach. But it wasn’t enough. I lifted my head from his chest and teased him with my tongue, evading his mouth as he tried to capture mine.

  He panted beneath me, his chest heaved in and out, but his eyes, those crystal blue orbs stayed on me. I was driving him crazy, and my time to be in control was running out. I was sure the moment his wrist were free, he would take me down and return the favor.

  Perfect, because that was exactly what I wanted.

  I slid off his lap, down to the floor, and placed myself between his parted thighs. I went for his belt buckle and worked quickly to free him from his jeans. Brian’s body shifted. A quick peek showed him struggling to undo the twisted knot of his shirt.

  Pants undone, I slipped my hand in, seized my prize, and stroked.

  “Shit…” he bit out, his body bucked.

  I let out a naughty laugh.

  Free at last, Brian gripped my wrist. “Can’t have too much of that just yet.”

  He held firm while leaning down, capturing and forcing his way into my mouth. He pulled my hands around his neck, lifted me from the floor, and dropped me down onto the bed. The sudden change of position and the bounce on the mattress forced out a seductive laugh. I felt so alive, so sexy and

  Oh. My. God. He was gorgeous.

  Brian stood at the edge of the bed and finished the job I started. With a solid thump, his jeans hit the floor. My eyes traveled over the newly exposed flesh. Damn…

  His body was more than I’d expected. His torso and legs were long and a well-toned set of muscle
s led down from his chest to his groin. Nearly every part of him was tan. His legs, his thighs…even his…

  I’d never suspected him of using a tanning bed, but somehow he managed to have his entire body continue to be exactly the same shade. I had imagined a part of him being lighter than the rest because of his time spent working in the summer sun.

  I moved to sit up but stopped when he shook his head.

  “I want you to lay there. Don’t move.” He licked his lips and walked backward toward his dresser. He bumped into it and turned to dig into a drawer. He returned, holding a box of condoms and tossed it lightly onto the bed.

  He studied me momentarily before dropping down to his knees, making himself at home between my legs. Leaning on my elbows, I sat up and looked down the length of my body. Brian smiled wickedly, leaned forward, and kissed my stomach. Slow, methodical kisses traveled to my navel. He dipped his tongue in and made me giggle.

  The sight and sensation of him between my thighs made me ache to be free of the rest of my clothes. Brian stopped me when I went to grab the zipper of my shorts. He gripped my wrists and held them firm against the bed. He dipped his head lower on my body, kissing the exposed skin of my thighs, and glided his tongue down to my knees. He lifted my leg to his shoulder and continued to tease with fingertips and mouth. I reached for him, but he was just out of range.

  He stopped long enough to remove my shoes and socks before repeating the delicious agony on my other leg. Both now rested on his shoulders.

  “Brian,” I begged. My legs were like rubber and vibrated with want, need, and desire so much I could not regain control.

  “I want you ready for me. The moment I get you naked, I’m going to get inside you. But not until you’re ready.”

  “I’m ready, I’m ready…” I wiggled my hips and tried my best to push up against him.

  He was good. No matter how much I tried to sit up or lean forward, he remained just out of reach. I was about to go mad.

  He lifted an eyebrow and removed his hands. The only contact came from my legs resting on his shoulders.

  Seconds seemed like minutes. Minutes seemed like hours.

  “God, Brian, please…”