A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by M. J. Kane

  Ebony nodded.

  “By entertaining them.” She signaled Brad with a finger. He laughed and leaned down for a kiss.

  The kiss wasn’t graphic or X-rated, just not rushed. A glance at the men who’d been watching, revealed brazen disgust plastered on their faces as they went back to their drinks.

  Brad smiled down at his wife. I could feel the love radiating from them as he ran a finger over her cheek. “I love you.”

  “I love you more,” Tierra replied, gazing back at him. It was as if no one, including, Ebony and I, existed. “Do you guys kiss in public?” Her attention turned back to us.

  Ebony laughed nervously. “Well, our first kiss was in public. We hold hands all the time but don’t kiss very often…in places like this.”

  “If I kiss her, we’re liable to be arrested for indecent exposure.”

  “Brian.” Ebony swatted my arm.

  “I’m serious. Every time I kiss you, I want to get you naked, not arrested.”

  Brad chuckled. “How long have you been together?”

  “Five months,” Ebony answered. “How about you guys?”

  “A year and a half. We’ve been married for two months,” Tierra replied.

  Realization dawned on me. “No wonder I didn’t get an invite to the wedding. I was out of town.”

  Brad shook his head. “We didn’t do the big wedding thing. We kept it simple.”

  “What he means is, we got married in Vegas,” Tierra corrected.

  “It wasn’t what we planned.” Brad sipped his beer. “It wasn’t spontaneous either. We were already engaged.”

  “Then, why Vegas?” Ebony sat in rapt attention.

  Tierra sighed. “Because of my family.” She shot Ebony a knowing glance. “When my parents heard about Brad, about his job and how well he treated me, they couldn’t wait to meet him. But then they found out he wasn’t black…,” her voice faltered.

  Brad rubbed her shoulders. “I could not win them over. They cut her off from family gatherings…” he shook his head in disgust.

  “They call us if it’s an emergency or to find out if I’m still with the ‘white boy’.” She huffed. “It pisses me off that my family is so narrow mined.”

  “It hurt to watch her deal with that kind of rejection; she comes from such a close knit family. I tried to break things off, but she wouldn’t let me. Instead, she asked me to marry her.”

  Tierra laughed and wiped the corner of her eyes. “I surprised the hell out of him.”

  “You can say that again. Here I am breaking up with her and she says, ‘marry me’. I realized it should have been me asking the question instead of trying to let her go.”

  “That’s amazing.” Ebony’s eyes were wide with awe. “How did you guys end up in Vegas?”

  “My company sent me on a business trip. A few days later, Tierra showed up to surprise me. We decided to avoid the wedding planning family drama and got married there.”

  “We were marrying each other, not our families. No one needed to be there except us,” Tierra added.

  Brad turned his gaze on me. “Is her family giving you any problems?”

  “My brother and sister are the only ones who know. I haven’t told my parents,” Ebony spoke up.

  “Why not?” Tierra spoke directly to her.

  “Timing. Right now they’re trying to hook me up with sons of their friends. Their minds are set on who they think I should be with. I don’t want to just blurt out I’m dating Brian right after they tell me about yet another eligible black bachelor.”

  Tierra reached across the table and patted Ebony’s hand. “Look, sweetie, I hate to tell you this, but their opinion of Brian isn’t going to change based on when you tell them. It’s not going to change how they feel. What you need to be is prepared to deal with it.”

  “I know, it’s just”

  “Do you love him?”

  “With all my heart,” Ebony replied.

  Hearing her say it aloud to someone else touched me to the depth of my soul.

  “Then don’t waste time telling your family. Either they’ll accept who you love or they won’t. In the end, it’s about who you want to be with. Brad and Brian come from a very supportive family. You’ll never have to worry about being alone. And you’ll have me, too.” She smiled.

  Ebony nodded, her hand rested on top of mine as I held her. Everyone sat silent for a moment.

  “What does your family say now?” Ebony broke the silence.

  Tierra and Brad gazed at each other and shared a secret smile. His hand slid down to her belly. “They’re taking it in stride. They have to if they want to get to know their first grandchild.” Tierra glowed.

  “Hold up, you guys are having a baby?” My eyes widened in surprise.

  “Yeah, can you believe it?” Brad followed his grin with a healthy swig of beer. I watched his cheeks redden; he appeared nervous about fatherhood. “Don’t tell anyone yet. We wanted to make an announcement last night, but my mom couldn’t make it. We’re going to tell her tomorrow when we meet for lunch.”

  I walked around and gave Brad a one-armed man hug and patted him on the back. “Congratulations, both of you.”

  “Congratulations,” Ebony echoed and leaned across the table to hug Tierra, her eyes glistening.

  Believing her tears were just a girl thing was out of the question. Her tears solidified my desire to get to the bottom of things tonight.

  “Young, party of four,” the hostess called.

  We got up to follow her to our table. I reached for Ebony’s hand and stopped her.

  Listening to their story opened my eyes. We were not the first interracial couple in the history of the world, but we were the only couple I knew of until now.

  The time spent with Trina had been brief, but my feelings were not as deep as they were for Ebony. I’d thought long and hard about interracial dating after the run in with her brothers. I was aware there would be obstacles in our path. Tonight confirmed it. I’d never fully considered what Ebony’s life could be like without the support and love of her family. Tierra’s tale of hurt was the last thing I wanted my love to deal with.

  In the middle of the restaurant, I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her long and slow.

  Ebony laughed her surprise at the few claps from patrons.

  “Wow, I’m still dressed.”

  “Tonight, it’s about us, okay?”

  She reached up to wipe lip-gloss from my mouth. “Okay.”

  We headed for our table.

  Chapter 32

  Brian closed the passenger side door, then walked around and climbed into the driver’s seat. We’d been driving for a few minutes when I glanced over. He was unusually quiet. An overhead street light illuminated the car, showing him deep in thought. His eyebrows furrowed, his deep blue eyes focused on the road, and both hands clenched the wheel. Whatever was on his mind must have been serious. He didn’t even acknowledge the radio when his favorite song came on.

  Maybe we mused about the same thing.

  Thank God my family wasn’t giving me the same kind of grief Tierra’s family gave her. Then again, everyone in my family didn’t know about Brian. My parents’ thoughts on the situation worried me more than Lashana or Trevon’s.

  I had imagined what my parents would say once they found out. My father, a man of few words, would probably give me the same stern look he gave me as a child. The look that said I should rethink my decision and find another option.

  My mother would ignore what I said and tell me about eligible bachelors number thirty-five and thirty-six…tall, dark, and blah, blah, blah. She would pretend to listen and then insist a relationship with a black man would be way easier than an interracial one.

  That wasn’t true. Relationships, no matter what race, were difficult. It took work on both people’s parts to make it work. Happiness and satisfaction had nothing to do with the color of someone’s skin.

  Okay, maybe that wasn’t the comp
lete truth.

  The difference in skin color could make it harder to relate to each other on a certain level. In the end, it all came down to how much emphasis we put on the differences.

  But those differences, no matter how small or great, could make you become an open-minded person. Those differences could keep your relationship alive and interesting as time went on.

  The time spent with Patrick taught me only one thing: being goal oriented, hard workers, and the same race were the only things we had in common. Our relationship lacked the most important things, such as support, genuine love, and understanding. He never approved of my job but wanted me to support him.

  Brian was different; he wanted me to succeed. He loved and supported me, even when I turned away his help. His feelings for me were genuine, not forced, not faked.

  The only difference was the color of our skin. It didn’t change what lay beneath, in our hearts. I embraced our differences. The texture of his hair, the color of his eyes, the firmness of his narrow lips…

  Being with someone else would never be an option, black, white, or any other race.

  I loved the man, the person, the human being.

  I had to admit, Tierra made some very valid points. Telling my parents now or months from now would not change how they felt. In the end, what mattered most was what I wanted.

  I wanted Brian.

  The illuminated lights on the dashboard read nine o’clock, which meant it would be midnight in Charlotte. It was too late to call, but first thing in the morning, I would.

  Wouldn’t they be shocked when the phone rang with Brian and me on the other end?

  “Baby, wake up.”

  Startled, I opened my eyes to find his hand extended to help me out of the car.

  “Thinking with your eyes closed is a dangerous thing to do.” I yawned.

  His smile hid his thoughts. “It’s been a busy week for both of us. Come on.”

  I reached for his hand, holding tight as he drew me out of the car. He locked our fingers together and guided me to the front door. My heart raced as he dug in his pocket for his key.

  Brian expected me to go inside. My feet froze in place. I could not think of a valid excuse to avoid going in.

  “What’s wrong?” He stopped at the top step.

  “Nothing…I’m just…waking up.” Damn, another lie.

  “I can take care of that.” His grip tightened as we continued up the steps and he unlocked the door.

  Everything is going to be okay.

  Brian led us into the living room.

  My legs were like one hundred pound weights glued to the floor.

  “I know you’re tired, Ebony. This will only take a moment.”

  My hesitation was misinterpreted.

  Brian let go of my hand and walked to the CD shelf.

  The loss of his hand in mine left me feeling alone. Everything seemed to go into a tunnel as the memory flashed before me, blocking Brian from my view. It felt as if I watched a movie.

  Javan’s massive frame towering above me, pinning me to the very shelf Brian stood before. A whimper built in my throat. ‘Don’t do this, Javan…please…’

  A piercing scream echoed in my head, causing me to jump. Javan’s laughter was vicious after he slammed me against the solid wooden case when I tried to run. CDs rained down to the floor, dislodged from their resting place. The chilling sound did nothing to mask my cries or his grunts as he took what he wanted, stripping me of my will.

  I could feel an echo of pain radiate down my back and arms while my knees grew weak from fear. Tears stung my eyes as my lips quivered. I forced my hand to my mouth before any sound escaped.

  “Ebony, did you hear me?”

  Brian’s voice brought me back. I wiped my eyes before gripping my shoulders in an effort to keep my shaking limbs hidden. His attention was on the discs in front of him.

  “What did you say?” I managed after clearing my throat.

  “The Sade CD, the one we listened to the night we first made love. I can’t find it.” He continued to search. “Hmm,” he muttered. “I could have sworn it was here before I left town. Did you take any of the discs the night you got your ID? There’s a few missing.”

  My heart raced so fast I could hardly breathe. “Um, no. Brian, I’m going to the bathroom.”

  He nodded, still focused on the task at hand.

  My escape managed, I closed the door as quietly as possible and locked it behind me. At least Yasmine would have Javan away from the house for the night. She’d mentioned their plans to spend the night at the hotel instead of going back to either of their homes.

  I need to get it together. What happened to me happened months ago to someone else. A rueful chuckle escaped. Who was I kidding? After three months of trying to convince myself what happened was all a dream, why would it suddenly become true?

  Brian will protect me. He won’t hurt me. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

  I leaning against the countertop and repeated the mantra. My head hung low and tears ran silently down my face. Deep breathing helped me focus on the present and push the ghost of the past behind.

  My composure regained, I splashed water on my face and stepped into the hallway. I walked with closed eyes past Javan’s room, the scene of the worst night of my life.

  I lay on Javan’s bed, stripped of my dignity and invaded, unable to put a stop to what happened. Unable to cry out for help.

  Unable to have Brian come to my rescue.

  When it was over, he tossed what was left of my tattered clothing at me. The words ‘whore’ and ‘cunt’ thrown at me as if I was nothing. Threats about my future with Brian and my friendship with Yasmine set in place as a warning to keep my mouth shut.

  And when he was dressed, he walked away and told me to get out, as if everything was my fault.

  I walked by quickly as I could. The short distance to Brian’s room felt like miles.

  Brian stood next to the CD player. “I couldn’t find it, but I have a suitable replacement.”

  “Okay.” I forced myself to ignore the memory of Javan standing in this very doorway, tracking my every move. Instead, I closed the door and watched Brian kick off his shoes and strip down to his briefs. He dug into a drawer for a pair of gym shorts and placed my favorite sleeping shirt on the bed.

  I closed my eyes tight. It was the one I wanted the night I came here. It was the number one reason why I decided against buying a new ID. I reached for the fabric and held it to my chest.

  Brian pulled the covers back on the bed and slid in between the sheets and waited for me.

  I can do this. I can stay with Brian, in his arms…

  Praying he wouldn’t register the fear in my eyes, I stripped down. His shirt felt like an extra layer of protection as it slid over my body.

  Brian was here; Javan was not. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing bad would happen.

  I slid into Brian’s waiting arms, lay on his bare chest, and listened to his beating heart. The cadence of its rhythm reminded me I was exactly where I needed to be.

  “Brad and Tierra had one hell of a story didn’t they?” His fingers slid over my shoulder while he stared up at the ceiling. The lamp by his side of the bed illuminated the room.

  “They are brave to push her family’s feelings aside and consider their own happiness.” I paused. “I learned a lot from them.”

  “That’s good to know. So did I.”

  “Good, because”

  Brian shifted in bed, pulling his arm from around me. He rested on an elbow and faced me. I lay back on the pillow and focused on him. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked so serious.

  “Ebony, since we’ve been together, I’ve had no interest in meeting other women. You know I want to marry you.”

  My heart nearly stopped at the somber expression on his face and his intense gaze.

  “I’m not ignorant to the way black men regard you when we’re out. I’m not talking about the ones who have a proble
m with me being with you. I’m talking about the ones who want you. You told me when we first met I wasn’t what you wanted, physically…”

  My eyebrows creased. “Brian…” I pushed up from the pillow. Where was this coming from? I made those remarks as an excuse not to be with him, hoping it would push him away.

  Then I got to know him, before my heart broke the rules and fell in love with him. I didn’t give a damn about his physique. I loved his body; I loved his skin. I loved him.

  “Let me finish,” he said, cutting me off. “Listening to Brad talk about his love for his wife and being willing to let go of her made me think.” He reached over and ran a finger over my cheek. “Because I love you, I’m willing to step back and let you find the man you’re looking for.”

  “What?”

  Brian didn’t break at my outburst. “I know you love me, but I want you to be sure, without a doubt, it’s me you want. When you decide to talk to your parents…if they give you a hard time”

  I steeled my voice. “Brian, baby, I know what I want, it’s you, and there is no doubt.” My heart ached. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Had he lost his damn mind? How many shots of tequila had he consumed at dinner?

  “You say that now, but what if they threaten to disown you? I see how you feel about your family when you talk about them. If they threatened to push you away for being with me, are you sure you wouldn’t listen to them? Are you sure you won’t want to be with someone else? He paused briefly. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be with someone like Javan?” His voice was barely a murmur.

  My mouth dropped open, and I felt the blood drain from my face. Breathing became too hard to do. My throat went dry and my voice was completely lost.

  Where the hell did that come from? I was still trying to wrap my head around his statement when my cell phone rang. I ignored it. The ring tone eventually ended and silence permeated the room; neither of us moved.

  It rang again. On the third ring, Brian got out of bed, retrieved it from my purse, and looked at the screen.

  “It’s Yasmine.” He hit the answer button. “Yeah, she’s right here, hold on.” He handed me the phone.

  The expression on his face read as if we were discussing the weather. But his eyes said differently. I could perceive the pain and resolve hidden deep within the blue.