A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by M. J. Kane

  The hatred for the man I considered my friend for the past ten years blazed out of control. The logical part of my brain clicked off and went primal.

  I scrambled across the bed, grabbed him, and threw him against the wall with force I prayed felt twenty times worse than what he’d done to Ebony. I held him in place and with my free arm, reached back as far as I could and pounded his face.

  “Brian! Oh, my God! Stop, you’re hurting him!” Yasmine grabbed my fisted arm and put her full weight on it, slowing me down.

  “You son of a bitch! How could you do that to her? Why?” I got a few more licks in and a kick to his groin before Yasmine managed to knock me off balance.

  Javan slipped out of my grasp and slid down the wall, groaning and holding his sack. It wouldn’t be long before his jaw, eye, and lips were black and blue. The sight of blood pouring out of his nose and cut lip gave me a small amount of satisfaction, but it wasn’t even close to what I wanted to do.

  “Oh, no, Javan, baby…” Yasmine pushed past me, ripping the sheet from the bed to blot the blood running down his face. “Brian, what the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Whatever she said, the bitch is lying,” he spat out along with blood.

  “Call her bitch one more time and you’ll be picking teeth off the floor,” I growled while I paced the room. I wanted to push Yasmine out of the way and get to him again, but there was no way I’d put my hands on her.

  “What the hell is going on?” she shouted.

  “Brian’s woman is a liar.” Javan struggled to get up.

  Yasmine looked at both of us in confusion. “Ebony? What are you talking about?” When Javan didn’t supply an answer, she turned to me.

  “He raped her.” Saying the words again shot a pain to my stomach and chest. Anger like I never felt before flared before my eyes. I wanted to do nothing more than grab Javan’s throat and keep him from breathing.

  Yasmine’s eyes flashed in disbelief.

  Javan moved to get up again.

  “Sit your ass back down before I put it down for good,” I warned.

  Yasmine turned to him, an expression of confusion on her face.

  “Your girl is a ‘ho. She wanted me to”

  I stepped over to give him another helping of personal justice, but Yasmine beat me to it by giving him something akin to a bitch slap. His head spun around, dreads swinging through the air as his head hit the wall. I wanted to punch his teeth in, but her slap sufficed for now. “Don’t talk about her like that. Why would Brian burst in here and say that? Did you rape her?” she asked.

  I could not see her face, but her voice sounded pained.

  “Because the bitch”

  Yasmine’s hand shot out again, but this time he caught it and twisted her wrist. She yelled in pain.

  “Don’t ever hit me again, bitch,” Javan growled.

  I got in his face in two strides. “Let her go,” I said through gritted teeth.

  My hands fisted in a handful of his dreads as I snatched him up off the ground, thankful for the excuse to exact my revenge. He released her, shoving her away; she stumbled to the floor. Javan swung at me, his fist connected with my face and doubled back for my gut. Adrenaline pumped through my veins; I didn’t feel a thing.

  His next swing missed as I dodged, leaned down, and rammed my head into his chest. I wrapped my hands around his waist and slammed him back into the wall. He pounded my back while I retaliated, throwing punch after punch into his gut.

  “Brian!”

  In the midst of the yelling, grunting, and crashing of hotel furniture as we fought, Ebony’s voice rang crystal clear in the room. I managed to turn my head enough to see her standing horrified in the doorway with Kaitlyn on her heels.

  Chapter 38

  The sight before me made my heart stop.

  Brian grappled in what looked like a fight to the death. Javan pounded his fist into Brian’s back while he punched him repeatedly. Blood smeared them, the sheets, and the wall.

  Yasmine lay a few feet away, shock, horror, and confusion in her eyes. She rubbed her wrist, tears running down her face.

  “Brian, stop, baby, please. The police are on the way.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled while trying to avoid Javan’s flying fist. I succeeded with Kaitlyn’s help.

  Brian panted heavily as I guided him to the other side of the room, anxious to put as much space between them before someone seriously got injured.

  “Brian, look at me, please, you’ve got to calm down,” I pleaded.

  “Let me go,” he ground out through clenched teeth as he pulled roughly at my hands.

  His eyes remained focused on his target. Blood ran from his cut lip.

  “Stop, baby, please. You’ve done it, you beat his ass, now please stop…” Tears were in my eyes and voice. I held on tight, refusing to let him go.

  His eyes dropped down and focused on me. I could tell the moment reason clicked back in, because his eyes softened, he pulled me close, and held tight.

  “Ebony, what the hell is going on? I don’t understand.” Yasmine managed to stand, clutching at the robe she wore. Her eyes shifted wildly around the room as she put distance between herself and everyone else.

  Kaitlyn went to her side and put her arms around her shoulders in support.

  My heart ached more than I ever imagined possible. The next words uttered from my mouth were going to devastate her already damaged heart.

  “It’s true. Javan raped me.”

  Yasmine’s eyes closed, her jaw clenched and unclenched in time with her fist. “When?”

  “The bitch is” Javan spat out, but stopped short the moment Brian pushed me aside to get to him.

  “No, Brian, that’s enough,” I begged. He looked down at me and resumed his hold. Satisfied he would stay put, I turned and faced her. I looked her directly in the eye so she knew what I said to be true.

  “It happened after Brian left town. I left my badge in his room. Brian knew I was going over to get it because he called Javan and told him to let me in. When I tried to leave, he dragged me into his room and”

  “Enough,” Yasmine said through gritted teeth. She opened her eyes and tears poured down her face.

  “She’s tellin’ the truth, Yaz. Brian didn’t believe her either,” Kaitlyn confirmed.

  “I didn’t believe her until I found evidence that proved what she said.” His voice was heavy with regret. “He tried to cover his ass by suggesting Ebony cheated on me.”

  Yasmine looked away and shook her head. “I know he’s lying,” her voice waivered. “I remember the night she came home different. I thought she was upset because you left…” Tear-stained eyes zeroed in on me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  The ache in her eyes broke my heart. Why did I let things get this bad? She would not have to deal with this pain and betrayal if it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t the only one affected by Javan’s actions. I may have taken the physical brunt, but it was impossible to protect Yasmine from emotional rape.

  The realization of my decision shook me to the core. If it wasn’t for Brian’s physical support, I would have dropped to my knees.

  “Ebony didn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want you to get hurt,” Kaitlyn supplied.

  The room remained silent until Yasmine’s outburst.

  “Why?” She directed her rage at Javan. “Wasn’t I enough for you? I thought you were happy with me. You said…you said…” Yasmine stopped speaking, her voice gone to tears.

  Javan didn’t say a word, only stared past her and everyone else in the room.

  “He’s a manipulative son of a bitch, that’s why. He played the same crap on women he dated in college. He played all of us. I should have known.” Brian shook his head in disappointment. “That’s why he’s such a great head doctor.”

  I forgot Javan was a psychologist. He knew exactly how to convince me to stay silent and make Brian believe him.

  And how to keep Yasmine preoccupied.

  We
were still speculating this fact when the police arrived. They took my statement before arresting Javan.

  Brian was arrested for assault. The police told me I would be able to bail him out of jail the next day. I dreaded having to call his parents to get help raising bail money.

  The officer allowed him to hold me before placing him in handcuffs.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. I promise I’ll never doubt you again,” Brian whispered.

  “It’s okay. I should have told you. I’ll never keep a secret from you again.”

  We kissed and parted when the officer told him it was time to go.

  When Javan and Brian disappeared around the corner, I faced my friends.

  “Guys, I don’t know how to say I’m sorry…Yasmine…”

  Yasmine stared at me for a moment, her arms still tightly wrapped around her body as if trying to hold herself together. The pain on her face was too much to bear.

  After a moment she turned, gathered her clothes from the floor and walked to the bathroom. The door shut silently behind her.

  Kaitlyn stepped over and reached to dry the tears falling down my face. “Just give her some time.”

  I nodded and stared at the closed door.

  Despite the fact my relationship with Brian was still intact; my best friend had found nothing but more heartache.

  Because of me.

  Would she ever be able to forgive me for keeping the truth from her?

  Despite my actions, nothing Javan told her had been real. I’d known Yasmine long enough to know the lock Javan had loosened would only be tighter now. The next man who found his way into her life, the one meant to be with her, would have to work hard to win her jaded heart.

  Kaitlyn and I turned and watched as the bathroom door opened and Yasmine emerged. Her light skin complexion had paled; the edges of her long hair were wet, along with her face as if she’d doused herself with water. Her gray eyes were heavy, rimmed in red. Her attention strayed over to the bed and wall before her eyes closed tight.

  “Yasmine…” I paused, unsure of what to say.

  She held up a hand. After a moment, her eyes opened and locked on me.

  “Ebony, there is nothing you can say to explain why he did what he did. I should have known something was wrong.” She sighed. “I think I did know, but I was too wrapped up in my relationship to be the friend you needed. You should have come to me, Ebony. I may not have liked what you said, but I would have believed you.”

  I nodded as a fresh wave of tears fell. “You’re right, I should have said something. All of this,” I waived my hands around the room absently, “is my fault. I’ll find a way to pay for this.”

  Yasmine shook her head, a small hint of a smile emerged as she wiped a tear. “The hotel has insurance. Just promise me one thing?”

  “What?”

  “Never lie to me,” she pointed at Kaitlyn, “us ever again. If there’s a problem you tell us. That’s what friends are for.”

  “Never,” I said, my voice sure. Never would I allow something like this to tear apart my friendship with the ones I loved. It wasn’t worth the cost.

  “Come on, guys, let’s go home,” Kaitlyn said.

  Yasmine and I stood staring at one another for a moment longer before she opened her arms. I willingly accepted the gesture.

  She hugged me tightly. “You’re still my girl.”

  “So are you,” I said, hugging her back.

  “Oh great, leave out the white girl,” Kaitlyn threw her hands up in mock exasperation.

  “Get over here,” Yasmine and I said in unison.

  A group hug brought us together.

  I peered over their shoulders at the room that had once been filled with love and roses, but now boasted devastation.

  And yet, another love remained.

  The man who loved me had stood up for me here.

  The love of my friends withstood what I felt would end our relationship.

  I would never test the extent of the relationships of the ones I loved again. Love and trust were what would protect the ones I held dear. And honesty. Honesty was just as important.

  Secrets should be avoided at all cost.

  I gathered my friends and held them close to my heart.

  Arm in arm, we went home.

  Epilogue

  December – One month later

  “What time did your parents say their flight would land?” Brian asked as we drove to our destination.

  “They’ll be here at seven.” I still couldn’t believe my parents were flying to California. Over the years I’d gone back home to visit my entire family. My parents, on the other hand, hadn’t been out here since the day they dropped me off at college, seven and a half years ago. “I can’t wait for you guys to meet in person. A picture and talking over the phone doesn’t do you justice.”

  Brian laughed. “Yeah, your mother says she owes me a big hug and your father promised a hearty hand shake. I plan on making sure they live up to their words.”

  After everything went down, I not only told my parents about our relationship, I told them about my rape. Hearing how Brian fought Javan in retaliation won them over, especially my father. Now, a month later, they were flying in to spend Christmas in California, breaking my mother’s long-standing tradition of having the entire family home for the holidays.

  “I still can’t get over the fact they agreed to stay at my parents’ house,” he said. “My mother is working my father like a drill Sergeant to get things ready for them. You’d think the president was coming.”

  I laughed. When it came to entertaining guest, Mrs. Young had no problem making Mr. Young get things done. She did bark orders like a drill Sergeant.

  “It’s not every day you meet your future in-laws,” I reminded him.

  I appraised the fourteen-carat white gold band that boasted three Princess cut diamonds. The two smaller stones represented our lives before we met. The center half-carat stone represented the life we were building together. Brian found symbolic meaning in everything significant in our life. In fact, he found another charm for my bracelet. I already owned one heart, but this one was different.

  This heart was broken in half and meticulously put back together, a healed heart.

  He told me it symbolized what we had gone through. It served as a reminder that with love, constant communication, and work, our relationship could stand whatever threatened to tear us apart.

  No matter how many more charms he gave me, this would forever be my favorite.

  “Have you finished packing? Peter and Dylan are free on Saturday. Between the four of us, we should have you moved in a few hours.”

  “Don’t forget Yasmine and Kaitlyn. They’ll be helping, too.”

  “How’s Yasmine holding up? We haven’t talked much since that night.” Brian’s eyebrows creased in genuine concern. He was aware of the emotional trauma Javan had heaped on her.

  “She puts on a brave face, but she’s hurting more than she lets on. Her reasoning is at least it was a short engagement. In her mind, four hours didn’t count.” I laughed lightly. “Now as far as me moving out, she’s counting down. My old room is across the hall from hers. It’s turning into her home office.”

  “Home office?”

  “For her business, Dreams. She’s been playing around with the idea for a while now. Since she has free time she’s decided to keep busy by focusing on getting it up and running. Her parents don’t know about it though. Oh and get this, Kaity is her assistant.”

  Brian’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow. You sure you’re not going to feel left out of the loop, you know, not being with your girls?”

  I studied the handsome profile of the man I loved with my mind, body, heart, and soul. His blue eyes still made my heart race whenever he looked at me.

  “Let me think about it.” I feigned serious thought while ticking off fingers. “We’re engaged. I’m five months away from graduating with a D.V.M. behind my name. If all continues
to go well I’m a shoo-in for the job I’ve worked eight years to get. Nala, my dear sweet orangutan, is slowly regaining her health. Um…let me see if I’ve missed anything.” I tapped my finger sarcastically on my chin. “Oh, yeah, my gorgeous fiancé has a job making mad money at a major recording studio. And to top it all off, we’ve just rented a house and are moving in together in less than a week. What is there to miss?”

  Brian laughed heartily. “Okay, okay. You’re happy with me. Thanks, my ego needed that.”

  “Oh, don’t get it twisted, lover. There’ll still be girl’s night out.”

  “And I’ll be waiting, keeping our bed warm until you return.”

  Our bed. I love the way that sounded.

  “You’d better.” I leaned over to kiss him once we parked.

  We emerged from the car. I stood by my side and waited for Brian to walk around and take hold of my hand and intertwine our fingers. We both stared at the brick building.

  So many things had changed in the past month, yet our relationship had only gotten stronger.

  Brian moved out of the house he and Javan shared the moment he was released from jail. He had a great attorney who got him out on bail the next morning. Because it was a first offence and he had no record, he received probation, community service, and couples’ counseling for rape victims, which we attended together.

  Javan, on the other hand, had a different outcome. Because I had not reported the rape after it happened, there was no evidence. I’d thrown my torn clothes away and showered the moment I got home. With no rape kit, or visible physical damage, the District Attorney couldn’t build a strong enough case to prosecute. It became a matter of my word against his. In the end, Javan got out on bail and the charges were dismissed. He lost his job as a psychologist, which was a good thing, and moved back to Georgia, his hometown. I could only imagine how many women he’d taken advantage of over the years.

  My journey to healing began the moment I started seeing a rape counselor. My doctor had been right. Being able to confide in my counselor, cry, and express my anger allowed me to understand the events of that night were a matter of uncontrollable circumstances and not because of the bad decisions I made. It wasn’t my fault.