Breaking Routine

by Melissa Tereze

  This afternoon had been different for Harper. When Cait showed up, she was feeling good, but by the end of their deep conversation, she felt even better. There was something between them, something Harper tried to ignore, but how could she do that when Cait brought her to the most beautiful of places?

  Harper’s eyes followed the moonlight as it shone off the lake, the water painfully still. There was no lap of slight waves, no people, just Harper and Cait walking towards a small platform that ventured out over the water. It was beautiful. If things were different, she might even say…romantic.

  “I can certainly see the appeal of this place,” Harper said, side glancing at Cait. “It’s somewhere to think. To feel. To just be.”

  “That’s why I brought you here,” Cait said, her eyes shining. “You seemed like you needed some peace and quiet before.”

  “I think I need more than peace and quiet. I need…God, I don’t know what I need.”

  “You need people around you.”

  Harper had never really been a fan of people. They always judged or brought drama with them and that hadn’t been Harper’s cup of tea for as long as she could remember. But some people, on the odd occasion, had the ability to take her by surprise.

  Cait was absolutely one of those people.

  “I think I just need to be around you.”

  Cait cast her gaze on the floor, the smallest of smiles curling on her mouth as she scuffed her feet across the wooden jetty. “I think I need to be around you, too.”

  “We just clicked, didn’t we?” Harper adjusted her wool hat, silently begging Cait to give her something more. A hint of how she was feeling. “Or is that just me who thinks that?”

  “No, you’re not the only one.” Cait rubbed her hands together, her icy breath floating away into the winter night. When she looked up, her eyes studied Harper’s face. “I’d like to think that we could get to know one another a little better.”

  “As friends?”

  Cait’s features changed; they weren’t as soft. “Yes, if that’s what you want.”

  “I’d love to hang out with you, Cait. So long as I’m not getting in the way of anything, I’d really love that.”

  Cait nodded, suddenly fidgeting with her gloves. “Well, did you want to grab some hot chocolate and sit here a while?”

  “Definitely. That sounds like a lovely evening.”

  “There’s a little hut a few minutes away. They do hot Belgian waffles and other things, too. Maybe we could share one?”

  Harper smiled, linking her arm through Cait’s. She instinctively pulled her closer, keeping one another warm, but really it was Cait’s perfume that Harper wanted to breathe in. If she ever came across it again, it would always remind her of Cait.

  “Hey,” Harper said, leaning in a little closer. “Thanks for inviting me here tonight.”

  “This is nice,” Cait said. “It probably doesn’t seem like much to you, but now that Jude’s stepped up, being out and about feels like an entirely different life to me. I mean, I’m going out to dinner with friends on Friday, and I’m here with you now…I’d say things are looking up for me.”

  “Well, if you’re having dinner with friends, things are definitely looking up.”

  “I beg to differ.” Cait’s eyes focused on the main street as they walked away from the lake. “I’d rather be here with you. You’re less intense than my friends.”

  “I like to be the less intense friend.” Harper grinned. “If I’m not intense, I don’t cause drama.”

  “No, you bring happiness and joy. Laughter too. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much as when we’re hanging out. And it’s nice. It’s normal. It’s what I should have been doing for so many years.”

  “It’s all about breaking that routine, Cait. The B&B isn’t going to die because you went out to dinner with friends. And it won’t die because you’re walking along the lake this evening.” Harper’s insides swirled with delight as Cait tightened her grip on her arm. “I mean, how often do guests contact you in the evening? Most must be out having dinner and drinks or relaxing in their rooms after a day of hiking.”

  “Yeah, it’s not many.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But I don’t know how to put myself out there. I want to, believe me I do, but I don’t know where to begin. I haven’t had a serious relationship in…wow, I don’t know how long. But even back then when I didn’t have a business to run, I cocked it up.”

  “You need to find the right person. Someone who is willing to understand the commitments you have to the B&B. And if it’s someone local, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “Or maybe you need someone who isn’t high maintenance. You know?”

  “No, I don’t know.” Cait narrowed her eyes as she side glanced at Harper. A chill ran through Harper’s body; she’d never tire of that feeling.

  “Just…someone who doesn’t need your attention 24/7.”

  “But isn’t that the point of dating? Never wanting to be without one another.”

  “Depends how far away you live from one another. If it’s close, it can all be worked out. Some people will understand. I know I would.”

  Cait’s smile subsided. Had Harper said too much?

  “I’m just speaking hypothetically, of course. I don’t expect you to want to date me. I mean, why would you?”

  “Many reasons,” Cait mumbled, but Harper heard her perfectly. “I know what you mean.”

  “You’ll find who you want when you least expect it.”

  “Well, I found you and I didn’t expect it.”

  Harper cleared her throat. “As amazing as you are, I’ve just ended a relationship. I’d never want you to think of yourself as a rebound. And I worry that it’s exactly what it’d be.”

  Harper felt Cait’s shoulders slump as they approached the Belgian waffle hut. “I was speaking hypothetically, obviously.”

  Harper knew that was a lie. She felt it in the change of Cait’s body language. But she would let it go for the time being. She needed to fix herself before she even thought about another woman. “Yeah…me too.”

  Cait felt her stomach somersault as she settled on a bench beside Harper. She held a Belgian waffle coated with Nutella and banana with whipped cream to finish while Harper guarded their hot chocolate. Being here like this with another woman felt surreal to Cait, but she’d already said too much on their walk to the hut. Neither had the balls to discuss it further, so Cait would let it go. She’d rather enjoy this evening with Harper than ruin it by doing something she shouldn’t.

  Even though Cait found herself wanting to plant her own on Harper’s kissable lips.

  “How’s the chocolate?”

  Harper licked her lips, her eyes bright as the moonlight caught them. “Perfect. Want to try yours?”

  “Yes.” Cait’s lips parted slightly as Harper handed her drink over, the intense need to make her feelings known now overwhelming. “T-thanks.”

  “Let me take the waffle while you sip your drink. You’ll be all fingers and thumbs otherwise.”

  Cait was already all fingers and thumbs around Harper; that was becoming increasingly clear lately. And when she was alone with this woman, she couldn’t think straight. But Harper wasn’t looking. Cait had to accept that.

  Why am I interested in the one who isn’t?

  Cait sipped her hot chocolate, just thankful to have a friend outside of the B&B. And because it had been so long since she’d looked at another woman, it shouldn’t be hard to keep her feelings at bay. It was what she did best any other time.

  Harper’s rich auburn hair dropped down her shoulders, a cream coloured bobble hat keeping her ears warm. “Is that your natural colour?”

  Harper smiled. “Yep. And everyone I meet asks me the same question.”

  “It’s gorgeous.”

  “And rare, apparently.” Harper tucked into the waffle in her lap, licking the Nutella from her lips. “Auburn
hair and blue eyes aren’t really a thing, or so I’ve been led to believe.”

  “It…suits you.” Cait mentally face-palmed herself. What did that even mean? “I mean, it’s different. And it’s nice.”

  “Hard for me to understand when people say things like that. I’ve been this way since birth.” Harper grinned, laughing. “Your colour suits you, too.”

  “Okay, fair enough. I realise how stupid it sounded.” Cait fell silent, internally screaming at herself for being so pathetic. Harper wasn’t here to be flirted with, Cait had to stop. “Sorry.”

  Harper shifted closer, holding up some Belgian waffle on a disposable fork. “Stop saying sorry and just try this instead.”

  She fed Cait the bite of waffle, the richness of the dessert sending her taste buds into overdrive. “Mm. That’s good.”

  “We should make this a thing. Once a week.”

  “Which?”

  “Coming here and getting cosy on a bench. Some people would say we were out of our minds for sitting at a lake in the middle of winter, it has to be at least minus 3 this evening, but those people can mind their business.”

  “Those people certainly can. And, yes, I’d like to make this a regular thing.”

  “Cool.”

  Harper stared back out at the lake, giving Cait the perfect opportunity to just watch her. Even the way she chewed her food was mesmerising. Get a grip on yourself. But Cait couldn’t pull her eyes away. She turned on her side ever so slightly—and inconspicuously—propping her head up in the palm of her hand.

  “I bet you’re looking forward to sleeping in your warm house tonight…”

  “I am. With my things around me. Familiarity, you know?”

  “I do. Do you have food and stuff in?”

  “Yeah. I drove out to one of the supermarkets this morning when I left your place. Got the essentials in. I don’t really want to venture out during the day if I can help it. Not unless I have plans, anyway. And I really need to get my business side of things up and running. I’m going to tackle my office tomorrow. Then I’ll know where I am with things.”

  “If you need a hand, let me know.”

  “It’s nothing strenuous. Callie put the desk together with me the other week. I brought my computer and other equipment up in the car when I officially moved in. It’s just a case of putting things where they belong and what not.”

  Callie.

  Cait didn’t like hearing her name during conversations with Harper. It always seemed to bring the mood down.

  “But thanks for the offer.” Harper offered Cait more Belgian waffle, smiling as Cait moaned at the taste. She didn’t make it a habit to eat this kind of stuff, she didn’t particularly want a middle-aged spread as she moved further into her forties, but she could indulge once or twice with Harper. She spent enough time on the go to burn it off in seconds. “So, you said you’re out with friends next week?”

  “Yeah. Looking forward to it.”

  “Good. You should. Friends are exactly the kind of people to help you break the routine.”

  “What is it with this routine thing?” Cait’s forehead creased. “And why are you so determined to get me out of the B&B as much as you possibly can?”

  Harper stopped chewing, her eyes drifting towards Cait. “Sorry, I’ll mind my own business.”

  “I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh. But I do still wonder why?”

  Harper shrugged. “You’re a gorgeous woman who spends her life working. Forgive me if I think you deserve more.”

  Cait’s heartbeat thundered in her ears.

  “But if you don’t want to change that, I’m not going to force you to. I just thought it may have been nice for you to get out more.”

  Harper was right. She always was.

  “You’re right.”

  “No. I’m involving myself in the business of someone I don’t even know. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m pushing you to do something you don’t want to do. That wasn’t my intention.”

  Harper got to her feet, discarding the empty paper tray that once held their delicious waffle. As she returned to the bench, she flopped down and sighed.

  Cait rested her hand over Harper’s. “Your intentions are good. I know that.”

  “I think maybe it’s time to head back,” Harper said. “I was planning an early night so I’m fresh in the morning.”

  “Sure. Okay.” There you go ruining things again, Cait internally chastised herself. “Let’s get back up the hill.”

  Harper nodded, getting to her feet. “But I have one more question before I butt out for good.”

  Cait was all ears. “Okay.”

  “What are you looking for in a relationship?”

  Wow. Cait hadn’t expected that question. But she knew exactly what she wanted. She always had. That was the sole reason it had never really worked out with anyone before.

  “What do I want?” Cait paused. “I don’t just want a lover or sex with no meaning. I want a best friend. Someone who makes me laugh. I want someone who is their own person but works with me to create a beautiful kind of happiness. I want a laugh I hear all day and a smile I can fall asleep to. That unexpected connection that knocks you off your feet, and in time, a love so raw that it physically hurts when you’re apart.”

  Harper smiled, her head cocked slightly. “I love that you know exactly what you want.”

  “Basically, I want something I’m not sure exists.”

  It was true. Cait could think up all her hopes for a relationship in her head, but she was yet to find a single person who wanted the same or someone she imagined could provide that. She did see hints of the qualities she was looking for in Harper, but they’d clearly met at the wrong time, so it wasn’t meant to be.

  “What do you want in a relationship?” she chanced, throwing the question directly back at Harper.

  “The same as you.”

  Cait quirked an eyebrow. “You can’t just use my list because you don’t have your own. That’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s the truth,” Harper said. “I’ve always wanted that stupid kind of love. The love that takes you away from your friends because you’re too busy just sitting at home staring at your partner and her beauty. I want to spend my weekends cooking together. Movies, blankets, so wrapped up in one another that you lose all sense of time and where you are. But I don’t know. Callie knocked my confidence big time, and I’m not sure I could give that to someone else again.”

  “Did Callie give you all those things?”

  “No, not really. Now and then we would spend the day at home together, but a lot of the time, she wanted to be around other people. If we went out to lunch, she invited friends. If we went out to dinner, she wanted to meet up with her girls afterwards at a club. And I think that maybe she just never really wanted me. Not how I wanted her.”

  “She didn’t deserve you,” Cait whispered, the air around them thick with emotion.

  “Maybe not. I don’t know. But after she cheated, after she told me that we’d gone stale…I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone else. Like, did she feel as though she couldn’t approach me and tell me she was unhappy? That I was doing something wrong? I must have just been a terrible girlfriend. Why else would she cheat on me?”

  “Why do you believe that you did something wrong?” Cait hated hearing Harper talk so low about herself. In Cait’s opinion, it couldn’t be further from the truth. She could spend her entire day just sitting in Harper’s company. If Callie didn’t want that, she was a fool.

  “Have you ever been cheated on?” Harper asked, tears in her eyes.

  “N-no.”

  “Then you couldn’t understand. When the woman you love cheats on you, it tears you apart. And even if down the line you believe that ending it was for the best, that sense of being worthless sticks with you. It doesn’t even matter if deep down you knew it wasn’t working, the fact that the person you shared your life with touched another woman, someone who wasn’t you…
it really fucking hurts.” A sob escaped Harper’s mouth as she wrapped her arms around herself. “She said yes when I asked her to marry me. She wanted to buy a home with me. So to find out that she’d given everything that was only for you to someone else…” Harper paused, her bottom lip trembling. “I hope you’re never cheated on, Cait.”

  Cait was at a loss for words. This side of Harper, the raw and vulnerable side, only left Cait wanting to sweep her up in her arms and hold Harper until she took all her pain away. “Come here.” Cait wrapped her arms around Harper, a soothing hand on her back. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” she whispered as she turned her face into Harper’s neck, her warm, soft skin. She never wanted this hug to end. “Let’s get you home and away from me. I’m only making everything worse.”

  Harper tightened her grip. “No. You make it all better.”

  Chapter Eight

  Cait listened intently as her friends updated her on their lives. The odd text message had kept them all in contact but sitting around drinking wine together felt normal. Honestly, Cait loved it. It felt…like she was living her life. And as the week drew to a close, with Harper firmly in her sights, Cait wanted to experience this more often.

  Really, Harper had encouraged her to do this. But as she sat here this evening, it dawned on her that she would rather be with Harper. Her energy was electric, her smile brightened Cait’s entire day, and her laughter was contagious.

  Harper had survived her first week here, her house was taking shape, and Cait was thrilled that she was beginning to feel more comfortable. She had truly intended to only be a friendly face for Harper, but as the days passed, she found herself wanting more. More than being a neighbour, more than being a friend.

  That connection she felt with Harper had only intensified as they sat on the lake last Sunday, and then with less contact this week, Cait was left yearning for so much more. A part of her worried that she was completely off base in sensing that Harper was slowly creeping closer to her, but she didn’t believe she was. The slight touch of a hand, the lingering looks…Cait wasn’t stupid. Harper, in all of her beautiful, playful glory, was flirting.