Cait focused on Harper, crossing the living room, the plush neutral carpet cosy beneath her feet. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“I’m sorry about her,” Harper spoke quietly, turning her head to find Cait’s eyes. “She can’t help herself.”
“It’s fine. She broke the ice.” Cait smiled fully, shaking her head as Harper’s eyes sparkled. “What did you do?”
“Cutting the carrots. It flew off the board and took my skin with it in the process.”
“Okay, maybe we need a fresh knife. And tossing that particular carrot in the bin is probably a good idea, too.”
“You think?” Harper’s lips twitched into a smile. “I mean, my skin tastes pretty good.”
“I’ll bear that in mind…”
“You will?”
“Mmhmm.” Cait looked away. She had to focus on Harper’s bloodied fingertip. Not only was it dripping on the counter, but Cait didn’t like seeing Harper in this state. In all honesty, she hated blood. “Come on. Clean up.” Cait focused on Harper’s hands. Long slender fingers, the softest skin, her nails trimmed to perfection. “You don’t do much with your hands, do you?”
“Excuse me?” Harper quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll have you know that I’m very good with my hands.”
“I don’t doubt that. But it doesn’t change the fact that they don’t look as though they’ve seen a hard day’s work in their life.”
“And there was me admiring your beauty while you insult me in my own home.”
“It wasn’t an insult. It was an observation. The softer the better.”
“Oh yeah?” Harper smirked. “Why is that?”
“Much more pleasant for me when I’m holding your hand.” Cait lifted her head, finding Harper’s eyes. The intensity was enough to send her to her knees, crystal blue and far too inviting for the moment. Cait held Harper’s hand under the tap, watching the water cascade over her fingertip. She wanted to kiss it. Her fingers, her knuckles, her skin. She wanted to kiss Harper all over. “That should do it. Do you have a plaster I could put on?”
“Depends if you’re willing to be my nurse or not while you do it.”
Cait contained the fire she felt roaring inside her. Autumn could be heard singing to herself in the living room, but the lower level was far too open plan for Cait to do what she really wanted to do. For every second that Harper looked directly into her eyes, Cait struggled to breathe.
“For the love of god!” Startled by Autumn’s voice, Cait jumped a little, dropping Harper’s hand. “Can I use your office for ten minutes?”
“F-for what?” Harper asked, her eyes finally straying from Cait.
“My arse-wipe boss isn’t capable of working without me there. He needs a file. Says it’s not on the system, but it is. I have a backup on my drive.”
“Sure, yeah. But use my laptop, not my computer.” Autumn disappeared up the stairs with her rucksack, heavy footsteps followed by a door slamming shut. “She’s always that quiet.” Harper grinned. “Hardly know she’s here.”
“About that plaster for your finger?” Cait lifted a brow. She really needed Harper to busy herself elsewhere. She couldn’t concentrate on anything if she didn’t. “Are they in a cupboard somewhere?”
“I’ll get it.” Harper took the kitchen stool, standing on it as she reached into the back of a cupboard. Cait watched Harper’s arse, round and full, her jeans straining against the muscles when she moved a particular way. “Here. Got some.” Harper jumped down from the stool, almost crashing into Cait as she did. “Sorry. I didn’t realise you were behind me.”
Cait took the plaster from Harper, peeling back the paper from the sticky residue. Harper held up her finger, smiling as Cait focused on her beautiful face. With the plaster securely in place, Cait cleared her throat. “So, now that we’ve stopped the drastic bleeding, should we finish preparing dinner?”
“Y-yeah.” Harper spoke, her voice hoarse. “Maybe you should take over cutting the vegetables.”
“That seems wise.”
Harper crouched, removing the meat from the oven. Cait inhaled, her stomach growling when she caught sight of the leg of lamb sitting on the worktop. Complete with rosemary sprigs, garlic, and other roasted vegetables, she could hardly wait to tuck into it.
“That looks divine.”
“I haven’t cooked dinner for a long time. But it’s kinda therapeutic. Takes your mind off stuff.”
Guilt rolled through Cait. “Harper, I’m really sorry about last night.”
Harper finished moving the roasted vegetables around, putting the lamb back into the oven. She wiped her hands on a tea towel and shook her head. “I’ve told you, you don’t need to apologise. And you don’t need to explain either. I’m just sorry it didn’t work out for you last night.”
“And if I told you I’m glad it didn’t work out?” Cait stopped cutting, the knife resting against a carrot on the board. “If I said that I’m not interested in dating any other woman?”
“I’d say I’m happy about that.” Harper cocked her head, her eyes narrowed. “Why did you go?”
“Mandy set it up. She texted me yesterday morning to say she’d booked a table, and I couldn’t not show up. It wasn’t my date’s fault that my best friend had done that.”
“What was so wrong with her?” Harper asked, resting her hands against the worktop.
Cait lowered the knife in her hand, wiping her own hands as she rounded the island in the middle of the kitchen. “She wasn’t you, Harper. I’m not sure she made me laugh once.”
“You didn’t do it to make me jealous?”
Cait smiled weakly. “Do I really strike you as the type of person who would do something like that?” The insinuation saddened Cait. She would never dream of doing anything to hurt Harper. It wasn’t Cait’s style at all.
“No.” Harper lowered her eyes, chewing her bottom lip. “No, I don’t think you would.”
“Look at me.” Cait placed a hand over Harper’s, lifting it and linking their fingers. “I know you’re not ready yet, but when the time comes…if you still want that date, I’ll be here waiting.”
Harper’s eyes flickered a darker shade of blue, her body turning towards Cait. As Harper’s free hand settled on Cait’s hip, she lost her mind. She lost all sense of time, fisting her hand in Harper’s t-shirt.
“Cait…” Harper inched closer, leaning her head forward. “I’m sorry I said no on Friday night. I’m just worried that I’ll make a mess of it with you, and of all the people in the world, you deserve that least.”
“I’m a big girl, Harper. I know what I want, and it’s definitely you.”
Harper’s lips brushed Cait’s, soft and gentle as they touched. But Cait needed more. She needed a whole load more than that.
She tightened her grip on Harper’s t-shirt, pushing her back against the counter. Without a second thought, she crushed her lips against Harper’s, revelling in the taste of this woman. Cait couldn’t say she’d ever thought about how it would feel to be with a woman again, her previous memories had faded a long time ago, but Harper and her soft lips were breathing life into her. Assuring her. Silently telling Cait that this was everything she never knew she needed.
Harper pulled back, pressing her forehead against Cait’s. “God, I’ve been wanting to do that.”
Cait smiled, leaning into another kiss. As she lingered, smiling against Harper’s lips, Autumn cleared her throat.
“I leave you alone for five minutes and this is what happens?”
Cait turned her head away from Harper, pressing her fingertips to her lips as her eyelids fluttered closed. Autumn was the least of her concerns. Now, she had to figure out a way to keep her hands to herself until Harper gave all this the go ahead.
“I didn’t hear you coming down the stairs,” Harper said, her voice honey-like as she dropped her hand from Cait’s waist. “You’re like creeping Jesus.”
“Sorry.” Autumn shrugged. “But at least this is one less thing t
o worry about. We don’t have to sit around the table of tension now for dinner.”
“Come again?” Harper relaxed her shoulders, her backside still resting against the counter. Cait mirrored Harper’s movements, folding her arms across her chest.
“You and your puppy dog eyes. Worrying about whether you’d cocked it all up with Cait.” Autumn rolled her eyes. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you didn’t cock anything up.”
“No, she didn’t.” Cait smiled, side glancing at Harper. “One day at a time, okay?”
Harper wrapped her arms around herself, offering a fragile smile. “Okay.”
Harper stood at the sink, rinsing plates before she stacked them in the dishwasher. Cait was enjoying a moment to herself in the living room, and Autumn was beside Harper, clearing away the kitchen. She knew Autumn had things to say on the tip of her tongue. She only hoped that her best friend would at least be discreet when the time came to offer those thoughts.
Autumn handed another plate to Harper, watching her intently.
“What?” Harper asked.
“Nothing.”
“No. You have something on your mind, so please, just come right out with it.” Harper didn’t have the energy to mind read this afternoon. She needed to nap after the food she’d just eaten.
“I think I might head off a bit earlier than planned.”
“Because?”
Autumn smiled, sighing lightly. “I’m not sure I’m needed here anymore, Harper. I came to visit because you needed someone. I think you have that someone now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Cait is just hanging out with us.”
“Really?” Autumn lifted an eyebrow. “Because I don’t ever recall kissing one another when we used to hang out. Is that what people are into these days?”
“That was just…an in the moment kinda thing.”
“Mmhmm.” Autumn pursed her lips, dropping cutlery into the washing up bowl. “She’s really nice, by the way.”
“I’m glad you like her.”
“I think she’s absolutely the right person for you. I mean, she’s nothing like Callie. So that’s something, right?”
“I think that’s what attracted me to her. Callie was too much for me at times. Cait is…laid back. I don’t want a relationship with someone who is constantly questioning why I’m doing what I’m doing. Someone who expects me to drop everything for them. I mean, I would for Cait, but she’d never expect it.”
Autumn glanced over her shoulder. “No, she wouldn’t. She’s great.”
“You’re sure it’s not too soon for me?”
Autumn rested a hip against the counter, blowing out a deep breath. Harper knew she would be honest with her, but she wasn’t entirely sure she was prepared for the answer. “I think that you have an opportunity to be happy here. That may come straight away; it may take several months. But I think if you’re going to show an interest in anyone, it’s Cait you should be looking at.”
“She’s the only one I’m looking at.” Harper chanced a look in Cait’s direction, smiling as she wrapped a lock of hair around her index finger.
“I know. I’ve just had dinner with you both and I could have easily not been here. You wouldn’t have noticed.”
“I’m sorry,” Harper said, lowering her eyes. “I didn’t think kissing her was on the cards today. My head is a bit of a mess.”
“Understandable. You thought you’d ruined it this morning, so I can see why you’re not sure.”
“It’s not that I’m not sure, I am, but is Cait? Is she sure I’m the right person?”
Autumn cocked her head, smiling. “I can’t answer that, love. That’s something you’ll have to talk to Cait about.”
Harper’s stomach rolled. She hated talking about her feelings. Before Callie, it wouldn’t have been so difficult, but laying it all out in front of Cait had terror tearing through her. Could she really give her heart away again so soon when it was so recently broken?
“Or maybe you need to take some time to think about all of this. I think you both look good together, but only you know if you’re ready, Harper. Only you know how you feel inside.”
Harper looked up to the ceiling, holding back the tears she felt welling in her eyes. “God, I hate feeling like this.”
“I hate seeing you like this…”
“I just feel worthless, Autumn. I feel like everything that happened with Callie was my fault. And I know it wasn’t, I know I couldn’t have loved her any more than I already did, but it still fucks with your head.”
Autumn wrapped her arms around Harper, placing a soothing hand on her back. “I really hate her for what she did to you.”
“Me too.” Harper sniffled. “I had my life planned out with her.”
“You still love her, don’t you?” Autumn pulled back slowly, searching Harper’s eyes. “I know she hurt you, but you still love her.”
Harper lowered her eyes. Autumn always saw through the mask she wore lately. “I don’t know.”
Cait cleared her throat, standing between the stone floor of the kitchen and the plush carpet of the living room. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
Harper’s heart sank. Cait had just heard everything. “Sorry, we were just talking about—”
Cait cut in, holding up a hand. “You don’t have to explain. But I do have to go. The booking system is down, and I need to get it fixed before tomorrow morning.”
Harper simply nodded. “Okay.”
“Bye, Autumn. It was lovely to meet you.” Cait smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Safe drive home, okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Autumn said, taking Harper’s hand inconspicuously. “I’ll see you next time I’m up.”
“Maybe, yeah.” Cait turned, the sound of her taking her coat from the hook in the hallway finalising the fact that she really was leaving. “Bye,” she called out as she left, the door clicking shut behind her.
Harper slumped back against the sink unit, placing her head in her hands. “Fuck!”
“She didn’t seem too upset.”
“You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. This is a fucking waste of time.”
“What is?” Autumn frowned, pulling Harper into the living room. “Cait?”
“No. She’s worth every second of my time. But I’m wasting my time in thinking I could make her happy. She hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time. I’m sure she wants all of the romance and new beginnings that comes with it, and I don’t think I’m in the position to give her it all. I’m not sure I ever will be.”
“Remind me to fucking kill Callie when I get home. You’re so much better than all of this. How she’s made you feel.” Autumn gritted her teeth, her nostrils flared. “God, I could wring her neck!”
“She’s not worth it.”
“Oh, she is. It’d certainly help me to sleep better at night.”
“Look…” Harper paused, her eyes taking in her beautiful living room. “I’m going to be fine. I know I will. I have a gorgeous home, a good job, and a best friend most people would give a kidney for.”
“Is that enough for you?”
“That’s more than what most people have, Autumn. I’m not greedy.”
“But you deserve love.”
“And in time, I may find that. If I don’t, it’s not the end of the world.” Harper would give anything to be in love with a woman who adored the ground she walked on, but while Callie lingered in her mind, it wasn’t possible. And in reality, she wasn’t sure anyone would ever adore her. “For now, I should love myself.”
“I don’t know where my best friend has gone, but I don’t like this.” Autumn slumped her shoulders, shaking her head. “But if this is what you want…”
“It’s not what I want. But it’s how it should be. For now. Just…trust me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Cait sat on a bench close to the edge of the lake, a few people milling about, wrapped up from head to toe in winter clothes. It was slightly
milder today, the temperature a degree or two higher than usual, but she still felt the icy air seep through the wool of her gloves. It still crept up the sleeve of her coat, sending a shiver through her every now and then. But it was pleasant; she really couldn’t complain. The sun was shining, the brightness was a welcome relief from the cloud that had plagued the town earlier in the week.
She lifted her scarf higher, covering her mouth and nose as she watched a couple at the edge of the water with a small child. The lake was a huge part of her life for so many years, and Cait loved to watch small children fall in love with it too. The boats bobbed up and down in their spaces, a slight ripple on the water from the barely recognisable breeze. Nobody seemed to be interested in a lake cruise this morning. But that was to be expected.
Cait picked up her hot chocolate from beside her on the bench, her eyes closing as she removed the lid and the heat warmed her lips. She’d had a quiet week overall, the guests who were currently staying not really requiring much help. In some ways, it left Cait twiddling her thumbs; in others, it meant she could relax in her own section of the house.
She’d managed to get through three romance novels this week alone, and in Cait’s world, that was unheard of. Her housework had been finished before the middle of the week arrived, and Cait had even had the time to change her bedroom around. She’d been meaning to get it done for a while now, but with little to no time on her hands, it simply hadn’t been possible. Now, it looked great. More spacious. Cosy.
Looking up at the bright sun, Cait leaned her head back and smiled. If she focused hard enough, she could feel a slight warmth, her skin tingling as she imagined the summer the town would have. They didn’t always have the best weather, rain often scuppering tourists’ plans, but so long as you had a waterproof jacket in your possession, you really couldn’t go wrong here.
Her phone started to ring in her pocket, breaking Cait from the world of her own she was in. “Hello?”
“Hey, what time are you due back?” Jude asked, his voice soft. “Some of the lads are off to the pub, and I was wondering whether I could grab a few hours to myself?”
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