“Of course. What time do you need me back?” Jude had really been great over the last few weeks, Cait was certain his liver would thank him for it, but he deserved a night out with friends. “I can head back now if you want me to?”
“No, I don’t need to leave for a few hours.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be back in an hour or so.”
“Thanks, Cait. I owe you one.” Jude ended the call before Cait had the chance to respond.
He really didn’t owe her anything. They were working as a team, and it was successful. Now that Cait had zero plans on any particular day of the week, it really didn’t matter if he was around or not.
Harper hadn’t been in touch since last Sunday. And now, five days on, Cait didn’t expect it would happen any time soon. But Harper had a lot on her mind, her ex-fiancée to be precise, so Cait wouldn’t get in the way.
Cait had heard Harper and Autumn’s conversation in the kitchen, and she’d also lied about needing to get back to the B&B. As they’d all shared dinner, Cait had had every intention of hanging around until Harper kicked her out, but she couldn’t share a space with someone who didn’t know if they still loved the woman who’d cheated on them.
Cait had never really been in a position to understand, she hadn’t been in a long-term relationship like Harper had, so as the weekend approached, she was still struggling to grasp how Harper could still possibly love that woman. Callie had turned Harper’s life upside down; she deserved nothing from her. Least of all headspace.
But it wasn’t any of Cait’s business, and that became increasingly clear as the week wore on. As much as she would love to be with Harper on those nights when it were possible, cosied by the fireplace, she couldn’t bring herself to call. If Cait was in a relationship, she needed to be the only one on Harper’s mind.
Cait got to her feet, gripping her hot chocolate as she stepped closer to the water. She’d thought about booking a self-driving motorboat for her and Harper last week, and the thought had flashed up once again this week, but Cait couldn’t bear the thought of being rejected.
She turned her watch towards her. She had time if she wanted to go out on the water for an hour. It had been a while since she took herself out onto the lake with just herself for company. Cait quickly sent a message to Jude, disposing of her hot chocolate as she approached the pier where the self-driving boats waited. The lake was definitely calm enough today, and a safety boat was on hand should she need help getting back. But Cait knew this lake like the back of her hand. She knew exactly the path to take.
As she neared the team who would recite the safety brief, she recognised one of the women. And then it dawned on her. Tom had mentioned that Liz’s best friend Jill worked on the cruises.
“Cait Taylor, as I live and breathe.”
Cait may not have remembered Liz, but she remembered Jill. They’d gone through a phase of hating one another during high school, Jill being the bitchy bully for a good two years before another girl knocked her front tooth out. From that day on, Jill had retreated, and school had been more positive for it.
“What are you doing here?” Jill placed a hand on her hip, a scowl on her face.
“Well, hiring a boat. Since it’s the boat hire spot.”
“Alright, no need to be snarky. What boat are you after?”
“Self-drive.” Cait took her credit card from the pouch in the back of her phone, eyeing Jill as she took the card reader from its charging holder. “Just an hour, please.”
“You’re okay going alone? I could call Liz. She’d be down here faster than you could blink.”
“No, thanks. I’m perfectly fine going out alone.”
Jill stepped closer. “What happened with you two? I was confident you’d hit it off.”
“I didn’t arrange the date. I’m sure Liz has told you all about it.”
“She was upset. And I don’t like seeing my best friend upset.”
Cait smiled fully. “And I’m not sure what you think you’re doing, but you’re not the school bully anymore.”
“I was never a bully,” Jill said, quickly stepping back and brushing herself down as though Cait had just taken a naked flame to her clothing. “Cheeky cow.”
“If you could just let me know the boat name, I’ll be out of your way.”
Jill shook her head, taking the reservation book from the hut at the edge of the pier. As she made notes, stapling Cait’s receipt to the edge of the paper, a clearing of the throat shocked Cait. She turned to find Harper staring back at her, her blue eyes bright but the tip of her nose red from the cold. “Oh, hi.”
“Hi, Cait.” Harper adjusted her hat, her cheeks now reddening. “I was wondering if you were headed back home. We could walk together?”
“I’m not going back yet. I’ve just hired a boat.”
“Oh. Well, have a nice morning.” Harper turned to leave, shoving her hands in her coat pockets.
And then Cait felt terrible. “Harper?”
“Yeah?” Harper stopped and turned around. Cait couldn’t be sure, but Harper looked as though she had tears in her eyes.
“Did you want to join me? Plenty of room for another…”
Harper’s face fell slightly as she swallowed hard. “I, uh…”
Jill sighed. “Are you getting on the boat or not, love?”
“We are, yes.” Cait reached out for Harper’s hand, offering a smile. “Come on. These little boats are great for seeing the lake.”
Harper swallowed repeatedly, her mouth ridiculously dry as she sat on her hands. She looked down at the life vest strapped to her upper body, it didn’t feel like much. Would it really save her if this boat capsized? The thought of that alone sent a wave of horror through Harper, and as she looked out of the tiny window, she was much closer to the water than she would have liked to be.
Cait steered, quietly taking in the lake. A slight smile played on her lips, but Harper felt tension between them. The problem was, in this moment, Harper couldn’t care less about the tension. She was too busy remembering if she’d told everyone she loved them. If she died today, would they know?
As Harper blew out a slow steady breath, Cait side glanced at her. “Had you come down to hire a boat of your own?”
“Nope.”
“Just taking a walk?” Cait asked.
“Yeah. Walked eleven miles according to my watch.”
“It’s easy to get taken in by this place. And the lake is gorgeous when you come out on a boat.”
“To be honest, it’s nice enough from land.” Harper really wished she could enjoy it how Cait was, but it simply wasn’t possible. If she looked down at the water once more, she was going to vomit.
Cait shrugged, focused on the path she was taking. In all honesty, Harper was happy with that. They didn’t have to talk at all if it meant Cait was busy concentrating. “But you have to admit, being on the water is therapeutic.”
No, it was a nightmare.
“Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Just…please stop talking.” Harper couldn’t concentrate on anything other than her breathing while she sat on this tiny, barely stable, white boat.
“Did you want to take over?”
“No.” Harper bounced her knee up and down, adjusting her hat. “You just do your thing. Pretend I’m not here.”
Cait cut the engine in the middle of the lake, smiling as some kayakers passed them by. She turned to face Harper, wearing a frown. “You should have said if you didn’t want to be here with me. I thought I was doing the friendly thing by inviting you, but, that’s not the way I’m seeing it.”
“No, this has nothing to do with you.” Harper smiled weakly. “And if you could start the engine again, that would be great. I don’t really want to sink out here. Closer to shore, I’d have a fighting chance.”
Cait sat with a confused look in her eyes.
“I have a fear of water,” Harper explained, aware how ridiculous she sounded. “And I didn’t realise just how low in
the water this boat was.”
“Why didn’t you say? I never would have insisted you join me if I’d known.”
Harper lowered her eyes. “I’ll face my fears if it means I can spend some time with you.”
She knew there was a deeper meaning to her words, but it didn’t matter what fear she was facing—the fear of commitment, the fear of loving Cait for it to not be returned, or the fear of water. Right now, all of the above was rolled into one, the intensity enough to have Harper’s heart bursting out of her chest.
“If I have to sit here shaking, I’ll do that.”
“W-why?” Cait’s voice trembled.
“Because Sunday when I kissed you was supposed to be the start of something for us. But I let everything else get the better of me, and I fear I’ve hurt you in the process.”
Cait reached out for Harper’s hand, gripping it tightly. “You haven’t hurt me. But I can’t go into this with you if you’re still thinking about her, Harper. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not thinking about her.”
“Your conversation with Autumn would suggest otherwise.” Cait smiled weakly, chewing her lip. “But if you can be honest with me, I can give you whatever space you need.”
“The one thing I don’t want is space, Cait. Certainly not from you. I’ve spent this week thinking about what I want, and it’s definitely to spend more time with you, not less. But I know how it must have seemed on Sunday, especially if you walked in midway through a conversation.”
“Yes, that’s a downfall I have. As you know, I’m good at jumping to conclusions. But that wasn’t what I was doing on Sunday. It seemed easier for me to go home and let you figure things out with Autumn instead.”
“If I gave you the impression that I was uncertain about Callie, I’m sorry. It’s just that everything is a bit of a mess for me at the moment. And I don’t want it to be, but I don’t know how to sort through it all in my head.”
“Maybe you have to get on with your life. Forget about her. I don’t know.”
Harper had to agree with Cait. She’d sat at home alone all week and it hadn’t done her a single favour, nor had it given her the answers she was looking for. But perhaps there were no answers to find. Perhaps Harper was supposed to move forward with her life. “I think you’re right.”
Cait’s eyebrows shot up with surprise. “Really? I’m not usually the person people turn to for relationship advice.”
“She’s happy…don’t I deserve to be?”
Cait grinned. “You do. One hundred percent.”
“Right,” Harper said, her body stiffening as another boat sailed past them, creating a slight wave in the water. In turn, it sent their own boat swaying side to side. “Oh, fuck.” Harper’s eyes slammed shut as she gripped the handle to the side of her, her heart racing. “No, no, no.”
“Hey, you’re safe. I promise.”
Harper shook her head, her eyes still squeezed shut. “No, don’t make promises you can’t keep, Cait.”
“Open your eyes, beautiful.”
Harper’s breath caught. Cait was something else.
She slowly opened her eyes, focusing on Cait’s. “I really love being alone with you, but can we go back now?”
Cait offered the slightest nod, leaning forward and placing the slowest of kisses to Harper’s lips. If Harper wasn’t fearing for her life, she would have melted to the boat floor. “Come on. I don’t want you to feel this way when you’re with me. I want you to be happy.”
Harper’s eyes flickered closed briefly, a smile teasing her lips as the sweet taste of Cait lingered. “Something tells me I’m going to be.”
Cait and Harper took a slow pace as they left the lake, the beginning of their ascent up the hill now imminent. While Cait loved this walk, more so with Harper, she felt as though her legs would give out at any moment. She hadn’t for one second expected she would have the opportunity to spend some time with Harper today. She also hadn’t anticipated the kiss they would share out on the lake. But Cait loved how eager Harper was to spend time with her, willingly getting onto that boat even though the thought of it terrified her. It meant a lot.
But it wouldn’t be necessary a second time around. She’d witnessed that sheer terror in Harper’s eyes when she cut the engine. She could have offered some positive statistics about the likelihood of drowning in the lake, but she thought it best not to. Harper didn’t need to know that drownings were unlikely even though the place where they sat out there had been 70 feet deep. So Cait had refrained from frightening Harper any more than she already unintentionally had.
As they passed by the local fudge shop, Cait took the chance and linked her fingers with Harper’s. Relieved when Harper didn’t shy away, Cait pulled her closer, squeezing her hand in appreciation. This meant so much to her. And right now, she was wishing Jude hadn’t made plans with his friends at the pub.
But it didn’t matter. Harper had discovered that Cait wasn’t out to hurt her, so they had all the time in the world to spend the evenings together. She was just happy to be in her company for a little while. Cait was taking whatever she could get.
“Did Autumn get home okay last weekend?” Cait turned her head ever so slightly, gripping Harper’s arm as they weaved through a group of walkers.
“She did. And all week she’s called me, asking if I’ve seen you yet.”
“Why?”
“I knew the moment you left that I’d said the wrong thing. And I’m sure you don’t believe that for one second, but Autumn has a habit of putting me on the spot when I least expect it. You’d just kissed me, and I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Last Sunday as I watched you sitting in my living room…it felt too good to be true.”
“I felt that way, too.”
Harper visibly relaxed, her shoulders no longer tense. “Yeah?”
“Of course,” Cait said. “Harper, I think you forget that I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. The last thing I expected was for you to walk into my life.”
“It was just a lot to take in. But I never meant to make you feel as though I was unsure. I’m so sure.”
Cait stopped on the pavement, turning to face Harper. “But are you? Really?”
Harper smiled as she leaned into a kiss. Her hands gripped Cait’s arms, her breath warm. “I promise you I’m sure.”
Cait exhaled a deep breath, her bottom lip trembling as her emotions tried to get the better of her. But she wouldn’t allow it. This was a happy time, not a time for tears. “Then I’m really looking forward to this with you.”
Harper lifted a hand, brushing Cait’s cheek with her thumb. “Can I see you tonight?”
“I’m on call. Jude is going out with friends.”
Harper nodded, not hiding her disappointment very well. “Okay. Maybe another night?”
“Definitely. Let’s arrange something.” They made their way up the hill, passing by a bakery, the aroma of fresh bread warming Cait inside. “Whenever you’re not working.”
“I’ll always make time for you. If I have to work through the night so I get the day with you, I’ll do that.”
Cait’s insides swirled. Harper really was about to make her entire year. Cait felt it. “You know, I’ll just be sitting at home tonight.”
“O…kay.” Harper’s eyes narrowed.
“So, maybe you could just sit at home with me, too?”
Harper wrapped her arm around Cait’s lower back as the B&B came into view. She was wearing one hell of a smile, her eyes sparkling. “Tell me the time, and I’ll be there.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Hey, it’s me.” Harper spoke low into her phone, checking her outfit in the mirror. “You won’t believe this…”
“First of all,” Autumn paused. “Why are you whispering?”
“Oh. I don’t know.” Harper did a twirl in the mirror. She couldn’t say she’d ever twirled in her life. “I didn’t realise I was.”
“Well, go on. What’s the big news?”
“I saw Cait today.” Harper could barely contain the grin that spread across her mouth. She really was on cloud nine this evening. All Cait’s fault, but Harper would allow it. “We went on a boat trip together.”
“Okay, this is a development. Did she call by and invite you?”
“Well, no. She was down at the lake…and so was I.”
“Interesting.”
Harper frowned. “What is?”
“That you both just happened to be there at the same time. Have you been following her, Harper? Sneaking a look whenever you can?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’d been out walking. I needed to clear my head. This guy I’m working with is an absolute ball ache.”
“Right.”
“And Cait happened to be there when I was heading back. Totally innocent, I swear.”
“I’m not convinced, but whatever.”
“Anyway…I think everything is fine between us. She didn’t even seem upset with me. But that’s why she’s so great. She’s not an angry person.”
“No, she didn’t strike me that way when I met her.”
“I’m going over to her place in the next thirty minutes.” Harper wasn’t sure what this night would involve, but she knew Cait would be there, and that was all that mattered. “I need some words of encouragement.”
“Why?”
Harper sighed. “Because I’m the one who told her I wanted to see her again. I’m the one who took that step, like I should have last weekend, and now I’m panicking.”
“Please don’t say you’re thinking of backing out.”
“No. There’s no way I’m backing out. If I back out once more, I may as well come home.”
“Correct answer.”
With a final once over, Harper used a light spray of her favourite perfume and headed for her bedroom door. She had a little time to spare—time she could use for a pep talk from her best friend.
“I think you should know that Callie and Ruby split up.”
Harper frowned, stopping midway down the stairs. Her hand gripped the wooden rail, her knuckles white. “What?”
Breaking Routine Page 13