by Anna Hub
“I don’t think I want to.”
I couldn't meet his gaze. The pain in his voice was too much. “Really?”
“I’m so restricted there. In their world I’m sick. They’re all afraid for me, and they treat me like a child.” Brayden stared at his shadow. “I think I’d rather be here.”
My stomach twisted; imagining too clearly how he must be feeling.
“You should go,” he said. “And when you come back, you know where to find me.”
“I guess I’ll see you soon.”
Brayden cleared the ground around me, and I closed my eyes before falling forwards.
When the pain faded away, I ran to the bathroom for a drink, holding my mouth under the tap and letting the water run down my throat. When satisfied, I turned the tap and lifted my head, pushing red hair away from my face. The mirror reflected a large graze on my cheek. My body was now an artwork of injuries.
After my prolonged experience in the shadow world, I couldn’t afford to spend any more time regretting the things that had happened to me. I collected some food and the laptop from downstairs then settled upstairs on the bed. Thankfully the Internet made researching easy. I copied more about survival until I felt satisfied I’d be able to find food and water when it was necessary. I focused on the phenomenon of the shadows after that. Previously, the search left me without much more than art and stories, but it was worth trying again. This time, I checked through forums where people spoke about a fear of shadow people, but it seemed completely unrelated. Everywhere I looked left me feeling more exasperated. I even attempted a more scientific approach and examined information on parallel universes. Most of it was above my head, and there was no hard evidence, only theories to work from. There was just one other avenue to pin my hopes. Searching the medical journals was by far the most exhausting. I researched brain function and looked as deep into the mechanism of delusions as I dared to go. All of it left me with nothing.
Perhaps I’d been expecting too much. But it seemed impossible that what was happening to Brayden and me, wasn’t happening to anyone else. If it were just me, I'd be satisfied it had something to do with mental illness, but there was too much evidence to say otherwise. I buried my face in my hands. Trying to find a way out only took me round in circles. What good was my spirit to survive if it couldn’t get me anywhere?
I tried to sleep, but my mind was still running in overdrive. I waited until visiting hours at the hospital then readied myself to visit Brayden. This time, it wasn’t really to see him—there’d be plenty of time for that in the shadow world—it was my final attempt to bleed information out of the nursing staff. I’d already spoken to them but with a more definite need, maybe I’d find something new.
The shadows still scared me, but if they took me somewhere between my apartment and the hospital, I’d only be landing closer to Brayden. The institute no longer seemed as threatening. It was now a haven, and I didn’t feel the need to dance away from my shadow all the time.
It had taken some time before the nurses responded to the doorbell and a new face appeared with a forced smile.
“Hi, I’m here to see Brayden Shaw.”
Her face fell, her eyes seemed to droop, and I felt dizzy at the sudden morbid expression.
“Come into the nurse’s station.”
I moved like a zombie beside her, glancing at the closed door Brayden was behind.
“Take a seat. I’m afraid there's some bad news. Brayden died late this afternoon.”
I forgot to breathe, and darkness washed over me.
My eyes cracked open, head still woozy as the white ceiling closed down.
“What's your name?” A familiar woman asked.
It took a moment to recognise her as the nurse who had let me in. “Selena.”
“How do you feel, Selena?”
I couldn’t speak as the terrifying words rushed over me again. Brayden died. I tried to sit up before she pushed me back.
“Just rest a while.”
As my head settled, the reality sank in. He was gone, and all I could think about was his expression last night when he told me something was different. He told me he didn't want to come back anymore. Almost like he'd known how close the end was. Tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn't stop them spilling. “What happened to him?”
She sighed—her own face saddened with the news. “We’re not entirely sure yet. His body grew weak. He was conscious for a short time last night then he went into cardiac arrest this morning. We tried to resuscitate him, but it was unsuccessful.”
I could have sworn my own heart was no longer beating.
“I’m sorry. Is there someone we can phone for you?”
It couldn’t be true. Had he been attacked back in the shadow world? Was it a hunter that really killed him? “I need to see him.”
“His immediate family is in with him now.”
Her words didn’t register. I pushed myself from the floor and rushed for the door. The first thing I saw was Sophie’s blonde hair laid out like a blanket over Brayden’s chest. Hysterical sobs shook her body.
Brayden lay with his eyes closed, his body now free from tubes and cuffs. I watched his throat hoping to see a flicker of a pulse, trying to look beneath Sophie, praying his chest would rise with a breath. His girlfriend shifted, and his arm dropped limp over the side of the bed. That was all I needed. In that small motion, I knew it was real. I turned and ran from the room, groping for the locked exit as soon as I reached it. The nurse tried to calm me but eventually gave in and let me out.
Was this really the end? All this suffering and fear, passing into a different world until our bodies were so weak that they gave up. It wasn’t fair. His mind was still alive!
I ran from the institute without even knowing where to go; I just had to get away. Cars beeped out on the main road as I narrowly missed a collision. But it didn’t even matter anymore. If that was how it was going to end, there was no point fighting.
When too many people had asked me what was wrong, I called Natasha. There were other friends I knew better, but she was the only one who wouldn’t be surprised by my condition.
It was a full hour before she appeared. I was no longer crying but staring blankly instead.
“Selena?” Her voice came from behind. “My God, you look awful. What happened?”
“Brayden’s dead.”
“Brayden?”
“The man from the restaurant.”
Natasha wiped hair away from my face, leaning closer to comfort me as people walking past paused to stare.
“He was right. The shadows did take me. There is another world, and I saw him there. But now he’s dead.”
Natasha's lips tightened, her eyes tight with concern. I shouldn’t have said so much, but I was on the brink of losing my mind. I couldn’t bear the thought of mourning his death alone—without anyone understanding how important his loss was. Natasha cradled my head as she helped me to her car. She asked no questions and made no comments, only stared at the road ahead with her forehead creased.
We arrived at her apartment, and her boyfriend jumped from the couch and disappeared into the bedroom once he caught sight of me. I collapsed on the couch, completely numb as Natasha made me a cup of tea.
She returned and placed the cup on the table. "Selena, what's going on?
“It's like an awful nightmare that no one would believe.” Talking about the shadows could land me in the institution Brayden died in, but it didn’t even matter anymore. “I keep falling through my shadow. It's happening more and more ... and that other world—it’s awful.”
“Selena,” Natasha seemed to choose her words carefully. “I know what's happening to you is very real, but I want you to think about this logically. Shadows cannot take you to another world. They're only a shape; they're not real.”
My hands shook hard as I reached for the tea. “Brayden was real.”
“Okay. Tell me more about him.” She didn’t believe me; she was challeng
ing me to talk through my own lies.
“He was a carpenter. He had a girlfriend named Sophie, who stood by his bed every day. Once, he was just like everyone else, until the shadows started to take him. First in his sleep, then more and more until he couldn't live a normal life. He told his family what was happening, and they thought he was crazy, just as you are thinking now.”
Natasha turned to look at her boyfriend as he stood in the doorway. "I just want to help you, Selena. Whatever that takes."
“The wounds from the shadow world come back with us, my feet are torn.” I pulled my shoes free and exposed the raw, damaged soles. Natasha cringed, and the worry travelled straight to her face. “Please, I'm not crazy. This is real, and Brayden is dead because of what happened to him. It's a forest filled with night creatures and hunting men, everything’s trying to kill me—”
“Calm down,” she assured as tears fell into my lap.
“Brayden Shaw is real, and he died today. Check the death notices and you'll see he's real.”
“Shh.” She covered my shoulders with a blanket. “Do you want me to call your dad or your brother?”
“No.”
“Okay. We’re not going to do anything you’re not ready to do.” Her tone was almost condescending, just like Brayden said it would be. “You’re safe now. No one can hurt you here.”
I didn’t disagree. What was the point? The less I said the more at ease she would be.
I closed my eyes and leaned back into the couch. It felt like sleep would never come again, but Natasha must have believed I'd drifted off.
“What’s wrong with her?” her boyfriend whispered.
“I don’t know. I’m really worried. She's been acting strange for weeks now, and she hasn’t been coming to work.”
“It sounds pretty crazy.”
“She met this man who said her shadow was chasing her. Now she seems to believe it.”
I crumpled inside. Brayden was right. There was no worse feeling than losing the faith of someone you trusted.
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe she needs to stay here for the night. I’ll try to convince her to phone her dad tomorrow. There isn’t really anything else I can do. She’s terrified; that much is real.”
They were silent after that, and the heartbreak of losing Brayden became too much to bear. Tears seeped from my eyes and pain spread all the way through my chest, as though the pressure might rip me open.
Hours passed, and I couldn't bring myself to move or even open my eyes. As soon as dizziness washed over me, I knew the shadows were coming. I didn't fight back, my stomach dropping as the pass opened and dropped me into the shadow world.
The sun lay over my body like a warm blanket; my knees curled toward my chest. I blinked until my eyes adjusted to the light. Bugs crawled over my skin, birds chirped and leaves rustled as they dropped from the trees. A field of grass surrounded me, each blade swaying in the light breeze, slow and purposeful.
All I could think about was Brayden. He was gone, and I would never know what happened to him. Was he attacked? Perhaps if I hadn’t left when I did, my life would be over too. It should have reminded me how dangerous this world was and given me more reason to fight back. Instead, it left me utterly destroyed. I squeezed my fist tight, the longer nails digging into my palms. The pain was almost refreshing, releasing just a fraction of the overwhelming torture inside. Not only was I mourning the loss of a friend but it was the loss of hope.
I drifted into a dream-like state, my spirit too weak to fight until a scream snapped me back to reality. A second shriek, this time of pure fear, forced me to sit up. Without conscious thought, I lifted into a crouch, balancing on tiptoes and the points of my fingers—ready to run. As I took note of my shadow—a possible escape plan—life burst from the nearby forest. A small deer bolted into the field with a giant cat only a few feet behind, its coat a dark shade of brown and a tail hanging over its body like a lasso. The cat opened its mouth and released another scream, the sound so sharp I flinched. The cat's tail swung out like a viper and pulled the deer’s feet from beneath it.
A violent shudder travelled up my spine, each vertebrae snapping together like a zip lock. The cat pounced, ripping into the helpless deer and all my muscles tensed. I couldn’t tear myself away from the image. My mouth hung slack, and my eyes widened. Suddenly, the cat paused mid-bite, its gaze slowly lifting. Two deep, green eyes shifted to my own as it pulled away from its meal, a piece of meat hooked on a fang as it stared. The tail lifted from the ground and methodically rolled into a loop over its back. I cried out as I took flight, the cat's paws pounding the earth as it followed. It screeched again, the noise rattling my ear drums. It must be close. Hot pain wrapped around my ankle as the tail whipped into my skin. I screamed and lost balance, diving toward the ground. The black emptiness of my shadow rose up and swallowed me.
I screamed and thrashed at the blanket that lay heavy upon me. Natasha’s face hung above me as she grabbed at my body and told me to calm down. I panted, struggling to expel the adrenaline that overloaded my system.
“Selena, it’s okay, just breathe.”
It was an insult to my senses to be faced with such horror then be thrown into a safe environment. My body was rejecting the idea. “My leg, it's ... it hurts so bad!”
Natasha pulled back the blanket, and her face turned ashen. “Jason? Help me!”
Her boyfriend appeared, eyes wide. “How the hell? Grab some sheets.”
My vision blurred, and I felt like I was going to lose consciousness. Jason called an ambulance while Natasha wrapped my leg with sheets, her voice shaky as she tried to calm me.
“How bad is it?” I managed.
Natasha didn’t answer, but her boyfriend wrapped his hands around my leg, squeezing so tight that I wondered if I was bleeding to death.
By the time the ambulance arrived, I was barely conscious. They gave me morphine and the world turned hazy, their voices warping as they gathered information from Natasha and wheeled me into the van.
Chapter Ten
I awoke in the hospital. A nurse tried to soothe me as the pain and terror came rushing back. My crying went from erratic, to slow and mournful. Eventually, she stopped talking and just wiped at my hair with a gentle hand.
“Selena?” My father rushed in, and when I looked up at his face, a sickening sense of déjà vu washed over. He’d been through enough without having to deal with this as well. I gripped his hand tight as he kissed my forehead. “How did this happen?”
“Dad, help me.”
He wiped at my hair, and I cried at the distress on his face. Time was running out. I hadn’t made any progress and if anything I was in a worse position than when this all began. There was truly no way out.
“I don’t know why this is happening,” I cried.
“You just need some rest. We’ll talk more when you’ve had the chance to recover.”
There was no way I could explain the phenomenon of my injuries. They had occurred in my sleep while Natasha was watching over me. There were constant questions about how it had happened but no answers. It seemed for a time they were suspicious of Natasha. They wanted to call the police, but I assured them my friend was innocent, and there was no need for an investigation.
The lasso of the cat had caused deep lacerations which wrapped around one ankle. It took forty-two stitches to fix it back together, and the pain was excruciating. My father stayed by my side as I fell in and out of sleep but there was no sign of Natasha. She'd seen more than she could explain. Perhaps it was too much to face. My gaze drifted to the intravenous drip where a mixture of morphine and hydration made me feel dreamy.
In a matter of weeks, my life had turned inside out. It started with my sanity. The shadows were causing me to question everything I thought to be real but now it was more than just a nightmare. It was physical. I expected hospitalisation would protect me from starvation and dehydration but I’d never s
een a creature like the cat before. It made me realise how sudden death could have been. My shadow took me straight back to safety but if it hadn’t, there's no doubt I would've died there. My family would have been left with nothing. No explanation and no time to get used to the idea of losing me.
“You’re going to be okay.” My father caught the expression on my face and smiled. I didn’t know how to tell him that wasn’t true.
Being trapped in the hospital bed was no better than being trapped in the shadow world. Anticipation consumed me, and all I could do was wait, never knowing which moment would take it all away. Gradually sleep overcame me but even then, I was haunted by vivid dreams.
Cold air rushed through my hair, and I knew I had passed. A bed of jagged rocks and cold stone serving as a reminder that I was in a new location. The roar of a waterfall masked the usual noise of the forest as the wind blew the back spray over me. I sat up, head still spinning from the morphine, and smiled at the beauty of the water pouring from dark red rocks.
This time, I had nowhere to go. I lay back, watching the stars fade in the predawn sky until the drug high dwindled away and the pain brought me back to reality.
The bandage was gone. Dark blue and yellow bruises surrounded a strip of dried blood that curled around my leg like a vine. The forty-two stitches were missing, but the skin pulled in close where they should be. Sharp pains shot up my leg, and I looked at the horizon, desperately awaiting the sunrise. The sense of peace that came with the painkillers was long gone, and self-preservation kicked in.
A small indent in the rocks helped to hide me away from potential predators but the day was long and lonely. I could hear the sounds of a victim screaming in the distance—perhaps they'd been caught by a hunter. Maybe that would eventually be my fate too. I had become so used to sharing this nightmare with Brayden, and although I didn't know him well, his death had destroyed me. Even if I found a way to get my life back, he would still be dead, and that would haunt me for the rest of my life.