I Never Planned on You

by Stefanie Jenkins

  “Dating.”

  “Yeah. I’m not trying to hide us or anything, I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up exactly. It’s not like I could be like ‘Hey, Mom and Dad, hope you’re having a great day. Oh, by the way, I’m dating my brother’s best friend.” I gasp and quickly cover my mouth, realizing what I said.

  Silence fills the truck. Leaning across the center console, Kyler reaches for my chin and turns me to face him. “Hey. It’s okay. We can wait to tell them when you’re ready or we can tell them together. I get it, this is new territory for me too. But if we’re making confessions, I have one too. I kind of already told my sisters—well, they figured it out at our dinner this past week.”

  I laugh. Knowing that Lauren and Kate know, I’m surprised they haven’t purchased a billboard yet. The night I had met them for dinner, they were anything but subtle now that I look back on it. At the time, I didn’t really think about it, because even though I was attracted to Kyler from the moment I saw him, I kept myself closed off. Little by little, he is bringing me out of my broken shell.

  He drops his hand to my thigh, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “We don’t have to tell anyone this weekend. Let’s just enjoy celebrating your mom’s birthday.” He leans over the center console and places a kiss on my cheek. He returns to his seat and starts the truck. “You ready to go?”

  I give him an honest smile. “Yep. How ’bout some tunes for the road?”

  He smiles back at me. “You got it, babe.”

  My heart warms at the nickname. It doesn’t make me nervous anymore. Kyler flips through the stations, and I hear the beginning beats of New Radicals’ “You Get What You Give.” He goes to change the station again, and I quickly place my hand over his to stop him. “No, I like this song!”

  He lets out a small laugh at my quick enthusiasm. I mean, I did basically yell at him not to change this song. Noticing that my hand hasn’t moved from his on the radio dial, Kyler flips his hand over so our palms are facing and laces our fingers. Over the past few weeks, I am starting to feel like myself again, although I am still figuring out who that is exactly. The me that arrived on their doorstep would have quickly pulled my hand back at the point of contact, but not the new me. The new me welcomes his touch.

  I squeeze his hand a little tighter as he places it over the center console, and turn the volume up with my free hand as Ky backs up out of the driveway. This will be the first time since our first official date that we are both going back to my parents’ house. There was one weekend where they came to us, but Kyler had been out visiting his mom and sisters and missed it, and another time I was actually sick and not just making up excuses to miss out.

  After a quick stop at the Starbucks drive-thru and a few rude comments from Ky asking how I can drink my coffee with almond milk—that’s apparently unheard of for him, but I give as good as he gives—we are officially on our way to Annapolis.

  Pulling up to my parents’ house, I can’t tell if the sudden pain in the pit of my stomach is nerves about spending the night in my childhood bedroom for the first time since I left or being here with Kyler given our new relationship. What will my parents think? The Hankses? Haylee and Zach seem to be cool with this, thrilled even, but will it be weird for Ms. Natalie and Mr. Brian to see who they thought would be their daughter-in-law with another man?

  Bringing his truck to a stop and putting it in park, he lifts our joined hands to his mouth and kisses the back of my hand. “Don’t move,” he says and then steps out of the vehicle before hurrying around to my side and opening the door.

  “M’lady,” he says with a bow as he opens the door wider for me to exit the truck.

  I curtsy. “Oh, thank you, kind sir, how chivalrous of you.”

  Kyler closes my door and leans into me, forcing my back against the door panel. “Well, you’ll see that I am very chivalrous, and I know how to make my woman happy.” He places his hands on my hips, and his thumb rubs the sliver of skin that shows as my shirt rides up a little. “If I remember correctly, I was very chivalrous with you last night,” he whispers in my ear in a hushed and breathy voice. My heart instantly picks up its rate, feeling as though it’s going to jump out of my chest.

  “Oh, is that right,” I manage to get out as he leans down to kiss my neck.

  I can feel his hot breath on my skin. “Yes, that’s right,” he says, kissing his way up my neck to my mouth.

  His mouth claims mine before I can protest for kissing outside my parents’ house. I wrap my arms around his neck and get lost in his kiss—so lost that I don’t even notice the footsteps approaching us until we hear a light throat clearing and jerk away from each other only to come face-to-face with a smiling mom and Ms. Natalie. I can feel a blush cover my entire body.

  “Busted,” Kyler says as he winks to me and turns around. “Hi, Mrs. Hanks, Mrs. Jacobs. You ladies are both looking lovely today.”

  Leave it to Kyler to suck up to them after being caught sucking up to me. I bury my head in his back in embarrassment.

  “Well, I guess we don’t have to ask how the drive was for you kids, now do we,” my mom says to us, and Ms. Natalie giggles. “Kyler, we had made up the guest bedroom for you, but if you would rather…”

  I interrupt my mother before she can finish that sentence. “Moooooooommmmmm,” I shout, feeling like I’m back to being a mortified teenager.

  Kyler chuckles, and I can feel his whole body vibrating against me. “Thank you, Mrs. Jacobs, the guest room is just fine.” I let out a breath in relief, but I can’t help but also feel disappointed that we have been sleeping in the same bed and this weekend we won’t be.

  “I’ve told you all these years, please call me Kelly, or Ms. Kelly. Mrs. Jacobs is my mother-in-law.”

  “Oh, and God forbid you are put in the same category as that woman.” Natalie smirks as my mother glares in her direction before turning back to us.

  Kyler turns and places a kiss to my temple, then reaches around me to the back to grab our bags. “Well, we better get inside and start this celebration. It’s birthday number twenty-nine, right?”

  Mom places her arms around Kyler’s shoulders as we all turn toward the house. “I knew I liked you.” We all laugh as we walk toward the front door. Here goes nothing—our secret is out.

  Later in the afternoon before dinner, after we had settled our bags into our respective rooms, I find myself alone on the front porch, rocking in the swing. Running my hand up the chain it hangs off of, I am brought back to the many memories over the years with Emmett, from the first to our last. I look up when I hear the creak of the front porch to be greeted with a different Hanks, Ms. Natalie. I smile at her as she approaches me.

  “Can I join you?” She smiles at me as I nod for her to sit, and I scoot over. She pats her hand on my thigh as if she is about to have a serious talk.

  “What’s going on with you, sweetheart? You’ve been quiet ever since you were caught earlier. Cat got your tongue? Or maybe Kyler does.” She lets out a loud laugh. It’s been a long time since I heard that laugh, but it puts a smile on my face and a blush on my cheeks at her comment. I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.

  “Dani, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Your mom and I were just caught off guard a little because you’ve never mentioned it, so the last thing we expected to see pulling into the driveway was you all over each other. It reminds me of a few times back…” But she closes her mouth and looks off into the distance. My hand quickly finds hers as I see a tear stream down her cheek. I bite the inside of my cheek to prevent tears of my own from falling.

  She takes a deep breath, links our fingers together, and places her other hand over top, pulling them into her lap. “It’s okay to miss him and feel sad at times. Each moment of happiness is always paired with sadness knowing it was something Emmett was missing…but just remember he is always with you and always in your heart. You just have to take one day at a time and one step at a time.”

  I look up at her
and try to form the words I want to speak but end up spitting out, “But how did you just move on?”

  She squeezes my hand a little tighter. “It’s not that I’ve moved on, sweetie, because losing a child isn’t something you move on from or get over. I ask myself how parents are supposed to go on after burying their child. I have to remind myself to breathe. People have told me that I’m so strong, but that’s only on the outside. On the inside, my heart is forever broken. But I’m strong because I don’t have a choice. There are some days that it will hit me at the most random times and I have to struggle to compose myself. I see people on the street and I hate them, I actually hate them without even knowing them because they have what I lost. I let my grief get the best of me the first year and a half. I know I’ll see my son again one day, but until then I need to live my life so that when I do finally see him I can fill him in on all the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no timetable or calendar that says when you’re no longer allowed to grieve or feel sad, but wallowing in the pain and emptiness…” She pauses. “That’s not what he would want. Em only ever wanted you to be happy, and I’ve watched you with Kyler and I think he makes you happy… Does he?”

  I smile, a true smile not a forced one, and nod. “Yeah, he does…at least I think he can. I’m still trying to figure this all out and take it slow, which is why I haven’t mentioned anything about us until today. I didn’t want to make such a big deal out of it just in case things didn’t work out. This is all so new to me.”

  Unclasping our hands, Ms. Natalie wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me into her. “I’m so proud of you, Danielle, and you should be too. You fought your way to get here.” Ms. Natalie wraps her other arm around me into a strong embrace and kisses the top of my head. I close my eyes and remember the last time Emmett had done that. She leans her head against mine. “Plus you know Kyler is very good-looking—don’t think I hadn’t noticed. If Haylee wasn’t taken, I would definitely push her his way.”

  Ms. Natalie lets out another one of her laughs, alleviating the somber mood that overtook the porch just moments ago. “Oh my God,” I laugh and push her away. She lightly pushes me back jokingly, and we both burst into laughter.

  When I look up from wiping the tears of laughter from my face, I am greeted with Kyler’s smile as he stands in front of us on the porch. When Ms. Natalie notices, she pats my leg and pushes herself up to standing.

  “Well, I’ll get back in the kitchen before the birthday girl slave driver comes looking for me. Come join us whenever you’re ready.”

  I nod, and she smiles before walking away toward the front door, placing a gentle hand on Ky’s shoulder. I’m unsure what that was supposed to mean, whether it was an “it’s all okay” pat or a “hurt her, I’ll kill you” protective grip.

  Kyler walks over toward me and puts his arm out as if asking if he can sit. I smile and scoot over. Gripping my chin with two fingers, he angles my head toward him and places a brief kiss on my lips.

  “You doing okay? I know that’s not exactly how we wanted everyone to find out, but it’s out in the open now.”

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine…although I have a feeling we won’t be living it down all weekend or possibly longer. Ms. Natalie already made jokes about it.”

  He throws his head back in laughter before wrapping me in his arms and pulling me closer. “That’s funny. I assume they filled your dad and Brian in on what happened because they’ve been given me the look all afternoon.”

  It’s my turn to let out a loud laugh, and I lean into him a little closer. As we sit there in silence, just the sound of our breathing together, hearts beating, and the swing squeaking as we rock back and forth, I realize that I am happy. I never thought that I would feel like this again, and it’s all thanks to this man next to me. I will be forever grateful he has stood by me and has helped me through this. I begin to wonder if things had worked out differently and I hadn’t left, when we had met, would we have ended up here?

  My brow must be scrunched in thought because I feel Kyler’s knuckles brush my cheek ever so slightly, drawing my attention to him. “Where’s that pretty little head of yours at?”

  “I was just thinking if I hadn’t cut off contact with my brother, do you think we would have met and hit it off?”

  “Hmmm, well, I know for sure we would have met, it would just have been a matter of when. We would have met sooner if you had ever visited him, but Zach brought me to your family’s Fourth of July barbeque a month after you left. Eventually, coming back with him and Haylee became a regular occurrence.”

  “Why do I feel like there is a but in there somewhere…? There’s always a but.”

  He looks down at me and smiles. “Well, there’s not always a but, and if it’s as nice as your butt, I wouldn’t be complaining.” His hand slides down my side, and he pinches my butt, causing me jump closer to him. I smack his chest jokingly, and we both laugh.

  “But…if we had met then, I would have definitely been attracted to you. That much was clear the moment I opened the door when you were standing on the porch, but you weren’t ready then.”

  “And you think I’m ready now?” I sit up straight and turn my head toward him, looking deep into those chocolate-brown eyes. Seriously, those babies should be illegal.

  Kyler cups my face between his palms, stroking his thumb along my cheeks, and brings his lips closer to mine. I can feel his hot breath against my skin. “Yes, baby, I think you are. It’s not always easy, but no matter what, I’m here for you to get you through the good days and the bad. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Then he presses his lips against mine. This kiss is anything but friendly—it’s feverish, demanding, and passionate. After a few moments of our tongues fighting for dominance, we break apart knowing that either my parents or the Hankses could be watching, ready to make their next smartass comment.

  Ky presses a sweet kiss on my forehead before rising. He reaches for my hand to pull me up from the swing. “What do you say we head in and I get to watch you in your element cooking with your mom and Natalie?”

  I let out a little giggle as our fingers interlock and we walk toward the front door. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want to be stuck sitting with my dad and Brian.”

  “Shit, yeah, that’s 100 percent correct.”

  I let out a loud laugh as we walk through the front door.

  When Kelly had let me know that she had made up the guest room for me for the night but I could stay in Dani’s room if I wanted, I could feel Dani tense up, unsure how to react. I wasn’t sure if it was because her family, besides Zach and Haylee, finally knew about us or if it was because I would be the only other guy who’d been in her room besides Emmett. I didn’t want to pressure her; I hadn’t since we met, nor would I in the future.

  When I met Zach and his relationship with Haylee turned more than friendship, I didn’t mind at first being the third wheel, but over time I started to envy him. I had hoped one day someone would look at me the way Haylee looked at him and vice versa. I just never expected her to show up on my doorstep and be related to my best friend…the girl just two doors down right now in her childhood bedroom.

  After we had had a simple dinner with her parents and Haylee’s, we hung out for a little bit longer, had a few drinks, and then decided to turn in. Not long after we went upstairs did we hear the front door close, indicating Brian and Natalie had gone home. I had kissed Dani good night standing in her doorway before leaving her there and walking down to the guest room. It was weird leaving her. This was the first time that I would be sleeping without her since that night after karaoke.

  I can’t sleep and end up pacing the room back and forth trying to talk myself out of walking down to her room or talk myself into doing it. As is tradition, my mind is having an internal argument that I choose to silence by reaching for the doorknob of the guest room, taking the thirteen steps to Dani’s bedroom door, and knocking lightly, not wanting to disturb her parents,
who I assume are downstairs still. I take a deep breath and hope that she hasn’t fallen asleep.

  The door quickly opens, and I find my beautiful girl standing there in a purple tank top and black sweatpants. She quickly looks out in the hallway before reaching for my hand, yanking me into her room, and closing the door softly so as not to disturb anyone else left in the house. She brushes her lips against mine ever so slightly and wraps her arms around me, pressing her chest to mine. Shit, it’s only been maybe two hours and I missed her already. Why did I wait so long to walk over here?

  She breaks the kiss and reluctantly releases from me. I mourn the loss of her body against mine. Unexpectedly, she grabs my hand and pulls me toward the bed, pushing me down and crawling up to meet me. I pull her down and wrap my arms around her.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi back, beautiful. That was quite a greeting.”

  This is much better. It’s crazy that I haven’t been sharing a bed with this woman all that long, but I feel better and at home with her in my arms. We haven’t even had sex yet—I mean, I’ve done things to her, but I haven’t pushed for anything else, just spent plenty of time jerking off in the bathroom—but this is what I have been looking forward to after a long day at work. Coming home to find her on the couch or in the kitchen, kissing her senseless, spending our evening together laughing, and then falling asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.

  I run my fingers down her hair and feel her body relax into me. “Is it weird that I’m in here? I know I told your parents I would stay in the guest room but…”

  Dani cuts me off, seeking my lips. Her tongue licks the seam of mine, begging for entrance. She moans the sweetest little moan as my hand grips the back of her head, securing her closer to me, and I pull her bottom lip between my teeth before licking the sting away. Her hips push against me when I let out a deep growl from the back of my throat.

  With one last sweet kiss, she speaks. “No…honestly, I was tossing and turning trying to sleep without you, and I was actually already standing at the door when you knocked, about to walk down to the guest room and sneak into bed with you.”