Mad About You

by Sinéad Moriarty

  This was fascinating. I felt positively boring next to this tale of woe. ‘How long had you been married?’

  ‘Seven years. And the bastard had the audacity to have an affair and leave me, and our two sons, for a woman who is fatter than I am and uglier. So you see, darling, I need my pills.’

  I tried not to laugh. Poppy seemed more upset that her rival was unattractive than that her marriage was over.

  ‘What age are your children?’ I asked.

  ‘Six and four. I got my tubes tied after I had Charlie.’

  ‘Yuri’s four. Maybe the boys could come over and play some time?’

  Poppy nibbled a strawberry. ‘Anytime. You can keep them, if you like,’ she said, with a wicked grin.

  ‘Actually, speaking of kids,’ I said, suddenly inspired, ‘I’m looking for a childminder. I’m starting a job soon. Do you know of any good local nanny agencies?’

  ‘What line of work are you in?’ Poppy asked.

  ‘I’m a makeup artist.’

  Poppy whooped. ‘There is a God! You must give me all your best tips. I need them. Honestly, since I turned thirty-seven everything has started drooping and I can only afford Botox once a year. And let’s be honest, darling, it’s tough out there and I do not want to spend the next forty years alone. I need to look my best to get a new man and I’m only interested in millionaires. I’ve been on several dates and none of them had big enough bank balances … yet.’ She winked at me.

  I laughed. Poppy was fun. ‘I’d be happy to give you some tips.’

  Poppy lifted her sunglasses onto the top of her head. ‘Now, childcare. I got my girl through Outstanding-aupairs.com. I can forward you the details when I get home. There’s an agency on Putney High Street called Nanny Solutions that’s supposed to be good, too. But actually, now that I think of it, my cleaning lady mentioned that her daughter’s looking for work. She’s nineteen or twenty and she’s Irish too. I’ll text Maggie when I get home and let you know. Maggie’s fantastic, so kind and trustworthy. I’m sure her daughter will be a decent girl.’

  ‘That would be brilliant.’ I was delighted with how things seemed to be falling into place – first the job, now the childminder. ‘Thanks so much.’

  Carol was crouching to examine one of her vegetables. ‘I’m not going to be much help to you. I’ve never left the children with anyone but my mother,’ she said.

  ‘Never?’ I was shocked. ‘But what if you need to go out and your mother isn’t available?’

  Carol shrugged. ‘I just stay in, or take the boys with me.’

  Poppy butted in: ‘And, by the way, her mother lives miles away and only babysits about three times a year.’

  I was gobsmacked. ‘So you’ve never left the children with anyone else?’ Was she serious? It just sounded so … inflexible.

  ‘No, and I never would.’

  ‘I’d leave my kids with anyone who’d take them,’ Poppy announced.

  ‘Why?’ I asked Carol.

  ‘I wouldn’t let a stranger look after my most treasured possessions,’ Carol said. ‘I just wouldn’t be able to relax.’

  ‘I’ve had lots of different babysitters looking after Yuri and Lara, and I’ve never had a problem,’ I pointed out.

  ‘You’re wasting your breath,’ Poppy assured me. ‘You’ll never change Carol’s mind.’

  I was taken aback by Carol’s attitude. How could she never leave her boys with anyone but her mother? Her oldest was nine. There must have been lots of nights when she’d wanted to go out but had had to stay in. I didn’t see anything wrong with using babysitters. I’d always hired nice local girls.

  When I’d gone back to work after my adoption leave, Mum had looked after Yuri, but when Lara had come along I’d hired a lovely Polish girl called Natasha, who had minded the two children for the four hours I was at work each day. Natasha had been amazing: she’d baked with them and taken them to the park and was very sweet. If I hadn’t had her, I wouldn’t have been able to work. Working mums had to hire people to look after their small children or put them in crèches. I didn’t have the guts to say it out loud, but I thought Carol was being unrealistic.

  Carol could probably guess what I was thinking from the look on my face, and it was her turn to sound defensive. ‘I’m not judging anyone else. I just personally wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my children with someone I barely knew. Would you let a stranger wear your clothes or sleep in your bed? No.’

  ‘It’s called having a life, Carol. It’s called getting out of the bloody house. It’s called retaining your sanity,’ Poppy said. ‘Nowadays children rule their parents’ lives. It’s all about them. We’re just slaves to their needs and wants. I’m sorry, but I think it’s utterly ridiculous. A woman is not a monster for wanting to have a few hours to herself.’

  ‘Or for going back to work,’ I added, ‘which a lot of the time isn’t even a choice any more. Lots of my friends have had to go back to work to help pay the bills.’

  Carol sat back on her heels and looked at us. ‘It’s a choice everyone has to make. I’m not saying my way is the only way, but it’s the only one that I feel happy with. I contribute to our household bills by growing all the food we eat and selling the extra at the markets on Saturdays.’

  Poppy made a dismissive gesture with her hand and dropped her sunglasses back over her eyes. ‘Carol, darling, you need to go out some Saturday night, eat an enormous steak, drink cocktails made with tons of additives and live a little.’

  Carol grinned. ‘I live very well, thanks, Poppy. We’re all different.’

  ‘And that’s what makes life interesting,’ I added, not wanting to alienate either of my new neighbours.

  ‘Give me a Martini over a parsnip any day,’ Poppy drawled.

  I could see Yuri and Lara in the corner, digging a hole that didn’t look like it belonged. I jumped up. ‘Thanks so much for the lovely juice and the strawberries. I’d better get the children home and start setting up interviews for nannies.’

  ‘Give me your number and I’ll call you as soon as Maggie lets me know about her daughter.’

  I reeled it off and Poppy typed it into her phone.

  Later that evening, when the children were asleep, James and I sat on the couch chatting. I filled him in on my new job offer and the search for a nanny.

  James was clearly relieved. ‘That’s wonderful, darling. I was worried that you’d seemed a bit lost since we moved here. Now you’ll be busy and ready to give London a go.’

  I bristled. ‘Well, it hasn’t been easy.’

  James raised his hand. ‘I know, and you’ve been great. I just think a job will get you out and about and you’ll have fun.’

  ‘Well, I don’t know how much fun I’m going to have working with Babs, but it’ll be a distraction and maybe I’ll meet nice people. It’ll be good to earn some extra money too. Now I just need to find someone to look after the children.’

  ‘I like the sound of the Irish girl. It’s always good to have a personal recommendation,’ James said.

  ‘I agree. I’m nervous about going back to work so soon. The kids won’t have me around to settle them properly into school.’

  James put his arm around me and I snuggled against his chest. ‘Don’t worry, darling. They’ll be fine. Kids are very adaptable. They’ll have new friends in no time. We just need to find a nice girl to look after them, and you’ll be home to put them to bed and read them stories. They’ll still see plenty of you.’

  ‘I know. Lara will be fine, but Yuri …’

  James sipped his wine. ‘Henry and I went to boarding school when we were seven and it did us no harm. Yuri will be fine. You mustn’t fuss about him so much. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet and fight his own battles.’

  ‘I don’t fuss.’

  James looked at me, arching an eyebrow. ‘Emma, you worry about him all the time. Constantly. There’s no need. He’s a great little fellow who is perfectly well able to make new friends and get
on at school.’

  Grudgingly I admitted to myself that he had a point. I did worry too much about Yuri, but he was different from Lara. He was shyer and quieter, and I could see he was out of sorts with the new house, and now there was a new school to get used to as well.

  James put his glass down and stretched. ‘God, I’m stiff.’

  ‘How come?’ I asked.

  ‘I probably overdid it a bit today, trying to show them all that I’m as fit as they are. I think I’ll just watch the training session tomorrow.’ He rubbed his shoulder. ‘I really need to get this right. I have to make an impression with the first few games.’

  ‘Any gorgeous physios?’ I asked lightly.

  James shot me a look, then shook his head.

  ‘So, no bouncy Mandy-types for you to ogle?’ I kept the tone light, but I wanted him to know that I hadn’t forgotten and that it was not OK for him to flirt with people at work.

  James took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes, then he kissed me. ‘No, Emma, and you know that you’re the only woman I want to ogle.’

  ‘I’m very glad to hear it.’ I smiled, relaxing. ‘Speaking of ogling, check this out.’ I flashed the strap of my lacy underwear. James’s eyes lit up. ‘I think it’s about time we christened this house.’

  James grabbed my hand and pulled me up. ‘I thought you’d never ask!’

  5

  ‘Emma? It’s me, Lucy. Guess what?’

  ‘Uhm, you’ve won the lottery and are going to give me lots of money so I can live in Dublin again?’

  Lucy laughed. ‘No! Donal and I are coming to London, but if I did win the lotto, I’d sweep you away to a tropical island full of gorgeous Ryan Gosling lookalikes.’

  ‘Now that’s the way to spend your winnings.’ I giggled. ‘Oh, Lucy, I can’t tell you how happy I am you’re coming over! We really miss you guys.’

  ‘I’m dying to see you, too. I’ve a meeting on Friday afternoon, but I should be finished by six. Will we call over then? We can go out for dinner or stay in, whatever suits. Although it might be easier to stay in with all the kids.’

  ‘I’ll throw something in the oven. We can plonk the kids in front of a movie until they fall asleep, then really tuck into the wine.’

  ‘Brilliant. Can’t wait.’

  ‘Me neither.’ I hung up, beaming.

  On Friday, I dragged Yuri and Lara to the supermarket and stocked up on food, flowers, wine and beer. Then we went home and they helped me clean the house – bribed with the promise of sweets when we’d finished. By the time James came home at six o’clock, the place looked pretty good – like a home.

  Shortly after James arrived, Lucy and Donal turned up, with Serge in tow. He was a very cute little boy. At two he was still small and a very quiet child. I constantly had to tell Lara and Yuri to be gentle with him as he often found them a bit boisterous and ended up in tears.

  Lucy was wearing a gorgeous pale pink dress and jacket, with perfect hair and manicure. She always looked groomed, even when she was in a tracksuit. She just didn’t do slobby or messy. Donal was, as usual, wearing a rugby T-shirt and jeans, and Serge, who was in his daddy’s arms, was dressed from head to toe in mini-Leinster rugby gear.

  After we’d greeted each other, Lara and Yuri took Serge off to show him their new toys and we gave Lucy and Donal a quick tour of the house. They made all the right noises. Lucy was positive about everything.

  ‘Come on!’ I laughed when she admired the olive green bathroom. ‘You can’t say this is nice – it’s so kitsch.’

  She smiled. ‘Yes, but you’ve put nice touches – scented candles and lovely towels – so it looks as good as it can.’

  I hugged her. ‘Only a true friend would say that.’

  ‘It looks grand to me,’ Donal said.

  Lucy snorted. ‘Donal wouldn’t notice the difference between Italian marble and plastic tiles.’

  ‘Who cares?’ He shrugged. ‘These things don’t matter. A bathroom is a bathroom – am I right?’ he asked James.

  ‘Having spent years in boarding school showering in icy bathrooms with cold tiles, I’m really not that fussy.’

  ‘The only thing a house needs is kids to fill it.’ Donal stared at Lucy, who froze.

  ‘Don’t start,’ she hissed at him.

  ‘Well, the bedrooms are over here,’ I said, trying to cut the tension.

  James cleared his throat. ‘Much as I’m sure Donal is enjoying the tour, we might cut it short and go down to catch the rugby match.’

  ‘Good man, James, lead on.’ Donal turned on his heels and followed James downstairs.

  Lucy and I finished the tour and she made some really good suggestions as to how I could make the place look better. She had a great eye for detail and was the most stylish person I knew. Her house was incredible. Donal had left her to do everything so she had gutted the place and redesigned the interior completely. It had even featured in an interiors magazine.

  We went back downstairs and filled up the paddling pool to keep the children happy while James and Donal watched the match. Lucy and I sat down in the sun to catch up over a bottle of chilled white wine.

  ‘Well? How are you? How are things?’ Lucy asked, putting on her sunglasses.

  ‘Not bad, actually. I’ve just got a job – on Babs’s show.’

  ‘Really? That was quick.’

  ‘She only told me a few days ago. I’ve been dying to fill you in. I have to say, Babs has been brilliant for once. She basically forced her producer to take me on.’

  ‘Well, she’s always been persuasive.’ Lucy’s voice had an edge to it.

  Lucy was the only person in the world who intimidated Babs. She was four inches taller than my sister and, because of her success in the tough, male-dominated world of business, she was very forthright and didn’t take attitude from anyone. There was serious history there, too. At my brother’s wedding five years ago, Lucy found out that Babs had slept with Donal while Lucy and Donal had separated briefly. Lucy had gone crazy and threatened Babs. Ever since, I had tried to keep them apart.

  Now, as usual, I sidestepped the comment. ‘I’m really pleased because it’ll get me out of the house and keep me busy.’

  ‘That’s good. Staying at home full-time would do your head in. I honestly don’t know how anyone can stand the boredom.’ Lucy knocked back her wine.

  I watched my children, squealing with delight as they sprayed each other with water. I did find full-time motherhood dull at times, but I’d miss them so much when I went back to work.

  ‘How are things going for James? Has he started at London Irish yet?’ Lucy asked.

  I poured her some more wine. ‘He’s really nervous about making a good impression. My God, Lucy, I hope this job works out. Did you know the previous coach only lasted nine months?’

  She waved her hand. ‘Forget about the previous guy. James is brilliant at what he does. He was a great coach at Leinster. He’ll be fine. He just needs to get to know the place and find his feet, and I bet London Irish will start winning all their games.’

  ‘I hope so. If they don’t, God knows where we’ll end up.’

  ‘Speaking of jobs, I’ve got some news.’

  ‘Another massive promotion?’ I smiled. Lucy had a high-flying job as a management consultant and seemed to be promoted every year and given huge bonuses. She was the only person I knew who seemed to be recession-proof. Another friend, Tony, had had his salary slashed. He and Jess were renting out two of their bedrooms to four Korean students to make ends meet.

  Lucy shook her head. ‘Much more dramatic than that. I’m actually leaving Wright Hodder.’

  I was shocked. Wright Hodder was Lucy’s life. ‘Wow, are you taking time out to spend with Serge?’

  Lucy frowned. ‘Hello, Emma, it’s me, Lucy! Can you honestly imagine me staying at home, not working?’

  She had a point. Lucy was never going to be an apron-wearing stay-at-home mother. Not even in a designer apron in her m
agnificent kitchen.

  ‘OK – so what’s the plan?’

  ‘I’m going out on my own with two guys I did some consultancy for. Oh, Emma, I’m so excited. I’ve wanted to do my own thing for a while now, and when this came along, I jumped at it.’

  ‘That’s brilliant. What is it?’

  ‘It’s an aircraft leasing company and it’s based out of City airport in London, which means …’ she paused for effect ‘… I’ll be over in London every week. Most weeks I’ll probably be based here Monday to Thursday. I’ll be travelling a lot in Europe, but we’ll still get to see each other.’

  ‘Oh, my God! Cheers to that!’ We clinked glasses. I was thrilled – my best friend was going to be close by. London was becoming more attractive by the minute.

  Lucy smiled a smile that was pure happiness. ‘I’m really excited about it. I was chuffed when the guys asked me to join the management buyout team. If it works out, and I think it will, I stand to make a lot of money. The people involved are incredibly dynamic. I’m really impressed with their ambition and drive.’

  Lucy sounded so excited. I was genuinely happy for her. She had been very up and down since Serge was born (another name my mother constantly gave out about, but Donal had insisted on naming him after the famous French rugby player), and this was the first time I’d heard her sound so upbeat in ages. On the downside, though, I knew Donal wasn’t going to like his wife travelling so much.

  ‘How are you going to work it all out? Will Donal and Serge move here too? Oh, my God, you could rent a house in Putney. We could be neighbours! What does Donal think?’

  Silence. She looked away.

  ‘Lucy?’

  ‘I haven’t told him the extent of my travelling yet.’

  Christ, was she crazy? How could she tell me and hold out on her own husband? ‘Because you know he’ll go mad?’