‘Oh, well, sure, I mean, if you’re needed there, I understand,’ I said, completely taken by surprise. I didn’t actually understand anything. Was there trouble?
‘Yes, I’m afraid I do need to go back. Don’t be concerned, there’s nothing you need to worry about. It’s just that, well, it’s best if I go back and Crystal stays here with you.’
I wasn’t sure what to say. Was there an emergency back in Melbourne? If so, how could Crystal afford to be here? It didn’t make sense. Sam seemed to have been enjoying himself so much; surely he wouldn’t leave unless it was absolutely necessary?
~~***~~
Sam stayed for the rest of the day but when I woke the next morning he was gone. I felt so empty; it was as if a part of me had been taken away. And having just convinced myself that loving him would be enough, that our love could survive anything, we were once again apart. Would I be able to sustain my positive outlook without him here to give me strength?
I showered and dressed, then picked up Henry and walked downstairs to find Crystal. She was in the sitting room, watching Ben playing with some building blocks. She’d just started calling him that—Ben. I liked it, and it seemed to suit him better than the more formal Benjamin.
I sat down next to her on the sofa, and tried to smile. She must have thought I was worried about the boys, because she put her hand on mine and said softly, ‘everything will be fine, Lili. The boys will be happy here. Things are as they must be. Be happy for them, for all of us. They are such wonderful additions to our community.’
‘I know. I understand, really I do. I mean of course one side of me hates leaving them, but it’s not them I’m worried about. I know this is their rightful place. No, it’s Sam I’m worried about. I don’t understand why he had to leave so soon. Why couldn’t he stay here for the three weeks as we’d planned? He never would say what the emergency was. Why did he have to go?’
Crystal turned to face me, and her expression changed to one of sadness. ‘Mladen’s isn’t exactly a place where vampires are comfortable, Lili. The dhampirs are being trained in vampire detection and killing techniques—even from a young age. Admittedly, the only young dhampirs here at the moment are your own boys, but even so, it is awkward. Mladen has great respect for Sam, but it’s uncomfortable for both of them, as well as some of the teachers. I think Sam would prefer just to spare everyone that discomfort.’
‘Oh, oh, of course … how stupid of me. I should have realised. It’s just that, well, I don’t think of Sam that way. I forget he’s … you know.’ The seriousness of her tone made me wonder how I could have failed to realise how hard it must be, not just for Sam, but for Mladen and his staff.
‘Yes, he is so special we all tend to forget.’
‘I feel terrible. I should have realised, but he seemed so happy, he didn’t give me any clues.’
‘Don’t blame yourself. You weren’t to know. Look, he was happy—very happy—I’m sure. In fact, it’s my guess that his happiness is also part of the problem.’
‘His happiness? Why would you say that?’
‘Look, I’m just speculating. I mean, all he said was that it’s uncomfortable here, for him and Mladen and his staff. But they coped the first time for the full three weeks, didn’t they?’
‘Yes,’ I said, frowning as her point hit home.
‘Exactly. Look, I think being here with you and the boys showed Sam exactly what his life could have been like—if he was human. And as much as being here made him happy—really, truly happy—I think it might also be what made him sad. Seeing what he’ll never have—a human life with you.’
‘He didn’t ask you to change him again, did he?’ I asked, panic starting to rise in me.
‘No, he didn’t mention it, but that’s why I came so quickly when he rang. I wanted to get here so he could go, before it got any harder for him to cope.’
‘Oh, Crystal, what am I going to do? Was this a mistake? I mean, we’ve known each other such a short time. Did we jump into this marriage too quickly?’ As soon as I had asked the question, I regretted it. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had any doubts, not even Crystal.
‘No, please don’t ever think that,’ she said, squeezing my hand. ‘Look, it may take a bit of time for the two of you to find your way. You both have compromises to make. This is one of yours. You’ll simply enjoy your time with the boys while you’re here. Then you’ll go back home to Sam and you won’t talk about how much fun it was to play with them, and you certainly won’t ever mention to him how much you miss them. That’s not to say you can’t mention them from time to time, but you’ll have to be careful not to sound sad, not to suggest that you wish they were human boys.’
‘I can do that,’ I said, nodding, relaxing a little now that I understood why he had to leave. I could see a way forward for us.
‘If you can do that, and if you can be happy, I think Sam will be happy too. He loves you so much, Lili, and he wouldn’t want to think he was the cause of any pain for you. So just don’t ever be sad about the boys, not around him anyway.’
‘And what if I get pregnant again? What do I do then?’
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But I’d probably suggest you leave it up to him to decide to come with you, or not, next time. Assuming there is a next time. But let’s not worry about that now. Let’s enjoy these boys while they are young and playful. Cheer up. Sam will be fine once he gets back home. Everything will be fine.’
~~***~~
The following days were all about the boys. And while we could have played with them all day every day, Mladen asked us to spend a little less time with them each day. He felt that would make the separation less painful for them when we left. So, in addition to playing with the boys, we swam and went for long walks along the various paths that meandered through the bushland that ran around the perimeter of the property. And I took photos—lots and lots of photos of the boys so I could remember them like this. I was still amazed at how quickly they were changing.
I rang Sam each day, but I was careful not to say too much about the boys. I just told him we were having fun, and that everyone was well. And just hearing his voice was like a tonic—lifting my spirits, washing away the doubt that would creep back in when I was alone at night.
Then before I knew it we were packed and preparing to leave. I watched Crystal as she carried the bags downstairs. I wondered whether she was as sad to leave as I was. She seemed so at home here.
As we said our goodbyes to the boys and Mladen, I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat. I knew that the next time I’d see the boys they’d most likely be young adults. But this was the way it had to be. This was normal in their world—and in my world now too.
Then I smiled. I was going home to Sam. Everything would be fine as soon as we were back together, and I could feel his arms around me.
~~***~~
As the taxi pulled up in front of Crystal’s house I spotted Sam standing on the kerb holding a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses.
‘Happy Valentine’s Day, or happy belated Valentine’s Day I should say,’ said Sam, handing me the flowers as he leaned forward to kiss me. I drew in my breath. The flowers were beautiful, but it was the smile on his face that took my breath away. He looked so totally at ease. My heart skipped a beat and I knew, without question, that I was where I belonged.
‘Oh Sam, they’re so beautiful,’ I whispered.
‘But not nearly as beautiful as you. I’ve missed you,’ he said, wrapping his arms around me.
‘And I’ve missed you,’ I replied before burying my face in his chest.
When he released me, he took my hand and led me into Crystal’s house. It was stuffy inside, but she quickly raced over and turned on the air-conditioner.
‘And so … I take it everything here has been good? No nasty surprises while we were away?’ Crystal asked, as she turned to face us.
‘No, none at all. Everything was quiet. I was afraid Tom was about to start
making trouble just for something to do,’ Sam laughed.
‘And did he?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘No, he behaved himself, with a bit of supervision from me of course.’
‘Yes, of course,’ she answered sarcastically, but her smile was genuine.
He laughed with Crystal, and then his arm tightened around my shoulders as he looked down at me.
‘I want to take you somewhere special tonight. You know, for a belated Valentine’s Day dinner.’
‘Dinner?’ I said, shaking my head slowly.
‘Yes, dinner. You know, a romantic one, with candles and soft music. You haven’t had a good run these past few weeks. I want to make it up to you.’
‘But …’
‘It’ll be fine. I don’t have to eat much—just for show. Besides, I need to start getting in practice for when I meet your family, right?’
I’d nearly forgotten, but of course Mom would be expecting us soon—I really did need to book our flights. ‘Well, if you’re sure you want to?’ I finally said.
‘I couldn’t be any surer,’ he said, kissing my forehead,
My whole body tingled with joy. Our life together mightn’t be what everyone called normal, but it could still be perfect. We’d make it perfect.
‘Alright, it’s a date,’ I finally answered.
‘Great,’ he said, then turned to Crystal. ‘Looks like you’re on duty tonight. I’m taking my girl home to get changed, and we’re going out. We’ve been apart too long and I want to spend the whole night with her.’
Sam laughed, and I knew everything was going to be fine. We’d have a night out—dinner and maybe even dancing—and then I’d sleep in my own bed, next to my husband. Everything would be perfect. No, everything was already perfect, because he was perfect.
~~***~~
It was amazing how therapeutic that one evening turned out to be. I was sure that Sam enjoyed it as much as I did. I think it made him realise there was more to life than patrolling the streets looking for errant vampires. I could see it in his smile. And then of course, there was the fact that he told me he was going to speak to Michael about having at least a couple of evenings at home each week from now on. After all, it wasn’t like things were out of control—Michael and Tom would be fine on their own.
And although Sam was a bit reluctant at first, he understood when I said I needed to start running again. I’d missed it terribly when he didn’t want me in the gardens on my own—it was such a part of me, and so effective at settling my mind. And so I started running again. And I did feel better. In fact, I felt stronger—strong enough to handle anything.
Flagstaff Gardens became my friend again—my sanctuary. Some days I’d sit and chat with Elizabeth. And some days Henry would join us. But even if neither of them turned up, the trees and the flowers and the crushed rock paths and the grass were all there, and they too were my friends. I seemed to be able to breathe better when I spent time there. Did that sound nuts?
But I still had time on my hands. There were no meals to cook, so the little shopping I did for myself took no time. And Tom and Sam were amazingly self-sufficient around the house—they were tidy, and even did most of their own laundry. My job at The Cauldron helped, but it wasn’t enough. Claire was in California, Debs had her own life. And Crystal, well as much as she was a good friend, I felt it wasn’t fair for me to lean too heavily on her either. I needed something of my own to occupy my time and energy.
I thought more about the ghosts that I’d seen Elizabeth help send home. And I thought about how hopeful I’d been when I tried to help Rachel—hoping I was helping her in the same way. And I wondered if maybe I really should take some psychology courses. Would that have given me better insight into Rachel’s true intentions? I decided I’d get onto the internet and research where I could go to get a degree in psychology, and how long that might take. It would certainly make Mom happy. And maybe it would make me happy too. I started feeling better just thinking about it—taking the first step toward change.
~~***~~
When Claire arrived for a two week break, I felt my spirits being lifted even further. Although she did have her family and other friends to catch up with, she spent quite a bit of the time with Tom. And that often included Sam and me.
Tonight we were bowling. We’d been a couple of times before, and the boys had really taken to it, and I didn’t mind although I still wasn’t any good.
When I went up to the snack bar for a drink, Claire came with me.
‘You’re so lucky. Sam really loves you, you know. To think that he asked you to marry him because he just couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving to go back to California. That’s just so romantic. I wish Tom felt that way about me.’
She turned to look back over toward Tom, then let out a deep sigh.
‘Look,’ I said, wanting to lift her spirits, ‘Tom cares about you, more than you realise. You should see the way he mopes around when you’re not here. The day you were arriving he was pacing back and forth like a trapped animal or something. And since you’ve been here, he can barely wipe that silly grin off his face!’
‘Really? Do you think he loves me as much as Sam loves you?’ She turned back to me, desperation written all over her face.
‘Sure. I mean, I’d say so.’
‘And so … I mean, do you know anything? Like maybe something you’ve been sworn to secrecy about?’
‘Sorry, afraid not. Tom doesn’t confide in me.’
‘Bummer. I was hoping he’d said something … given you some clue,’ she said, pouting.
‘Hey, you’ve got to remember, he’s nowhere near as serious a person as Sam. You know that. That’s probably what attracted you to him in the first place. He’s not necessarily going to follow in Sam’s footsteps.’
‘True. Sam is much more serious, although he seems to be having fun tonight.’
We both turned and looked at the boys. They were, indeed, having fun.
‘Yes, he does. But with Tom, I’d say just enjoy your time here with him. Then go back to school and forget about him. I mean, who knows, you might even meet another Gerald,’ I said, struggling to keep a straight face.
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah … point taken,’ she laughed.
‘Well, I’d be willing to bet Tom will be waiting just as anxiously for you to arrive in July as he was this time.’
‘I hope so. And yeah, you’re right—if he was all serious like Sam I probably wouldn’t have fallen for him. So, we’ll just have to see what happens in July, eh?’
~~***~~
We had two more nights out with Claire and Tom—a movie one night, and dancing the other. I was sad to see her leave to go back to California—I knew I’d miss her company.
March would be over soon, and the days were already starting to get shorter. Daylight savings would finish at the end of the month and the clocks would be turned back, and then it wouldn’t be long before it would be dark at five-thirty. The thought was depressing. Where had the time gone?
I suddenly had this terrible thought. I hadn’t seen Debs and Ian for weeks. Between having Henry, and then with Claire’s visit. I sat down with a calendar and worked out that it had been almost two months since I’d last seen them.
I quickly rang Debs thinking I might drop in to see them, but she said they were busy packing up the apartment, getting ready to leave for a six month stay in Paris.
‘Oh my god! Six months in Paris? Really? Like … wow. How come?’
‘Ian applied for a research position at a hospital in France—and he got it. So of course I’m going with him. We’re leaving in three days.’
‘Wow, again. That’s so exciting. I’m really happy for you, but I’ll miss you both.’ I said. Claire was gone, now Debs would be gone too. And I really didn’t have any other female friends besides Crystal. Oh, and Elizabeth. But I could hardly have lunch with Elizabeth.
‘And I’ll miss you too, dear, of course,’ said Debs. ‘I’m so sorry that
I hadn’t called to tell you earlier, but everything has been so hectic. I’ve been trying to get things organised, you know, cancelling my appointments, finding replacements for my bridge games and my volunteer work. And here I’ve hardly even seen you since you got married.’
That sounded funny—I still wasn’t used to hearing people refer to me as being married. I’d barely had time to get used to it, but it was true. I was a married lady now. And just hearing the word made me feel much older than twenty. And I was a mother now, twice over. How long would it be before I started to look like my own mother?
We agreed I’d come over for a quick lunch the next day, and I made a mental note to ask Debs her secret for staying so young looking. She was, after all, my Dad’s older sister. And Dad had been older than Mom. But Debs certainly didn’t look any older than Mom. In fact, you might even say she looked quite a bit younger. Perhaps she could give me some hints. I’d never been the least bit concerned with my looks before I’d met Sam, but now it seemed incredibly important that I look after myself, and stay as young looking as I could, for as long as possible.
~ Chapter Sixteen ~
For weeks Mom had been emailing me, putting pressure on me to set the date for our visit. I couldn’t blame her of course, as I knew she was anxious to meet her son-in-law. I’d gotten away with saying things were busy for the holidays, and then that maybe we’d wait until the better weather in spring. But I was running out of excuses for the delay.
So I was quite surprised when I got her email tonight. She said that since it was now nearly April, and she’d had to wait this long, perhaps we should wait until the end of June when Raye would be on summer vacation. That way the four of us could go somewhere interesting together, like Lake Tahoe or Yosemite, or maybe even the Grand Canyon or Mexico.
On the one hand I felt relieved, but on the other I felt bad for Sam. Claire was planning to be in Melbourne for most of July and August, and she’d already started making plans for the four of us to go away on several trips. And that meant that from June through to August Sam would have to pretend to be human; first, in front of my family, and then in front of Claire. I felt terrible about the pressure it would put him under, so I kept putting off booking our flights. It was easier to just say I’d think about it tomorrow than to actually do anything about it. There was time. There was still plenty of time.
Sacrifice (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 2) Page 14