by S. J. Bishop
"Who’s calling please?"
"Oh," I didn’t want to give my real name. "I’m Hannah. I work with him at Piccadilly’s. I had a question about a shift."
The woman on the other end paused. "I’m sorry," she finally said. "This is his wife. I’m afraid Mr. Brewster has been in a car accident. He’s at Dover Medical."
"Oh, I’m so sorry," I replied, stunned. Not only had I not heard anything about an accident, I hadn’t realized Mr. Brewster was even married. I hung up quickly, feeling stupid.
I was being a baby. I knew that. What would I have done if Mr. Brewster had actually been there? I could never sell myself like that. Especially not when there were alternatives, if I could just muster up the courage to tell Carter. I had to quit being so selfish. Every day I wasted was another day that Lily had to fight, and I was afraid my daughter was getting tired of fighting.
19
Carter
I opened the door for Olivia, who scooted out of the passenger seat of my father’s car. She flashed her angry eyes at me, certain that would do the trick. I had always found her angry eyes not only alluring, but also impossible to resist. But not tonight. I could forgive jealousy, but going after Ava for her parenting and making those snide comments about Lily, it was disgusting.
"Where are you going?" she asked when she realized I was getting back in the car.
"Out. You were a real bitch tonight. You know that?"
"What are you talking about?" she said. "You asked me to come. I thought you wanted to piss her off, otherwise why bring me?"
For once, I had to admit that Olivia had a good point. Why had I brought her? Was it to make Ava jealous like I’d told myself, or was it because with her there, there was no chance for anything more intimate with Ava? Was I afraid of my true feelings for her?’
I stepped on the gas, intent on finding out the answers to my questions. Olivia coughed on the exhaust fumes as I peeled away.
I made it back to Ava’s in record time, knocking lightly on her door so as not to wake Lily. When that resulted in nothing, though, I began to pound on it. I heard Ava moving around inside and when she finally opened the door I could see that she’d been crying. Her eyes widened when she saw me.
"Carter," she said, breathless. "What are you doing here? I told you to go."
"I did go. I got rid of Olivia. Now I’m back."
The corners of Ava’s mouth turned up in a slight grin. "You got rid of Olivia huh? Did you throw her in the Allegheny?"
I laughed, relieved Ava wasn’t slamming the door in my face. "I only wish. Can I come in?" Ava hesitated. "Please?"
"I don’t think that’s a good idea," she said. But she held my gaze in a look that seemed to suggest the she didn’t care whether it was a good idea or not.
"Ava, I’m so sorry about tonight. I should never have brought Olivia here."
"That’s right, you shouldn’t have," Ava said, angry. "Why did you?"
"I just... I thought your boyfriend was gonna be here and I... I wanted to make you jealous." The words came out before I could think about whether or not I should admit this. But as I was confessing, a smile played at her lips and she opened the door wider for me.
"Alright, come in."
I sighed with relief and stepped inside. Almost as soon as she’d closed the door, her phone rang. She looked at me indicating that I should give her a minute.
"Hello?" She seemed nervous and I guessed that with a kid in and out of the hospital, every phone call had the potential to bring her horrible news. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through.
"Oh, Myron," she sighed. "Thanks. I can’t right now. Maybe another time." Myron, was that her boyfriend?
"Everything okay?Okay then, another time.” She looked over at me and rolled her eyes. It didn’t sound like she was happy to be talking to the guy.
They hung up. I stood by the window and looked down at the street. There was a guy looking up at me. Probably another reporter. They really were everywhere.
"Ava," I turned and walked over to her. "I’m so sorry. Please believe me."
She sighed. "I do. But..." Soft sobs escaped her throat and I went to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She let me and I could feel her shoulders relax.
"Carter, I’ve been trying to tell you something since you got here. I... Lily..." But the sobs took over again and I wiped them away from her cheeks. The feel of her skin was electric.
When I leaned in to kiss her, she didn’t stop me. She kissed me back, pressing her lips harder against mine, surprising me with the depth of her desire. I wrapped my arms more tightly around her.
We moved to the couch, falling back onto it like a wave crashing against the shore. Ava was still wearing the short brown skirt she’d had on for dinner, and my hands moved under it, lifting it up as I pushed her panties to the floor.
I tenderly circled the delicate pink center of her pussy. She began moaning softly and I stroked her harder. She threw her head back and let out a cry. Her energy was electric and my body responded instinctively.
I lowered my head, seeking her, wanting to bring her to the precipice just before orgasm and to keep her there. My tongue swirled around her center as her body convulsed under me, making my member hard with anticipation. I took her between my lips and pulled gently at her sex, hearing her breath speed up.
Ava reached down and pulled my head up. I loved the way her hands felt in my hair, tugging gently as she unbuckled my pants and pushed them to my knees. I found my way into her with ease, moving gently at first, searching for the rhythm, then picking up the pace once I had the beat.
Ava’s hands ran up and over my back, stopping on my ass and pulling me tighter to her. I rocked against her, pressing myself deeper and deeper insider her. Her warmth was like fire deep in my belly, feeding me. This was better than any alcohol I’d ever drunk, any dope I’d ever smoked. Ava was a natural high.
Her nails dug into my back and her thighs tightened around me. I moved faster, feeling myself grow inside her and the blood in my veins rush to my head. At once Ava and I jumped into the light together, filling ourselves with each other. Our bodies took hold of the energy that surged through us. I fell against Ava, breathing heavy, never wanting to leave her again.
20
Ava
I woke up to the sound of Carter’s phone vibrating on my nightstand. I looked over to see if he would get it, but his head was buried underneath the pillow in an attempt to ward off the encroaching daylight. I paused, wondering again if I’d made a mistake.
I had thought it would be best if he went home last night, but he had assured me he wanted to stay. He didn’t want to go back to Olivia. He didn’t want to go back to his parents. He said I was the only one who understood him. The only one who made him feel as if his body was on fire.
How could I resist a line like that? Besides, I knew what he meant. My own body lit up whenever he touched me. This morning, when he woke up, I would tell him the truth about Lily, once and for all.
I paused. It occurred to me that I was beginning to sound like a broken record. I kept saying that I would tell Carter, yet I hadn’t told him anything yet. I’d been close last night, but then... I wondered now what I was so afraid of. If I told him the truth and he rejected me, I would be no worse off than I was now, so why not tell him?
I looked over at his face as he slept. My heart both soared and broke at the same time. I loved him—it was useless to pretend that I didn’t. I had ever since that first night together three years ago. If I told him the truth now and he left, that meant he wasn’t just leaving Lily, he was leaving me. It was selfish of me, I knew that, but I’d long harbored the hope that one day he would come back for me. Now that he was back, I was afraid it wouldn’t last.
Carter’s phone buzzed again and he groaned. I reached over and grabbed it, deciding to let him sleep. I only meant to silence it, but when I saw he had three texts from Olivia, my heart skipped a beat. Jealously instinctively took over.<
br />
I opened the texts and my jaw dropped open. There was a picture of Olivia... naked. Her body was gorgeous. Even though I was sure it was all fake, I couldn’t help but feel inferior to Olivia seeing her like this. All three pictures were the same. A beautiful, naked Olivia. In one of them, she was smiling and holding her hand out to the camera.
I enlarged the photo, trying to get a better look at what was supposed to be so interesting about her hand when there was so much more of her to see. Then, my mouth went dry. I looked from the photo, to Carter, back to the photo. A diamond engagement ring sat glistening atop Olivia’s ring finger. It sparkled in the light, almost as bright as Olivia’s hair.
A fourth text came in while I was holding the phone.
Good morning my darling fiancé. I missed you last night. Thought I’d remind you why you should get home soon.
I dropped the phone and pushed Carter off the bed.
Part III
21
Ava
I looked once more at the picture Olivia had sent, then shoved Carter out of bed.
"What the hell?" he screamed, his head snapped up and he looked around. I didn’t care that he had been sleeping peacefully a moment before.
"Get out!" I screamed.
"Ava, what’s going on? What’s the matter with you?"
I threw a pillow at him, hoping it would do the trick. I could barely stand to look at him. How could I be such a fool? "I just told you to get out. This is my apartment. My rules. I want you to leave. Now!" I hit him with another pillow, but this time he grabbed it from me, trying to defend himself.
"Ava, can you please tell me what’s going on?"
My eyes welled up with tears, and I tried unsuccessfully to hold them back.
"You got a text," I said throwing his phone at him.
He looked at me, and I could tell he was clueless. Obviously he couldn’t know what the messages were, but I blamed him anyway. After all, he had just slept with me omitting the not insignificant detail that he was engaged!
I watched him as he opened his phone and saw the pictures Olivia had sent. “Oh, God.”
Until I opened Carter’s texts, I had been in the best of moods. I was sure that Carter was the stand-up guy I had always known he was and that once I told him about Lily, he would make everything right. My biggest concern had been that he’d be mad at me for keeping the secret from him, but once I explained why I’d done it, I figured he’d forgive me. After all, I’d done it all for him. So that he could go on to have his big football career—a career he was wasting away at the moment. I had wanted to save him the burden of being responsible for a baby right when his dream career was taking off.
But even as all these familiar thoughts passed through my mind, I’d wondered if it was all true, or if just maybe, I was fooling myself a little. At first, when I had found out I was pregnant, I had wanted to protect Carter. I had loved him and hadn’t wanted to ruin his career. But had I really kept Lily from Carter for three years all for his sake? Or had I maybe done it for my own sake as well? Deep down, wasn’t I scared he might reject me? Scared that once he knew the truth, he would want nothing more to do with me. By keeping Lily from him, it felt like I was keeping my dreams alive.
Carter sat on my bedroom floor staring at his phone. "Ava, let me explain," he said.
"Explain?" I laughed like a crazy person, barely able to contain all of the emotions that were flooding though me. "What is there to explain?" I got out of bed and threw a robe around myself, feeling incredibly vulnerable. "I mean, you’re engaged. That’s freaking fabulous."
"Listen, please, it was a long time ago. We were drunk and—"
"You’re always drunk Carter! Do you think that excuses your actions? Do you think it makes everything okay?" I looked at him with angry, wet eyes. My voice turned to a mocking tone that I hated to hear coming out of me. "Oh," I said, imitating Carter, unable to stop myself. "Well gee, I was drunk last night, so nothing I did counts. That man I punched... doesn’t count. That tree I crashed into... doesn’t count."
"So you think I’m some egocentric alcoholic? Is that it?"
I paused before going on. He had a look of remorse that I wasn’t convinced could be faked. "I don’t know. What I do know is that you’re no good for Lily and I. You lie and hurt people and can’t seem to stop. Engaged, Carter? Really? And here I was thinking you and Olivia were broken up."
"I never said that. You assumed that."
And just like that he completely disappointed me once more. Was he really so cold? So stupid as to think he was helping his case? If he could have shown some sense of his own failings, I might have listened to him now. I might even have forgiven him, but he didn’t seem to be capable of understanding how I might be feeling. It was ironic and pathetic. He admitted to me that he was jealous of my “boyfriend” and yet he couldn’t comprehend why I might be hurt by the fact that he’d slept with me while engaged to another woman?
"Just go, Carter, please." Tears streamed down my cheeks and Carter finally stood up. I watched him leave then sat on the couch in my living room, with my head buried in my hands. Lily came out of her room, rubbing her eyes. The sun had only been up for an hour or so.
"Mommy," Lily said, seeing me on the couch. "Why sad?" She wrapped her arms around me and held me as tight as her little arms could. I fought back the urge to break into sobs. I had an overwhelming urge to protect her, yet my pride had prevented me from asking Carter for help, one more time. Well, my pride and his lies.
"I’m not sad, baby," I lied. "I’m just... tired. That’s all."
But Lily wasn’t convinced. She may only have been three, but she knew sad when she saw it. She just sat next to me, holding my hand. I wanted to stay strong for her more than anything else. But her sweet desire to comfort me, when I should be the one offering her support, was more than I could take. The sobs came and Lily sat holding my hand until the tears finally subsided.
22
Carter
I was mad at Ava, I was mad at Olivia, I was mad at myself. Why hadn’t I put Olivia on a plane last night and sent her back to L.A.? Why couldn’t Ava let me explain? I had only proposed to Olivia when I was drunk. Actually, we’d both been drunk and out on the town for the night. It had been a spur of the moment decision and so long ago I’d pretty much forgotten it. We’d broken up again the very next day and I’d gone out with that actress—what was her name?—for a month. Olivia had gone out with another football player from the Oakland Raiders, just to mess with me.
Though Olivia and I had gotten together again since then, we’d also broken up half a dozen times since then too. I didn’t even know she still had that darn ring. She’d never worn it or shown it to anyone as far as I knew.
Ava didn’t want to hear it so I left without another word. Anything I tried to say just seemed to be making things worse right now.
When I got to my parents’ house I stormed right up to Olivia’s room and threw open the door. Hannah was in there with Olivia, as was Erik Rudolphe, Hannah’s fiancé. I had completely forgotten that Hannah said Erik would be arriving today with Axel. Axel was gonna be pissed that I forgot about him.
"Hey, Carter," Erik said, grinning and extending his hand. He wore a pair of designer eyeglasses that must have cost upwards of $500. Erik didn’t even need glasses. He had 20/20 vision—a little tidbit of information that Hannah had shared with me earlier in their relationship.
I’d never liked Erik. He was an obnoxious loudmouth who always had to have his way. Erik thought he was better than everyone. Also, his movies sucked. He was a lousy director. I’d voiced my opinion to Hannah when she’d first started dating him—not about the movies; I’d left that part out seeing as how Hannah had starred in two of them. But after things had gotten serious between the two of them, I’d stopped being so critical of Erik. I didn’t want to be constantly arguing with Hannah over her relationship with him.
Axel jumped out from behind me just then, attempting to tackle m
e to the ground. Axel was 6'2" inches tall, with dark hair and striking blue eyes. We’d been best buds since joining San Francisco. I wasn't sure how I’d get by next season with Axel in Denver.
Now, however, I was in no mood to entertain. I was on a mission. "Hi," I snapped at Axel, who quickly put his hand down from the high five he'd been seeking. "Get out," I barked at Hannah.
"What’s with you?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. I could see she was already getting herself worked up. Hannah liked to argue.
"Nothing. Get out. Please. I need to talk to Olivia." I glanced over at Olivia who smiled sweetly at me.
Hannah looked like she was ready to argue, but then she looked at Erik and seemed to think twice about whether or not it was worth it. I guess he was good for something. If he hadn’t been here, Hannah probably would have made a scene and then I’d have both her and Olivia to contend with.
My sister rose from the chair she’d been sitting on and dragged Erik along behind her. "Whatever man," Axel said. "I'm going to get me some pussy. Even this town must have bars. I'll catch up with you later."
"Fine," Hannah said, turning to Olivia. "Just don’t break up again till after the wedding, okay? I need a maid of honor who’s going to be happy, not depressed." I loved my sister but she had an uncanny ability to make everything about her.
Olivia shrugged. "I’m not going anywhere," she said, winking at Hannah.
Hannah looked at me once more, with suspicion. I wondered if she had any clue as to what I was so worked up about. I doubted she and Ava talked, but maybe Olivia had told her about our dinner outing and the fact that I’d never come home last night. Hannah had a weird sort of intuition when it came to other people’s affairs. I was willing to bet she would be on to me in a matter of hours if she didn’t already suspect what was up.