“You cannot be serious! She is a common servant, and love? You don’t even know her, how can you love her?”
Philip was enraged but kept his head.
“She is anything but ‘common.’ She is bright and sensitive. She is the only woman that I have wanted. She could change my mind about being a confirmed bachelor. She is the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. She is the woman I want to give me children.”
This was too much for Jeremiah to bear.
“Children with Molly … can’t you see that she is older than you … she is probably barren?”
Philip had enough. He stood and threw his napkin on the table. “I would be lucky if she would find me worthy. For you see father, she is better than both of us.”
“I forbid this Philip! Do you understand?”
Philip was already near to the door as he turned.
“What are you going to do?” He was curious. “I am a man and capable of making my own decisions. She will be the mother of my children, the heirs to this family. I promise you that.”
He left the room having felt he made it clear what he would do. He had prayed that Molly had not heard any of the conversation.
In the other room Molly as well as the other servants could hear the entire banter. Jeremiah had done this on purpose. He knew that Molly loved Philip. He also knew that she was a woman of essence, even though he would not admit that to Philip. She would not be in this household long. She would give up Philip because she loved him.
Molly walked over to where the keys of the house were kept neatly hung in a row. She took one and slipped it into her apron, knowing what she must do.
~
Philip did not see Molly the rest of the day even though he looked for her. When it was time to retire he waited until the house was still and his last hope of seeing her vanished. He had wished that she had not heard the conversation. He was sure that Jeremiah had staged it that way on purpose. He feared that the wrath of his father had scared off Molly. He would not let it end that way. He would not let it end at all. He would see Molly tomorrow. If he had to leave the house he had always lived in to be with her he would do it without hesitation. Even losing his position as heir to the family business would not sway him. Losing Molly at this point would supersede any earthly values.
He entered his room. The staff had routinely turned down the bed. Tonight, there were rose pedals lying across the pillow. There was a lone candle on the nightstand next to the bed. As he approached the bed he saw his shirt hanging up on the bedpost. He could smell the light fragrance that he associated with Molly. He felt her presence and looked around the room. He saw the drapes moving. He walked over and found Molly standing behind them. She was trembling and he could see she was crying.
“I came to tell you good bye,” she said tearfully.
Philip felt his heart breaking for himself and for the pain he saw in Molly’s eyes. He pulled her close to him.
“No, don’t say that. You are my heart Molly,” he said as he put her hand to his chest.
“I will only hurt you if I stay, Philip. This cannot possibly work. You and I are not the same.”
“I know that,” he confirmed. He took her in his arms and held her close to him. “You are the most wonderful woman in the world and I would be the most fortunate man if you would have me. I could only hope that you would give me the opportunity to show you that for the rest of our lives.”
She was frustrated with his unrealistic desires. She was sad that he was not being practical.
“You are making this so difficult, and I cannot ruin your life.”
“You will only ruin my life if you leave me, Molly. Give me some time. I will figure this all out. We will run off if we have to.”
He took her face in his hands.
“Do you understand? There is no other way. You and I will be together.”
He kissed her gently. Then he pulled her toward him to kiss her in a more passionate way.
She stepped on his toe as she attempted to move closer to him.
With an impish grin on his face he took her in his arms and said. “No, let me carry you.” He carried her over to his bed and gently began to disrobe her.
~13~
The Intense Venture
It was early spring and it was planned that the wagon train would travel through the Midwest during the summer. If all went well they would be in the plains when it became fall. If the weather was mild they could be on the west coast by winter.
Sarah was about eight months pregnant. She smiled as they left town. She spoke to Rebecca in a grateful tone.
“I am so glad you will be with us.” She hugged her. “I would not ever have asked you but now that you are here, I am so happy!”
Rebecca needed to hear these words. The obligation that she had felt until now had turned to compassion. She had a feeling of not belonging anywhere else but at the side of Sarah. She did not share with her cousin what she had felt that very morning.
Rebecca had wondered if she would be able to leave. She loved the idea of a new beginning, yet she knew it would be so demanding. She would not know the comforts she had grown up with and been accustomed to having.
Rebecca had packed lightly. She only took a wool skirt and one cotton dress. She was wearing a white cotton camisole with a white over-blouse, the only feminine thing she would have. She had on a dark blue linen skirt. In the pocket was her mother’s Bible.
~
The first week of the journey was very boring and difficult. What was the most disgusting was the constant taste of dust in her mouth. It was everywhere and there was no getting around it. It was in the wagon and in her shoes. There were times that the dust was so deep it came up to their knees. One day Rebecca looked at Robert as she walked along side the wagon. He looked grotesque. The dust on his face was so thick that he appeared to be wearing a mask. She could see the place where his eyes were and the shape of his nose. It nearly frightened her and she realized that she must look the same. Fortunately, later that day they found a river. They could wash the dust from their bodies and clothes.
Rebecca did not think about the fact that she probably would not be able to bathe for nearly a week. She always felt so dirty. Between the smell from the cattle and the human odors that were always present she felt sick to her stomach most of the time. She did not know how Sarah survived in her present condition. Sarah was not one to complain and Rebecca decided she would follow that example. It was known who she was and among the common folk. It was rumored that she would not last.
There was also the loss of privacy. Because they were in such non-ventured territory they did things in pairs all the time. This included relieving themselves. Rebecca promised herself that at some time before this trip was over she would walk off by herself, just to have a few minutes of solitude.
She had regretted her decision and longed to be home. She did not share this with anyone. Had it not been for the companionship of her cousin she would have lost her mind. As Sarah’s days of confinement drew to a close she became much more dependant upon the support of Rebecca.
One day while riding in the wagon during the rain Sarah admired a jewelry box that Rebecca was holding. She had seen it on her dresser during the time that Rebecca had lived with her and her mother.
“That is lovely,” she said. “You have had that for years.”
“Yes, I have. It was my mother’s,” she said. She opened it and let it play a melody.
Sarah’s looked on with admiration. She was childlike in her expression.
Rebecca was so moved by how Sarah was so easily pleased. She handed it to her. “Here, you can have it.”
“I could not take it,” she said. “It is obviously something precious to you.”
“No, it would mean a lot to me if you had it.” Rebecca insisted.
Sarah had tears in her eyes. She was not as touched about the jewelry box as she was in how easily Rebecca would give to her. Sarah hugged Rebecca thanking
her sincerely.
Rebecca felt a pang of guilt at wanting so badly to be home and a million miles from here.
~
The wagon train had been through most of the Midwest and was near to the Plaines area. The wagon master, Jonathan Simmons kept a brutal schedule. He knew what he must accomplish. He kept to himself most of the time. He knew that if he gave into the emotions of the people in his care they would lose precious time.
~
Rebecca had her first encounter with an Indian when a white man traveling with his Lakota wife met them. Max and his wife, Bright Shawl were vagabonds. They traveled from post to post and traded goods. They had some fresh supplies that were a welcome sight to the weary travelers.
They were allowed to camp with them for the night. Jonathan Simmons had assigned people to keep an eye on them. Strangers were not always welcome, especially Indian strangers.
Rebecca took the opportunity to learn about the childhood of the Indian woman. She came to realize just how sheltered of a life she had led. She was fascinated by what she was told of the nomadic Indian culture.
Bright Shawl took a liking to Rebecca. She told her things about the Indian life style that she did not usually share with the white man.
While Rebecca could not fathom living in a tipi she found herself enthralled by the serenity in the eyes of the woman she encountered. And there was wisdom about this woman that Rebecca had not found in the books that she had read about these ‘primitive’ people. As Bright Shawl spoke of her childhood, Rebecca found herself longing for the comforts of her home in the east. She viewed the wagon train journey just a temporary nightmare.
In the morning they left as the wagon train progressed westward. Rebecca had not slept most of the evening. She sat at the campfire with Bright Shawl who shared her life on the Plaines with Rebecca. As she watched their wagon disappear into the horizon she had a better understanding of the Indian. It was very different from what she had read.
~
Sarah’s’ days of confinement were coming to a close. She had a swollen belly that made it next to impossible to climb on the wagon, but she did with little complaint. One night Rebecca heard Sarah moaning.
“It is time, Rebecca,” she informed her.
Rebecca began to panic. She left to find the midwife. With her lantern in hand she carefully walked to the wagon of Emma and Alfred Wainwright. She was grateful that this woman was traveling with the wagon train. She called to her softly outside the wagon. Emma had been a midwife since her early twenties. She had strong intuition and seemed to sense when she was needed. She would wake easily and sometimes before her name was called. She rose quickly and came to the assistance of Sarah.
Rebecca watched helplessly as her cousin labored to give birth. When it came time for the child to be born Rebecca thought she would have to leave. Instead, she was glued to the side of Sarah. She witnessed the miracle of new life and cried along with Sarah.
Sarah took her new daughter to her breast.
Rebecca left her side to tell Robert he was a father. She found him just outside the wagon where he had made a well warn track. He had been pacing during the night.
“Is she okay?” His first concern was for the welfare of his wife.
Rebecca smiled anxious to be the one to tell him his child had been born. “She is just fine and you have a beautiful daughter.” She was not sure he heard her words after her reassurance that Sarah was well. He rushed past her and into the wagon to see his wife and new baby.
Ruth was a beautiful baby with a head full of red hair to match her mother’s. She was healthy, yet she was so small and helpless.
Sarah rode in the back of the wagon for several days as she recovered from the birth of her child. She and Robert were delighted. It warmed Rebecca’s heart to see the closeness that Ruth brought to Robert and Sarah. She was impressed with how attentive Robert was to his new family. He would not let Sarah do anything and insisted on her resting all the time. Rebecca was grateful to have been there to help.
Rebecca, to her surprise was marveled by the birth of Ruth. It was not how she expected to feel. She looked on the mother and child with tenderness one night as the wagon train stopped to camp for the night.
“She is really beautiful,” she said to Sarah.
“I love her so much that it scares me,” Sarah replied. “She has only been here a few days yet I cannot imagine life without her.”
Sarah noticed the far away look in Rebecca’s eyes. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No,” said Rebecca. “I just never thought I would feel this way. But, after seeing her born and how precious she is I wonder if I have been wrong about wanting one of my own.”
Sarah smiled. “I am glad to hear you say that.” She thought for a minute. “Maybe this new beginning will bring a wonderful man into your life.”
Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t know about that. I would not make a very good wife or mother. I don’t have any idea how to do either.”
“I don’t agree. It comes natural to a woman in the right time. Beside, you helped raise me. Look how good I turned out,” she said with a smile.
The birth of Ruth brought on a change in Rebecca. It was then that she made up her mind that she would not buckle. In an effort to prove to everyone she was strong enough to endure this trip she proved it to herself. Rebecca found that as the wagon train progressed she adjusted to the difference and her feelings of despair. There was no turning back now even though she had contemplated it several times.
In time she even looked forward to the gatherings at night by the campfire. Everyone had begun to grow close to each other. Their survival in a land that was unforgiving to the impossible demands of the wagon train depended upon the close bond that had developed during the journey. The class distinction that was so prevalent in the city fell by the wayside as they realized a common goal.
Rebecca also knew that Sarah needed her even after the birth of her child. That would justify her leaving her safe home to take this expedition into an unknown wilderness.
As the wagon train moved further into the west they became more cautious of the threat of hostile Indians. Rebecca had built some endurance for what little grace the land had to offer its inhabitants. She wondered how the aborigines had learned to survive and thrive in such harsh surroundings.
~
Another two months had passed and Ruth was growing beautifully. Rebecca was surprised at how she had bonded with the child. She loved her as much as she did Sarah. She often thought about how proud Christine would be of her only child.
It was late summer. Jonathan Simmons took pride in how far they had traveled. If all went well they would be to the coast by the late fall. Winter would be spent in their new destination.
Beside life on the wagon train not being easy, it was sometimes tragic. One day there had been a terrible accident. One of the wagons lost control while traveling down a steep hill. A woman and her son were thrown from the wagon. Her husband was not as fortunate. He perished in the accident tying to salvage what little they owned.
Life would be very tough for this woman. Women who were alone in the wilderness were almost always a recipe for disaster. It was more than likely that if she did not remarry she would return east in the spring. Until then, she would have to rely on the generosity of others to help her and her family through the winter months.
Rebecca had become much more sensitive to the needs of others. She would stay with this family at night. She was company to a woman who had a shaky future.
Because of the delay in repairing the wagon the caravan was deferred. The weather was changing and the nights could turn very cold and damp. The settlers had now fallen prey to the croup. It spread through the camp taking the weakest in its path of destruction. Unfortunately Ruth caught the dreaded virus.
“This should work,” Sarah instructed Rebecca. She had boiled a pot of water. Sarah had made a tent out of cloth. She covered herself and the baby with the clot
h. The steam bath was designed to clear her congestion.
Ruth coughed and cried when she could breathe. It broke Rebecca’s heart to see the child so helpless. She would look at Sarah and Rebecca as though wanting them to make her well. Sarah toiled all night to cure her daughter. She did not seem to tire in her struggle to help Ruth. There were many moments during the night when she seemed to be breathing and even fell asleep. However, as the night lingered she became worse.
Sarah, Robert and Rebecca took turns with Ruth. As the night progressed so did the threat to Ruth. By sunrise she had passed away. Even in her exhausted state Rebecca was sick over the death of Ruth. Rebecca had to be the one to let Sarah and Robert know that it was hopeless. She could tell that Ruth had expired. Yet both Sarah and Robert continued to put Ruth in the steam bath.
When they finally accepted that the child had found peace in death Sarah held her to her bosom and sobbed. Robert walked outside and sat on a nearby rock. He buried his face in his hands and cried. Rebecca was too exhausted and overcome to feel anything. She watched the goings on around her as though she was on the outside looking in. It was a nightmare she could not escape. She feared that Sarah would not survive. She was beyond consoling. She held her baby and could not give her up.
The following morning Rebecca had to prod Sarah to give up the child for burial. She sat emotionless holding the lifeless body of her child. Sarah had gone into a state of shock. She had a shallow look in her eyes that could not be penetrated.
“Give her to me,” Rebecca said as she cried. She was finally able to take Ruth from Sarah. Sarah had a difficult time releasing the baby. To Sarah giving her child to Rebecca would be her final admission of loss.
Rebecca had never been exposed to the death of someone so young. She was mortified and deeply devastated. She could not even imagine what Sarah was going through. She looked at the baby but had trouble accepting that she was gone.
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