The Spirits of Nature

by Michelle Post

  They sat at the fire in silence. She wanted to say more but the words would not come to her. Maybe the stillness was prudent. She knew that he was aware of the seriousness of the choice she had made tonight.

  After a while he looked at her and said the name he had heard earlier. It was the name that the white man mentioned.

  “Rebecca?”

  She took his hand and placed it on her heart. Shaking her head she said, “No, I am Your Mourning Dove.”

  ~24~

  Forsaken

  Fletcher Stone agreed to meet with Philip at the same pub where he had given him the whereabouts of Molly. Philip entered looking much older than Fletcher had remembered. He also had grown very thin. He ordered a drink but barely touched it.

  Fletcher handed Philip the note Rebecca had written.

  “I am sorry but this is right from the horse’s mouth,” said Fletcher Stone. He immediately knew that he had made a poor choice of words.

  Philip gave him a disapproving look. He was too anxious to spar with him. Fletcher Stone was not worth the effort.

  Philip read the note. It appeared to be her writing but it was not very neat and that was not like Rebecca.

  “This is preposterous! Do you really expect me to believe this bullshit?”

  It was the reaction that Fletcher Stone had counted on. It was time to play his trump card. He threw the parfleche on the table. “Take a look at this,” he said.

  Philip looked at the unusual pouch. Even though it was not something he had ever seen before he knew it was authentic.

  Fletcher Stone had saved it for just this moment because he knew how Philip would react to the letter. This was proof that he had been in contact with Rebecca. This would help to convince Philip and his father the letter was not bogus.

  Philip looked through the bag and pulled out his watch. Then he found her hair with the ribbon tied around it. He put the hair to his face. He could feel the softness of it and he knew in his heart that this lock of hair belonged to Rebecca.

  “Is she dead?” he questioned without thinking.

  “Nah,” he replied. “You read the note.”

  He could not believe what he was hearing and what he had read. He had such mixed emotions. The letter was in her writing he knew it well. He could not believe the girl he grew up with was living among the Indians. She proclaimed to be happy at that!

  “Rebecca?” he said in disbelief.

  “The Mourning Dove,” Fletcher Stone corrected him as he cleared his throat. He was enjoying himself at the expense of Philip’s emotions.

  Philip wanted to kill him. He took control of his emotions and considered the source.

  Yet, this did not seem possible. Could love really cross all boundaries? Could she possibly love a savage?

  “How can I be sure that she did not write this in distress?” he questioned Fletcher. “She may have feared for her life or yours for that matter.”

  Philip was probing for an answer that made sense.

  “When I arrived at the village, she was in a tipi, I recon,” he explained.

  “An Injun the size of a mountain saw the watch and left. He must have gone to her and when he returned she followed. I could see that she was not under any kind of distress, in fact I have not seen a woman looking so calm and happy around these parts as that sister of yours looked that night.” Fletcher did not know if he should elaborate, but his money was on the line. The shred of decency he had for humanity made him almost feel sorry for Philip.

  “In fact as a man I could tell there was something between them. It was something special. If he was not an Indian, and a chief I might add, I would have said he was probably a good husband to your sister,” he said in his lack of knowledge.

  Philip then realized the narrow-minded way he was thinking. He immediately thought of Molly. He had not really thought about her through his grieving for Rose. Beside that, he was not about to enter the arena of another man. He did not do it when he was married to Rose. Just because he was no longer married did not give him the right to seek her out. At least that is what he told himself.

  In that moment Philip was convinced that Fletcher was telling the truth. He had a sudden change of heart. He smiled for Rebecca. He rejoiced for her contentment. She had what he had found twice and lost. She had the happiness that can be found with the person that you love.

  He knew that this meant he would never see her again. He would miss her for the rest of his life. With this knowledge of Rebecca he thought about Molly. There was one light of hope.

  Fletcher Stone cleared his throat again. He could see Philip had gone into another world. He was confused by the sudden change in Philip. What did it matter? He would be paid and he had some fun in the meantime, which was the icing on the cake.

  Philip paid Fletcher and sent him fortunately on his way. Fletcher had two strokes of luck in his search, the watch and finding Rebecca in a vast land.

  How was Philip going to show this to his father? He was not sure that Jeremiah could handle it. He would have to. A bargain is a bargain. Fletcher had done his part and given them what they had asked him to do. He had located Rebecca. She was ‘safe’ by her own definition. The money was not the issue. It was the truth of the matter that could kill Jeremiah. He knew it would break his heart.

  Jeremiah was grief-stricken when Philip told him the news. It was more than he could bear. He did not know what to say. They were in the study and Jeremiah was looking at the parfleche and its contents.

  “At least she is alive,” Philip told his father. “And she is with someone she loves.”

  “How can you say such rubbish?” Jeremiah exploded. “She is living among the savages; how do we know that she had no choice in the matter?”

  “Oh, I am sure that in the beginning she may have felt that way. We don’t know what has happened.” He tried to soften the blow. Philip continued. “I think we need to accept what has happened even though we are both in shock. At least we know something. It is more than we had before.” He continued to explain. “I questioned Fletcher. I had all the same concerns as you have.”

  He showed his father the watch again. The note could have been spurious. The watch was definitely authentic and to the best of their knowledge came from Rebecca.

  “We are going to have to understand that she has made a choice and be glad that at least she is not dead and that she is alive and well.” Philip was trying to make some sense of this to his father.

  “She is not well!” Jeremiah insisted. “As far as I am concerned she is dead.”

  The remark made a deep cut in Philip’s heart. How could he feel that way? This was a child he had loved and cherished.

  “I am sorry father, but you are wrong.”

  He was becoming impatient and hurt over his father’s reaction. He knew if he stayed in the room he would have said some things that would have been very damaging. He would not convince Jeremiah that he was shortsighted. It was not in his realm of understanding. He still felt compassion for him.

  “I will leave you alone with your thoughts, Father. In time I pray you come to your senses.”

  Jeremiah was in too much pain and confusion to respond. He watched with little emotion as Philip left the room.

  As much as Philip felt compassion for his father it was poetic justice. He knew that his father had a hand in the disappearance of Molly. That happened because she was not ‘good’ enough. Now Rebecca had a lover that was beyond Jeremiah’s comprehension. The difference was that she was allowed to have her own life. There was nothing to stop her. There was not the prejudice he and Molly had to face.

  Even in light of all this Philip felt a great deal of sorrow for his father. He had always lived his life based on what he believed and knew to be right and wrong. He was trapped by his own limitations. He had lived a very lonely life after the death of his wife. He had done the best for his children.

  Jeremiah was facing old age never to see his daughter again and without an heir.

>   ~

  Philip sat in his room for hours on end that night and thought. He held the letter from Molly and the address that Fletcher Stone had given to him. He could only imagine how his father was feeling. He felt he was better at adapting to change. However he was still digesting the news of his sister. He had a deep admiration for her and her courage in choosing to stay and love the man she had taken as her husband, even though most would not acknowledge the union as a marriage.

  She knew the consequence, the unforgiving wrath of Jeremiah. Rebecca was definitely a strong woman willing to live up to her convictions. He could feel from the words of her letter that her resolve had rewarded her with a more peaceful heart.

  He thought about the morality of another man’s wife, but something deep inside told him there was more to it. Had Rose lived he would not have questioned it further. Rose did not live and now there was something deep within in his soul that told him he and Molly had some things to resolve.

  When it was dawn he alerted the stable hands that he was going to take an unplanned hunting trip. They prepared his horse for the excursion. Mrs. Walters could tell that Philip’s hunting trip was not as it seemed. She knew about Rebecca but this was something more. As Philip rummaged about the kitchen she approached him.

  “Philip, I am sorry about Rebecca.”

  Philip looked at her with resolve. He was also irritated with the interruption of his scurrying around.

  “I hate the thought of never seeing my sister again.” He said this as he placed some fruit in a saddlebag.

  Mrs. Walters went right to the point. “Philip what are you doing?”

  He was surprised at her intrusion of his privacy. He was close to this woman, as close as his father had tolerated during the years. She was certainly more loving than a hired hand. Yet, there had been a line that was never crossed, until now.

  Somehow he wanted to share his plan. Maybe, in her heart she would find some empathy for him. She had certainly seen him suffer.

  “I have found Molly,” he said.

  Mrs. Walters put her hand to her mouth. How on earth did he find her? She knew more about the sudden departure of Molly than anyone else. She did not agree with Jeremiah. There was a part of her that was suddenly proud of Philip. He was a man who did not give up easily. She did not ask how he found her. She was more concerned about his actions.

  “What on earth do you plan to do?”

  “I have to see her again. I have some questions and I need answers.” He was about to leave. He was surprised at how much he was telling Mrs. Walters.

  “Philip, I am concerned for your safety.”

  He turned to her with conviction. “Nothing really matters now, does it? I have lost my adoring wife and the child she was carrying. I have lost my sister … My Rebecca. I lost Molly one time but it will not happen again. I assure you of that.” He was moving toward the door. “I will see her again. I have to. Someday she will live in this house as my wife.” The look in his eye was so intense. “You can choose to tell my father where I have gone. I implore you not to.”

  “Please be careful,” she said as he turned to leave.

  She could see him mount the horse from the windows in the kitchen. He rode off determined. She did not know what he would be facing. He had no idea how much she loved him, Rebecca and Molly. They were the children she had never had.

  She prayed for him as he disappeared into the horizon.

  ~25~

  A Mended Heart

  Connecticut was beautiful in the winter. There was new fallen snow that lightly embraced the trees and ground in a white blanket. The day was calm. Philip’s broken heart felt new and uplifted.

  He checked into the local hotel under the name of Williams. He was in the same town as his beloved Molly. He dropped off his bags and cleaned up after the journey. He was in a hurry; in just a short time he would see her again.

  Molly lived in a row house close to the shore. She lived with many other fishermen and their wives in this sleepy neighborhood. He walked down her street not knowing what would happen but anxious to see her again no matter what the outcome. His heart was racing as he knocked on the door.

  Molly came to the door and turned pale at the sight of Philip. Her eyes filled with tears. She looked more radiant to him than ever. He wanted to take her in his arms but walked softly not believing but taking care knowing she might be married.

  “May I come in?” he asked, hoping no one would notice him.

  Molly looked around and decided that it was safer to let him in than to stand outside where they would be seen. She could not believe he was standing in front of her. She could feel her legs wanting to give away. She was trembling.

  “How on earth did you find me, Philip?”

  “I hired someone, Molly I could not live without seeing you again. What happened? Why did you leave?” He had so many questions.

  He began to move toward her.

  “We can’t. I am married. It would not be right,” she pleaded wanting to rush into his arms. She was not making any sense but then she was too overwhelmed.

  “Molly, I don’t understand.” He needed to know what had happened.

  “Philip, it was not wise for you to come here. I don’t want something to happen to you. You must leave. I am sure someone saw you. Please, Philip.”

  He was too filled with desire and uncertainty that she was not still in love with him. He began to move toward her again. He was interrupted when he heard the cries of an infant.

  “You have a child?” he asked. This was getting to be more than he could bear.

  “Yes, Philip, I do.” She was becoming emotional.

  “Philip, you should not have come here. It just is not the same.” She had begun to cry.

  “Molly please, I have searched for you for over a year!”

  He did not tell her about his marriage to Rose. That was not the issue right now. He would tell her later, when the time was right.

  “I am sorry Philip,” she said as she walked toward the cries of the baby. “I have to ask you to leave. I need to tend to Andrew. Please let yourself out.”

  She looked at him pleading. “Please for my sake and for the baby?”

  She did not return to the room. He did not want to cause her any more harm and if there were consequences to his visit it was prudent to leave. He walked slowly toward the door. He left the house and returned to the hotel.

  Molly watched Philip from the bedroom window. She held her infant, comforting him as she cried.

  Philip entered his room. He was destroyed. He contemplated his next move. He was resolved in his decision that he must find a way to at least talk to her. He had questions and he needed to have answers. He was in the middle of this thought when a knock came to his hotel door. The only person who knew his whereabouts was Molly.

  She stood outside trembling.

  “Can I see you for a moment?” she asked.

  Without hesitation he opened the door. His prayers were answered. She entered the room and sat on the bed with him. Philip took out the letter that Jeremiah had given him.

  “Did you write this?” he questioned. He handed her the well worn stationary.

  Molly took the paper and glanced at it. It was apparent that it was not something that was unfamiliar to her.

  “Yes, Philip, I did. Who else would refer to you as my heart, no one would know that except for us.” She could see the hurt in his eyes. “There are things that I cannot share with you Philip, things that will not change what has happened.”

  She had tears in her eyes as she put her hand on his sleeve. “I had to come here to tell you how sorry I was. I wanted you to know that I will always love you no matter what.”

  “Then come away with me,” he begged.

  “That is impossible and you know it, Philip. I am not sure why I came here. I guess that I could not stay away. I thought you deserved some explanation. I am married now. He has taken care of Andrew and me very well.”

  “
But you do not love him?”

  Molly looked down into her lap not knowing what else she could say.

  He pulled her close to him and kissed her. She did not resist. Hours passed as though they were minutes. It was as though no time had elapsed as they fell into the familiar yet forbidden touch of each other.

  ~

  When it was nearly dawn Molly knew she must leave. She did not want to leave his arms.

  “Molly?” Philip asked.

  “What?”

  “Is Andrew my son?”

  She began to get up pulling the sheet around herself. “Philip we were only together one time.”

  He cupped her face in his hands. “That is all it takes, Molly,” he teased.

  She did not say a word but he knew the answer by looking into her eyes.

  ~26~

  A Design of Disaster

  Philip returned home without any game or explanation. He did not care. He would see her again and make his plan. He had let her get away once before and it would not happen again. He had been through too much. His happiness was at stake and he would not let it go unsatisfied again.

  Mrs. Walters had kept his secret. She could see the look of hope in his eyes.

  Philip did not give her any details. He did not want her to feel more involved and torn between her loyalties.

  ~

  Philip told Molly that he would be in town in two weeks. He knew that it was difficult for her to get away. It would be the last time they had to sneak around. He was not going to have it last any longer than necessary. He lived for the next time that she was in his arms.

  ~

  Philip arrived at the hotel well past dark. They had to be very careful. What he and Molly were doing bordered on insane. Molly lived in a small town. Everyone looked out for each other including letting a spouse know of any indiscretion. Fishermen were gone from home for sometimes weeks at a time. It was not usual for a woman to take on a lover until the return of her husband, but it did happen.