The Spirits of Nature

by Michelle Post

  “He pushed me to the side and the bullet found his heart and not mine,” he repeated as though he could not still believe what had happened.

  The Mourning Dove did not have the strength to ask any details after her son’s had brought their father home. It was not polite to talk about the dead.

  Now, her only concern was to console her son. She must find a way to relieve his guilt. She pulled him close to her. She laid his head in her chest as he cried.

  “Oh, my precious son! Someday you will have a child and you will understand the love that your father had for you. As horrible as this whole thing is, you are still alive for a reason.”

  The Mourning Dove held her son until he could not cry anymore. He eventually slept within her embrace. Her heart was heavy for the guilt he was carrying.

  Strong Eagle instinctively took the place of his father. He knew his brother carried the burden of his father’s death within his heart. He was able to see what happened the day of his father’s murder. He watched helplessly as his father pushed his brother to the ground in order to save his life.

  As astute as a Crow Brave is, the assailant seem to materialize from nowhere, surprising all of them. What made Running Wolf such a great warrior was due to his sixth sense. It was that very awareness that saved Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly that day.

  The actions of Running Wolf ran parallel to what any one of the tribe would have done for each other. He would have to tell this to his brother. He waited for the right time.

  A week had passed since the death of the chief. Strong Eagle and Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly were on their horses looking into the valley below. They could see their mother sitting with her knees drawn up under her chin. She was gazing into the water as it traveled over the rocks in the river.

  “I am worried about her,” said Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly. He wondered if the reason she was so withdrawn was due to what he had told her about how his father had died.

  “It is not just the heart of a woman who is mourning. There is more,” said Strong Eagle. He could see the sadness in the eyes of his younger brother.

  “It is not you my brother,” he said to Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly surprise. “She has told me about how you feel. It was not your fault.” Strong Eagle said trying to reassure his brother. “You know that we would have done the same thing he did to protect each other.”

  He looked into the eyes of his brother until he was sure that he understood. Strong Eagle was not convinced that he had lightened his heart. He would use another approach to attempt to bring him out of his gloom.

  “You need to take care of her as father would have done. It is up to you now. She needs your strength. What has happened has happened. Nothing will change it. You will have to hunt for them. You will have to protect them.”

  The wisdom of his brother made Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly realize that he was absorbed in his own feelings. Strong Eagle was right. He would need to provide for his mother and sister in the absence of his father. Strong Eagle had his own family. Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly could not change what had occurred. But, he could be sure that his mother and sister did not go hungry and were protected against their enemies.

  “There is something else on her mind,” Strong Eagle said trying to explain her behavior to his brother. “When she is ready she will tell us.”

  “It is hard for me to wait,” said Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly. “You have always been much more patient Strong Eagle.”

  Strong Eagle smiled at his younger brother.

  “For now, we will take turns looking after her during these difficult days.”

  The scalp of his father’s assailant hung from the center post in the lodge of Strong Eagle and First Fallen Snow. The severed body parts of the man who fired the single bullet into the heart of Running Wolf lie in the foothills of the mountains. After the sons of Running Wolf took his body to their mother they returned to the place of his murder. They desecrated the body of his attacker and left it butchered for the vultures to feast upon. It was the most disrespectful thing they could think of doing to the parasite that had taken the life of their father. They had removed his eyes and buried them. These were the eyes that had skillfully found a target in the heart of their father. Strong Eagle and Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly wanted to be sure that he would not be able to see in the afterlife or in any other lives he may have in the future. However gratifying that may have seemed at the time, it served little comfort as the days progressed. The void of their beloved father was heavy in their hearts.

  Sparrow Song was very quiet. She was more focused on her mother’s pain than her own. She had been very close to her father. She did not think about her own loss. It was too overwhelming for her. She diverted her attention to the care of her mother. She assumed the duties that were usually the responsibility of her mother. She tended the fire and prepared meals for Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly and their mother. The Mourning Dove rarely ate and said little.

  The Mourning Dove would visit daily the places where she and Running Wolf had spent much of their time together. The sadness in her eyes left her children feeling helpless in their efforts to comfort their tortured mother.

  What her children were not aware of was the secret vows she had made to Running Wolf years ago. She would have to fulfill that promise. She did not know how she would tell her children. She did not want to hurt them.

  Strong Eagle and Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly knew there were changes coming but were unaware that she would be making a journey as significant as to the east coast. It was another world to them. It was a world they had no interest in exploring.

  It took a week for her to gain the courage to approach her children. They sat at the fire one night in the lodge they once shared with their father.

  “I made a promise to your father some time ago,” she told them. She put another log into the fire to be sure that the flames would linger. She continued. “I have a calling to complete. It will take me to the home of my father.” She was quiet, studying the faces of her children. They looked surprised. They wanted to know more.

  “Why?” was the question from a bewildered Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly.

  “It was part of his vision quest when he was a boy and it was reaffirmed years ago,” she tired to explain.

  The dreams, especially visions were a very private affair. The children of The Mourning Dove and Running Wolf would not question her further even though they had reservations.

  “I have made a promise to take two of my children with me,” she said, her eyes intent on her two younger children. “Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly and Sparrow Song, you are to accompany me,” she said firmly.

  In his heart Strong Eagle wished she was speaking from grief. He knew better. He could not bear to see her leave.

  Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly could feel a knot in his stomach. His mother could not mean that he would leave his home? He could see the seriousness in her face. He heard the sternness in her voice. He knew she must have good reason to say such a thing. He did not question, which surprised The Mourning Dove. She was relieved.

  “Strong Eagle, you are to stay here. Our people need guidance. You are the one that will be powerful in hard times,” she said, realizing how well he had been named.

  Her voice had begun to crack. She knew she could not break down. As much as her heart was torn apart with the thought of leaving, she had to uphold an image of courage for the sake of her children. She did not waiver in expressing her intentions.

  Sparrow Song was intently absorbing what her mother had just said. She was the least resistant to the change. She was fearful but at the same time curious. She remained quiet as her mother instructed them further.

  “I will start to pack in the morning. When the sun is in the sky the following day we need to leave.”

  She asked her children to stay and smoke with her. For the first time since Running Wolf had passed away they found a reason to have joy. The children of Strong Eagle and First Fallen Snow we
re responsible for that. Children, who live in the here and now, can lighten even the heaviest hearts.

  This would be the last time they would be together. This winter would not hold for The Mourning Dove the many nights of story telling that she loved so well.

  Sparrow Song had fallen asleep early. Strong Eagle left late to return to his lodge. When he was ready to say goodnight Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly took the opportunity to walk with his brother. They did not know how to say goodbye. Instead Strong Eagle gave the advice of the older sibling asking his brother to be sure to care for their mother and sister. Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly was suddenly given the responsibilities that he had often seen bestowed upon his older sibling.

  He did not consider the care and protection of his mother and his sister a burden. It was leaving his people that disturbed him. He would be entering into a whole new world. It would be a very uncertain world. He did not want to embrace this venture. But, he would do what was asked of him out of respect for his mother and late father.

  ~

  The Mourning Dove was packing her things for the journey. Gentle Wind After The First Thunder was at her side. She spent a lot of time with her grandmother. She too, had learned the language of the white man from The Mourning Dove.

  Today her eyes were filled with wonder as she watched her grandmother sort through things. She was too young to understand that her grandmother was leaving, but she could sense there was something different. Since the death of Running Wolf she had asked for him repeatedly. This only made the loss so much more painful for everyone.

  Today as she packed, Gentle Wind After The First Thunder was admiring something that she saw. It was the jewelry box that The Mourning Dove had given her cousin Sarah so many years ago. The child lifted the lid and the box began to play a waltz. She was amazed at the ‘magic’ of this toy.

  “Look.” The Mourning Dove said as she took the box and opened the top drawer. The child laughed with delight at the music box.

  “You may have this,” she said as she smiled and gave it to her grandchild.

  First Fallen Snow had entered the tipi in order to help her mother-in-law. She saw her child with the jewelry box. She did not know it had been given to her.

  “This is not yours, Gentle Wind After The First Thunder,” she said.

  “It is now.” The Mourning Dove corrected her. “That was my mother’s and I would like for her to have it.”

  First Fallen Snow was touched by the gift. “I will be sure that she takes good care of it. When she looks at this I am sure she will see your face.”

  This brought tears to the eyes of The Mourning Dove. She knew that in time this child may not remember her. If she did it would be faint memory. She would not see her grow into womanhood and that was so painful.

  First Fallen Snow could sense her feelings. “I will let her know of the great woman who gave it to her.”

  The Mourning Dove looked into the eyes of her daughter-in-law. “The stories you tell of her grandfather and I will be handed down. I ask you to share them with her and her children. It is very important.”

  “I promise that Strong Eagle and I will keep you alive in her heart,” First Fallen Snow vowed.

  When they left to allow her to finish The Mourning Dove looked around the lodge she had shared with her husband for so many years. Although, she felt completely alone, she did not know how she would have the strength to leave her home.

  She bundled some things together and put them aside frustrated. The last thing that she put into her parfleche was her Bible. For all these years she had kept her ribbon in the book of Jeremiah. When she read to her children this was one passage she did not share with them.

  She looked at the passage for the first time in many years. She read it again. The very last line made more sense to her today.

  ‘And I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive’

  The Mourning Dove shivered at the poignancy of the last verse. When she had read it over thirty years ago it was the day she decided to become a true Crow wife. How little she understood the prophecy when she conceded to her Indian life. Now she had to venture out to the unknown. She was determined to follow out the wishes of her husband in spite of the sacrifice.

  The widow of Running Wolf was more frightened than she could ever remember being in her entire life. As she tired to make a mental imprint of her lonely lodge she could feel the tears sting her eyes.

  The love of her life was gone. She could feel her arms ache and wanted to hold him once again. She was so lost. In that moment she wished she could once more have a conversation with her mother-in-law. She was being selfish and she immediately felt a pang of guilt for what her mentor could offer her in solace. She was glad, in a paradoxical way; her mother-in-law was not here to experience the pain of losing Running Wolf.

  She needed to talk to someone who could lift her burden. She thought of her trusted and dearest friend. He would have the words that her heart needed to hear.

  The Mourning Dove was outside the lodge of Rides With Fury. They would have to leave soon. She needed his guidance once more. She called to him and he welcomed her into his tipi.

  She sat as he lit his pipe. She thought about how they both had the same lonely heart. She looked at the old man with reverence. They had been through many life changes together. He had witnessed her journey from a life of pretense to life of serenity. It would be hard to not have him to turn to in the future.

  “Are you prepared for your journey?” he asked.

  “No, not here,” she sighed as she pointed to her heart. “That is why I have come to you.”

  He had been expecting this conversation. He prayed he had the wisdom to guide her correctly at this time. He let her express her feelings.

  “I know I made a vow and I am not considering not following through. It is just so difficult, Rides With Fury.”

  He understood. He was moved with compassion for her undertaking.

  “When I made the promise to Running Wolf I had no idea …” She looked around as the tears welled in her eyes.

  “Now, I have to leave one of my children behind with my grandchildren in a future that is so uncertain. I will be taking my other children into a world filled with hate and disdain for their heritage. They are half-bloods.”

  “Here in our village they are loved and accepted as I was always loved and accepted. She looked into the eyes of her most treasured friend.

  “I will be sending them into a world where they will know only pain. How can I do that?” She had begun to cry and her emotions took over. “I just want to stay here. I just want my husband back.”

  He was moved with pity for her and her ordeal, but that would not help her now. He had to give her what she needed from him.

  “The Mourning Dove, you must never forget why you were sent here. Your time here was a gift from the Creator. The real work begins now. You have been given a life that only a few white men will ever have the privilege of knowing. You had a love that few ever know.”

  He thought for a moment as he looked to the ground. Then he focused on her again. “You were chosen because you had a good heart. The world your children are going to will be filled with uncertainty, this is true. But, you do not give them enough credit. They have the blood of a fearless warrior and the heart of a woman who knew no bounds. They will survive. They are not being sent on this journey to fail. There will always be minds that are small and hearts that cannot be touched. They are not the ones that will make the difference. The difference will come from those who were like you. Those who are willing to have a heart that is good and pure. They are the leaders, the rest are not a threat. The devotion to the life you learned here will follow through in your children. You and Running Wolf gave your children a rich heritage, one they can be proud of. Go with conviction, The Mourning Dove. Go and do what you were born to do.”

  He paused for a moment in thought. “You know I learned a very valuable lesson in life f
rom you.”

  She was surprised. What could she have offered to this man in the way of wisdom? She was listening intently as he spoke.

  “What determines the outcome in life is not what happens to us. It is how we choose to respond that makes the difference.” He smiled. “Your children have that same quality in them,” he reassured her.

  The Mourning Dove hugged her great mentor. They talked for many hours to follow.

  ~

  As Swift Fox Who Enters Quickly prepared the horses for the long journey, The Mourning Dove made one final visit to the grave of Running Wolf.

  Among the many gifts that the tribe had so generously contributed to his journey in the afterlife she found a small spot that was still empty. She dug into the earth. She carefully planted a flowering bush beneath the scaffold.

  She stepped back to say her final goodbye to her life mate. Even when she thought she did not have any more tears, she could feel the sting beneath her eyelids. She stared at the silent and still form that rested on the scaffold. She wanted to feel his presence. She longed for his comfort. As she looked on the remains of the great warrior and her loving husband she realized he was not really there. He was far from this place. She prayed for him to come to her in spirit. She needed his strength now more than ever. She knew when the time was right she would once again feel his aura.

  ~

  It was a tearful goodbye. The Mourning Dove held her grandson White Horse and looked into the eyes of the infant. He immediately smiled back and kicked with excitement. The Mourning Dove looked at her son who had grown to look so much like his father.

  “I have to fulfill a dream and vision that your father asked of me. I did not know when I made that promise how it would hurt my heart to leave you.”

  Strong Eagle hugged his mother, not wanting to show how his heart was breaking at the same time. He knew he would never see her again. He was doubtful that he would see his siblings again either. He held his sister in his arms for a long time, not wanting to let her go. He wanted to protect her from any harm. He would not be able to do that in the future. He turned to his brother. This would be his last attempt to ease him of the burden of his father’s death.