Maternal Instinct

by Caroline Anderson

  And it hadn’t mattered what she’d done, how hard she’d worked, how much she’d tried to be the son he’d wanted in place of the son he’d got. There had been no way he’d believed she could do what she’d promised she’d do. So she’d set out instead to prove it to herself, and she was going to do it, but it had been a hard road, and it had started when she’d been Lucy’s age.

  No, she didn’t want anything to do with teenagers, she’d had a basinful, and she had the sense to realise that Hugh and his kids were a package.

  So she didn’t allow herself to think about it, and whenever she caught that look in his eyes she distracted him with a kiss, a touch, and he would make love to her again, and the look would go from his eyes for a while, driven out by the raw, fundamental need that never seemed to abate.

  And because she didn’t allow either of them to dwell on anything too deep, that first week was unadulterated bliss. The days were busy, but because they were working together they saw each other frequently, and the evenings, when they weren’t on call, were spent at her apartment, a few snatched hours at a time.

  Hours of utter self-indulgence and hedonistic delight. And since it showed no signs of burning out any time soon, and they were in constant danger of running out of condoms, she suggested she should go on the Pill.

  ‘Good idea,’ he said with a grin. ‘Go to the sexual health clinic at the hospital tomorrow. They’ve got a walk-in clinic. Then we won’t have to worry about accidents.’

  She hadn’t been, but since he’d mentioned it, she got up the following morning and headed for the hospital. If she got there nice and early, she wouldn’t have to wait so long.

  That was the theory. She wasn’t the only one with the idea, however, and she’d reckoned without the fact that it was the Easter weekend and there were two bank holidays when the clinic was closed. So it was ridiculously busy, and she’d been there an hour and was wondering if it wouldn’t be quicker to register with a GP and do it that way when she realised that it would definitely have been the better option, because Tom Douglas strolled in, his arm around the shoulders of a pretty girl about his age, and did a mild double-take.

  ‘Eve—fancy seeing you here,’ he said, his smiling face alive with undisguised curiosity. ‘This is Kelly, by the way. Kel, this is Eve Spicer, Dad’s new registrar.’

  She swallowed her embarrassment, and managed a smile. ‘Hi, Kelly,’ she said. ‘Nice to meet you.’ She was on the point of telling them that she was there waiting for a patient’s notes when a nurse blew her escape route out of the water by picking up a set of notes and turning towards the crowded room.

  ‘Eve Spicer?’ she said, and Eve had no option but to stand up and follow her, leaving Tom and Kelly no doubt speculating on the reason for her visit.

  With any luck they’d think it was just a routine check, and that she was already in a relationship with someone else.

  Please, God!

  ‘Guess who we bumped into in the clinic at the hospital this morning?’ Tom said casually, propping his feet on the island and leaning back on the tall kitchen stool.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Eve.’

  Hugh sliced neatly through the end of his finger, and swore, sticking it in his mouth and squeezing the edger of the cut together with his teeth. Not because it needed it so much as because it occupied his mouth and took away the opportunity to reply—an opportunity he was not in a hurry to take up!

  ‘Really?’ he said finally, peering at his finger and swearing softly again. He ran it under the tap, swiped it with a wad of kitchen roll and stuck a plaster on it.

  ‘I hope you haven’t bled on the sandwiches,’ Tom said cheerfully, and Hugh could have killed him.

  ‘You could always help,’ he pointed out.

  ‘Nah. Had enough gory stuff today. Kel had an implant,’ he said, and Hugh swivelled round and studied his son thoughtfully.

  ‘Is she OK?’

  ‘Yeah. It was pretty gross, I had to look away. It might get sore when the local wears off, the doctor said. She’s got a pressure bandage on it.’

  ‘Yes, she will have. If her fingers swell, I’ll slacken the bandage a little. They always seem to do them too tight.’

  ‘Eugh, yuck!’ Lucy said, coming in and looking at his finger and the pile of bloodstained kitchen roll beside him. ‘You’ve cut yourself—it’s still bleeding.’

  ‘A doctor already,’ Hugh muttered, ripping off the plaster and hunting for Steristrips so he could pull the edges of the wound together. It was right on the end of his left index finger, and it would be a real pain while he was operating in the next few days.

  ‘So who does what too tight?’ Lucy asked, plopping herself down next to Tom, and Hugh met his eyes and gave an expressive ‘over to you’ shrug.

  ‘Pressure bandages. Kel’s had a contraceptive implant,’ he said, managing to look his sister in the eye and only colouring slightly.

  Lucy’s eyes widened and her mouth made a perfect O. But with commendable restraint she simply said, ‘I hope she’s OK. Andy’s sister got one and it went septic.’

  ‘Oh, cheers, Luce. Kelly’ll be thrilled to hear that. I’ll be sure and tell her!’

  ‘Sorry! I was just warning you.’

  ‘Well, don’t.’

  Hugh held his breath. He wasn’t sure if Tom had wanted Lucy to know, but at least what was going on between her brother and Kelly was now out in the open.

  His relationship with Eve, however, was a different matter, and he really, really didn’t want to get into that, but the conversation seemed to have moved away from such dangerous territory. He was about to heave a sigh of relief when Tom continued blandly, ‘Seems a lot of people go there. Amazing who you can bump into.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? Who?’ Lucy asked guilelessly, and Hugh held his breath. If he so much as glanced warningly at Tom, he’d give the game away, and if he didn’t and Tom said something…

  Either way, he was in the mire up to his neck and he wasn’t going to come up smelling of roses!

  ‘Oh, just the odd person we’ve seen about,’ Tom said airily. ‘Dad, can I borrow some money? I seem to have run out.’

  ‘I don’t know what you spend it on,’ Lucy grumbled. ‘Dad, are those sandwiches for us? I hope you didn’t bleed on them.’

  ‘No, I didn’t. How much?’

  He turned and met his son’s mocking eyes full on, and Tom shrugged. ‘Whatever you think.’

  ‘I think you have a damn cheek.’ Tom arched a brow, and Hugh sighed shortly. ‘Tom, you owe me big time as it is.’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘You do. Let me remind you about last Monday.’

  Tom opened his mouth, shut it again and shrugged. ‘A tenner’ll do.’

  ‘Good. And it’s a loan.’

  Lucy tipped her head on one side and scowled at her brother indignantly. ‘What happened on Monday? Did he get more money off you, Dad? That’s so unfair, he gets so much more than me!’

  ‘You don’t do badly. I seem to remember a certain ski trip,’ he pointed out, and she grinned and subsided.

  The phone rang. Lucy picked it up, said, ‘Hi, Amy,’ and wandered off with the handset, leaving Hugh alone with his son.

  ‘So—what do you suppose Eve was doing there?’ Tom asked casually, clearly not ready to let the subject drop.

  Hugh gave a short sigh and turned to his son, sick of the subterfuge. Wake up and smell the coffee, Tom had said. Well, that cut both ways.

  ‘What exactly do you want to know, Tom?’ he asked bluntly, expecting his son to back off. But not a bit of it.

  He met his father’s eyes with a level look and said just as bluntly, ‘Are you sleeping with her?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Tom’s jaw dropped, and he gave a surprised huff of laughter. ‘Wow! Go, Dad! Excellent!’

  Hugh didn’t think so. He didn’t want his son speculating about his private life, and he certainly didn’t want Lucy knowing about it. ‘Look, I don’t think Lucy—’ />
  ‘She’s guessed. She said yesterday she reckoned you were. Too many meetings and getting called in. You forget, Dad, we know your schedule. We aren’t stupid, and you’ve had that look on your face that you get when you’re having an affair.’

  It got worse. Hugh closed his eyes and swore, and Tom chuckled.

  ‘You’re saying that word a lot these days,’ he teased, and Hugh sighed and scrubbed his hand round the back of his neck.

  ‘Tom, for God’s sake, cut me a little slack here. We’re trying to be discreet, because we don’t want everyone to know, and I certainly don’t want Eve knowing you know. And, anyway, what do you mean, that look I get when I’m having an affair?’

  ‘Oh, come on, Dad, it’s not the first time, is it? We aren’t stupid.’

  Oh, hell. Did they have the spies out, or was he just really lousy at hiding things? Both, probably.

  His mobile phone rang, and he flicked it open, wanting privacy but not able to get it without another confrontation. ‘Hi there.’

  ‘Hi. Can you talk?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘I just wanted to warn you, I bumped into Tom and Kelly at the clinic.’

  ‘I know.’

  There was silence for a second, then she said softly, ‘Ah. Problems?’

  He gave a strangled laugh. ‘Only slightly,’ he confessed, then decided that since the cat was well and truly out of the bag, he may as well stop pussy-footing around. ‘Eve, what are you doing tonight?’

  ‘I don’t know. I was waiting for you to suggest something,’ she said cautiously. ‘Are you alone now?’

  He looked at Tom and sighed. ‘No chance. I was going to suggest you come here tonight. I’ll cook—it’s my turn.’

  ‘Oh, rats, they’ve worked it out, haven’t they?’

  ‘Yup. Seven-thirty?’

  ‘Hugh, is it wise?’

  ‘Probably not, but it’s just tough. I’ll pick you up.’

  He ended the call and met Tom’s eyes. ‘Do something for me, please,’ he said seriously. ‘Treat my relationship with Eve with respect, as I have done yours with Kelly. I haven’t told anyone, I haven’t talked about it, I haven’t discussed it with your sister or teased you or blackmailed you. I’d be grateful if you’d extend us the same courtesy, for Eve’s sake if not for mine. This isn’t a cheap affair, Tom, and I don’t want you treating it like one.’

  Tom swallowed, nodded and slid off the stool looking shamefaced. ‘Sure. Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.’ He jerked his head towards the sandwiches. ‘So—are we going to eat them, or just watch the edges curl up?’

  Eve’s stomach was in turmoil.

  She was having a meal at Hugh’s house tonight, possibly with his children present, and they knew. They’d be looking at her with that knowing look, and speculating, and it made her feel sick.

  It would be different if she was being introduced to them as his future wife, but his lover—that just made her feel so uncomfortable.

  Not that she wanted be his wife at all, or have to bring up his kids. After watching her mother struggle with Andrew for years, even the thought of being a stepmother to a teenage tearaway was enough to bring her out in hives.

  She rang Molly, just for something to fill the time and because she was feeling guilty for neglecting her since the baby’s birth, and Molly was delighted to hear from her.

  ‘Are you busy, Eve?’ she asked. ‘Sam’s on call and he’s had to go into the hospital, and Debbie, our childminder, has taken the kids out for a walk. And of course Max is grumbly and won’t settle, and frankly another human being around the place would be lovely!’

  So she went, following Molly’s directions, and pulled up a few minutes later outside a pretty red-brick cottage with roses around the door. Not that they were blooming yet, but they would be soon, just adding to the idyllic setting for a blissful family.

  It was all too perfect, and it made Eve feel panicky, but the feeling eased when Molly wandered round the corner of the house with the baby in her arms and gave Eve a great big smile and a hug. ‘Hi, stranger! How lovely to see you. How are things?’

  ‘Busy,’ she said, wondering if she should tell Molly about Hugh, but she didn’t need to. Molly looked into her eyes searchingly and nodded.

  ‘You look well. Being with Hugh obviously suits you—and it’s about time he found a woman.’

  Eve shook her head in protest. ‘Molly, it’s not like that.’

  ‘Of course not. You’re going to tell me you’re just good friends, and I’m going to nod sagely and let you carry on believing it,’ she said with a grin.

  ‘I wasn’t going to tell you any such thing!’ Eve denied. ‘I had no intention of talking about Hugh at all! I’ve come to see you and the baby. Here, this is for you,’ she said, handing Molly a bunch of flowers, a card and a hastily wrapped teething ring rattle she’d been clutching for the past few minutes. ‘I should have come before, but I’ve been so busy—’ She broke off, colouring, because Molly was smiling knowingly and, dammit, she was absolutely right about why Eve hadn’t found the time!

  ‘So,’ she said, hastily changing the subject, ‘how’s the baby? Sam said he was OK and there was no sign of any problems with him, but I know Josh was a bit worried because of the amount of fluid.’

  ‘Oh, he’s fine. No problems with his oesophagus, or anything else for that matter. He’s eating for England, and if he carries on like this he’s going to be enormous. I think my placenta might have been a bit on the rough side, to be honest, but I have no idea why. Old scarring, maybe, from a previous pregnancy? Goodness knows, there have been enough of them. But he’s fine now, we both are, and frankly I’m just glad it’s all over.’

  ‘You gave us a bit of a scare with the prolapsed cord,’ Eve told her, and Molly gave a wry laugh.

  ‘Gave me a scare, too,’ she replied, ‘and I don’t think Sam will ever get over it. He’s seriously talking about a vasectomy, you know. He really doesn’t want to have any more. That scared him to bits. Either that or the baby crying all night has reminded him that we didn’t really want another anyway!’

  They reached the back door, and Molly pushed it open and led Eve into a lovely big farmhouse kitchen, with a huge table in the centre of the room where she could just imagine them all gathered, laughing and talking and arguing, just one big happy family. Just the thought filled Eve with a mixture of envy and dread.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Molly said, ‘and you can tell me all about work. How are things going with Hugh—apart from the obvious?’

  ‘Fine—and it’s not obvious.’

  ‘If you say so,’ Molly murmured, laying the flowers on the sink and filling the kettle one-handed while she jiggled the grizzling baby. ‘So—how is it going?’

  Suddenly unable to keep up the pretence any longer, she blurted out, ‘Oh, Molly, I’ve got a problem,’ and Molly nodded sagely.

  ‘I thought so. Never mind, we’ll have a nice cup of tea and talk about it. Have you had lunch?’

  Had she? She wasn’t sure. ‘I don’t think so, not what you could call lunch, but I’m not really hungry, to tell you the truth, and I’m having supper with Hugh and the kids tonight.’

  Molly studied her for a moment, head tipped on one side, then sighed. ‘You look like a lamb to the slaughter. What’s wrong with having supper with his kids? Are they so dreadful?’

  ‘No,’ she said miserably. ‘It’s just going to be really awkward. They know—well, that we’re sleeping together,’ she said, colouring. ‘Well, Tom does, anyway.’

  ‘How?’

  She couldn’t tell her, of course, not without revealing things about Tom and Kelly that weren’t hers to reveal, so she just shook her head. ‘Let’s just say they found out, and now he wants me to go round there this evening and make polite conversation, and all the time Kelly and Tom will be looking at us and thinking…’

  ‘Thinking what? They’re not really kids any more, Eve. They’re surrounded by sex. It’s
everywhere. They won’t think anything of it. They’ll just be checking you out.’

  ‘As what? A potential stepmother? I don’t think so. It isn’t even on the cards.’

  Molly gave her a thoughtful look and poured boiling water on the teabags without commenting. But it didn’t stop her mind working, Eve realised, and she wished she hadn’t said anything.

  ‘It’s early days,’ Molly said quietly. ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself. Tom’s a nice boy, and Lucy’s lovely. She babysits for us when Debbie and Mark are away—they’re our live-in safety net, but every now and again they remind us they’re entitled to a life, and Lucy steps in. The kids adore her, and she’s a darling. Tom’s a bit more of a handful, but I think he’s so like Hugh he can’t get more than half a step ahead of his father, and most of the time they get on like a house on fire.’

  Great. A lovely, close-knit unit, with her on the outside—which was, of course, just where she wanted to be. If she had any sense she’d have her running shoes on by now, getting the hell out of it, instead of going round there for supper and sandpapering the wounds.

  Molly laid a hand on her arm. ‘Eve, just enjoy your time with him. You’re moving on in a few months. It’s not as if he’s asked you to marry him, has he?’

  She shook her head, not even allowing the thought to come to rest. ‘Good grief, no! And I hope he won’t, because there’s no way!’

  ‘Eve, what is it you’re so frightened of?’ Molly asked gently, getting right to the heart of it as usual. ‘Is it the kids, or commitment, or the idea of marriage, or what?’

  ‘I’m not frightened,’ she lied. ‘I just don’t want to get involved with anyone at the moment. I’ve got to get through my FRCS exams and get a consultancy before I start worrying about settling down.’

  ‘Why?’

  Eve stared at her. ‘Why what?’

  ‘Why do you have to do all that before? Why not during, or after? As well as?’

  Eve stared at Molly as if she was talking Russian. ‘Well—because I can’t! It wouldn’t be fair on anyone. And, anyway, this is a ridiculous conversation, because there’s no way it’s going to happen. We’re just lovers, Molly. We’re having an affair, that’s all.’