Before I Disappear

by Danielle Stinson

  TWENTY-ONE

  “Where have you been?” The soldier’s arms drop to his sides. “Don’t you know everyone’s been looking for you? They’re going to want to talk to you. I’ll take you—”

  “You aren’t taking her anywhere.”

  The raw anger in Ian’s voice has me doing a double take. Ian doesn’t lose his cool. Ever. There’s something going on here. Some subtext I’m missing.

  The soldier smiles. It isn’t remotely friendly. “That’s what I’ve missed most about you, Lawson. Your fabulous people skills.”

  “You know each other,” I say. It’s not a question.

  Before either of them can reply, Becca’s voice drifts down to us. “Jeremy?”

  The soldier freezes.

  “Jer?” Becca’s dark head pops over the ledge. At the sight of her, Jeremy’s whole face transforms. The gun falls from his hands as he scrambles up the muddy slope and drops to his knees in front of Becca. He doesn’t touch her. He just looks at her like he’s afraid she’ll disappear, and then her arms are around his neck, and they’re holding each other while Ian and I look on, forgotten.

  “Thank God you’re all right. They told me you were gone, but I didn’t … I couldn’t—”

  “It’s okay, Jer.” Becca strokes his head, and even though I don’t know him, it kills me a little to watch this big, tough soldier come apart in her frail arms.

  Jeremy pulls back without letting go. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine. Rose and Ian have been taking care of me.”

  Jeremy nods at me briefly over her shoulder. “Mom and Dad?”

  A tear slips down Becca’s cheek. Whatever Jeremy feels, to his credit, he locks it up tight. “It’s okay.” He brushes away the tear with a dirty thumb. “We’re together now.”

  “About that,” Blaine says. He’s sitting at the top of the gorge with his scrawny legs dangling over the edge. “How exactly did you get here?”

  Jeremy squints up at Blaine. “Do I know you?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Blaine slides over the ledge and starts picking his way down. “Science fair. Two years ago. You and your idiot friends cut my string theory display to pieces and then humiliated me when I won first prize in spite of you.”

  Recognition lights Jeremy’s face. “Pastor Jackson’s son?”

  “My name is Blaine.” His voice vibrates with an anger I didn’t think he had in him. “Not that anybody calls me that anymore. I’m now known as Blaine the Brain. Thanks for that, by the way.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m … not that guy anymore.” Jeremy’s tan cheeks turn ruddy.

  “How convenient,” Blaine snaps. “How about you just answer the question?”

  “Yeah, okay.” Jeremy runs a hand through his black hair. “I was moving through the woods when there was a pain in my chest. It felt like my insides were on fire. I must’ve fallen, because that’s the last thing I remember before waking up a few hours ago.”

  My gaze locks with Blaine’s. “It’s the same thing that happened to me when I fell into the Fold. There’s a way in. There has to be.” My heart takes a wild gallop through my chest. If we can figure out how Jeremy and I got in here, maybe we can figure out a way to get back out.

  “You said you were in the woods. What were you doing there?” I ask.

  “My commander told me Becs had skipped out of school the day the town disappeared and that nobody had seen her since.” Jeremy’s hold on Becca tightens. “I thought there was a chance she’d gone to the river. That she was lost, or—” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I got in my truck. It’s like the end of the world out there. People are getting out of the state. Others are pouring in. Scientists and military. The government set up a perimeter around the town, but I know these woods.” His eyes dart to Ian and quickly away. “I found a way past it.”

  “You were looking for Becca?” I ask.

  Jeremy nods. “I was calling for her in the forest when I heard something. It sounded like a voice before it turned into whistling. That’s when the tugging started. It got so bad I couldn’t think about anything else.”

  Becca leans into Jeremy, and he takes her hand. I watch them together, and my own hands feel cold. Empty. I’m raising them to my lips when something clicks into place.

  My fingers freeze halfway to my mouth. “Jeremy came here looking for Becca. Just like I came back for Charlie. There’s something—something about our connection to them that allowed us to pass into the Fold.”

  Blaine doesn’t say a word, but I can almost hear the gears in his head shifting to make room for this new info.

  “The Fold?” Jeremy frowns.

  “We’ll explain later,” I say. Visibility is almost down to zero. There’s a weird current in the air that has the flyaways dancing at my temples. “We have to find shelter.”

  Jeremy pulls Becca to her feet beside him. “We’re heading back to the road. Come with us.”

  “You can’t go back to the road,” I tell him.

  “Listen to her, Jer,” Becca pleads, but it’s obvious Jeremy isn’t ready to hear it.

  “Look,” he says. “I get why you might be worried about what’ll happen if you go back with me.”

  “What’s he talking about?” Blaine demands. “Why would you be afraid to go back to the road?”

  A sinkhole opens up in my stomach.

  Jeremy said they’d been looking for me for days. That every media outlet in the world had been trying to dig up information—

  My eyes lock with Jeremy’s.

  “It’ll be okay.” He makes me the same promise he made Becca. He delivers it with so much conviction I almost believe him. “But you have to come back with me.”

  I shake my head. Whatever they’ve discovered about my past, whatever Jeremy knows or doesn’t know, it’s irrelevant.

  “Listen to me,” I say. “What you described earlier? That thing that happened to you? It happened to me too. I haven’t been hiding, Jeremy. I’ve been trapped in here. We all have.”

  “I won’t force you to come with us, but trust me. If you stay here, you are making a massive mistake.” He reaches for Becca’s hand.

  “Jer, you’re not listening.” She tries to pull loose. “Jer, stop!”

  “Let her go.” Ian blocks his path.

  “Back off, Lawson.” Jeremy tries to move around him. Their shoulders collide. The impact sends Jeremy back a step.

  “Move.” Jeremy’s voice is low and furious.

  “Or what?” Ian growls. “Your daddy isn’t here this time to cover your ass.”

  “Don’t give me that shit. This isn’t about my father or what happened to you. This is about Wi—”

  Ian’s fist connects with Jeremy’s jaw, snapping his head backward. Blood spurts from his mouth. Becca screams as Jeremy stumbles.

  He spits out a mouthful of blood and straightens to face Ian. “You want to do this now? Let’s do it.” Jeremy undoes the buckle across his chest. The rucksack hits the ground behind him.

  Becca moves to interfere. I yank her back. The way Ian and Jeremy are looking at each other, it’s like they could drown the whole world in the bad blood between them. They’re both pissed off and stubborn, and it’s going to get somebody hurt.

  I’ll be damned if that person is Becca.

  I look down at the little girl in my arms. Once, when Charlie was five, I spent an evening catching the last fireflies of the season in a glass jar. I’d wanted him to have a little piece of summer by his bed, but I realized my mistake the moment I tried to give it to him. The expression on Charlie’s face when he saw those bugs behind glass is the same expression Becca wears as she watches her brother and Ian now.

  My grip on Becca tightens. “This is ridiculous,” I snap. “You’re both acting like idiots.”

  Jeremy’s smile is a blade. “I can’t help it if this asshole keeps trying to kill me.”

  His words send my mind flying back over the last three days. To every loaded look. Blaine
’s story about the mayor’s son.

  All the things Ian didn’t say.

  “Your dad is the mayor of Fort Glory?” I ask Becca. “Jeremy is the kid Ian assaulted two years ago?”

  Becca nods. “They were best friends until they ruined everything. Now they’re gonna do it again.”

  “Stay back, Becca,” Jeremy says, but Becca just struggles harder to break out of my arms. “Now!” Jeremy’s shout echoes through the forest.

  Becca’s chin warbles. “You want to kill each other? Fine.” She wrenches free from my grip and walks off to stand beside Blaine.

  Lightning flashes again—faster now as Ian and Jeremy start to circle each other in the snow. It’s pointless and it’s juvenile, and worst of all, it’s wasting precious time we don’t have.

  “Ian, cut it out.” I grab hold of his arm.

  Ian’s gaze drops to my hand before it lifts to my face.

  Ice floods my veins.

  His eyes. They’re almost completely black.

  I let out a quick breath and step backward. My muscles are tense, ready to bolt. I’m halfway to the trees when I notice Blaine hiding on the other side of the supply sled. That stupid hat of his a twisted lump in his hands. Beside him, Becca stands with her arms around her waist like they’re the only thing keeping her from flying apart.

  The thuds of fists on flesh ring through the forest as Jeremy launches himself at Ian. They’re going at it like the two mechanics in Maple, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that this is going to end the same way.

  I look at the woods over my shoulder and then back at Blaine and Becca, hiding behind the sled.

  I let out a breath and force my hands to unclench.

  The fight. The storm. My pounding heart. I block out everything and focus on the problem, and then I do what I do best.

  I find a way around it.

  Blaine’s eyes are puffy and red-rimmed as they watch me approach. “They’re going to rip each other to pieces,” he says.

  “It’s the dark pulse,” I say. “It’s getting to them.”

  “They could’ve picked a more convenient time to go postal.” Blaine shoots the sky an ominous glance just as another band of lightning cuts across it. “This dry lightning,” he says. “It isn’t normal.”

  Just like the blizzard and the intense cold front weren’t normal. It’s coming too fast without any thunder to break it up. It makes the world feel like a movie cut into frames with no sound.

  “We need to leave. Right now,” Blaine says, echoing my thoughts perfectly.

  “We can’t find the caverns without Ian,” I say. “I think I know how to get through to him. But I’m going to need both of you.”

  More thuds. More grunts of pain.

  Becca meets my gaze. Tears are streaming down her face, but her mouth sets in a stubborn line. The same one I saw when she was clinging to that rock in the river. “Tell me what you need,” she says.

  I don’t waste any time.

  When I turn around, Ian and Jeremy are on the ground. They’re so intent on killing each other they don’t even notice when I upend Ian’s pack. The thing I need is shoved at the bottom.

  I light the flare. There’s an explosion of crimson smoke as it shoots through the canopy. A red missile, slashing the sky above us.

  Jeremy and Ian fly apart. It’s just a second, but it’s all I need. I suck in a breath and step directly between them.

  Both boys surge to their feet. It takes Ian’s darkness-shot eyes a full minute to focus on me.

  “Get out of the way, Rose.” Ian’s voice is as angry as I’ve ever heard it, but still, I feel a flood of relief. He knows me. The dark pulse is working on him, but it doesn’t own him. Not yet.

  “I’m done watching this. You want Jeremy bad enough, you’re going to have to go through me.”

  The coldness in Ian’s eyes cuts right through me. “This isn’t your business.”

  His words light a fire inside of me. I take a step toward him, and he meets me halfway, drowning me in his shadow. We’re so close now, we’re practically breathing the same air. My pulse stutters. The little voice is back in my head—the one that has kept me alive until now.

  Run! it screams. Run!

  Instead, my feet grow roots to the earth. “What happens to you concerns me,” I snap. “What happens to Blaine concerns me too. And what about Becca? Are you going to force her to watch this?”

  At the mention of Becca’s name, the darkness in Ian’s eyes retreats just a fraction.

  It’s Blaine’s cue. He doesn’t miss it.

  Blaine’s voice carries loudly in the eerie silence. “You guys! Come quick! It’s Becca!”

  She’s lying on the ground at his feet, her red jacket a bright smear on the snow.

  Ian gets to her first. Blood trickles from a cut on his brow. He’s pulling the jacket over his head when Jeremy pushes him aside.

  “Get your hands off her!” The soldier’s lip is split, and his left eye is already starting to blacken. He pulls his own jacket over his head.

  Ian’s expression shuts down as he backs up, his jacket bunched in his hands.

  “He’s just trying to help,” I say.

  Jeremy covers Becca with his coat, revealing the tight tan T-shirt underneath. “Becca doesn’t need his help. She’s none of his fucking business.”

  “Yeah?” Ian speaks up behind me. “You weren’t the one who fished her out of a freezing river, so don’t tell me it’s not my fucking business.”

  They square off against each other again, and suddenly, all I can see is Becca shivering in the snow, giving the performance of her life. I saw Charlie like this once. Back then I would’ve sold my soul to be there when he needed me. Just like Becca needs Jeremy and Ian now. Only they’re too hung up on each other to notice.

  She deserves better.

  I wedge myself between them and hit their chests with every bit of strength I’ve got. Years of bussing loaded trays finally pay off because I have their undivided attention. “You can kill each other later. Right now Becca needs you. Both of you.” I zero in on the one piece of common ground they share. Their love for this little girl.

  The darkness breaks in their eyes, but I don’t let it fool me. One wrong move could send them spiraling again. I need to keep their focus on me. On Becca. On anything but each other.

  “Ian, you pull the supply sled. And you”—I point to Jeremy—“get Becca on the second sled. I can’t pull it another step and Blaine’s not strong enough. That leaves the two of you.”

  Jeremy shoots Ian a look that could wither paint, but then he just drops to his knees beside his sister. “Tell me what happened.”

  “Later,” I say. “We need to get to those caverns before the lightning hits us.”

  I meet Ian’s gaze. Relief floods me when I see the beautiful starbursts of his eyes. His jaw is locked, but he nods. We need Jeremy. He knows it. Even if he doesn’t like it.

  Another barrage of lightning sets the forest pulsing.

  Jeremy stares at the gun in my hand. “The woods around Fort Glory were crawling with feds. That flare should’ve brought them running.” He swallows hard and looks up at me, his face pale. “We’re really on our own out here.”

  “You think?” Blaine says acidly. “Like Rose said, there’s nobody around except for her brother and some crazy—” His words cut off. “Do you hear that?”

  “Hear what?” I ask.

  Ian’s shoulder brushes mine. Without realizing it, we’ve moved to stand shoulder to shoulder.

  “There’s somebody out there.” Blaine rubs furiously at his ears. “I just heard them. Laughing.”

  The only sound I can make out is the wind rushing through the trees. It’s been picking up steadily with the lightning, turning every gust of air into a low moan.

  The image of my name written in the snow flashes through my mind. Hope flares to life inside of me.

  “Charlie!”

  My words are swallowed up by the wind. I
scan the woods, desperate for any sign of my brother. Sharp bursts of lightning reveal the surrounding forest in short flashes of green. And then, there it is.

  Movement. On the ridgeline a hundred yards to the left.

  The back of a green hoodie disappearing over the slope.

  I lurch forward, but a gust of wind drives me back. Ian steadies me with one hand on my waist. “It’s Charlie,” I say, excitement catapulting my words over the wind. “Come on!” When I start forward, Ian’s grip on me tightens. I spin around to face him. “Let go! We have to catch him before he gets away!”

  Ian studies the swaying canopy. “That lightning is almost on top of us.”

  “I don’t care.” I push him back. It’s like trying to move a mountain.

  “Rose.” Ian’s grip on me loosens, and I wrench myself free. “If we go after him now, we’ll never catch him.”

  It takes every ounce of my self-control not to snarl. “How can you know that?”

  Ian’s eyes meet mine. No more swirling black. Something worse.

  Sympathy.

  “Because he doesn’t want to be found.”

  His words rip the ground out from under me, and then I’m falling with my feet planted firmly on the earth. “What?”

  “The dark pulse,” Ian says gently. “It must’ve gotten to him. Why else would he run from you? Why else would he have done any of the things he’s done?”

  The implication is clear. Ian thinks Charlie is the one following us.

  He thinks Charlie terrorized us that first night and pushed me into the river.

  I shake my head. “He didn’t. He wouldn’t—”

  “He isn’t himself. You can’t know what he would and wouldn’t do. If you go after him now, you’ll only drive him deeper into the storm. It’ll get you both killed.”

  I back away from Ian, my mind racing to come up with some other explanation for why Charlie would run. There’s nothing but the memories of those visions playing over and over inside my head. Haunting me. What if they weren’t proof that I’m losing my mind? What if they were a sign? That the dark pulse is taking my brother piece by piece. That I have to find him soon or risk losing him forever.

  My fingers knead my chest, directly over the place where the tugging should be. How long has it been since I felt it?