Bleed Through

by Arrington, Adriana

  “Here and there. There and here. Like a steer with no fear. I have no peer,” said Liam.

  Allison cleared her throat. “We’re concerned about you. Have you taken your medicine today?”

  “Meds, meds, like beds. They’re so red.”

  The table creaked under Allison’s weight as she placed her elbows on it and buried her face in her hands. “Liam, you need help. You can decide to check into a hospital tonight, or I’ll decide for you.”

  He thrashed his hands in the air. “No!”

  “Take it easy, Liam. It won’t be like Ohio,” Isaac said. He feigned calmness and rested his hands at his side.

  “He’s a liar,” whispered Alexandra. “It’ll be exactly like Ohio. The police will come and beat you, then they’ll abandon you in a hospital with insane people for days.”

  Liam dropped into a tae kwon do defensive stance. “No hospitals.”

  Allison dropped her hands and looked at Isaac. “We’ve got to call Security Forces. Liam’s a danger to himself and others.”

  “No cops! They pop and top and don’t stop!” He prepared to bolt outside when Isaac, for the first time in their acquaintance, surprised him.

  “I won’t call Security Forces.” Isaac scrubbed his hands over his face before letting out a long sigh. “Liam should make this decision. Not us, and not law enforcement.”

  “Does he look capable of sound judgment to you? I’m the one who’s lived through this before, not you,” Allison snapped. She made eye contact with Liam. “We’re calling Dr. Jen.” She picked up the phone next to her and dialed the psychologist’s number.

  “Yes, Dr. Jen? This is Allison Northman. Liam is having a breakdown. Will you speak with him?”

  “Dr. Jen! Dr. Jen!” Liam pounded at the sky.

  Isaac pushed out from the dining room table and moved over to the hallway, where he posed himself between Liam and Tasha’s room.

  “Yes, he’s quite agitated. Thank you.” Allison handed the phone to Liam.

  Dr. Jen said, “Liam? Are you there?”

  “Where? Stare? Hair? Mare?”

  “It sounds like you went off your medication. Would you be willing to take two pills right now?”

  He stared forward. The new scratches on his hands burned and itched. “Okay.”

  “I’d also like you to consider checking into a clinic tonight.”

  “No hospitals!” He stomped his feet in emphasis.

  Dead air on the other end of the phone. Then, “Please take your pills. Right now, while we talk.”

  He left a trail of grime on his way to the kitchen. The smell of tobacco lay heavy in the air, and tendrils of smoke rose from the washing machine. Joshua sat on top of it, nursing a cigarette down to its stub.

  “Dr. Jen wants to separate us. She doesn’t know I keep you safe. I watch out for you, Liam. I’m your best defender,” he said.

  Liam lifted his pillbox and rolled it around his fingers. “These make me see things. Bad rings, flings, pings. I don’t want to see things.”

  “Do you remember our conversation about self-sabotage, Liam?” Dr. Jen asked. “You’re doing it now. This medicine works for you. Take this step, and regain control over your health. You want control. Remember that.”

  A dim part of his mind did remember longing for independence. But Joshua made concentrating on this fact exceptionally difficult.

  “There’s no control apart from me. I help you. Not the medicine,” said Joshua. He hopped down from the washing machine and strode over to Liam. He clasped his hand over the prescription bottle. “You don’t want to see inside people’s heads anymore. How did it feel to see your mother grieving you? While you’re still flesh and blood, living under her own roof, she feels as though you’re dead. And Isaac? Do you want to see him dreading Tasha’s future?”

  Liam lowered the pills.

  “Liam? Liam!” Dr. Jen said in a stern voice. “Are you listening?”

  Of course he listened. There were just so many people speaking. Alexandra, the twins, Joshua, his mother, Isaac, Dr. Jen. They all demanded his attention.

  “Take your pills,” Dr. Jen said. “You can do it, Liam.”

  Allison placed a hand on Liam’s back. She slipped the bottle out of his hand, unscrewed the top, turned it over, and shook out two pills.

  “Please, baby. Come back to me.” The little yellow medicine rolled in her palm.

  Joshua placed his face directly in front of Liam’s so their noses touched, and his foul breath washed over his bloodied cheeks. “Take these pills and I’ll hurt you. Tasha, too. You really wanna hear her cry?”

  “I can jam those pills somewhere if your mother is so desperate for them to disappear,” chimed in Alexandra. “For that matter, so can you, Liam. Stick those pills exactly where you want them. It’d give your mother the surprise of a lifetime.”

  The twins stood next to Allison, with their heads cocked to opposite sides, inspecting her like a meal.

  His chin still ached from their attack the night before. Liam’s gut told him the twins wouldn’t be as lenient with his mother as they had been with him; he had to knock his pills out of her hands before they attacked. He took a trembling step toward her. A long scratch from the door stopped him midstride.

  Allison’s eyes followed her son’s to the kitchen door. A deep growl sounded from behind it.

  “RP,” muttered Liam.

  “That furry sonuvabitch is staying outdoors where he belongs!” said Joshua. He ran to block the cat.

  Allison seized on what she thought was a break in her son’s hallucinations and reached through Joshua to open the door.

  “Get your filthy hands off me!” Joshua yelled. He hated it when people felt through him.

  RP charged into the kitchen. He batted at Joshua, scratching Allison’s ankle in the process. The cat disregarded his mother’s scream of pain, and he pounced on the twins. For a terrible moment, the three parties bared their fangs at each other before Bridget and Ethan vanished. Not finished with his mission, RP searched for Alexandra and hissed in frustration when he couldn’t locate her. His hunt still succeeded in banishing her, though, because the kitchen’s temperature cooled a few degrees.

  Unable to stay out of the mix any longer, Isaac joined their twisted party in the kitchen. His chest rose and fell in rapid succession.

  The phone lay forgotten in Liam’s hand until Dr. Jen said, “I’m still here. I’ll wait all night if you need. Take your medicine.”

  He held out his hand toward his mother. Without hesitation, she crossed the room and placed the pills in his palm. Liam tossed them in his mouth. A glass clinked as Isaac took it out of a cabinet. His stepfather filled it with water from the sink, then presented the tumbler to him with extended fingertips. Liam accepted the offering and drank.

  Cheeks sucked in and breath held, Allison darted a quick look at her husband, whose dipping Adam’s apple exposed his silent swallow.

  The countertop hit Liam’s lower back as he leaned against it. “I took the pills, what a thrill in the grill.”

  “Will you think about checking into a hospital tonight?” Dr. Jen asked.

  “No.”

  A slight sigh. “Then come see me at eight tomorrow morning.”

  Liam grunted in the affirmative and handed the phone back to his mother.

  “What options do we have here?” she said into the receiver.

  Isaac inched toward his wife until his broad shoulders obstructed her from Liam’s view.

  “I don’t care about HIPAA rules. I care about helping my son!” she sobbed. Tears of frustration rolled down her face, and she flung the phone across the room. RP skittered out of the kitchen.

  “Since Liam is an adult, his psychologist can’t speak about his condition to us. If we’re to learn anything, it’s got to come from him. And he’s in no shape to tell us.” Allison pushed aside her husband. “Liam, I know you don’t want to go, but a hospital is the best option for you now.”

  He sho
ok his head and edged out of the kitchen. He wouldn’t go back to an institution. Not no way, not no how. They’d lock him up, and he’d be trapped forever. His tongue itched thinking about all the medication they’d force down his throat.

  Isaac and Allison followed him into the living room.

  “It’s up to you, Liam. You’re in charge here, okay?” Isaac held his hands up in a reassuring manner.

  “No. Hospitals.” Liam made the sign of an X with his arms.

  His stepfather nodded. “We’ll do it your way. But you have to stay in your room for the rest of the night. I’m going to sit by your door until morning when we leave for Dr. Jen’s. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Liam lied.

  Allison paled. “This better be the right call, Isaac. We’re not playing a game here. This is Liam’s well-being we’re discussing, as well as the rest our family’s. Are you sure about this?”

  Isaac didn’t meet his wife’s eyes. “Yes.”

  n oscillating fan blew fetid air in Liam’s face. Mesmerized by its motion, he didn’t dare blink.

  Isaac had fallen asleep outside his door half an hour ago. It had to be long enough. Each second Liam delayed put Tasha at greater risk. They needed to leave the house. Now.

  The newest Mrs. Channer was coming tonight.

  “Cut through the screen and escape through the window,” said Alexandra.

  Liam rolled out of his bed in slow motion, each movement so precise it pained his muscles, and tiptoed over to the window. A few short hours ago, he’d cursed his mother’s insistence that he keep his blinds raised and window open. While it still unnerved him to give Mrs. Channer such a direct view into his room, he now appreciated the broken air conditioner. Without it malfunctioning, he would’ve had to factor in the metallic blinds clinking together during his breakout.

  Maybe life wasn’t always a bitch. Maybe even she needed to take vacations from time to time. Whatever the case, he appreciated her cooperating with him for once.

  He picked up the pair of scissors he’d hidden earlier and sliced through the screen, stopping twice to ascertain if the hushed pinging of the cutting stirred Isaac. It didn’t.

  The black filth that lined the window ledge smeared on his hands as he gripped it and pushed one leg through the ruined screen. Isaac’s snore stopped. So did Liam.

  Minutes ticked by with him straddling the window, one leg hanging outside and the other in. When Isaac finally snored again, Liam exhaled and hefted his other leg outside. He crouched down and scuttled around the house, still clutching the scissors. Once outside Tasha’s room, he made short work of her window.

  “Tasha,” he whispered.

  His sister lay above her covers, clad in a Princess Tiana nightie. She rubbed her eyes with small fists. Before she could speak, he held his finger to his lips. He whispered, “Shh. We’re going to play a game that’s the same, a flame, that’s my name.”

  Awakened by the promise of playing with her older brother, Tasha giggled.

  He placed his hands below her window and gestured for her to step onto them. She made a show of stretching and then placed her feet in Liam’s waiting hands like she descended a royal carriage.

  “What now?” she whispered.

  “The beach.” He squatted down and gestured to his back.

  She draped her arms around his neck and jumped onto his back. Though sandburs pierced his bare feet, he jogged through the backyard. He’d deal with the minor inconvenience of pain if it meant getting Tasha to safety. Burdened by his sister’s extra weight, his pace slowed as they passed the live oaks, but he didn’t stop. They needed to get to the beach.

  “You’re almost there,” said Alexandra. “Tasha is nearly out of Mrs. Channer’s reach. Just a bit farther.”

  “Where are we going?” asked Tasha. She placed her warm cheek next to his.

  He patted her foot. “Catching the moon soon.”

  Exhausted by the day’s physical demands, he slowed to a walk and limped forward. He glanced behind, expecting to see Mrs. Channer giving chase. Nothing but darkness followed.

  Eventually, the ground transitioned to sugar white sand. The promised moon reflected off the jet-black ocean’s waves.

  He pointed to the dark water. “For our feet, in the heat, it’s so sweet.”

  “The ocean is our potion for motion!” sang out Tasha, imitating her brother’s rhyming. She slid down his back, and Liam reached for her hand. The two waded into the waves, the warm water enveloping their feet and calves.

  Alexandra said, “Not far enough.”

  He waded in until the ocean licked his knees. Tasha followed. The waves lapped at her waist.

  “This is fun!” She splashed salt water into the night sky and made a holy racket whooping and hollering. Liam didn’t mind. Mrs. Channer couldn’t hurt them here.

  “Farther,” urged Alexandra.

  He trudged forward. The water hit Tasha’s chest now. A rolling wave bobbed her up and down and forced her away from him. She yelled and held her hands up high like she rode a terrifying roller coaster.

  “TASHA!” Isaac’s voice rang out from the shore.

  Liam turned and saw his stepfather sprint toward him. The moonlight hit the whites of his eyes, enlarged in terror.

  “She’s safe,” said Liam. He turned around to point to his sister, but only the placid waves of the Gulf remained.

  Tasha was gone.

  saac raced across the shallow waves, kicking up water that shot into the sky like silvery fireworks.

  “Tasha!” He scoured the ocean for his daughter. Her head popped above the surface a disturbing distance from shore. She sputtered for air and raised a hand before disappearing from view again.

  The water’s increasing depth slowed Isaac’s charge to deep lunges, and he dove into the current. Angry bubbles frothed in his wake as he motored out to where he’d last seen his daughter. There, a wave swallowed him whole, like a dark blue monster consuming his victim. A short while later, Isaac fought back to the surface. His hands didn’t hold Tasha.

  Isaac inhaled a massive gulp of oxygen and dipped under the water again. Seconds trickled by, indifferent to the unfolding drama.

  Forty-four, forty-five, forty-six.

  The cool evening air caressed Liam’s face with a puff of wind, and a sense of serenity filled his soul. Everything would be fine. Alexandra had promised him.

  Sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three.

  The deathly silence shattered into thousands of water beads flung into the sky as Isaac rose out of the ocean with a mighty exhale. He supported his daughter’s lolling head above the water.

  “Breathe, baby, breathe!” he cried.

  Tasha’s arms hung lifeless from his grasp and dragged in the water. The current pulled them behind Isaac, unwilling to release her from its salty embrace.

  Ragged, hollow shrieks from the shore announced Allison’s arrival. She screamed incoherent denials and fell to her knees.

  Isaac looked to the sky and prayed. “Please Lord, don’t take her. Not yet. Please!” A mixture of salt water and tears streamed down his face, and his biceps bulged with the effort of fighting the Gulf’s claim on his daughter.

  Terrified Mrs. Channer hid in the darkness, Liam held out a halting hand. “It’s not safe to bring her to shore!” he yelled.

  Isaac ignored him. He stumbled up the shore and laid his daughter on the slim beach. Allison started CPR while he held Tasha’s hand.

  A sharp object, perhaps a spiky shell or a shard of plastic trash, grazed Liam’s thigh. The minor brush with reality nudged his brain toward admitting the truth.

  His sister had drowned because Alexandra had lied. Tasha wasn’t safe in the water. She wasn’t safe at all. But Mrs. Channer didn’t pose the danger. He did.

  Liam wailed then, grief and fear and regret rolled up into a ball of despair. He tripped through the water and fell onto the shore next to Tasha’s body. “No! Baby girl, no!” He grasped her tiny, motionless foot.

  Ta
sha’s chest heaved. Allison turned her daughter’s face to the side as Tasha vomited salt water. She coughed and vomited again before jaggedly inhaling.

  A tremor of relief rocked Liam’s body. He leaned his head into the wet sand next to his sister.

  Nobody spoke. All three adults lay a light hand on Tasha’s abdomen and anxiously monitored each rise and fall of her chest.

  Once Tasha had taken ten breaths, Isaac sobbed and lifted his hands to the heavens. “Thank you, Lord, thank you, thank you.”

  Tasha coughed again and reached out for her mother’s embrace. Tears rolled down Allison’s cheeks as she caressed her daughter’s face and kissed her forehead. Isaac wrapped his wife and daughter in a protective bear hug.

  A swarm of sandflies hovered over Liam’s body and feasted on his neck. He stared at his mother and stepfather crying tears of relief. He knew he should feel something, but exactly what, he couldn’t comprehend.

  Allison sniffed and wiped a still shaking hand on her nose. “We need to get her to the ER, but I don’t want to wait for an ambulance. I’ll drive, you hold Tasha,” she said.

  Water dripped from Isaac’s drenched clothes as he took Tasha from his wife’s arms. He sprinted toward home, and despite his breakneck pace, whispered words of comfort in his daughter’s ear. Allison followed close behind.

  Never a strong runner and already fatigued, Liam failed to keep up. His family’s figures quickly pulled away from him and became ghostly gray shadows in the distance. Even so, he chased after them.

  His feet hit the backyard just in time to hear the SUV’s engine roar to life in the carport. He dug deep and willed himself forward. The headlights flashed on and caught him stumbling toward the vehicle. Allison opened her door and stuck out her head.

  “I hope skipping your medication was worth it, Liam,” she called. “You very nearly killed your sister. You’re going to the hospital when we get back. Don’t even try arguing with me. You’re dangerous.”

  She slammed her door shut and backed down the driveway. The SUV screeched away in the beginnings of dawn, and the mist of the oncoming day hovered over the vehicle like a shroud.