His Accidental Daddy

by Luna, David

  Part of him worried he was confusing feelings of gratitude with romantic feelings, but when he laid them all on the table, he realized he could clearly separate them. In his mind, he knew it was too soon to make any decisions about jumping into a relationship with Thornton, but there was a tender, aching, hopeful part of his heart that longed to do just that. And he knew if Thornton expressed his interest in taking those first steps, he wouldn’t say no.

  Thornton was beautiful, inside and out. He was funny, smart, successful, thoughtful, protective, and kind. And if the man was to be believed, he was interested in Asher, of all people. How could that even be? He was a mess. A complete and total wreck. And yet, every time he showed Thornton more of who he truly was, instead of moving further away, the man kept inching closer. And closer, and closer still.

  The man was under his skin, inching his way into his mind, interrupting his thoughts, and squeezing his heart. He was ensnared by him. And instead of feeling suffocated by his strong, masculine presence, he wanted to curl up into a ball and be surrounded by him. By his kindness, his strength, and his warmth. Was that dangerous? It probably was, but he wanted it all the same.

  He thought about the conversation they’d had before Thornton had essentially tucked him into bed. Once he’d brushed his teeth and Thornton had helped him into a pair of boxers and one of the larger man’s long-sleeved tees, he’d helped Asher into bed and sat next to him, his own iPad in his hand.

  “I made a list of different websites and blogs about the lifestyle that you can read through whenever you want. You’ll be able to see some of the things that make both Daddies and boys want to live their lives like I do, from their own perspectives.”

  He’d only nodded and watched as Thornton opened a document with more links than he’d been expecting. Clicking on several of them, Thornton pointed out which were blogs written by Daddies and which were written by boys. There were several websites he opened that focused on age play/age regression dynamics and even one that had a list of different ages and traits Daddies might see in their littles and how to help guide and nurture them.

  If he was being honest with himself, it was all rather strange. Not a bad strange, but strange all the same. When Thornton stood, made sure Asher was tucked in, had everything he needed, and then headed into his own room, Asher could admit he liked being taken care of, and perhaps the lifestyle had more to offer him than he could have imagined. And that alone gave him the courage to do as much research as he could, his mind open to possibilities he could never have imagined prior to meeting Thornton.

  He’d stayed up for hours reading everything he could get his hands on. The more he read, the more he needed to know, and the more he learned, the closer he’d ever felt in understanding a part of himself he realized had always been elusive. His mind was working a mile a minute, cataloguing things about himself he’d never truly realized were behaviors already geared towards the lifestyle. Things started slotting into place.

  How had he never known something like this existed? How had he gone his whole life completely unaware of a relationship dynamic he could literally see himself in if he closed his eyes? The images came to life in a myriad of ways, things he already did and, even more thrilling, things he wanted to do. Coloring, watching cartoons, eating off kids’ plates, drinking from straw cups, and sleeping with a stuffy were all things he did on a daily basis. And being cuddled, caressed, cared for, and cherished by a Daddy? God, he realized with surprising clarity, he’d never desired something more. That in itself was a shock.

  He found himself hard just thinking about things that weren’t even sexual in nature. Why? What was it about the dynamic that made him feel more alive and filled with yearning than he ever had? Sure, he was a virgin, but he obviously wasn’t new to masturbation and the concept of sex. He’d had fantasies like any other red-blooded person, but they’d been so cookie cutter, so run of the mill. He chuckled at himself when the new meaning of the word vanilla came to mind. Yeah. They’d been so vanilla. Was it wrong it thrilled him just a little that the fantasies he had in his head at that moment weren’t vanilla at all?

  His own searches led him down several rabbit holes which had also included Daddy kink porn because, well, porn. His dick had never been so hard or responsive. He’d been leaking precum with barely a touch, and when he finally did reach down and grip himself, the puddle of the shimmery liquid on his tummy grew quickly. But because he didn’t have the energy or the strength but did have a lot of pain, he didn’t do anything more then give himself a few soft tugs and caresses.

  Frustrating himself more than anything else, he’d eventually stopped the touching and stopped the watching, not wanting to continue the torture. But the fact he’d been ridiculously turned on by reading some of the blogs and watching quite a bit of porn had him admitting he had more than just a passing interest in trying it out himself. He felt like he was seeing his deepest desires playing out before him.

  It was nearly two in the morning when he’d finally stopped. His eyes had grown tired. The day had taken it out of him. His whole body hurt, but his ribs had been killing him. But it was too early to take another dose of pain meds so he did some deep breathing exercises.

  Finally he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, feeling secure and optimistic. He might not have fully understood everything about Thornton’s preferences, but from what he’d read, he was intrigued, and frankly aroused, much more than he thought he’d be.

  He had his seat belt on. He couldn’t stop himself from checking over and over again to make sure it worked, his hands shaking, palms sweating, and stomach churning. Lights were coming towards them, and they were passing by other cars so fast they were like a blur. He kept hearing car horns blast and counted in his head the amount of times it happened. He closed his eyes to block out the lights, but he couldn’t block out the sounds, so he gripped the hand rest on the door and held on for dear life as he counted all the way up to thirteen.

  But the fourteenth, that time was different. That time was followed by screeching car wheels, curses, screams—his own for sure, probably his parents—and a jarring impact that tested the strength of his seat belt. When he dared open his eyes, he wished he hadn’t. The screaming argument that came from the front of the car ratcheted up his heart rate, and the tears from the fear, and the pain, and the adrenaline, made his vision blurry.

  And then they were moving again, and he blinked the tears out of his eyes long enough for him to see the carnage they were leaving behind.

  He sat up in bed, gasping, hands clutching at his chest where the seat belt caught him. The remembered pain of the car accident from so many years ago coincided in tandem with the pain from his most recent one. He was covered in sweat from head to toe, shaking, and feeling out of control. He was panting and trying to catch his breath, a sob creeping its way up his throat he did his best to swallow.

  Beauty and Beast whined and scooted closer to him, and petting them both brought him some measure of comfort, but it wasn’t enough. Both dogs hopped down from his bed, walking as if glued together, and waited in the doorway of his room. He stared at them, and Beast whined, Beauty joining in. They edged out the door and sat in front of Thornton’s, and suddenly he didn’t want to be alone anymore, the dogs understanding what he needed even before he did.

  Crawling out of bed, he glanced at the clock and saw it was 3:45 in the morning. Guilt hit him, something he seemed to be feeling a lot over the last two days since he’d gotten out of the hospital. He stopped and sat back down, not wanting to wake Thornton for something so silly. He was no longer that helpless child. He’d be fine if he just took some more pain meds and went back to sleep.

  He reached for the bottle of pills and roughly wrenched the cap off, and the pills went flying. His breath hitched, and suddenly he was exhausted. It was all too much, and he was just so tired. He slid down the side of the bed to pick up the pills and fell apart. He heard the dogs whining and moving around but didn’t have the
energy to make sure they were okay.

  It was dark, and he couldn’t see the pills amidst the light carpet, so he just sat there as the tears slid silently down his face. When the hall light flicked on, he turned his tear-streaked face towards Thornton, who was beside him in an instant, checking him for injuries, his voice frantic, which only made Asher cry harder. God, he was a fucking mess.

  “Baby, what is it? What happened? Did you fall out of bed?”

  “I dropped them.”

  “Dropped what, sweetheart?”

  “The pills. And I can’t find them.”

  “Okay. It’s all right. I’m just going to turn the bedside light on.”

  He nodded and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his nightshirt. “It hurts.”

  The light clicked on. “I know. I know it does. The pain woke you up?”

  His breath hitched. “No.”

  Thornton slid his hand up and down Asher’s back. “No? What did?”

  Asher leaned into the touch. “A nightmare.”

  “Asher, you should have called out for me.”

  He wiped his nose again. “I was going to. I didn’t want to be alone.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  He looked at the clock and shrugged. “It’s the middle of the night. I didn’t want to ruin your sleep.”

  “I need you to call me when you need me. Do you understand?”

  “But…”

  “No buts, Asher. I need to know you’re feeling safe and secure, taken care of. This is important to me.”

  Asher nodded, knowing just from what he’d read earlier what Thornton said was true. He leaned into the man’s touch. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

  He tsked. “None of that.”

  Thornton made quick work of picking up all the pills while Asher sat and sniffled pathetically. Holding out two of the rescued meds, he handed them over to Asher and grabbed the water glass by the bed, handing it to him. Asher took the pills, his equilibrium returning. He steadied his breathing and wiped his eyes, so sick and tired of humiliating himself in front of this man.

  “Asher, do you want to sleep alone tonight?” That had his breath hitching again as he shook his head. “Look at me, sweet boy, and use your words.”

  “Can I sleep in your room? I can sleep on the chaise. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

  Thornton clasped his chin and lifted his face, so their eyes met. “Do you want to sleep on the chaise?”

  Ashe felt another tear fall and closed his eyes. But he refused to be a coward and opened them again, shaking his head. “No.”

  Thornton’s smile was a reward in itself, but his words were even better. “That’s my good boy. I don’t want you on the chaise either.”

  He helped lift Asher to his feet, turned off the bedside lamp, and then held his hand, leading them into the master bedroom and over to his massive bed that came up to Asher’s hip. He made to crawl on the bed, but Thornton put a hand on his back to stop him. “Wait a second and let me help you.”

  Asher nodded and stood back as Thornton pulled back the covers and picked Asher up, laying him down. Thornton drew the covers up, leaned down, and kissed his lips, a soft caress of warm skin on skin. He watched as Thornton held up a finger and headed back into Asher’s room. A few seconds later, he returned, Asher’s stuffed train in his hands.

  His face flamed as Thornton handed it over. But before he had a chance to feel too embarrassed about it, Thornton pulled the blankets up again, leaned over, and kissed him softly on the lips. Asher’s heart thrummed a quick cadence as he watched Thornton round the bed and get in. Turning on his side, he reached for Asher’s hand, holding it firm in his. “Is this what you wanted?”

  Asher started to nod but caught himself. Forcing himself to be brave, he shook his head. “What do you want, Asher?”

  “Will y—” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Will you hold me?”

  “I would love to.” Thornton slid closer, careful not to jostle the bed. “I’m really proud of you for telling me what you want. It’s pretty scary sometimes, isn’t it?”

  He sucked in a deep breath, the hitching of it making him blush, which in turn made him grateful it was dark and wouldn’t be seen. “I’m scared all the time.”

  Thornton hummed. “Lift your head.”

  Asher did and felt Thornton’s large bicep slip under it, the perfect cushion in the cradle of his arm. The larger man curled himself around Asher, careful with his injuries. “Everyone gets scared. You’re not alone in that.”

  “It never seems to end. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”

  “It’s hard to feel safe and secure when you’ve never been properly taken care of. It doesn’t sound like your parents made you feel that way.” Asher shook his head, shuffling a bit closer to the heat emanating from the man. Feeling surrounded by Thornton, protected and cherished, was perhaps one of the best feelings he’d ever had. “I want to make you feel safe and secure, sweetheart. I would love to be that person for you. Would you like that?”

  “Mmhmm. I feel… I don’t know. I doubt myself a lot. And when I’m with you, somehow, I feel less uncertain? Like maybe just having you verbalize that my feelings are valid, and my fears aren’t stupid, makes me feel more confident? I know it sounds silly. We’ve only known each other for a short time.”

  “That’s the best compliment you could give me, and it’s not silly at all. I think some people just need to have someone in their lives who helps them see it’s okay to be who they are and to feel safe in letting their guard down.”

  Asher nodded and rubbed his face against Thornton’s soft T-shirt. “This feels nice.”

  Thornton wrapped an arm over Asher’s stomach, careful of his ribs, kissed his temple, and murmured into his hair, “I agree. Do you think you can fall asleep now?”

  No. He didn’t. But he also didn’t want to keep the man up all hours of the night dealing with his ridiculous thoughts and fears. So, he did his best not to lie when he said, “I’ll try.”

  “That’s not what I asked you.”

  God, how did he know? “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Good boy. Do you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?”

  He pulled in a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “A car accident.”

  Thornton squeezed him a bit tighter, careful as ever not to hurt him, his voice shaky when he said, “Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  Shit. “No. Not… not ours. It was the night I got lost at the water park.”

  “You mean the night your parents left you to fend for yourself at the water park.”

  Right to the heart of it. And he couldn’t even argue the fact. “Yeah.”

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “From the police station, my parents took me back to some guy’s house. When we got there, everyone was partying and welcomed them back, so—”

  “You’re fucking kidding me.” He hunched in on himself and shook his head. “Fuck. Baby, I’m sorry. I’m not upset with you. I’m so… Goddammit. I’m so fucking angry at them.”

  God, why did that feel so good? Why did he need that validation? Of course, he felt the same exact things, in hindsight. And hell, if he was honest with himself, even at six, he probably felt some of those same feelings. Just remembering it now made him feel so many things. Anger, sadness, and fear.

  “It’s okay. The guy’s wife, or girlfriend, asked me if I was hungry. I was starving, so she microwaved a frozen mac and cheese dinner and left me in the kitchen to eat it. I stayed there because I didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever was going on in the other room, which was full of people, alcohol, junk food, empty bottles and cans, trash. The TV was on, there were arguments, people yelling and laughing, and eventually a bunch of strange noises—what I know now was probably sex. In the kitchen at least I was alone and didn’t have to see it.”

  Thornton buried his face in Asher’s hair, snuggling closer to him, his stuffy between t
hem. His breath was warm and soft as he murmured, “I’m sorry, baby.”

  Asher tried to shrug. “None of it was new. It was like any other time they brought me along with them when they didn’t find a sitter. And they never found a sitter. I would have been better left at home, but for some reason they thought they weren’t being neglectful if they brought me with them.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Sometimes I was lucky, and they’d forget I was in the backseat, and I’d sit in the car and wait. It was always nighttime, so I’d started to bring blankets with me, hoping I’d be able to stay in the car, even when it was freezing out.

  “Anyway, that time I was in the kitchen. It was hours later, and I had fallen asleep at the table. They came to wake me up, said we were leaving. I knew they shouldn’t be driving. I knew. I was fucking six and I knew.”

  Asher took strength from the soft kisses Thornton placed on his head. “I told them we could just stay. I was comfortable, and they could just crash there. My dad wasn’t having it. So, we got in the car.”

  “God, Asher.” He could feel Thornton’s body vibrating. Asher knew he was holding back his anger, his protective instincts urging him to fix what couldn’t be fixed. It helped somehow. With Thornton’s tension rising, Asher’s began to fade.

  “I put on my seat belt. My six-year-old brain thought I could insulate myself with the pillow I’d brought, so that went beside me against the door, and I bundled the blanket in my lap. I kept checking my seat belt, though, to make sure it worked.”

  His body relaxed into Thornton’s as the man’s body thrummed with pent-up energy. Curving his body to the larger man’s, he continued, feeling as if he was giving his fears over to the man that surrounded him because he trusted Thornton could take it. Why he knew Thornton could carry the burden, Asher didn’t know, but it didn’t change the fact that he did.

  He continued on, talking about the lights, the speed, the honking horns, culminating in the last one, and the impact, the screaming, and then his parents’ escape. The blood and carnage they left behind. “I don’t know why they didn’t get caught. The park was an hour’s drive away, so maybe that was part of it. I don’t even know what happened to the people they hit. I don’t know if they lived or died. And my parents never mentioned it again.”