“You trust me right,” she asks?
“Yes.”
“And you know I’d never hurt you, right?”
“Right,” I say nodding, not fully understanding where she is going with this.
“Well you know you can tell me anything. No matter what it is,” she says.
“I don’t know if I should talk to you about it.”
“Yes you can. I have come to love you. I want you to know that.”
I look up at her and I am filled with so much joy and love. I’ve needed to hear that from someone for a long time now. I grab a hold of her and cry into her stomach.
“Shush, its going to be ok. Just talk to me, and you will feel better,” she says as she rocked me in her arms.
It took me several minutes of crying and hugging before I finally started talking.
I told her about my mom and dad and what happened with her when he left her; and how I found her dead in our bathroom. How it was devastating for me knowing I wasn’t enough for my mom to want to stay and be with me.
“What is wrong with me. First my dad, my mom, then my brother leaves and goes overseas. Now Ryan,” I cry.
“Its not your fault. You can’t make people do the right thing. They have to do it themselves. I don’t know what the situation is with my son, but I know my husband and I raised him to be respectful. Maybe if you talked to him you could work out whatever it is that is bothering you,” she says.
“Its just that I was going to. I mean we were going to..but Rachel came and he threw me out of the room so he could go to her. Oh I feel so stupid and used. I knew I could never be enough for him,” I whimper.
She takes my hands in hers starts tenderly cleaning the cuts in my hands; digging out the bits of debris and rocks from them.
“Baby, talk to him. I know my boy. I’m sure there is a good explanation for what happened,” she says then pours some disinfectant over my hands.
I draw them back into myself.
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want an infection to set in.”
“I know. Thank you for helping me out like you have,” I utter.
“Why don’t you take a nice long shower. I’ll go get you some fresh clothes and you can lay down for a bit. You know take a nap. Wouldn’t that be nice,” she says while rubbing my hair.
“Ye.. yes,” I stutter.
She smiles and helps me up and out of my dress. I should be embarrassed about being naked in front of her, but I’m not. She makes me feel like a mother should, loved. Then she helps me into the shower and turns it on.
“I’ll be back with your clothes,” she says and walks out the room leaving me alone.
All I could do was wonder what Ryan wanted to talk about.
Chapter 5 (Ryan)
What am I going to do?
Ryan, damn near burned the skin off of her face because I was so careless about her feelings. I should have told her about Rachel. She and I broke up while I was away in Iraq. She told me that she couldn’t wait around for me. So we parted ways and I was okay with that. I never really loved her. I mean we grew up together and everyone thought we’d be together, but I never was in love with her. Although I did have love for her. When her and her mother interrupted me and Ryan’s sweet moment together, I reacted the wrong way. I didn’t want Ryan’s and my first time together to be tainted with my ex- girlfriend being around. I know I should have been a lot more gentle with Ryan; and by the look on her face earlier, I know that I hurt her so deep. Maybe even beyond repair. I just hope that she hears me out when I explain everything to her. I really want a chance to get to know her. I like her, a lot.
“Ryan, what did you do to that sweet young lady,” my mom said bringing me out of my deep thinking, pointing towards the bathroom.
“Mom, please,” I beg.
I know once my mom gets started it will be a long time before she stops.
“Don’t please me Ryan. That girl is in there broken. I have grown to love her over the years that she’s worked for us. I can’t have you hurting her like you are. I thought I raised you to be more respectful than that,” my mom says then stands there with her hands on her hips waiting for me to reply.
“Mom, I’m telling you it was all a big misunderstanding,” I say sheepishly.
“Fix it Ryan, please. She’s a sweet sweet girl who needs love. Please don’t hurt her anymore than you already have,” my mom says then kisses be on my cheek and goes and gets Ryan a pair of pajamas and fuzzy socks from the closet.
“I’m going to give these to Ryan. When she’s done help her put the medicine on her face and hands, wrap her hands up also; then set things straight, ok,” my mom says.
“Ok,” I reply then plop back on the bed, closing my eyes.
I pray that the right words come to me when I do talk to Ryan. I don’t want to make things worse with her.
~~~
“Um, I didn’t think that you’d still be here,” Ryan says waking me from my nap.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk with you. But my mom wants me to help you first,” I say reaching for then holding up the medicine I was to use on her.
She glanced at the medicine then at me.
“I can do it myself,” she says shyly walking over to me and takes it from my hands. But I grab her wrist before she could get to far away from me. She gasps.
“What are you doing,” she asks softly?
“I told my mom I would help you.”
Her face shows disappointment at what I said.
“Plus I want to be as close to you as I possibly can,” I say caressing her thigh.
She shivers under my touch and shakes her head, no.
“But you, you left me after we..., you were so hurtful to me. I never let anyone get that close to me before; and after what happened with us, I will never let that happen again. I can’t,” she says sinking down on the bed next to me.
I grab onto her shoulders and say, “I promise you that if you let me explain, you well know that I really do want you. Rachael and I broke up while I was in Iraq. I haven’t spoken to her in 8 months. Now when you and I were together earlier and I rushed you out of the room.”
She pales and squeezes her eyes shut like she was thinking of what happened, but I rubbed her shoulders and kept going.
“I didn’t want the special moment we were sharing together be tainted with my ex bursting in the room or something. I’m sorry. I should have been more attentive to your needs. I should have explained the situation better. It won’t ever happen again. Please give us another chance,” I plead.
She was peeking up at me thru my whole little speech. I meant every word. I truly am sorry for how things happened between us. I hate that our special time together is somehow tainted. If she gives us another chance to get to know each other, I will spend all that time showing her how special she is.
“We can see how everything goes,” she says, but when she sees me smiling she also says, “As friends. I mistakenly tried things the wrong way with you and got burned. So friends will have to do for now.”
I wanted to say we started off things in just the right way. I was just stupid in how I reacted. She did everything right.
“Ok friends it is. Can a friend help another friend heal,” I ask hold the medicine up?
She grinned and nodded yes. I then proceeded to gently put the medicine on her face. We were looking at each other, but when I got close to her lips she closed her eyes and didn’t open them back up. I wonder if she was thinking about our time together. I so want to kiss these soft juicy lips of hers. I know we agreed on being friends, and I’m sure friends don’t kiss like I want to kiss her. I can feel myself going in to kiss her. I hope she doesn’t get too upset at what I’m about to do. I gently brush my lips across hers at first. Her eyes instantly pop open and she looks as if she was about to say something; I don’t give her the chance. I go in for another kiss, but this time I suck her bottom lip into my mouth. Gently nibbling on it, trying to coax a moan out of her. When
she did moan, I slid my hands into the back of her hair and held her tight; as I caressed her sweet mouth with mine. She didn’t protest but she wasn’t exactly responsive. I sit back and look into her sweet innocent eyes. She looks excited but scared. Scared of what though?
“What’s wrong, Honey, did I do something you didn’t like,” I ask, her hair still in my hands.
She shook her head no.
“Then what is it?”
She looks down, but I bring her head back up.
“It’s just that I’ve never really been kissed before,” she says, but tears are starting to form in her eyes.
There is no way that this sexy woman hasn’t been kissed. I mean look at her. She is a ten.
“Really,” I say a little bit shocked.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Why,” I ask?
She shrugs and says, “I don’t know. I’ve always been afraid to fall in love because of what happened to my mom.”
“What happened to your mom?”
When I asked that the tears she was holding at bay began to fall fast and heavy. Oh what must have happened to this woman for her to cry like this. I don’t like it. I don’t like that I also made tears fall from her eyes. I vow to never be the cause of any tear she sheds.
“She’s dead,” is all Ryan said.
I drew her up into my arms and held her.
“Its ok, love. I’m sorry that you had to go thru that. Where is your father?” She cried even more, but now she was shaking.
“He left us when I was younger. My mom she...my mom she um was so distraught at his leaving that she soon became depressed. She um, well she um killed herself,” she cried.
Oh no. Please tell me she didn’t find her.
“I was coming home from school one day and found her. Ryan she was so pale looking. My sweet warm loving mother was dead because she loved a man too much. I can’t. I don’t want to end up like her, all alone,” she says.
“I’m here. I’d never leave you,” I say.
“How could you possibly know that. We just met and you already kicked me out from around you. How do I know you won’t do it again,” she inquires?
I lean back away from her, look into those warm buttery eyes of hers and say, “I know because I feel something for you that I’ve never felt before. The first time I saw you I felt it. When I saw you fall outside today, my heart near ripped out of my chest. I know its just the beginning for us, but I want you to give us a chance to get to know each other. Please don’t shut me out.”
“I don’t know,” she says.
“Well how about you let me take care of you while you decide,” I say then grab her hands and tenderly rub medicine on her hands and wrap them up.
Her eyes are on me the whole time. She never says a word, as she watches me; and I can’t help but smile as I pull back the covers, lay her down, and tuck her in. I dim the lights and kiss her forehead.
“I’ll be right back,” I say then quietly leave out of the room.
I go into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water and a few other things, then ease my way back to the room. Careful to not bother anyone else. Really I just want to get back to Ryan. I want her to know that she is important. Right as I walked back into the room and was walking over to a smiling but sleepy looking Ryan, the door to the bedroom opens and Rachel sticks her head in the door. Oh Lord, what is it now?
“Ryan darling, I was just wondering how everything was going with your employee,” Rachel said coming into the room without asking permission.
My eyes go straight to Ryan and she was looking at me with an amazing hurt look in her eyes, like she knew I was going to agree with Rachel’s label of her to me.
“Actually, Ryan is doing just fine. Isn’t that right Ryan,” I say looking at her and winking.
I don’t know if she caught it because she was looking down now, kind of defeated like.
“Yes,” she mumbled.
“Great. Since she’s doing ok why don’t you come back out here so we can catch up. I’d love to pick up where we left off,” she says as she tries to snuggle up to me.
I quickly step aside and grab her hands so they weren’t touching me.
“Look since you chose to intrude on an obviously private moment, I guess I’ll have to lay it all out to you now. Whenever Ryan will have me, I plan to make her mine. You have no right to touch me ever again. Please leave her and I alone. We have some important things to discuss. So if you would do me a favor and shut the door on your way out; I have some important things to get to,” I say and turn to a slack-jawed Ryan.
I didn’t wait to see her leave. I simply walked over to Ryan.
“I brought this for you,” I say handing her a water, then sitting down in a chair beside the bed.
“Ryan, you didn’t have to do that for me,” she says peeking up at me thru her massive amount of soft waves.
“Yes I did. Now where were we,” I say smiling down at her.
She relaxed a bit and we began to talk.
She told me all about her life growing up. About how much her father doted on her mother, he treated her like a queen. But one day he came home from work and said that she had to get out of Boston with the kids and never look back. She said that her parents didn’t know that she was listening when they were having this argument. Anyhow, she said that after what seemed like hours of her father begging her mother to leave with them and her asking why; and saying that she would never leave him. He finally yelled at her and said that he doesn’t love her. That he could never be with a black woman like her, that she wasn’t good enough for him.
Ryan cried into my chest as she told me all this. I wanted to tell her how messed up her father was. How she shouldn’t let his nastiness affect her life. But I didn’t say anything. I simply held her and whispered how special she was to me in her ear; and after a few moments like this she looked up at me and smiled.
“Thank you for holding me like this,” she says snuggling up into my chest.
“Honey, I don’t mind. I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whenever you want to talk I’ll listen.”
She glances up at me with thoughtful eyes and smiles sleepily then lays her head on my lap. As she is laying there she begins to tell me all about herself. What she likes and what she doesn’t. Everything from food to sports. I stroke her hair gently to let her know that I’m here and I’m listening. She talked until she was tuckered out.
“I’ve been rambling on like a crazy person. Don’t you have anything you want to tell me about yourself,” she says now looking up at me, while her head was still in my lap.
It is taking all that I have to not flip her over and ram myself up into her sweet virgin heat.
“I don’t mind listening to you talk. Everything you said is helping me get to know you better.”
“Really. I thought you might think I was crazy and run me out of here again,” she mumbles shyly.
I turn her soft chin up so she is looking me in the eye.
“I would never do that to you again,” I say matter-of-factly.
“Ok,” she utters.
“Now where were we. Oh right, well my mother and father met and quickly fell in love. Had us three hooligans and lived happily here in Boston. My dad took over Callahan & Callahan fully when my grandpa died. I did use to enjoy coming to the office with dad when I was younger; I used to want to be just like him. A smart lawyer with a family that loved him. But as I got older I changed and my dreams changed. So I hurried off to the Marines as soon as I could.”
“Why? What changed? Don’t you want a family anymore,” Ryan asks me.
“Well I just felt like my dad was pressuring me to do something I wasn’t fully ready for. I mean I did want to work with him. I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to settle down until recently,” I say.
She grins at that last statement and closes her eyes. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too. Baby, Me too,” I say.
Cha
pter 6 (Ryan)
After that special night Ryan and I spent together, I thought that I should take things slow with her. I definitely wanted to get close to her, but I don’t want to scare her off in the process. So I first started to go to the office as much as I could to help out so I could see her. I would stop by her desk and ask her how her day was going. Then I would bring her some of that white tea from Whole Foods that she told me she loved. Then I asked her out for lunch, which she eagerly said yes to. We both enjoyed each others company. We laughed and talked so much that I almost got her back late to work. I thought maybe she would be reluctant to go out with me again because of it, but she wasn’t. We went out for lunch a couple more times in the next two months. We even had an early dinner one evening. We spent so much time together that I couldn’t go anywhere without my mom asking me was Ryan with me. Usually that would have got under my skin and pissed me off. But since she was talking about Ryan I couldn’t help but smile. I am really beginning to fall for her. So much so that I can’t take it anymore. I have to get next to her or I’m going to crawl out of my skin.
“Ryan, I was thinking how about we eat in tonight,” I say purposely not looking at her.
I didn’t want her to see the need I had for her on my face.
“But I thought you made us a reservation.”
“I did. But I was thinking how nice it would be to just enjoy a night in on this cold rainy day. You know eat and sit in front of a warm fire.”
“Well, I guess that would be ok,” she said.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if she would agree to being alone with me in such an intimate setting. And I wasn’t going to say anything that would change her mind. So I quietly drove the rest of the way home.
~~~
“Ryan Honey, what are you guys doing here? I thought you were taking her to that restaurant tonight,” my mom said hugging me, then turning and hugging Ryan.
“I was but, we had a change of plans. We thought it would be nice to come here for the night. Isn’t that right Sunshine,” I say.
We both look down at her waiting for her to answer.
Ryan's Love Page 4