Nicky

by K. J. Dahlen

  Nicky swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Ok tell me what that bastard did to you.”

  She raised her hand and laid it on his chest right over his heart. “You’ve seen the scars on my back, we all have them, I just have mine there. I have other scars as well but those are other stories. You have to understand something here. I view those scars as my personal badge of honor. They may look horrible but to me they remind me of the fact that that bastard couldn’t break my will. He tried but he just couldn’t do it. I was stronger than he realized.”

  Nicky leaned down and kissed her lips. “Please don’t tell me anymore. They are a reminder that you’ve gone through hell and walked away intact. That’s all I need to know.”

  “You don’t think I’m a coward then? For giving in to his demands?”

  “Are you kidding me?” he asked her in utter astonishment. “You may have done what he demanded but you didn’t give in to his demands. You protected my father as much as you could. Zhora only thought he bent you to his will when I reality, you bent him to your will.” He brought her close to his chest again. “And now the Bratva will claim him as they should have years ago. Once they do that his name will never be spoken again. He will join the countless others that have crossed the Bratva.”

  “I’ve been watching everyone here and there’s one thing that I’ve noticed about your Bratva organization,” she whispered.

  “Oh, yeah?” Nicky tensed slightly. “And what would that be?”

  “I would have to say its loyalty. Every man jack of you have it, you expect it and you thrive in it, don’t you?” she whispered in the dark.

  Nicky relaxed and chuckled. “I guess you could say that. I never knew that way of life until I met my father. All my life it was just me and Raven. Like I said before I knew growing up that she always had my back and believe me when I say that gave me more comfort than anything. We lived on the streets for awhile and while that was no fun at all, I knew she was only a step or two behind me.” He sighed and then told her, “She’s the one who made me the man I am today.”

  Serenity chuckled softly. “Remind to thank her for that. I really like the man you turned out to be.”

  Nicky smiled and for a moment she could see the whiteness of his teeth. “So then I have a question for you, now that Zhora will not be out there to hunt you down anymore what do you want to do with your life? I mean you can go anywhere you want to go now.”

  “Are you letting me go?” she whimpered.

  “Good god no.” Nicky growled. “I want you to stay with me for the rest of our lives I said until the end of time and the end is far, far away. We’re married and I will never let you go, at least not willingly.”

  “Good, because I’m not ready to let you go anytime soon. I want to stay here with you.” She sighed. “Your dad might not appreciate me being here but can I stay?”

  “I was hoping you would want that,” Nicky admitted. “I was hoping you wouldn’t take off on me, now that you’re free.”

  “But that’s just it Nicky, I’m not free. My father and Owen are still out there. I’ve managed to stay under their radar for a while now but that might not be possible. Knowing Owen as well as I do, he’s already been notified of our marriage and he’s come here looking for me.”

  “Why would you matter to anyone after this long?” He wanted to know.

  “My father is married now and they have a daughter, Molly. His wife and kid don’t know about me and my father wants to keep it that way. Apparently, he ran his campaign on a morals wagon. His people love him because he’s so clean and a straight shooter. If they knew he had a freak for an illegitimate daughter, they would turn on him quicker than a snake bite.” She snorted and said, “Besides that fact he’s not as lily white as people like to think. My father is a fucking cheater and a liar. He’s just got people like Owen that can cover up the truth.”

  “You are not a damn freak.” Nicky growled. “You are a wonderful woman, warm, intelligent, kind. I don’t want to hear this from you or anyone else again!”

  Serenity leaned up on her good elbow and looked deep into his eyes. “You’re the only person I know that sees me that way. I’m different enough for other people to feel uncomfortable around me. I’ve seen it everyday of my life. People fear what they do not understand and that’s ok. It’s a choice they make. I don’t happen to think I’m any different than anyone else, except my skin is whiter, my eyes are a lighter color than normal and my hair is white, I’ll never have grey hair when I get older because I’ve grown up with hair this color. All that and so much more is just me. If people can’t see me for what I am then that’s not my problem is it?”

  “That could be part of what drew me to you in the first place.” Nicky told her.

  “What do you mean?” Serenity froze.

  “Can I share a secret with you without you freaking out on me?” He whispered in the dark.

  “Ok.” She shivered a little wondering what he meant.

  Nicky settled back and stared at the ceiling. He was silent for a moment while he thought about how to tell her what he was about to say. “Growing up, it was mostly just me and Raven. Like I said she looked out for me from the day I was born. What neither of us knew at the time was that the woman who claimed to be Raven’s mother stole me from the hospital right after I was born. That same woman killed my real mother to punish my father. She then took me across the country and put me into Raven’s arms. Raven was barely five years old at the time. Raven might have been no more than a kid, but she was more of a mother to me than the woman who took me was. When we were little that woman...” he air quoted the term woman. “Took us both to her elderly mother and left us there. She might have forgotten to tell anyone she was being hunted by Nikoli and his men. Long story short, those men frightened the old lady into a heart attack. Raven and I were hiding in a secret place. I was too young to know what was going on but Raven knew. She heard it all and then some. We were found and taken to a foster home where we were taught to break the law. If we didn’t do as our foster father wanted, he would hurt us or get rid of us. He kept Raven in line by threatening to sell me to a pedophile. That worked until the night she found out he was using her to steal secrets from the Bratva and that he was hours away from selling me anyway. She was fourteen or twelve... I really don’t remember but I was just a kid. She didn’t turn over what she stole that night but she did grab me and we ran. We lived on the streets for a few years, made some friends, and barely survived.”

  Serenity listened and then reached out to take his hand.

  “Then she got tangled up with Yuri and his bunch. She met Nikoli and knew immediately who I really was after she saw Nikoli. She could have lied to him, grabbed me and ran off again but she didn’t. She was tired of running and hiding. She found someplace she felt safe and more importantly, she found that someone she felt safe with. Everything lined up for her and she found her home base. Yuri was and still is her home base. She turned me over to Nikoli because she knew I belonged to him. I was his blood and for a while he was my home base.” He turned his head and stared at her. He could barely see her outline in the dark room but he could feel her, lying next to him. “Nikoli was my home base until I met you. I never understood that until that moment in that crappy apartment when I looked into your beautiful eyes. I know it’s strange to talk about and even stranger to think about because stuff like that just doesn’t happen in real life. Like love at first sight or something like that but it did for me. The fact that you looked so light... like some fairy in a legend or something. And your beautiful eyes trapped me instantly. In that moment, you became my home base. You became my light.” He hesitated then added. “I need you like I need the air to breathe. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

  Serenity stared at the man next to her. She still had trouble believing anyone could feel like this about her. But everything he just told her made so much sense to her. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. “I think you
and I were meant to meet, as strange as that may seem to others it just makes sense to me. I know people don’t fall in love that fast but I felt the same way in the apartment. It felt as if lightning had struck me.” She kissed him again and when she broke the kiss she whispered, “You are my home base too you know. A real home actually. You are the one thing I’ve been missing all my life. I feel safe with you, and not because you’re Bratva, but because you’re you. Nothing can touch me or hurt me when I’m in your arms. All the pain I’ve ever felt in the past is gone when I’m with you.”

  Nicky sighed heavily. “I think that’s why it hurt so much when my father took one look at you and freaked out. He took one look and saw only what was on the outside, he didn’t look deep down to see what real beauty you have in your soul.”

  Serenity laid her fingers over his mouth then turned her head slightly so he would see the look in her eyes. “Most people see just what they want to see, no matter what. Sometimes two people can look at the same object and one will see a thing of beauty while the other sees nothing to redeem it at all. That is the way he saw me.”

  “Then why did you want to come back here?”

  “You have something with Nikoli and the rest of the people around here, with Raven and Yuri, even Malina. You have a connection to them that I don’t have with anyone else. I wasn’t going to take that away from you. I didn’t want you to feel the same kind of pain I’ve lived with my whole life. I couldn’t bear that for you.”

  Nicky wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and crushed his mouth down on hers. For a moment, he forgot she was injured and he pressed her back against the mattress. He only broke the kiss when she hissed in pain. “Oh damn, baby...” He broke contact with her and felt the hot wet tears she wept hit his hands as he cupped her face. “I’m so sorry. I forgot you were hurt. I’m so—”

  Serenity held her fingers over his lips cutting off his apology. “Hush, I forgot too. You make me forget everything.”

  Nicky flopped down beside her. He reached down and took her good hand in his. Tangling his fingers with hers he held her hand tightly. “Maybe I should sleep on the sofa tonight,” he suggested.

  Serenity tightened her fingers, “Please stay with me. I need to feel you right here beside me. I need to know that I’m not dreaming this.”

  He turned and wrapped his arm around her waist. “If you’re dreaming this then so am I. And I’m not going anywhere.”

  Serenity closed her eyes and relaxed enough to slow the pain. “Will you hold me while we sleep?” she whispered.

  Nicky tucked his body around hers and closed his eyes too. His breathing evened out as he slowly fell asleep. When Serenity felt him relax enough to sleep, she smiled slightly and snuggled into his heat as she too, fell into a healing sleep.

  Nikoli walked alone down the hall to his new rooms. Sergi, Misha and Yuri had went their rooms already. His thoughts as he walked down the hall to his room were troubled. He never realized just how short life could be before. He was only forty seven and while he’d done a lot with his life, he never realized how quickly it could be over.

  In less than a heartbeat, he could have lost Bella, or Malina or even Nicky tonight. Or if Zhora’s aim had been truer he could have lost his own life. If a bullet had caught him and taken his life what would his children feel? Would they mourn his passing?

  Death was the one thing that no one could escape and it was forever. He thought back on his life and realized what he did made little difference in anyone’s life but his own. He’d missed raising his son altogether. He had trying his best to turn Nicky into a mini him and while Nicky hadn’t minded, Nikoli hadn’t given him a choice. He hadn’t even asked the boy what he wanted. He hadn’t been raised or taught what being a member of the Bratva really meant.

  To Nikoli it was so much more than just being in charge, more than being one of the few that could make or break a person. To him, it was being part of something he grew up wanting more than anything, but he had grown up in another land and in another time.

  Nicky hadn’t grown up the same way Nikoli had. He knew nothing about what the Bratva really was. All he knew was what Nikoli had told him or tried to teach him. After all this time of living here in America, maybe Nikoli had forgotten what being Bratva meant as well.

  Bratva certainly didn’t mean bullying woman because she had information he thought she was holding back. And now he did admit that Serenity had been an innocent in this plan of Zhora’s. He talked about abusing her like it was nothing but that wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

  Sergi had seen the girl for what she was, a victim. He hadn’t said anything to Nikoli about her treatment at his hands but he hadn’t had to. Nikoli had a feeling he owed her an apology. His actions had been out of control and now his woman and daughter were afraid of him. That was the very last thing he’d wanted.

  Malina wouldn’t even speak to him. His son wouldn’t either and that hurt more than anything. His children feared him. This was like a wake up call for him and he vowed as he walked to his door, he was going to change things around here.

  He paused in front of his own door and looked down at the room he knew Nicky and Serenity were in. He needed to take care of Zhora for his own sake but also for her sake. He’d seen the look in Zhora’s eyes when he spoke of the girl. Even if it would cost him his own life, Zhora wanted to see her dead. He didn’t even have a reason other than the fact he thought she betrayed him. She hadn’t, she had done everything he’d asked her to do, but he thought she did and that was reason enough in his mind to end her life.

  He rested his forehead against the wooden panel of his door. He hoped it wasn’t too late to change what he’d done to her himself. He wanted the chance to repair the damage he’d done to her and to his children. Turning his head to the room next to his he knew Bella knew something about the girl he didn’t.

  He went inside his room and went directly to the adjoining door. Reaching for the handle, he opened it. Stepping into Bella’s bedroom, he saw her standing at the door between her room and Malina’s.

  He went to her and stood behind her looking at the child they shared. Malina was sleeping peacefully. Looking over at Bella, he saw the tears on her face and he gently pulled her away from the door, closing it behind them. He grabbed her hand and gently led her back to his room. He didn’t want to disturb Malina while they spoke.

  Closing the adjoining door, Nikoli turned to her and held up his hand, “Before you say anything. I would like you to listen to what I have to say.”

  Bella swiped the tears rolling down her face away and waited to hear what he had to say.

  “I’ve been in the Bratva for a very long time. It gave me a large amount of pride to be associated with this group. They live by a code of honor that gives them an up from being just a common street thug.” He began to pace the floor in front of her. “The Bratva is tough but they’ve always maintain a certain persona that offers protection for the innocents. I’m afraid certain incidences in my past have changed that persona for me. When my wife Bethany was murdered the day my son was born, something changed inside me. When I watched the light fade from her eyes something inside me also died. I think it was my own humanity. I became a hardened man, a broken man. I searched for my son ever day in some sort or fashion. I became obsessed with finding him and punishing the woman who killed my Bethany and stole my son. It would take me a chance meeting for me to find her. I didn’t see the change come over me over the twenty year duration from the moment I lost everything I had until the day I found him again. They day I first met you...I was at my worst. Bethany and Nicky had been gone for ten years by then and I didn’t know what I was going to do without them. I was so lost and didn’t know how to catch my breath even. I mistreated you and didn’t know how badly I hurt you.” He paused and sighed.

  Bella swiped at her tears and stared at his face.

  “I didn’t recognize the fact that you cared about me at the time, all I cared about was t
he one night we spent together. You were just one more woman in a string of one-night stands. I needed nothing more than a sexual release that night, but you gave me so much more than that, didn’t you? You carried my baby and gave her life, all without my help or knowledge. You guarded my child, then you came here and guarded my life, all because you cared for me much more than I’d guarded you. You then allowed me the chance to get to know and love my child, to know and love you like you loved me. You gave me another chance when you didn’t have to and for that I will always be grateful. I have a second chance with Malina that I never had with Nicky. I will get to watch her grow up, to change into the beautiful woman I know she will be one day.”

  Bella sniffled and took a step forward to say something.

  Nikoli held his hand up. “I need to get this out and tell you all of it.” He again, sighed. “Then this mess with Serenity came up and I lost my temper. I didn’t know why but suddenly, I felt like someone was taking everything I worked for, everything I fought for all my life. What Serenity took was only paper. That wasn’t the real me. That wasn’t what I valued the most. Then Malina saw what I did to Serenity and she became afraid of me. I didn’t realize this but I’ve been a dead man walking around, breathing air, doing what every man is supposed to be doing but I’ve been dead inside all this time. Then we faced Zhora tonight. Now that man is a piece of work, has been for most if not all his life. He was sent to prison as a young man and he deserved his sentence. He beat an old man almost to death just because he was a gypsy traveling across Russia on his way to Poland. Zhora hated anyone and anything that wasn’t 100% Russian. He especially hated the gypsies. We never knew why until he went to trial and a story from his childhood came to light. His grandfather had opened his home to a band of gypsies and those gypsies had stolen from the old man and when he tried to stop them their leader killed the old man. Although he was only a boy at the time, Zhora’s hatred of the people who killed his grandfather grew to where he hated the whole lot of them. In a way, I became like him. I hated anything that might take something more from me.” He paused and ran his hands over his head he searched for the right words, words that would show he that he knew what he had done. “I misjudged that girl from the very beginning. I hurt her when she needed my protection. I hurt her by seeing her for less than what she really is. I also hurt my son and I never wanted that. I only just found him again and I had hoped to have more time with him. I only just found Malina and you and I wanted the rest of my life with her and you as well.”