On the Outside (Caught Inside #3)

by S. Briones Lim

  Blake followed my gaze and frowned. “Yeah, she’s not in there.”

  “I figured.”

  He walked toward a counter and placed a muscular arm against it. Lifting his hand, he asked, “Why are you here?”

  “You invited me?” I snorted.

  “In Mistcoast.”

  “Oh.” I paused and fidgeted uncomfortably.

  “Well?”

  “Truthfully, I was trying to hit two birds with one stone.”

  He scratched his bleach blond waves and frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I was hoping to make amends with my best friend and also win back my boyfriend.”

  The corners of his mouth dropped down as he nodded his head in thought. “Wow, that’s a tall order.”

  I bowed my head and lightly knocked on my forehead. “Tell me about it.”

  Blake tapped a few fingers against the surface of the counter. His thick eyebrows pulled together as his eyes glazed over. For a moment I thought I had lost him to some self-imposed hypnotism.

  Wow, Mistcoast is really into some New Age stuff.

  “Uh, what are you doing?” I asked.

  “Thinking,” he replied, only to become silent again.

  “Okay…about what?”

  He blinked quickly as if coming back down to earth. “You want some advice?”

  My gaze flitted to the window, where I caught sight of Kacy walking toward Smoothie Bar. I had a strong urge to run after her, but I somehow fought against it. Who would have thought I’d be seeking her out one day and not for the purpose of beating her silly?

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah, sure.”

  “I’ve only met Xavier a few times, but when you talk to him, do so intellectually.”

  “Intellectually?”

  “Yeah. He’s very by the book and not really driven by emotion. If you lay out everything in black and white, he’ll understand you better.”

  “Okay. That’s a bit strange,” I admitted. “But I’ll do whatever works.”

  He swallowed and took a deep breath. “And now for Riley.”

  “Yeah?” My heart was pounding like a drum. I was sure Blake heard it because he immediately grabbed for a bottle of water in the little fridge by the counter and tossed it toward me.

  “Drink, it’ll help you feel better.”

  “Funny, the last time I heard that my stomach was gurgling loudly from acid reflux.”

  Blake’s eyes widened before throwing his head back for a laugh. “Let me guess, you met Limbo?”

  “Does he carry those stupid tacos around all the time?”

  “Yeah, all the time.” Blake’s grin was blinding white.

  Seriously, is there something in the water here? Mistcoast breeds some seriously hot people. I rolled my eyes at my shallow thoughts and asked, “Why does he do that? How did that even start?”

  Blake’s smile faltered. “Um, his wife used to own a restaurant around here. Sold really good ahi tuna, salmon, burritos—really good stuff. It actually was located right next door where Smoothie Bar is now.”

  “Oh, so it tanked or something?” Still didn’t explain the weird habit of carrying gross tacos around.

  “Um, well you have to understand that after surfing you get a bit hungry.”

  Recalling how drained I felt after my lessons, I nodded. “I could see that.”

  “Yeah, so the local surfers often walked the distance and went straight to Mama Zen, it was named after her.”

  “Zen’s his wife?”

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Explains why he’s all about peace and calmness.”

  Blake’s Adam’s apple bounced. For some reason he looked nervous or sad or…

  I honestly didn’t know what.

  Blake stared out the store’s front window and cleared his throat. “Mama Zen’s reached its peak back in the 90s. It was a hole in the wall that everyone loved. It was that mix of home, happiness—everything good about this town. They were especially famous for their fish tacos, which the locals tried hard to keep under wraps. Couldn’t risk out of towners taking their spot, you know?”

  “Of course.”

  “She was always there to lend an ear. She and Limbo both loved helping people and it added to the atmosphere of the place. ”

  “And then what happened?” I couldn’t help but feel as if the story was about to take a dark turn.

  “She got sick and she died.”

  But I wasn’t expecting that. “Oh my gosh. That’s horrible.”

  Blake nodded. “Everyone offered to help Limbo keep the restaurant afloat. It was so popular that he could have afforded to hire a ton of help if he wanted.”

  “But?”

  “But it wasn’t the same without her. Nothing was ever the same. So, he sold the restaurant to some business people who totally caused the place to go under. Limbo didn’t care, of course. All he cared about was feeling his wife’s energy again and you know where he felt her?”

  “The ocean?” I asked meekly.

  “Yeah. He believes it carries a lot of energy.”

  Recalling the power I felt each time I was on the water, I readily agreed.

  “As the story goes, one day when he was passed out on the sand, he got a vision to continue helping people and as funny as it sounds, he also dreamt of his wife’s famous fish tacos. Thus, the legend of Limbo was born.”

  If I didn’t feel a broken heart before, I certainly did now. Fighting back the sadness I felt for this man I had only met that morning, I squeaked, “Why did you tell me this story? Is there supposed to be a moral to it? An Aesop’s Fables sort of thing?”

  Blake’s thick lips curled into a slight smile. “True love is infinite. It transcends common sense, rationality, and even death. If Xavier is that to you, it’ll work out between you two. The same goes with friendship too.”

  “Riley?”

  He nodded. “Riley.”

  “Okay, so any advice on how to make this friendship work?”

  “Show her that you really care about her. Remind her that your friendship isn’t one-sided.”

  “Really, so that’s how she feels about me?” I was distraught.

  Blake shrugged awkwardly. “Think about it. You tried to get her to work on your show—”

  “Because she needed a job!”

  He scratched at his stubbly chin. “You even guilt tripped her about not taking it, if I recall.”

  I glued my mouth together. I couldn’t really deny that.

  “Even when you were doing something for her, it was really for you. I guess the whole Aaron thing sort of made her feel as if she was carrying this friendship on her own.”

  I gulped. “Truthfully, I just wanted her with me. I never really had any good friends before and I just liked the feeling of someone having my back. I depended on her.”

  “Maybe that’s the reason you kept screwing up.”

  It was blunt and the second time I heard the sentiment. “Yeah, I know. I guess I need to show Riley that she can depend on me now.”

  Blake nodded. “How do you think I won her? I let her know she could count on me. She didn’t need to carry me. I was there to carry her. Friendship works the same way.”

  “I guess I have my work cut out for me.”

  “Sounds like it. So who are you planning to tackle first? Riley’s shift begins in two hours.”

  I glanced at the bright curtain that wafted under the breeze of the air conditioner. “As much as I love Riley, Xavier takes this round. Riley always knew I cared about her, but I think I need to remind Xavier how much I love him.”

  Blake nodded. “Makes sense.” After a slight pause, he grinned sheepishly. “I can’t believe you slept with Mr. Money Pants. You know, I punched him in the nose.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “I’m really glad you did and I’m also glad that you’re not punching my nose right now.”

  He looked at me curiously. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I’m only
messing with you—you know, surprise visitors to Mistcoast and everything.” I threw him a kind smile. “Riley was right. You are a really nice guy.”

  His blue eyes sparkled. “For what it’s worth, I can see why she cared about you. Just give it some time; I’m sure she’ll come around.”

  “I sure hope so. Thanks, Blake.” I moved to leave, but his arm shot out to stop me. I turned curiously. “Is something wrong?”

  “I just want to say good luck with Xavier. Things that are meant to be will be.”

  “I sure hope so.”

  “Remember, I waited ten years for Riley.”

  I pressed my lips together into a tight-lip smile and turned around before he could see my eyes well up. “I sure hope I don’t have to wait ten years for Xavier.”

  Chapter 39

  “A pale blue bungalow with bikes and surfboards.” I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of the house, turning my head from left to right. The good thing about Mistcoast was how tiny the town was. After I received some directions from Blake, I easily walked the few blocks to the subdivision and was now only a few feet away from the defining moment of my life.

  Once I reached the infamous house, I skidded to a stop. It was a modest, one story bungalow with a ton of boards peeking out from the backyard. It was a bit grungier than I’d imagine my squeaky clean, and hopefully not soon to be ex, boyfriend to own and a far cry from his apartment in San Diego. I remained rooted in place, unsure of how to proceed. I ran over the pros and cons of calling him first, but I knew he’d deny my calls. Besides, if I left a voicemail or texted that I was here, he’d probably go into hiding.

  “Just knock. Just do it. Doing something alone does not mean you’re an outsider. It means you are strong.”

  With a final nod of affirmation, I followed the winding brick path toward his door. Once I was in front of the huge brown door, I took a moment to compose myself. Listening to the calming music from his neighbor’s wind chimes, I slowly lifted my hand and allowed it to hover in place for a few seconds.

  “Just do it!” I hissed to myself.

  Knock. Knock.

  I waited anxiously and breathed a sigh of relief when I realized he had no peephole in his door. It gave him less of a chance to decide to ignore me…or at least that’s what I told myself.

  “Kacy, is that you?” he called out from inside.

  The response in my body once I heard his familiar deep voice was ridiculous. I held my breath, listening to each lock being opened. When the door flew open, I lost all ability to breathe.

  “Xavier,” I whispered. “I missed you.”

  The look on his face wasn’t as angry as I feared, but it wasn’t as loving as I hoped. If anything it was downright confused and maybe even annoyed.

  “What are you doing here?” he demanded, running a trembling hand through his hair.

  “I—”

  “I thought everything between us was clear.” He grabbed at his throat and frowned, leading me to wonder if he knew what that everything meant himself.

  “Xavier, I love you. I came here to tell you. I’m sorry about how things turned out. I’m sorry about Kacy. In fact, I even apologized to her too! We’re actually on good terms now.”

  “I know,” he said flatly.

  Not expecting to hear that, I stammered, “I-I…I missed you. I was hoping we could work things out.”

  He shut his eyes and sighed. “Harper, it was stupid of me to think I could make a relationship work. Especially a relationship with someone as volatile as you. You not only risked harm to my family—”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “But to my work, my public persona, and…”

  “And what?”

  He gulped. “My sense of well-being. Harper, you messed with my head. You made me question everything I thought I knew about myself and I don’t think I can handle that anymore.”

  “So you’re just going to be single forever because you’re scared,” I replied flatly.

  His cheeks turned pink. “I’m not scared of anything.”

  “Oh, really? Then explain to me why you’re not willing to give this another chance.”

  “Because you’re too much! I can’t keep up with you.”

  “We were stable until Kacy messed things up,” I told him, but not angrily.

  “I thought you were over that,” he snapped.

  “I am, but I’m just stating a fact. We were fine until outside forces fucked us up.”

  Xavier shook his head and huffed. “Don’t you see? There will always be outside forces. You showed me that! All those paparazzi photographers ready to pounce at every mistake, all those fans that walk up to bother you—”

  “Hey, I like my fans.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t.”

  I looked at him as if he were insane.

  Clarifying his thought, he explained, “I think they’re nice people, but I never wanted to sign up to be in front of the camera. I always stayed behind the scenes because that’s what I liked to do. Public scrutiny follows you everywhere, Harper. I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but all the hoopla on the set made me realize what a bad mistake I was making.”

  “Xavier—”

  “I’m sorry, but bye.” With that he closed the front door, leaving me in utter shock.

  “Well, that went better than I imagined.” I prepared to knock again, but thinking better of it, I ran back to the street. “This isn’t over, Xavier. You are my ocean and I will make sure the universe knows it.”

  With that, I ran down the street, sprinting faster than I ever had before. I only made it about five blocks when I skidded to a stop.

  “Fuck!” I winced and grabbed onto my side, trying my best to take deep breaths. “Now I remember why I never ran track in high school.”

  Waiting until the excruciating cramp dissipated, I jogged this time but still made it to the beach faster than I expected. The sun was now high up and burned against my bare shoulders. My head snapped from left to right, looking for any sign of the strange man bearing fish tacos. Spotting him, I shouted, “Limbo!”

  He turned around and grinned as soon as he spotted me. “Hey there, Betty. What’s up?”

  Panting, I somehow jogged up to him and practically collapsed by his feet in exhaustion. “Do…do you…do you think if I start doing things for myself the universe will reward me?”

  He threw me a curious look and hitched his stinky knapsack higher onto his shoulder. “If these things are in positivity and love, then yes.”

  I peered at the ocean and gulped as an exceptionally huge wave crashed against the shore, spreading sea foam across the wet sand. “Then I think I know what I have to do.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Do you…do you have a surfboard I can borrow?”

  Chapter 40

  “Kook!” Someone yelled loudly at me over the sound of the roaring ocean.

  “Jerk,” I muttered back with a roll of my eyes.

  I bobbed along the surface of the ocean, fighting off pangs of seasickness. I grabbed onto my wet tank top and snapped it away from my body. For how brilliant ideas went, maybe this wasn’t my most intelligent plan.

  Driven by Limbo’s words and the look of disdain on Xavier’s face, I realized the universe had to be pissed off at me for something. Maybe it was karma or maybe it was something else entirely. Whatever the reason, I knew that in order for things to finally go right in my life I had to face things that scared me head on and by myself. So, I did what any normal person would do. I borrowed a surfboard and jumped into the ocean fully clothed.

  My denim shorts began to feel crunchier as each wave splashed more saltwater against me. Nothing felt worse than that wet jean feeling but if it meant paying some cosmic debt, I was all for it.

  “Okay, I need to stop being scared and complacent and do this on my own.”

  “Argghh!”

  I gasped and turned my head in time to spot an appropriately dressed surfer crash and burn. His surfboard p
opped up above water though his body was still somewhere beneath the crashing waves. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found him swimming toward shore.

  Fear-stricken, I froze, feeling my heart pounding, on the verge of hyperventilation. “What the fuck am I doing? This isn’t some movie where doing a heroic act will suddenly making everything align for me. What was I thinking believing that doing this will make Xavier love me again…if he even did love me? Who was I kidding?”

  Gripping the sides of the board, I prepared to turn back around and paddle back to shore when I heard Limbo whooping and hollering. “You can do it, Betty! Do it for the ocean!”

  His shouts momentarily distracted me, which was a very good thing. Feeling a bit calmer, I decided to stick to my original plan.

  This wasn’t about Xavier—this was about showing myself that I didn’t need a team to keep me afloat. All I needed was myself. I couldn’t open myself up to anybody until I learned to love number one, and that love only came from proving every insecurity I had about myself wrong. The public, your peers, and even loved ones—what did they know about you exactly? Was it worth believing what they say or think about you? No! It only mattered what you thought about yourself, and the more I thought of myself as a weakling, the more everyone would see me that way as well.

  “I’m going to do this today. I am going to paddle into a wave myself. Xavier was a great teacher and that was probably why I relied on him too much. Not this time. I’ll rely on myself.”

  I gazed out into the horizon and sucked in my breath and spotted a dark line growing on the outside. It began to shape up beautifully, nature’s wall building up only to crash down.

  Paddle hard. Dig and push.

  I turned my surfboard around and dropped onto my stomach, paddling hard. The brass button of my shorts dug into my belly button, but I ignored it and kept my back arched, digging my arms into the ocean. From my periphery I could spot other surfers eyeing me with curiosity. I must have looked like quite a sight. No wonder everyone thought I was a kook.