Lighter

by Gia Riley

  He scoffs playfully. “Of course I do. I took Home Economics in high school.”

  Laughing, I cuddle up under the warm blankets. “So you can make grilled cheese, french toast, a smoothie, and macaroni and cheese?”

  “Technically yes, but my mom also taught me a bunch of other things. It’s our thing—cooking together. Cara can’t cook for shit though.” That doesn’t surprise me at all. He slides underneath his side of the covers and pulls the tray on top of his lap. Bacon, pancakes, scrambled eggs, granola, and strawberries fill up every inch of the tray. “I didn’t know what you like, so I made a little of everything.”

  I smile at his thoughtfulness and take a bite of the fruit. The berries are fresh, sweet, and delicious. Reaching over, I offer him a bite which he takes. I pull my hand away from his mouth, but he sucks my finger inside with the strawberry. Gently sucking, he flicks the tip with his tongue. After a few more seconds of teasing, he releases me from his mouth and swallows.

  “Do you have class today?”

  “What?” How he can go from sucking on my finger to regular conversation without skipping a beat is beyond me. My finger is still tingling from his tongue and he’s already moved on to something else.

  Smirking, he knows how much his touch affects me. “Class. Do you have any today?”

  “Oh. No. I have Friday’s off this semester. You?”

  “I’m off too.”

  I pick up another berry and take a bite. It’s cold on my sensitive teeth. “Can I have the granola?”

  “Of course you can.” He hands me the bowl with milk already in it. We eat in silence for a few minutes, but it’s not awkward. I’m wondering when he’s planning on addressing the drama from last night. I know we still have a lot to talk about despite any progress we made—I’m going to get an earful at some point.

  I almost spill my cereal when a bang strong enough to rattle the windows has someone cursing downstairs. Kipton laughs. “Don’t worry, the guys are downstairs cleaning up the mess. They usually have very colorful language to go along with their hangovers.”

  “And you sit up here and listen to them suffer?”

  “Hell yeah, I do. I was in their shoes a few years ago. I’ve earned my freedom.”

  I finish the last few bites of my granola and place the bowl back on the tray. “It must be interesting living here.” I look around for something to put on, but I don’t see my clothes. “Where are my things?”

  “I hid them.”

  “Why would you hide them?” I try to pull the sheet off the bed, but he has it tucked in at the bottom so tightly it won’t budge. I’m not comfortable enough to get up fully naked to look for them.

  He places the tray on the floor and rests against the headboard. “So I can keep you in my bed all day.” He rubs his hands together deviously like he’s cooking up a plan.

  I giggle from his excitement. “As much as I would love that, I have to go to the bathroom first. Can I borrow a shirt or something if you’re not going to give me my clothes back?” I wait for him to move, but instead he sits staring at me. Playful Kipton is gone. I punch his arm, hoping to bring him back. “I’ll only be a minute. What’s wrong?”

  He leans over the side of the bed and grabs one of his clean T-shirt’s from the wash basket. “Nothing. Here.” Instead of handing it to me, he pops my head through the shirt. I stick my arms in the sleeves and pull it down to cover most of my body. The shirt smells like him and I might have to keep it.

  “Thank you. Be right back.” I scoot off the bed and hurry to the bathroom at the end of the hall with a very angry bladder hurrying me along. I shut the door and rush over to the toilet. In my haste, I forget to check the seat before sitting down and fall in. Yelping in surprise, I grasp onto the corner of the sink and the toilet paper holder to hold myself up. Gagging, my feet find the floor and I can stand to put the seat down. Men!

  I didn’t ask if I can take a shower, but I hop in anyway, turning the water on as hot as I can tolerate it. There’s no way I’m climbing back into Kipton’s bed with all those germs on my body.

  Soaking up the warm spray of water, I’m instantly revived and refreshed. Three bottles of body wash line the shower wall and after sniffing each one, I easily know which belongs to Kipton. I pour a little into my hand and lather up, replacing the germs with his irresistible scent.

  I’m forced to wrap Kipton’s t-shirt around me instead of a towel when I finish. My butt is barely covered and the fabric is soaking up the water from my body quickly. I open the bathroom door and check for his roommates. When the coast is clear, I run back to Kipton’s room. Slipping on the hard wood floor, I end up shutting the door with too much gusto, slamming it loudly. “Sorry. Do you have any extra towels in here?” When I turn to face the bed, Kipton’s crouched over with his head in his hands, grasping onto his messy morning hair. “Are you okay?”

  He lifts his head and glares at me. “Are you?”

  “I’m fine, now.”

  “Sophie, please don’t do it in my house.”

  Completely confused by his mood swing, I don’t know what to say to him. I’m freezing from the shower and desperately want my clothing back. “I didn’t do anything. Can I have my clothes?”

  “No.”

  Is he for real right now? “Why not?”

  “Because you need to listen to what I have to say first.”

  “What’s up your ass all of a sudden?”

  “Help me understand why, Sophie?”

  I have no idea what he’s asking me. “What did I do? Why are you acting so weird?”

  “You threw up your breakfast didn’t you?” He stands up and starts pacing.

  Understanding why he’s being so cold, but not willing to put up with it, I defend myself. “Not that I need to justify myself to you or anyone else, but I went to the bathroom. To pee!”

  “So, you eat, run to the bathroom as soon as you finish, and come back showered?”

  “Yes. I want my clothes, Kipton. Tell me where you put them.”

  “You can’t have them until you answer me,” he shouts.

  Tears leak from the corners of my eyes. I’m so angry I start to shake. He doesn’t believe me. I raise my voice another octave, “Give them to me. You’re being an ass and have no idea what you’re talking about. Maybe you should get your facts straight before you go accusing people of shit they didn’t do.”

  “I’m an ass because I don’t want the girl I care about shoving her head in the toilet every time she puts food in her mouth?”

  “Stop it! You don’t know what you’re talking about, Kipton. And you have it all wrong.”

  “Sophie you can’t keep this up. You’ll kill yourself. Do you even realize that?” He throws a pillow at the wall and when that doesn’t give him the satisfaction he needs, he launches his cell phone instead. It doesn’t shatter into pieces, instead falling on top of a pile of clothing.

  The bedroom door opens and Caleb’s standing in the doorway looking back and forth between Kipton and me. “What’s going on, guys? Kipton, I could hear you yelling through my bedroom wall.”

  “None of your fucking business.” Kipton snaps back.

  I jump from the unexpected roar of his voice. While I usually avoid Caleb, I couldn’t be more thankful he walked in when he did. He reaches his hand out cautiously, unsure if I’ll accept it or not. When I do, he walks me out of the room. “Are you hurt, Sophie?”

  “No. Not physically.” Inside his room he hands me a pair of his shorts and a T-shirt to put on. Kipton’s drenched shirt is barely clinging to my body. “Thank you.” I wipe away my frustrated tears, remembering the words my mom always told me as she bitched about my dad. Never let them see your tears, Sophie, it’s a sign of weakness. Save your tears for your pillow.

  Caleb watches me, but doesn’t try to interfere. For once he knows when to shut his mouth. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

  “Thank you, Caleb.” As the words leave my mouth, I hear tires peel out o
f the driveway. This time, Kipton’s running.

  With him gone, I take a minute to wrap my head around our argument. At least I know he has very little faith in me. I thought he understood why my life is the way it is, but obviously he didn’t hear everything I was saying to him last night. Or maybe, I wasn’t conveying things the way I needed to for him to understand. Either way, I don’t deserve his anger or judgment—especially without him knowing all the facts.

  “You ready?” Caleb asks.

  “Yeah.”

  By the time I get back to my dorm, Cara’s waiting for me outside on the bench next to the entrance. “Sophie, I–”

  “Save it Cara, I’m not in the mood.” I was upset at the house, but now I’m angry. How dare Kipton judge me the way he did. I stomp up the stairs, grinding his assumptions into the cement. Screw. You. Asshole.

  “Sophie, my brother didn’t mean it. He’s worried about you. He would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you. Especially at his house.”

  I stop walking up the last flight of stairs. Facing her, I tell her the truth. “Well he no longer has to worry about me. I won’t be at his house or in his damn bed. And I know he’s your brother, but I’m done, Cara. Done. So if you have a problem continuing to live with me, tell me now. I’ll pack my shit and get out.”

  “No, Sophie. You don’t mean any of that. Of course I don’t want you to move. You and Kipton care about each other. Don’t give up on him. He’s an idiot sometimes, but he wants you in his life. That’s why he got so mad. He can’t lose you.”

  Under normal circumstances I might take her words into consideration, but not today. “He’s making me fucking crazy.” I stalk down the hall, not even caring about the clothes I’m holding onto so I don’t walk right out of them. Heads are popping out of rooms, left and right, trying to get a look at the drama unfolding. Normally I’d be embarrassed, but right now it’s the least of my worries.

  “Sophie, wait,” Cara stops my hand from turning the door knob. “Before you go in there, you have to calm down.”

  Oh hell no. “He’s in there isn’t he?”

  “Sophie, please. Calm down. You two need to talk.”

  I don’t listen to her and when I open the door, I find Kipton sitting on my bed much like the way I found him after my shower. Only this time, he looks remorseful instead of angry. “What do you want, Kipton?”

  He looks directly into my eyes. “I’m sorry, beautiful. I lost my shit, and I never should have accused you. I needed to cool off, but as soon as I got in my car I realized what an ass I was. Arguing won’t help you, I know that and I’m sorry.”

  Does he deserve my forgiveness—probably. Does it mean he’s going to get it—not right now. “But you did anyway. And you know what, your words hurt. Especially after you told me we were in this together. But you lied—it’s always lies. Nobody can handle the truth.”

  He takes a couple steps closer to me. I hold out my hands to stop him, but he continues anyway. “I’m not going anywhere until we talk, Sophie.”

  “Then I’ll leave.” Stalking over to my closet, I pull out sweats and a tank top to replace Caleb’s borrowed clothing. I stuff them into my purse and grab my sneakers. I toss the boots back in Cara’s closet and continue packing what I’ll need for the rest of the day. I’ll find a hotel room where I can be alone.

  Kipton watches me pack, but doesn’t give up. “I brought your clothes back. They’re in the bag on your desk.”

  “Thanks,” I reply coldly as I continue packing my bag.

  “Sophie, you can’t leave. We need to talk. Last night some pretty heavy shit was dished out, but we never addressed it the way we should have. Yes, I treated you like shit and jumped to conclusions. But I did that because I don’t know your triggers, or anything about what it is you do. So let’s sit down like two rational adults and talk this through.”

  I hear the words he’s spewing, but I’m in flight or fight mode—and flight is winning. “I don’t do well with liars, Kipton. I’m tired of false promises.”

  “Give me a chance to make it right. Please.”

  I shift my purse on my shoulder and almost give in. But I’m tougher than he thinks. Misguided, maybe. Off track, yes. But for whatever reason, his accusations hurt more than any other argument we’ve ever had. I gave him a glimpse inside the darkness and he threw it in my face. “Please move.”

  “I can’t do that Sophie.”

  I turn around and pick up the room phone. Dialing Drew’s number, I wait for him to pick up.

  “Guys what’s going on? I’m getting complaints about an argument.”

  I hang up now that Drew’s standing in the doorway. “I was dialing your number. Can you please escort Kipton out of the building? I’d like him to leave and he’s refusing.” Kipton glares at me. Oh well.

  Drew looks back and forth between the two of us and sighs. “Everyone have a seat for a minute.” He closes the door so it’s just the four of us and shifts into resident advisor mode. This ought to be fun. “Cara, do you mind waiting in my room?”

  “She can stay,” I tell Drew. “I want her to hear every single word so I don’t get accused of anything else today.” I glare back at Kipton, but he’s no longer looking like he wants to throw things. Instead, his eyes have softened and he’s watching me cautiously. The longer our gazes are locked, the more my defenses start to crumble. I fight hard to put them back in place, but I’m not sure I succeed. I snap out of it when Cara slithers her way behind Drew and takes a seat on her bed.

  Drew stands in the middle of the room, directing his conversation my way. “Sophie, I’ll start with you. I won’t pretend like I don’t know what’s been going on because I owe you more than that. Cara’s been up front with me and explained her concerns and what she’s witnessed. As your advisor, it’s in your best interest to meet up with a campus counselor. Obviously, I can’t force you to do anything, but I will have to write up an incident report today because of the complaints.”

  “You’re serious right now? All because Cara can’t keep her damn mouth shut.”

  Cara’s face pales and she shifts around nervously on the bed. “Sophie, I’ve been so worried about you. I needed someone to talk to. Drew’s my boyfriend.”

  I laugh at her reasoning. “So much for not mixing business with pleasure, huh? You know I can report you, Drew? For dating your residents. From what I hear, that’s frowned upon.”

  Cara gasps. “Sophie, please don’t get him in trouble because of me. I was only looking out for your best interest.”

  “I know I’m being a royal bitch right now, but none of you get it. At all. None of you have spent a day in my shoes. You’ve lived privileged lives with country clubs and fancy cars while I’ve been fucking dying inside. So whatever I’m going through right now, I’ll deal with on my own. Only I can make it better—not you.”

  Drew bravely speaks first. “Sophie, we can’t force you to do anything, you’re right about that. But you’re speaking out of frustration.”

  He doesn’t know me. “No, I’m pissed off everyone’s acting like I’m fucking crazy. I just want to get out of here.”

  “You’re great at running, Sophie.” Kipton’s been quiet up until this point, sitting at my desk waiting for the right time to throw his two cents in.

  “Kipton, protecting yourself isn’t running. There’s a difference.”

  He screeches the wood chair legs against the tiles on the floor and stands up. He looks pained or maybe slightly stunned. “Why do you have to protect yourself from me? I’d never hurt you.”

  I glance at the watch dangling loosely around my wrist. “You’ve been breaking my heart for the past thirty five minutes.” I try to keep my emotions in check. To show them all how strong I am. Truthfully, I’m about to break.

  After pausing for a few moments to collect his thoughts, Kipton crouches down in front of me. He places his hands on my thighs and while I don’t want him touching me, I don’t make him move. “
I know I was out of line and I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. But you need help—like it or not. I wouldn’t have had any reason to accuse you today if it wasn’t an issue.”

  I fight hard to stay strong. “I know that.” His words are the most painful to hear because they matter the most to me. Last night I told him I fell for him, and I meant it.

  “You’re lucky you’ve had friends around to pick you up when you got yourself into some scary situations. But you’re so much better than all this. Because the girl I’m looking at right this second, I love her like fucking crazy. You make it so hard to keep my head on straight, but you’re worth every ounce of frustration. Do you hear me, Sophie? You’re worth it. Whatever is locked up inside of you, we’re gonna get it out.”

  My eyes are about to spill over and the second I blink, I’ll be forced to let go of my pride.

  Kipton continues his confessions as I sit here silently. My throats too clogged with emotion to speak. “I want all of you, Sophie. I told you last night I was in this for the long haul and I meant it. But just like we promised, no more lies. No more running. Let’s tackle the demons together.”

  I’ll do anything to get Kipton up off the floor because if he says one more thing to me, I’ll break down entirely. “Okay.” I whisper.

  “Yeah? We’re okay?”

  I nod my head, yes. “It’s my fault for not getting in contact with the therapist when I arrived on campus. I should have known I’ll never be strong enough to be normal. Her card is in my wallet. I’ll call her today.”

  “We don’t think you’re nuts, Sophie,” Drew adds. Cara’s now in his arms, softly crying against his chest. Clearly she’s as overwhelmed as I am.

  “Maybe I am. I’d like to be alone if that’s okay.” They need to hurry. I can’t hold my tears in much longer.

  “Sure.” Cara and Drew leave without question, but Kipton hasn’t budged. As much as I want to find peace in his arms, I can’t forget how he hurt me today. His accusations felt like a dagger to the heart and our tempers did nothing but add to the drama. His temper scared me; it reminded me of my dad going off on my mom. But mine wasn’t much better and I can’t fault someone for giving a shit. Nobody’s ever noticed let alone cared about what I was doing to myself.