by Ella Col
I shudder as I think about life without him. How will I survive without him? How did I survive before?
If you know anything about boxing it involves two opponents; each of them use the art of dancing around the ring to avoid hard hitting jabs and uppercuts which can lead to the ultimate 1, 2, 3, knockout. That’s what dating Nash is like. In the end, it will be Hannah who will take me out.
In actuality, it’s my secret that will defeat me. Hell, it’s eating away at me right now.
“Did you like it?” Nash takes my hand as we walk from the theater.
“What?” I’m ripped from my thoughts.
“The movie. Did you like it?”
“Oh.” I’m startled by the basic question. “Sure.”
Once we are inside Nash’s car, he locks the doors. “We can skip going to the pub if you want. Caydon and Reece will understand.”
Being with friends will be good for me. Besides, I love being around Reece. She’s the complete opposite of Hannah. It’s nice to have a female friend in whom I can confide.
Reece’s dad recently made an amazing recovery from being jumped by a group of scorned boxing competitors. It took a long time, but her dad is on his way back to being the best trainer he was prior to the accident. In his honor, they are holding a Beef & Beer. I want to be there for her.
“I want to go.”
Fifteen minutes later, we arrive at the pub. It’s crowded and loud. However, Nash and I push our way through people to meet with Reece, Caydon, Shorty, and Maria.
I’m envious of the relationship between Reece and Maria. It’s a normal cousin, family loving relationship. It’s nothing like my relationship with Hannah, which is poisoned and dysfunctional.
I think that is the saddest part of all of this…losing my family. True, they suck for everything they have done to me. But it is the only family that I have.
Watching all of Nash’s friends’ support each other…support Mark…it’s emotionally overwhelming. There is real love flowing through the room. I’m in awe.
I tear up a bit…not out of jealousy…out of joy for people who know misery and pain but still find it their hearts to love each other.
“Are you okay?” Nash is concerned.
I sigh. “I am okay. I love watching you all interact with each other. It’s amazing.”
Nash gives me a lopsided grin. “It took a long time for us to get to this point.” He points to Mark. “And it is because of that guy right there. If I didn’t have him in my life, I’d be the spoiled, drunk, rich kid everyone thought I was.”
I lean into him planting a kiss on his nose. “You’re so much more than a spoiled rich kid. Besides, you’re not rich anymore. You’re poor. You live in a shitty part of town, and you are a struggling fighter.”
Nash lets out a hearty laugh. “You’re right. I’m poor. I have nothing to offer you.”
“Oh, but Nash…you do.” I kiss him long and hard. “I like poor Nash.”
“We can slum it together, baby.”
I can’t seem to get enough of Nash’s plush, bottom lip. Kissing him in public feels so right. I’m telling the world that I care for this guy. I want this guy with me, by my side, for as long as he will keep me.
“Get a room,” Caydon interrupts my make out session with Nash. I blush and throw my head into Nash’s chest.
Reece wraps her arms around Caydon’s waist and bites him on the ear. “Leave them alone.”
Caydon melts. The tough exterior I’ve grown to love thaws right before my eyes. And Reece has the power to do that to him. It’s beautiful.
The festivities continue to honor Mark and the major accomplishments he has made through the past few months. By his side is Caydon’s mom and fiancé, Annalisa. The look of admiration and adoration on her face is evident. True love. Real love. Forever love.
This is what it is all about. Love. Respect. Honor. Admiration. I see it all clearly now. Why didn’t I see it before? The support and forgiveness in a relationship, whether it be a family, friend, or love relationship, is what makes it last.
“I think it’s time for a speech!” someone yells from the side of the bar.
Glasses begin to clank and guests begin to hoot and holler.
Reece whispers something into Nash’s ear. He nods and jumps on top of the bar. He takes a large spoon and clanks it against a sturdy glass. Clink. Clink. Clink.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” he shouts. People are still talking. Caydon uses his fingers to create a deafening whistle. Suddenly, the bar is quiet.
“Thank you, Caydon.” Nash laughs. “As you all know, you are here, not because the beer is free, but for this guy.” He points to Mark. Mark nods and lifts his glass.
“Reece asked me to speak on behalf of Mark’s loved ones.” Nash winks at Reece. “First, I want to say that it means so much to be included with this amazing group of people that have become like family to me.”
“Some say that I met Mark by accident. If you would have asked me that when I was fifteen years old, that’s what I would have said. But that’s not true. Mark was in the right spot at the right time…when I needed him the most…when I thought I was abandoned…when I had no one,” Nash begins to tear up a little.
“He invited me into his world. Everybody loves a chance to start over…a new beginning. Mark offered a new beginning to me…a stranger…a spoiled rich kid. He allowed me to be a part of his life. He saw past the exterior and challenged me to work on the interior. And I fought him every step of the way. He never gave up on me.”
Nash takes a moment to catch his breath and gather his thoughts.
“The night those cowards hurt Mark, I visited a few old friends…you might know them…Pity and Sadness. And I would be lying if I said that my old pal, Jack Daniels, didn’t show up,” he chuckles. “He came…uninvited. The next day, I peeled myself from the floor and went to the hospital. And I watched my mentor, trainer, and redeemer fight. He wasn’t fighting for his life. He was fighting for hers.” Nash points to Reece.
Reece is gutted…a complete mess. She is now seeing that her dad means so much to so many people. He’s a hero.
“Mark was always an inspiration to me. He turns the impossible to realistic goals. It is so easy for us to be grateful when everything is going our way, but it becomes difficult to maintain that attitude when the road gets rough. Mark takes the rough road because in the end, he knows that he’s worked to reach the end and deserves it.”
Nash is having a difficult time keeping it together. His voice pitches at certain parts of his speech. Nash raises his glass. “Now, I encourage you to raise your glass. Every day in your life, you come across people, situations, and experiences that give you inspiration to do something wonderful, to make it count, or to feel happy. Mark is the guy who has done this for me. I know that his daughter feels the same. You’re a hero, Mark. Not only to your daughter but also to everyone is this goddamn bar. Here’s to your new beginning…as a father, a husband, a trainer and…god help us…father-in-law.” Everyone laughs.
“To Mark.”
Everyone raises his or her glasses. “To Mark!”
I look at Mark. He’s in the crook of Annalisa’s arm unable to get it together. His head is hidden. However, his arm raises high with his beer in his hand.
Nash jumps from the bar. First, he gives Reece a kiss on the cheek. Then he gives Caydon a ‘bro’ hug. Within seconds, he’s standing in front of Mark and they are embracing…hugging…crying. It’s so emotional. I don’t think there is a dry eye in the room.
I love Nash. I don’t know anyone who has a heart as big as his. It gives me hope. Maybe, if he finds out about me, he will show me the grace and kindness that I know is in him.
Hell, how could he? I can’t even do that for myself.
Eventually, Nash comes back to me. I wrap myself around him so tightly that I’m pretty sure he can’t breathe.
“So, if you think I’m a pussy for losing it…I won’t blame you.” Nash is bashful.
My big, bad fighter is still a ball of insecurities sometimes. I’ll take it. “Nash, if I haven’t told you already, I think you are amazing.” I stroke the muscles that make up his shoulders. “Amazing body. Amazing mind. Amazing heart.”
Nash is surprised by my confession. “Where did you come from?” he whispers.
“I’ve been here all along,” I say. It’s where I always wanted to be. I just didn’t know it.
The night turned out to be absolutely perfect. To see Nash interact with Mark is such a treat. They have a typical father-son relationship. It’s such a shame Nash’s own father can’t see what he is missing out on.
Hell, my own parents were the same way. They always provided food, shelter, and clothing. In fact, I had the best of the best. Guidance or emotional support was lacking—I got the minimum.
‘Did you make the cheerleading squad?’
‘Did you win the spot on the student council?’
‘You’re going to be the homecoming queen.’ It wasn’t a question.
My answers were always yes. Until one day…it wasn’t. ‘He’ threw a wrench in their plans.
“I want to take you home and not get out of bed for a very long time,” Nash whispers in my ear.
“Take me home.” It’s more pleading than it is a response.
A strange lump forms in my throat. I’ve lost so much. I can’t lose Nash. Now, I understand why Hannah will do anything to keep him…including ruining me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nash
“Come here, sexy,” she whispers as she pulls me down. I gently nibble on her earlobe and hold her tightly against my hard stomach. I want her to feel my hard cock against her pelvis.
I realize she’s still half-dressed and I sit up to unbutton and unzip her jeans. I lift my hips to help her get my jeans off. I yank them off and throw them on the floor.
Jamie trails her fingers over my straining hard-on. I close my eyes and bite my lip in pleasure.
I relax on my back and Jamie climbs on top of me, grinding her pussy lightly into my hard cock. I moan quietly and grab her hips.
Jamie whimpers as my fingers find the edge of her lacy G-string. She gasps as my fingers push the fabric to one side and slip inside.
“God, you’re so wet,” I whisper in ecstasy. My fingers slide along her crease, pushing the lips apart and spreading her natural lubrication around. “So wet for me.” One finger begins to tease her clit, insistently demanding a response. Jamie shudders in pleasure, and her legs turned to liquid.
“Yes,” she sounds hoarse. I growl in satisfaction.
I pull my hand out from under Jamie, but she barely has time to voice a complaint before I lift her with both hands and deposit her on my couch. I drag the waistband of my boxers down with one quick movement and pull out my already-hard cock. Jamie barely has time to register what is happening before I push her panties to one side and thrust into her.
Even though I’ve had sex many times before, it shocks me at how completely I fill her, like she was made to fit me and only me.
Jamie gasps and I feel her muscles stretch around me.
“Fuck that feels good,” I groan.
Jamie wraps her legs around me as I drive into her again. “Harder,” she demands breathlessly.
I don’t disappoint. I thrust into her again and again, holding on to her thighs for leverage. Jamie holds my gaze, and I see the raw lust she feels reflecting in her eyes.
I smile but the pressure is beginning to show. Sure enough, a few seconds later I give a strangled gasp. I close my eyes as I climax deep inside her.
I rest my head on her shoulder and kiss her neck as I catch my breath. Jamie runs her hands through my hair.
“Is this what love feels like, Jamie?” I whisper into her ear. “It’s scaring the shit out of me.”
“I think so,” she whispers back.
A thousand emotions are rumbling through my body. I can’t believe I’m about to tell her that I love her. I’m so fucking frightened. What if I scare her? It feels right.
“Jamie, I love you,” I blurt out.
“Nash,” she takes my chin between two of her fingers, “I love you, too. No matter what happens know what I’m feeling is for real.”
“Don’t shred me apart. Whatever you do…please…don’t,” I beg.
I hold Jamie the entire night. It doesn’t feel weird. I don’t want to kick her out. If anything, I want her to bring some of her stuff here. I’d feel much better knowing she is safe with me than staying at her apartment. That’s a conversation for another day.
Instead, I bask in her warmth and make love to her all night long.
***
Jamie
Some people go through life not expecting to have a person that they actually want to spend their life with. It seems harder and harder to find that special someone.
I found the one. And I certainly didn’t expect to.
I’m dreaming of a future with Nash. Yes, an actual future. But there is a nagging feeling in my gut that it won’t last long. I have watched the most intense love I’ve ever felt wither into near nothing. Once again, I’m reminded that love hurts.
Why do I torture myself? Why won’t I let myself be happy and loved? Why won’t I let myself be his?
In every sense of the word, I am his. My heart aches and beats for him. My mind clamors when I hear his voice. My body aches for him to hold me close against him. My hands yearn to be encircled in his. I shed tears at the thought of never seeing Nash again like I won’t see ‘him’ again.
How can I be so broken and shattered, and yet still, somehow, be so fucking whole when Nash is near?
How can I feel so close to someone who doesn’t know the pain and the tears that have streamed down my face for him?
It was your past, Jamie. Nash is your future.
My future. He’s my future.
***
Nash’s pots and pans are in complete disarray under his kitchen counter. He certainly needs a woman’s touch when it comes to kitchen organization. If that is his only downfall, I will take it.
By the time he wakes up, I have a complete breakfast waiting for him. He stumbles into his small galley kitchen, shirtless, hair tousled, and unbelievably sexy.
Nash runs his hair through his bedhead. “You made me breakfast?”
“I did.” I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his bare chest.
“Ya know…I could get used to this…you…in my kitchen making me breakfast,” he says. And he means it.
My heart flutters with hope that Nash and I could have that…a normal life.
“I want that. I want it with you,” I blurt out. It’s a very raw confession.
His lips curve into a boyish, lopsided smile. “Let’s make it happen.”
“Huh?”
“Move in with me.”
“Huh? We’ve been dating…like…two months.” It’s not that I don’t want to live with Nash. I want him to be sure about us.
“When I know what I want…I go and get it now. I want you.” Nash sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Everything that happened with Mark made me realize that life is not a rehearsal. You only get one shot.”
I kiss him like my life depends on it. Because it does. And I want him…like really want him. “I want you.”
“I’m here, Jamie. Take me.”
“Shh,” I command.
I drop to my knees and yank his pajama pants down. Nash never put his underwear back on after last night. Immediately, his cock springs at my face.
I take his cock in my mouth and swirl my tongue around it as he bucks involuntarily. I love the way he groans and murmurs encouragement when I do something he likes.
Nash reaches down and slips into my shirt. His warm hands caress the tops of my breasts. My nipples are exposed. I shiver in pleasure as he pinches them gently with his rough, calloused fingertips.
I refuse to be distracted. I bob my head up and down, faster and faster. Nash
is getting so big and hard that I can barely fit my mouth around him, but my hand grips the rest of his engorged length firmly.
Nash starts shuddering, and his cock twitches violently in my mouth.
“Jamie, you need to stop,” he gasps. “Like soon.”
“Nuh-uh,” I mumble with my mouth full.
My pace is vigorous and relentless.
“Fuck!” he groans.
I feel a warm liquid hit the back of my throat as his cock spasms uncontrollably. I swallow instinctively and then lick the rest off him as he continues to shudder. I lick my bottom lip seductively.
Nash is breathing hard. But he looks absolutely adorable and content. I rise to my feet, satisfied with myself. He pulls me in for a hug, and I lean my head against his chest.
I have to fight the wave of longing that suddenly threatens to overwhelm me. The need for normalcy. I need to live a normal life with moments like this.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Reece loves to shop. When I told her that Nash and I were moving in together, she immediately hit Pinterest, like I would, creating boards and boards with ideas for Nash’s apartment. I think we’ve hit every thrift shop downtown, looking for old furniture to refurbish. By the time we stopped for lunch, my feet were aching.
The waiter delivers a cup of chamomile tea in front of me. I take a sip and close my eyes. It’s the simple things.
“I can’t believe you are moving in together,” Reece blurts out.
I know that she is happy for us. However, Caydon and Reece have been together for a longer period of time. They are nowhere near that kind of commitment. I think it’s because Reece wants to be with her dad as long as possible.
“Me, neither. It was a surprise. It feels right, though.” It does feel right.
“I’m glad you’ve found each other. I worried about Nash,” Reece admits.
I can be my self when I’m with Reece. I can show her the real me. I don’t need to hide under a mask. “I’m scared, Reece.”
I’m seeking thoughtful advice. I need Reece’s support, guidance, and wisdom.