by Alora Kate
“Ashton,” Lincoln whispered in my ear.
Why was I still in bed with him?
The hand rubbing my back was now sifting through my hair. “I took the tie out of your hair. I hope that was okay. I didn’t want you to sleep with it in. Something I learned having a younger sister.”
There was something wrong with what was going on between the two of us, but I was comfortable. However, not knowing my feelings or understanding a situation was a trigger for me.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this, Lincoln. I don’t know how. I’m so confused right now. I should be having a panic attack, not laying here having a conversation with you. I don’t get it. Any of it. I just can’t. I’m sorry. It’s too much for me. There're so many things going through my head right now, and I can’t deal with any of it.”
“Please don’t cry,” he pleaded.
I wanted to jump out of bed and run, but my body still wouldn’t move. It was supposed to protect me but it wasn’t cooperating. He would have to be the one to leave. He would have to leave me.
Oh God. I was dreaming of Lincoln. I remember it now. I begged him not to leave me. But that was a dream. Not real life. And why would I beg him not to leave me?
“You need to be stronger than the darkness that surrounds you.”
How did he know?
His words hit me hard and I knew they were important and meant so much, but I pushed them aside. I want to be ready but at the same time, I don’t. Facing my past would be just as hard as the three years I spent with the Devil.
“I want to get to know you, Ashton.”
I almost laughed. “Trust me, you don’t.”
He sighed but continued to play with my hair. “I don’t want to cause you to have a panic attack, but there are things I want to share with you. For now, though, I just want to be your friend. If that’s okay with you. I’d love to be your friend.”
“Why, Lincoln? I don’t get it. I’ve ignored you for months.”
“Honestly?”
I nodded and I felt him shrug. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Now you sound like me.” He chuckled and I continued, “I have the hardest time explaining things. The way I think … my actions … the way I live my life. Trust me, Lincoln, you don’t want to be friends with me.”
All this talking was such a great distraction.
“Ashton.” I could tell he was smiling. I wanted to see his smile but I didn’t look. “Do you realize I’ve learned more about you the last fifteen minutes than I have the last two months?”
“How could I forget about my stalker?”
Please, never stop.
“You never asked me to stop.”
“Another thing I can’t explain,” I said, slowly removing my hands from my face. I looked up at him through the dark and saw that his eyes were closed and his head was held high on the pillow. He wasn’t trying to look. He respected me.
“Well, now we have one thing in common.”
“Yes, we do,” I confirmed softly.
But that’s probably all we’ll ever have.
Lincoln
I was headed into Nick’s office at the club and saw Nat was coming out. She had a satisfied grin on her face and her cheeks looked a little flushed. “Hey, Linc,” she said as she passed me without making eye contact. She had her first shift tonight. It was also the first time she had seen Nick in two years.
It was Friday night, but earlier this morning I had to force myself to leave Ashton's bed. She said she had to wait until her alarm went off at nine before she could get out of bed, and that’s when she asked me to leave.
Prior to that, she put her sunglasses on as the sun came up. She had thick curtains so it wasn’t that bright in her room, but it still worried her. The sheet was also over her head while she waited for me to leave the room.
She doesn’t think she could be my friend let alone anything more serious. I knew we were keeping the conversation in a safe zone and that was fine by me. There were things I wasn’t ready to share with her either. Little was said after our three a.m. conversation.
Even when we weren’t talking, I soaked it all in. I had never been so comfortable with someone in such a short amount of time.
We made no plans to talk or hang out between now and Monday. She said she needed time and I would give that to her. Either way, she said she would see me on Monday. That was all I needed to know. I always had something to look forward to.
When I entered Nick’s office, he was standing behind the desk with his hands pressed flat against it. His head hung low and he was mumbling a bunch of shit to himself. None of it made sense.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and sat in one of the wooden chairs across from his desk. “Is there a problem with Nat or the schedule?”
He didn’t move and calmly asked, “What the fuck happened to your sister?”
“Nothing happened to Nat. What are you talking about?”
He pushed up from the desk and shot his hand to the door. “She never looked like that!”
I was confused. My sister looked the same except her hair is longer. Much longer actually.
“Looked like what?”
He rubbed his hands over his face and sat down. “Don’t kick my ass.”
“Okay?”
Now he was wringing his hands together. He was jittery. Nick’s never like this. “Remember, I’m your best friend.”
“Not if you don’t tell me why you have a problem with Nat.”
He pounded his head on the desk. Jesus, he was being a little dramatic.
He lifted his head and I gave him my full attention while he talked. “I’ve always thought of Natalie as a younger sister. But the woman that just left my office is not little sister material. Something changed the last few years, and that girl is fucking hot. As soon as she walked into my office, my dick got hard. I could barely contain myself. She lost those big thick glasses of hers. She lost the braces. Her hair,” he balled up his hand into a fist and bit his knuckles, “fuck me, her hair is down to her ass! Then she strutted in here with those damn stripper shoes making her legs look a mile fucking long. Her ass, them tits-”
“Damn it, Nick,” I growled at him, “that’s my baby sister! Stop talking about her body. That’s fucking gross, man.”
This was not good. Nick and Nat never got along. He was always teasing her. My parents couldn’t afford a decent pair of glasses and Nat was almost blind. She was stuck with a gawky looking pair that were way too big for her little face. And the braces, oh, the braces. Yet another much-needed expense that my parents struggled to provide. After she had lost her baby teeth, some came in looking impacted, while others were crooked. Dull gray covered her teeth for three long years, and she suffered more than she let on.
I guess she looks a lot different without them.
“Don’t fucking go there, Nick,” I warned. “You always teased her. Shit, I’m surprised she jumped at this job. You were kind of a dick to her.”
“I wasn’t that bad.” He tried playing it off, but I knew better.
“Not really, but still, you always teased her. I should have kicked your ass back then.”
“Ha! You kick my ass? Puh-leeeeease.”
I had a good thirty pounds on him and he knew it. We would fight just to fight sometimes. He loved watching MMA and I think secretly he would have loved that life.
“Don’t fuck with Nat. You’ve never been serious about anyone, and she deserves serious. She’s a good person.”
“She’s the one who walked in here and stuck her tongue down my throat!”
My mouth dropped open. No way. My baby sister had a crush on Nick? Or was she just getting back at him because he used to tease her? She’s only twenty-two, and as much as I like my best friend, she deserved better.
I hope she’s just fucking with him. He deserved that.
“She looked a little flushed when I passed her outside.”
�
��She better be after she attacked me!”
“I don’t want to hear about this. Besides, you can’t do anything. Your most valuable rule is that employees don’t mess around with each other. You’re her boss so that would be even worse.”
He let out a frustrated grunt. “I tried telling her that, but she grabbed my dic-”
I jumped out of the chair. “Whoa!” I shoved my hand towards him. “Jesus Nick, I don’t want to know that shit. You’re not allowed to talk to me anymore about my sister if it involves parts of your body. I’m going to work.” I ran out the door, but the fucker still got the last word in.
“I need a cold shower Linc, my dick’s still hard!”
I made my way to the bar. It was still early so the place wasn’t busy right now. I noticed Nat at the server station talking to Jonathan. He was grinning at my baby sister and raking his eyes over her chest. Pervert.
I slid up to Nat and hip checked her. “So how did your reunion go with Nick?”
She grabbed napkins and put them on her tray.
She shrugged her shoulders. “Fine.”
“I heard it was fine also.” I slipped my arm around her shoulders and leaned in so no one else could hear us. “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, who to date, or get in your way. I never have. Just remember, baby sister, you’re not allowed to date your coworkers, especially the boss.”
She twisted her head and shot me a deceitful grin. “Who said anything about dating?”
“Hooking up, messing around, it’s all the same. You’ll get fired.” The little brat would push her luck. Nick’s a great guy but he doesn’t take women seriously. I don’t want Nat getting hurt. Not that Nick would do anything on purpose, but I’ve seen firsthand the devastated women he’s left behind on more than one occasion. They all claim to love him after just one night.
“I’m a big girl, Linc. I know what I’m doing.” She wiggled free and grabbed her tray. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” she glanced at something behind me, “I’ve got some tips to make.”
I watched her confidently walk over to a table full of men. She had her back to me, but in less than a minute, every single guy at that table was laughing with her. That’s my Natalie. People are drawn to her like a magnet, which is why I’m sure she’ll have the highest tips of all the waitresses. Not bad, especially with no training, since no one is shadowing her tonight.
When I spoke with Nat on Tuesday night, she did not hesitate to accept the job offer. She had been ready for a month to move but yesterday when I walked into the building, I was surprised. Nat appeared not only to be talking to Ashton, but she was only a foot away from her door. I had never made it that far.
Everything after that happened so fast. I explained what I could about Ashton; she agreed she was shy but there was probably a lot more to it than that. I had a gut feeling that Ashton suffered from a traumatic event in her life, worse than mine. I hoped that one day we would both be able to share our stories and move on, maybe together.
The pull I have towards her has grown immensely since last night. I’ve thought about her all day; I can’t stop but I don’t want to, either. Her hair was so soft and long and my hands ache to touch her again. She also has the plumpest set of lips I’ve ever seen on a woman. They looked soft and inviting even though I know she doesn’t want them to be.
I know I said I just wanted to be friends but I’m hoping someday it might become more.
I dipped below the bar door and made a list of what needed to be stocked for the night. It was Friday so I usually doubled up on a lot of the popular liquors and beers.
Jonathan came over and started a conversation I did not want to have.
“So your sister …” he trailed off.
“You know the rules. Besides, she’s the biggest lesbian I know.”
His mouth dropped open and he looked back at Nat who was still at the table with the guys. “No way. All the girls say that shit here.”
“You don’t believe me?” I said standing up. “I’m her brother, man. I grew up and lived with her most of my life. Trust me. She’s a lesbian.”
“Huh,” he muttered as he rubbed his jaw. Jonathan wasn’t Nat’s type anyway. She liked her men taller than her, and Jonathan wasn’t. His shaggy blonde hair was too long, but he kept it in a ponytail at work. I was surprised Nick did not make him cut it.
“Trust me on this one,” I told him as I patted his back and walked off. “Don’t waste your time.”
Lily was coming in at ten and would help me again. It wasn’t a hard job and she preferred it over waitressing because she was shy.
I got a few stacks together before she showed up and within the hour, the club was packed. Our second bartender came in at eleven to help Jonathan. The VIP bar upstairs only needed one bartender, and I wasn’t sure who was up there tonight. The night passed with no incidents, and I was right, Nat made the most tips—one hundred and sixty dollars more than Jen, who is normally the one who rakes in the most tips.
And it was only Natalie’s first night.
Nat pulled her heels off when we got inside the truck. I didn’t understand how she lasted all night with those shoes on, but she did. Nat always had a thing for shoes. One suitcase she brought was full of nothing but them. After Nat was in bed, I slipped out the door and went to Ashton’s apartment. I read the note I wrote her one more time before I slipped it under her door.
Chapter 8 - Ashton
Good Morning, Ashton!
I hope you’re ok with this note.
If not, I apologize in advance and you can toss it.
(After you read it, of course)
I hope you’re well.
I thought about you all day.
I look forward to seeing you on Monday.
Linc
I’ve read his note at least a hundred times today, and it was only noon.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him and what happened yesterday, I even talked to Mike about him for the entire four hours of my free time. Mike was always supporting me, never judging me, and only wanted me to be happy. He was my rock, protector, and healer. He told me— even though he did not know Lincoln that well— any man that could make me glow after all this time had his approval.
I knew I wasn’t glowing and that Mike was just being a good brother, but I had a permanent smile all day.
I made progress. Progress that I felt good about. I could feel it.
These feelings, which are hard to understand and no way can I decipher them at this moment, were all new to me. I was making a friend.
You want more than friendship.
I was a virgin when I was kidnapped at fifteen. I hadn’t even held hands with a boy, let alone experience my first kiss. Despite everything the Devil did to me, he never kissed me. That’s the only thing he never took from me.
These feelings that were starting to stir and come to life were scaring the shit out of me, so I wasn’t going down memory lane today. This was enough to deal with.
It was now two minutes past noon and normally I would have started my activity by now, but I hadn’t picked up a sticky note. I wasn’t even sure if there was one on the floor because I had taped them back up on the wall.
I was still at war with myself.
A war I still wasn’t sure I would win today.
Go to him.
I liked being in control and having everything planned, that’s how I function and get through my days.
It’s all I know how to do.
Right now, I feel like a tidal wave formed and is about to crash into me. It’s been building fast these last few minutes, and I feel like at any minute, it will crash down on me and I’ll lose the fight.
Three minutes past noon.
My fingers ache, and I realize that I’ve been gripping the island counter. I grip it harder, watching them turn white.
I could do this.
I can do this.
I’m doing
this!
“I can be spontaneous,” I said it out loud like that was going to help.
The second right before I’m about to let my grip on the island go, a loud pounding on the door startled me so bad that when I spun around towards the door, my arm hit the glass vase I had on it. It shattered, and I watched the glass rain down on the floor. The vase had always been empty, almost begging for me to finally put some flowers in it.
“Ashton! Open up. It’s Mike,” he yelled but I already knew it was him. “Jesus Ashton, what was that? Fuck!”
Even though Mike had a key to my apartment, he was no match for my triple-chain lock. However, I also did not want him busting down my door—that would be inconvenient and mess up the rest of my schedule.
“Hold on!” I yelled back.
I stepped over the glass and went to the door. I saw Mike, with Lincoln standing behind him, through the peephole. I saw his lips move, but his words were too soft, too muffled. Whatever it was he said, Mike nodded.
My glasses! I ran to my room, grabbed them off the dresser, and shoved them on my face before I ran back to the door.
You want to see them.
Both of them.
Don’t panic.
I took a deep breath in and slid the top chain.
“Good job Ashton, do the next one,” Mike encouraged.
I slid the second chain.
I can totally do this.
“One more, Ashton,” he continued to coach me.
Another breath in, another chain unlocked.
I twisted the dead bolt and took another deep breath.
Mike, I knew from experience, already had his hand on the handle, so it did not surprise me how fast the door opened. I stepped back and lowered my head. For some reason, I couldn’t look at either of them as they both stormed in.
“What the hell did you do?” Mike asked as I secured the door.
I looked at Mike but couldn’t speak. I felt like I was in trouble, but I didn’t want the vase to break; it was an accident.
“I…” Both of them stared at me. Mike’s fists were on his hips while Lincoln stood studying me. I took a minute to look at Lincoln, noticing his bare chest and his red basketball shorts.