"After all this time?" I asked, “Over a human?”
I held her at arms length. I had her held out in front of me by her elbows and she had her hands dug into my arms. We were entwined in pain and blood, mostly my pain and blood but I did squeeze very hard.
"You’re the one protecting her instead of helping me. I saw an opportunity," she said, her breathing matching mine. I was wearing her down a bit, "I'm taking it. Let me go. I don't want to have to go through you. Let me go and we'll be together. I just need to kill her,"
She sounded crazy and looked equally crazy. Her eyes were wild and her hair was everywhere from our tussling. I squeezed her arms even harder and saw her wince in pain. It was the face I hated to see. I stopped squeezing and tried to reason, to plead.
"You know that I have to kill you now, the Queen's orders!" I said, "Why didn't you listen to me?"
I wanted to shake her, shake reason into her but I knew it wouldn't work. Her face was bewilderment and confusion and I wanted to shake it right off her face. It would at least make me feel better. I gritted my teeth and started to tremble with the urge to shake her.
"I am following the Queen's orders," she said, her face lighting up suddenly, "Just tonight, the Queen told me to kill Prussia. Help me and then we can be together, finally,"
She was a masterful liar and it cut me deeply that she would lie to me, that she would be so cruel to try to get me to do something that would end with not only her death but the both of us.
"Stop your lies!" I said, "They will not save you!"
And then it dawned on me. She looked scared all of a sudden. Not sure of what was happening.
"It won't save you," I said, "But maybe it will give you a moment to seek mercy," I was quiet for a moment.
"What are you going to do?" she asked. She looked hesitant and untrusting. Not sure if she should continue to fight or attempt to flee.
"I have to take you to the Queen," I said softly.
"NO," said Lydia, "I have to kill Prussia first!"
She fought against my tight grip on her arms and I let her loose. As she turned away from me to sprint toward Prussia's apartment I let one swift blow land on top of Lydia's head. Her next step was the last she took before falling to the ground unconscious.
CHAPTER SEVEN - Prussia
“I don’t understand,” I said, “We were dating but now we’re not?”
“Exactly,” said Robert, “I’m glad now that it’s just in the open, you know, and we’re adults and not upset about it and can still be roomies….roomy!”
He came around the kitchen counter and gave me a gentle nudge on the arm. The entire world had flipped upside-down when I had gone to sleep. I thought I was going to wake up to explain the entire horrible thing to Robert but somehow Lydia had completely convinced him of her own version of things. Damn Lydia. I wanted to poke her with something sharp right about now. I thought she would just tell him I was cheating.
“Wait, that’s not what I wanted,” I said, “I don’t want any type of open relationship, that’s just crazy talk,”
I put my hands on my head as if I could block all the noise that didn’t make sense, meaning all of it. Robert was quiet for a moment.
“Well, I thought we needed a sort of transition period but if that’s how you feel then I understand,” he was a little sad looking all of a sudden.
I had no idea what was going on but all of it was wrong. I go to sleep, wake up and my entire morning was a nightmare. Maybe I was still sleeping. I started pinching myself. I pinched myself over and over. It hurt a lot which wasn’t promising.
“I guess that is the best way to really deal with the end of a relationship then,” said Robert, “I am not used to such out and dry breaks though. You’re really amazing and honest, woman. You know that, Prussia? I think I even underestimated you a little. I didn’t think you were going to tell me at all cause, you know, I had no idea you were dating some one,”
I had fish-face. My mouth hung open and I gaped at the air waiting for the words to fall out. I had no idea what to say or where to even start. And to make matters worse, Robert looked like he was going somewhere.
“Are you leaving?” I asked.
I looked for my cup of coffee and saw it was sitting on the kitchen counter, poured but sitting. He had his coffee in his hand and was getting ready to walk out the door.
“Yeah, I’m going to meet up with Lydia tonight and wanted to go let the club know that I need the night off,” he said.
And the bricks just kept on falling. My face fell like the Berlin wall.
“You have never taken a night off from working at the club, not the entire time we were dating,” I said.
Robert paused a moment. It didn’t look like he knew if he was in trouble or if I was just stating random observations.
“Sometimes you turn over new leaves!” he said, opening the door to the apartment. How had I dated someone so very stupid?
“It’s ‘turn over a new leaf,’ not leaves,” I said to his back.
As the door opened, Robert found that he couldn’t actually leave. He was face to face with someone who had apparently been just about to knock on our door.
“Did I come at a bad time?” the voice of the man carried and I knew it was Sebastian before I could even see his face. Complete mortification. If the floor would open up this exact moment and swallow me whole I would only be too grateful.
“This cannot be happening,” I muttered, my face in my hands.
Sebastian looked at Robert, fairly chipper, and then to me, and then he looked back and forth between the two of us several times.
“Prussia is this your …” he looked at Robert unsure and raised an eyebrow which made one of Robert’s eyebrow raise in response, “Boyfriend?” Sebastian asked.
“Ye-” and with that I was cut off by the all-too chipper Robert and his all-too chipper response, “Not at all, we’re roommates,” and he stuck his hand out there like a schmuck waiting for a hand shake.
My irritation with Robert and his thirty-levels of stupid this morning was alleviated for a moment when I saw the confusion on Robert’s face when Sebastian looked at his hand as if it had the plague and wouldn’t touch it for a kingship over an entire country.
“If this is a bad time, I can come back,” said Sebastian, peering around Robert and outright ignoring his outstretched hand, “I know we said we would have coffee but it looks like you’re busy,”
“Nope,” said Robert, looking past Sebastian, “I was just leaving,”
Sebastian moved slightly to see what Robert was looking at and the moment of crushing defeat was the slinky and insufferable Lydia brushing right past Sebastian, and on him as she moved past him, to get to Robert.
I felt a real moment of gratitude as I saw Sebastian’s facial expression change from mild confusion to anger when he saw Lydia. That was a nice change of pace. For once a man was mad that an immoral vixen had rubbed herself all over his nice suit instead of apologizing that it wasn’t softer for her to rub on.
If he wasn’t into the vixens, I wonder what it was he saw in me…but my train of thought was cut short as I caught Lydia’s hateful gaze on me.
“Is there anything left for you here?” Lydia asked Robert.
“Not at all,” said Robert, unaware of the undertone of her vicious and sniping comment, “I’m ready to leave when you are. I just have to stop by the club,”
The two of them left, their bodies somehow entwined but managing to walk the distance of the hall with ease. It made my blood boil, my stomach turn and my heart hurt all at once. I looked after Robert with painful longing and the last thing I thought as I saw Lydia’s waft of hair pass around the corner was finding a way to exact revenge, whatever revenge I could find.
“Coffee?” asked Sebastian from behind me, watching me as I stood looking at an empty hallway, “I think we need to talk,”
It was a bit judgmental but it was deserved. I felt like a cat that had just accidentally fa
llen into a lake – wet and near drowned. I didn’t want coffee. I wanted to go back to bed. I pinched myself one more time and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I gave a sigh.
“Yes,” I said to Sebastian, not even trying to keep up the charade any longer, “You deserve an explanation at least,”
“Honesty sounds like a good idea,” said Sebastian.
I think he had a look of pity for me in there somewhere but if it had been there it had only been a flicker. His eyes were still captivating and that made it all the more painful. I was captivated by beautiful eyes full of disappointment. I grabbed my purse and we headed to the coffee shop.
“I never intended any of this,” I said.
“Neither did I,” said Sebastian, “but here we are…”
CHAPTER EIGHT - Prussia
The morning air was crisp. We both headed for the sitting area outside. I didn’t feel like I deserved to sit inside where it was warmer. I had been a terrible person. That and all the chairs were taken.
Sebastian followed me to a small bistro table that looked out over the park across the street. I had frequented this coffee shop on more than one occasion. It was out of my way but a nice place to people-watch when I had a day off of work. I wished we were there to people watch. But the only people being watched were Sebastian and I.
I think the others could sense our tension. Or it was just me being self conscious because I had been lying to this kind man since the moment I had met him. And I had been using him, can't forget that part now can I?
The table wobbled as I set down my coffee. I tried to steady it and Sebastian helped me, the coffee threatening to splash over the rim of the paper cup. His hand brushed mine, just barely, and our eyes met.
I felt an overwhelming amount of shame as I looked at him. I always told myself that I would live as if my parents, wherever they were in heaven, were watching. I think if they could have seen me, what I had done, they would have be disappointed. I hadn’t been a very good person and Sebastian deserved better, even from a friend let alone a girlfriend. Which I was not, I reminded myself. I’m still dating Robert even if he didn't realize it. Lydia had clouded things but Robert still had my heart and I was certain I had his.
"Do you want to just stand here looking at each other or shall we sit?" Sebastian asked, quiet and calm.
He didn’t sound angry but he wasn’t the easiest person to read.
"Right," I said, "Of course,"
I pulled out a chair for him and he looked at me like I was an idiot. I was nervous. I giggled and my nerves rolled out in funny little bursts of awkward giggles. I put my hand to my forehead and wished I had just closed the door on Sebastian this morning, shouting through the door that I never wanted to see him again and refused to offer an explanation. That was the coward’s way. It seemed like a great plan, in hindsight. I wish I had done it.
I pulled a chair out for myself and Sebastian picked the third chair at the table. I must have tainted the chair I had pulled out for him. Tainted with my nervousness and lies. I let out a deep sigh. We both sat. I pretended to focus on making sure our coffee didn't spill. It was time to suck it up and finish this. Like cleaning the house, I just had to do it and not think about it. I wanted to hum a tune to take my mind off of things but stopped myself. I was beyond nervous.
"Prussia," said Sebastian, "It’s time to clear the air,"
I sighed, unhappy about having to put my actions into words and explaining what all had occurred. It felt like the minute I said the words I would be confirming to the universe that I had been a cheating hussy. I had used someone for my own personal gain, my own motivation, and it made me feel horrible.
"Okay," I said, "Here goes..."
I started from the beginning. I tried to explain to Sebastian that I had not intended to hurt him in any way. It was hard to read him. The more I explained, the more his face seemed to shut down. I couldn't tell if he had decided to be furious or had just gotten bored and had started thinking about something else. After I finished explaining everything we just sat for a moment.
I leaned forward, clutching the coffee that had gone cold. I tried to read his strong features. His kind eyes had slowly disappeared as I had continued talking. They were cold now, reserved, guarded. Even though I still wanted Robert back from Lydia, I felt a small pang of guilt and sadness that I had made Sebastian feel this way. I regretted that I had made his eyes look at me with sadness where before they had sparkled with every glance.
"Please, Sebastian," I said, the silence crushing, "say something, anything,"
The coffee shop and the people that floated around us had melted away. I hadn't touched my coffee though my lips and throat were dry. After a few seconds his eyes changed, a small light in them rekindled though very distant. His jaw relaxed and the tip of his tongue flicked out of his mouth to wet his lips as he cleared his throat.
"You couldn’t have known you were going to be attacked in the park," he said, “It’s not possible,”
That wasn’t at all what I had expected him to say. I was surprised.
"No…" I said, "I didn't know,"
"You didn't go looking for me," said Sebastian, sitting up in his chair and leaning towards me.
"I had no idea you would be in the park," I said, "I thought it was empty,"
I was confused; he was supposed to be upset. And I felt like I had explained all of this fairly well. I wonder if I had skimmed over some parts too quickly. I didn't take him for a stupid man. I waited for him to process everything. I expected the anger to set in any moment along with the realization of what exactly I had done.
"So what you're saying is that you still love Robert," said Sebastian.
"Right," I said, "I shouldn't have used you to try to make Robert jealous,"
"I saved you and you saw an opportunity," he said, "You didn't exactly go out looking for someone to use,"
"Well, that's one way of looking at it," I said, "But it was still wrong. I shouldn't have used you. And then when I realized that Victoria was your grandmother, that just made it so much worse somehow," I watched his jaw set again. His lips pressed together firmly and his chin rose.
"Yes," said Sebastian, "That was wrong,"
I hung my head and prepared for the injustice of what I had done to be unleashed upon me with sharp words of reprimand. I prepared for the anger and the frustration to boil to the surface.
"Thank you for being honest with me, Prussia," said Sebastian.
"But I haven't been," I said, looking up with the saddest eyes I could convey, "I have been the opposite of honest,"
He smiled at me then and I started to realize that perhaps I would get what I deserved, complications.
"You have come clean now and we've only been out once," said Sebastian, "You don't strike me as the type to lie. It's been eating you alive, hasn't it?"
He wasn't wrong but I hadn't exactly been dying from it. I mean, I had kept on with my plan until it completely blew up in my face. I still wanted revenge on Lydia and that wasn't exactly a nice thing.
"I don't understand," I said, "You're supposed to be upset with me, not nice. I've been lying to you."
"Oh, I see," said Sebastian with a smile, "Tell me, then, how should I be reacting?"
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